Some Life In Me
by Pinkpixiechick
Summary: An accident claims the lives of Edward's family. Unable to deal with his grief, he walks away from his life. He meets Bella, a young woman running from her past. He can help her. Can he return to his life? Rated M for content & future lemons. AH
1. Prologue

**Chapter Notes:**

**I don't own Twilight or Edward, or any other recognizable characters. Stephenie Meyer is my master now. **

**This is my first try at writing fan fiction, be gentle with me. I hope you enjoy it. More thanks than I can convey to ZephyerSky and Amber for listening to me babble about my plot forever, and for taming my comma fetish.  
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**Let's get Edward on his way. Hanky warning.**

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Prologue**

**EPOV**

Love. Life. Meaning.

Over.

I sat in the pew, Revered Weber's voice sounding far away in my ears, even though he was less than 10 feet from me. I stared straight ahead, trying hard not to look to the large portraits standing just to each side of the pulpit. Trying to look past the colorful array of flowers. We'd decided not to go with the standard white lilies and orchids.

Tanya loves color.

Loved. Color.

Her garden at our house teamed with color in the spring and summer. The red and yellow tulips and daffodils in the early spring, giving way to her beloved purple and yellow roses in the summer. Even well into autumn, mums, lilies and hydrangeas ringed the large lawn in varied shades of blue. Only in the wet, cold winter months here in Seattle did she allow her garden to rest. Not that it wasn't still beautiful. Trimmed and prepared to survive the constant dampness and freezing temperatures, her garden slept, a green haze through the seemingly constant downpour out our windows. Her love of flowers never stopped though, she just turned her attention indoors, African Violets and Peace Lilies adorning the shelves and window sills.

I had asked for her garden to be somewhat recreated here in the beautiful large church, even though it was winter now. Tanya would want to be remembered with her flowers.

And Macy, too. My gaze was drawn to the spray of daisies beneath the portrait to the right. Macy loves daisies.

Loved. Daisies.

I smiled slightly, even as the tears started. Again. "Happy flowers, Daddy." She would have said, "They're smiley."

So, we had Macy's happy flowers here too. Because she would have had nothing else. White petals, yellow centers.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder rubbing in a small circle. It was probably my mother, but I didn't look to see. I think she was sitting next to me. The minister's voice broke through my fog slightly.

"It might be near to impossible for me to explain to you how this kind of tragedy can happen to two such good people. I could spout adages and cliches, but we all know that those do little to take away the pain of losing a beautiful wife and mother in the prime of her life, and her innocent child. What we have are our memories of how full of life they both were, how they brought smiles to every one of our faces, and whatever solace we can find in the fact that they are together, at least, in Heaven."

I finally allowed my gaze to linger on the pictures. Tanya, my wife, smiling back at me. The picture was taken on our family vacation last summer. We'd taken Macy to Disneyland for the first time, and I'd caught a picture of Tanya as she sat in the sun while Macy napped. Her strawberry blond hair curled around her face in the warm breeze, her smile full of laughter and her blue eyes sparkling as she spotted me taking her picture. My heart clenched. We had known each other since we were children, I couldn't remember a time in my life without her. Even when we were attending different universities, we stayed in touch through email and phone calls. We didn't really start dating until we returned home, but it just came together so seamlessly. It seemed that our lives would be filled with love for each other and we married quickly.

Two years later, Macy was born. My eyes moved to the other portrait. Above the daisies was my daughter's cherubic face. Red curls, a shade perfectly between Tanya's strawberry blond and my reddish brown, framed her pale face. Her round cheeks and button nose dotted with freckles. Her eyes were green, just like mine. In the picture, they shone with excitement and wonder as she smiled for the camera, clutching the skirt of Belle, her favorite Disney princess. She'd followed the princess around the park for a full hour, not wanting to leave the presence of her animated hero. Her large eyes had filled with tears when we were finally able to talk her into going on another ride. She was a good girl and did, but not before Belle had placed her own tiara on Macy's head. Macy wore that tiara everyday after that. Including her last day. I should have given it to the funeral director to be buried with her, but I couldn't let it go.

I drew a deep ragged breath, it was my turn to speak. To try to express my feelings about the two people I loved more than anything else in the world to this crowd of people. I felt my mothers hand squeeze my shoulder and I stood, blinking back my tears, and walked to the podium. Reverend Weber patted me on the back twice before stepping to the side.

Another deep breath.

"I...I've sat for the last two days, trying to decide how to say what I should say, " I began. "But there are no words. No words to describe how I feel." My voice was rough, I coughed, trying to clear my throat. "I love my wife...I love my daughter. I can't put it in past tense, because it's not the past. I miss them more than words can say..They are...were...so beautiful, they are everything to me."

I heard the sobs of Tanya's mother in the front row, her husband holding her tightly. My eyes blurred again.

"I'm sorry..I should have.. If only I had.."

There still weren't any words. My head bowed and I gripped the podium tightly as my stomach rolled. I felt strong hands on my arm, my brother Emmett, his own voice rough as he spoke into the microphone, echoing off the stained glass of the church windows. "I don't think anyone here is unaware of the love between my brother and his family. I'm the goofball, and even I see it." There were some chuckles scattered. "The passing of my sister-in-law and niece is something we'll never forget, and we're glad all of you could celebrate their lives with us. Tanya and Macy would want nothing more than to see you all with smiles on your faces though, so please join us for the reception. There's FOOD!" He boomed, to more laughter.

He lead me off the stage area, I was no longer seeing anything. I was vaguely aware of my mother and father embracing me. Tanya's parents came over and more hugs were exchanged. I was just numb now. Voices were miles away. My vision was blurred constantly, so much it was starting to seem normal now. Emmett kept his arm around me, supporting me. I was aware we were moving out of the sanctuary and to the reception area. Hands were touching me, words of sympathy spoken. Offers of help poured in around me. I woodenly thanked them, and forgot them. After all, what did I need help with? I had lost everything, so there was nothing needing help. A cold glass was pressed into my hand, I have no idea what it was. Punch, maybe? Could have been water, for all I tasted it. I slumped in a chair.

"Edward, honey, you should eat something..you need your strength." I recognized my mother's voice, and a plate of warm food appeared in my lap. A good meal fixed everything in my mother's book, and with her cooking, I usually agreed. But when my nostrils filled with the aroma of meat and vegetables and bread, my stomach lurched again. I pushed the plate back into her hands quickly.

"I need some air, Mom.." I stumbled out of the chair and headed for the door. Pushing it open, the salt-tinged cold wind blowing in from Puget Sound washed the smell of food from my nose. I breathed deeply, feeling unsteady still, and dropped to the stone bench in the church lawn, bending over to rest my elbows on my knees. Burying my face in my hands, my fingers tugging at my hair, anxious for some physical pain to distract me from the emotional turmoil.

I don't know how long I sat there, sometimes my brother or my mom or dad would come sit with me. Tanya's parents never did, not that I blame them. Eventually, hands pulled me towards the car and stuffed me in, and then I was home. I don't think I slept that night. Or maybe I slept for days.

The next few weeks passed by in a haze. My parents were at my house. Food appeared and I was guided around, ordered to sleep or shower or take a walk. I did as I was told, because I didn't know what else to do. After a while though, I became irritable, so I went to work, losing myself in measurements, and angles, and load-bearing walls. Emmett and I ran an architectural firm in downtown Seattle. We'd worked hard for it and were doing pretty well now, but it definitely kept us busy. Emmett took all the client meetings, he was always better with that side of things anyway. Every day he'd come in to my office and talk. I knew he was trying to help, so I'd answer, but I didn't really remember what the conversations were about.

Today was no different. It was already getting dark outside when Emmett walked in and plopped himself onto the leather couch on the opposite wall of my office.

"You look like shit, man.."

"Thanks, Emmett."

"I'm never very good with the serious stuff, Edward, you know that. Is working helping? Because I think you should do whatever helps you. If you want to keep going, just doing the technical stuff, that's fine, man. I want you to know, though. I got your back. Do whatever you need to do to get through this. I can see wanting to work a bunch, get your mind off things, stay busy, but if you need to take some time away..off or whatever. I got the business.." he said.

"Thanks, man..I don't know what I'm going to do." I shook, my hand gripping my hair. "They're everywhere I look." My gaze fell on the pictures lining the floor to ceiling bookshelves running one wall of my office. Among the design books and technical manuals are photos illustrating my life with my family. Macy's lopsided and color splashed pre -school projects sitting in between antique vases and marble statuettes. I take a deep rugged breath It still hurts to breathe. "I can't see a vacation though, that just seems too...wrong."

We lapsed into silence again for a while. Emmett laying out on my couch, me staring blankly at my computer screen. Finally he heaved himself off the couch.

"I'll leave you alone, but you know I'm here for you whenever you need me, Eddie.."

"Don't call me Eddie.."

He snorted, "You still have some life in you, see?" He clapped me on the shoulder and walked out of the room. The door clicked shut behind him.

I sat there for a few minutes. My mind betraying me as the images began bombarding. I could hear the squeal of car brakes, the image of Tanya's car spinning across the pavement in my rear-view mirror, the lights and sirens, hands pulling me back from the twisted metal, the sterile smell of the hospital, the voices informing me of their failure to save either of the two precious loves of my life.

And I still had some life in me. Tanya and Macy died in terror and pain, and I still had some life in me. The hand of fate spun their car across the invisible patch of ice on the road, barreling it into the car in the next lane, sending them both careening off the side of the highway, twisting together and crumpling like paper. While my car miraculously avoided the ice, even though I had just passed over the same piece of road. I still had some life in me.

How did that work?

I should have been in that car with them, I should have done something...anything different to change the course of events. But no, I can't change my mind now. It's too late. And I'm here, without my wife and four year old daughter. With some life in me.

Time, is that what I needed? Time heals all wounds, or some bullshit like that?

I drove home, by rote, like always. Navigating the dense Seattle traffic across the lake took some focus. I actually welcomed it now. Dodging cars in heavy traffic on a rain soaked floating bridge actually took away time I could think of something else. I pulled into the garage, avoiding looking at the empty stall to the right of me. I moved woodenly through the mud room, hanging up my coat and tossing my keys and wallet onto the kitchen counter. I grabbed a container of whatever my mother had left here last, staring out the window while it warmed in the microwave. I could see the dormant plants waving in the darkness, Tanya's garden barely illuminated from the exterior lights. She'd be anxious about getting her bulbs in the ground now, waiting for the elusive dry day to pat them into the earth. Macy would beg to be allowed to play in her playhouse, bundled up to stay warm and dry this time of year. I was startled by the beep of the microwave, shrill and deafening in the silence that filled the house now.

I ate at the table in the breakfast nook, still staring out the windows at the garden. The food was sawdust in my mouth but I had promised I would eat and I didn't want to be babysat anymore. I rinsed my dishes when I was done, placing them in the dishwasher. I stood in the middle of the kitchen for a few minutes, unsure of what to do with myself. Without really thinking, I turned and walked to the hall closet, grabbing my parka and knit hat and pulling them on. I hadn't worn this coat since the night of the accident. My lungs constricted as the memories washed over me again. I almost put it back, but instead let the memories flood my mind again. I turned and walked out the back door, across the covered patio, to the middle of the large lawn, my boots squishing over the wet grass. I stood there for a while, turning, seeing Tanya kneeling at her flowers, Macy running and somersaulting crookedly, laughing as she managed to turn herself over.

I walked over to her playhouse. Emmett and I had built it just last summer. When two architects decide to build a child's playhouse, you get a hell of a playhouse. The walls and roof were just as sturdy as any full size house. If it had heat and water, you could probably live in there pretty comfortably. I ran my hand over the shingles of the roof and the peak above the door. In the summer, her happy white and yellow daisies would grow on either side. Remembering her joy when we brought her out to see it, I could hear her excited squeals in my head, almost feel her little arms wrapping around my neck when she kissed my cheek to thank me. I could see the smile of pride and joy on Tanya's face as we shared this moment of happiness in our daughter's life.

The emotion became too much, my knees weakened and I sank to the ground, turning and sitting on the little step, my back to the door. I bent my head to my knees as I sobbed.

I stayed that way for a while, the memories still playing in my head. The thoughts of the happy times were interrupted by the memories of the accident. Slowly though, Emmett's words from this afternoon started breaking through. Go away, take a break, do whatever you need to do to get through this.

I didn't know if I'll get through this, but I did know I needed to get away from everything that reminded me of them and the perfect life we had together. I couldn't do it here, not with my house and my job and their flowers and everything that reminded me of all that was important to me. None of this was important anyway.

I stood, looking into the damp February evening. It was completely dark, except for the small lanterns ringing the patio leaving a warm glow on the stonework. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my parka, feeling cloth and paper, but not bothering to look to see what it was. I strode across the lawn, opening the gate that led to the front of the property and walking through. I passed the side of the house, more sleeping flower beds, the gazebo that would be covered in moon flowers in the summer. I reached the street, and without a look behind me, started down the hill. And I walked away.

From everything.

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**Stay with me, it won't always be this sad. Please leave a review, I'm anxious for feedback**

**Hoping to update at least once a week. Thank you for reading! **

**3 Pix**


	2. Chapter 1: Superhero

**Thank you all for reading and for the great reviews. I really hope you all continue to enjoy this story with me. **

**Remember, I don't own Twilight, or Edward, or Bella, or any of the rest of them. They keep waking me up at night to talk though, so I'm returning the favor.**

**Once again, this chapter would not have happened without Amber or Zeph. Beta reading, idea tossing, and yelling at me when I change a part they liked are only of few of these ladies' amazing talents.**

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**Chapter 1: Superhero**

**3 Years Later**

The big rig rumbled beneath my seat. I stared out the window as the sun glinted off the Cascade mountains. I had hitched a ride with the old trucker who sat next to me just outside of Salem, Oregon. Truckers were generally good for rides. A lot of the big corporate rigs wouldn't pick you up, because of insurance and liability, but the smaller independent guys were often grateful for someone to talk to on long hauls. It really was the best way to travel long distances when you didn't want to have to show identification to get anywhere. Not that it was always a great experience. I'd been in the company of some drivers who had no business being behind the wheel of an 18 ton vehicle, not to mention threatened, beat up and hit on more times than I could count. That was generally the time for a solid right hook and fast feet. Most of the time though, the drivers were content to let me tag along to where ever they were going anyway.

I was headed north, back to Washington. I spent most of the winter roaming the southwest. California, Arizona, Nevada. All warmer and drier places to be in the winter than Washington. But most of southern California was on fire right now, so I thought it was a good time to turn north again. We were about 30 miles north of Seattle, and this was a good place to make a decision about where to go next. Maybe head over the mountains to the eastern side of the state, or maybe farther north. I wondered how hard it was to get across the border. I hadn't tried that yet, too afraid to get caught by the border authorities and arrested. A night in a warm cell was appealing, but I was sure my fingerprints were in the system and I didn't want to be recognized.

The driver was regaling me with stories of his Army days. He could tell a pretty good story, I had to admit. Some of it was even a little funny and I mustered polite laughter when it was required. I didn't have much of a sense of humor anymore.

"I'm gonna have to let you out soon, son. " He interrupted his story about a fellow serviceman who found out the hard way that it's a bad idea to call a member of the SAS a "wanker". "I gotta drop this load. I'm bettin' you don't wanna be around for that."

"No, sir. You can just drop me anywhere," I replied. It never hurt to be polite. I had ended up in familiar rigs before. It was always best to stay on good terms.

"First corner off the exit is pretty quiet. I'll leave you there. Should be able to drop you off without a bear seein'."

"Thanks."

He grunted in response, maneuvering the rig with skill off the exit and beneath the overpass, slowing to a stop after making sure no one was behind us. It was late in the evening, on a Friday I think, but the road seemed pretty quiet anyway. I nodded once to him, pulling my hat back over my head, opening the door and sliding out. I slammed the door closed and rapped on the side once, letting him know I was clear. I stood still as he pulled away.

I looked around to gain my bearings. Everett. Easy enough. I could catch a ride either east or north pretty easily from here. I turned towards downtown to see if I could scrounge some food and find a decent place to hole up for the night. I pulled my coat tight around me, it was still cool at night, despite being mid-June. I walked straight ahead, I could see the lights of the downtown district up on the hill ahead so I figured that was a good place to start. A few cars passed by, even a few pedestrians, but no one looked a me.

I remembered, back in my old life, thinking the plight of the homeless was tragic. It was. I have seen men, women, children, old and young living and dying in the street. It is unbelievable how invisible you are when you are homeless. Sure, there are charities and shelters out there that help. A few people bring food or blankets to areas with a high population of homeless. The vast majority of people, however, pass right by without even seeing them, much less acknowledging them. Most of the people out here didn't deserve that. They were here for reasons beyond their control. Or maybe they had made a bad decision and didn't know how or have the resources to fix it. I still don't have the answers to fix that problem. Maybe there isn't a true solution.

I wasn't a part of that group though. I needed the anonymity. I wanted to disappear in plain sight. The world of houses and SUVs and white picket fences held no attraction for me anymore. There was no point to it.. All that was empty and meaningless and painful. Out here, the need for survival pushed the dark and painful memories away. Sleeping on cold ground meant I didn't sleep deeply enough to dream of things I didn't want to dream. I didn't see reminders everywhere. The people out here didn't hover, waiting for me to break.

A few minutes later I crested the hill. There was a church up ahead, lights bright, standing out against the darker government buildings surrounding it. As I got closer, I saw the a sign standing in the tidy little lawn proclaiming their "Friday Night Street Ministry." Sounds like dinner is served. I walked around to the glass front doors, peering in before opening them and stepping in. I was surprised at how many people were here. I almost turned around, I didn't like crowds. Plus, churches were dangerous, everyone wanted to know your story. No one gave a shit at shelters and that was much preferred. I was pretty good at giving the 'fuck off' vibe when I didn't want to be bothered. I debated for a moment, but the smell of hot food was enough to convince me to stay.

I followed the line of people, most dirty and disheveled like me. The large, brightly lit room was warm so I unzipped my coat. I filed past the smiling old ladies that were dishing up the food, nodding thanks to them. There were rows of folding tables set up, so I found a seat as far from the rest of the people as possible. I bent over my food, eating in relative silence. It was pretty good, for ministry fare, thick stew with actual meat and vegetables in it and warm bread. People moved around me, a couple guys sat a few seats away, but I ignored them. The room buzzed with conversation.

A few moments later a water bottle appeared next to my hand and I looked up in surprise. I hadn't noticed anyone approaching, that was bad. A few minutes inside and my reflexes go to crap. An older man with a kind face stood there, dressed in slacks and a dress shirt. Obviously not one of the clientele. He stuck out his hand, "Hello, I'm Brian, the pastor here. I don't remember seeing you here before. Welcome. I'm glad you're here." He actually sounded pretty genuine. I hesitated for a moment and shook his hand.

"Uh..hi. I'm...umm...Tony, I just got into town." I rarely gave my real name. It didn't matter anyway. I could introduce myself as "Bob" and no one would know the difference.

He smiled, nodding his head. "I'm glad you arrived safely then, Tony. I hope you find what you're looking for here." He squeezed my hand again, clapped me on the shoulder and walked on to the next person. That was it, no questions, no "come to Jesus". I kind of liked this guy. I finished my food, taking my plate to the large garbage can they had set up to the side of the room. Since I had them available, I took the opportunity to use the facilities here. I let the warm water run over my hands for awhile when I washed up, trying to scrub some of the dirt off. I probably should have done that before I ate, but that gets lost when you smell food when you're hungry. I avoided the mirror. I didn't much like looking at myself. I knew I'd see haggard eyes and a shaggy beard. Dirty hair would be sticking out from beneath the beat up hat. I'd have to see if I could find a newer one before winter again. The clothes I was wearing were relatively new, to me anyway. They were still worn and dirty, the knees were already wearing thin in my jeans, and the gray T-shirt had a few holes in it. My black and white flannel was fraying at the cuffs and collar. My coat was in decent shape, dirty and worn for sure, but it would last another few months. My right hook had come in handy more than once over this coat.

That wasn't the real reason why I avoided the mirror though. I didn't want to look at the man in it. To see the guilt and pain in his dull green eyes. To see how selfish he was living this life. So I just didn't look.

I dried my hands and walked back out to the main room. There were sounds of singing coming from one side, but mostly people were standing around drinking coffee. I grabbed a cup, nodding again to one of the sweet-looking old ladies standing in attendance. I stood for a moment, soaking up the warmth. I wasn't going to stay long, sooner or later someone would want to talk to me. After finishing the cup, I poured another, grabbing a couple of the cookies laid out on the table. I wrapped them in a napkin, putting them in my pocket for later. I headed for the door. I saw Brian watching me, but he just nodded once and I walked out.

I needed to find a place to stay the night. I kept walking. I knew there were some railroad tracks up ahead, so there might be something large enough to be a buffer against the wind that was likely to blow in from the waterfront later tonight. Sure enough, there was an old train depot. It was closed up, boarded over, probably because of the new fancy one I'd seen from the highway earlier. Either way, it would suffice for the night. I found a spot on the lee side of the building between an electrical box and couple of metal barrels too heavy to move. There were some broken planks from people trying to break into the building nearby. I took a couple, stashing them beside me in case I had to defend my position at any point. That was always a possibility. I pulled my coat underneath me as far as possible and sank to the ground, leaning back against the building. I reached into my pockets, taking out the pair of gloves with the cut off fingers. I pulled them on, tucked my hands against my body and closed my eyes.

I wasn't asleep yet, just letting the weariness wash over me, when I heard others shuffling around the building. Apparently this was a common spot for men like me. I opened my eyes to survey the newcomers. It was two men, both in the uniform of the indigent. Shabby, torn, dirty, whatever the clothes were. The larger one carried a flask is hand. I licked my lips, wincing slightly at the perpetually chapped sting. A drink would be nice to ward off the chill and dissolve the memories that were plaguing me. I felt in my pockets again. They were always filled with miscellaneous odds and ends, things I collected on the road. Often I'd have items I could barter with... smokes or lighters, bus transfers or even a pen. I could feel a smashed pack of smokes, but there were only one or two inside and I was reluctant to give them up.

The smaller one grunted in greeting, I recognized him from the church. I decided to let the booze pass. I just had a feeling I'd need my wits about me tonight. I was always on my guard, especially when I traveled into the city. You never knew when someone was going to try to relieve you of your coat or hat or shoes. These guys looked like they knew each other, so they might get brave with numbers. I was a very light sleeper these days. By the time it was fully dark, there were three of us scattered around the platform. It quieted down pretty fast. I was glad they weren't big conversationalists.

I had just about dozed off when I woke to sounds of footsteps. I blinked to clear my vision, sizing up the newest potential threat. Size wasn't an issue with this one. A small woman, very young, walked slowly towards the depot. She clutched a light-colored blanket against her chest with feral possessiveness. The fact that she was a girl didn't make me drop my guard The women I had met on the streets were far from helpless, most of them could fight just as well as the men, and they bit and scratched like wildcats. It did make me uneasy. One of the other men was bound to do something stupid with her here now, and that would interrupt what I had hoped would be an uneventful night. I watched her as she took up a spot across the open platform area to my right, as far as she could get from the rest of us and still have some shelter. She never once let go of that blanket, holding it tightly to her small frame. I didn't blame her, a blanket was a precious commodity. It surprised me that she didn't wrap herself in it though. Instead, she sat with her knees drawn up, the blanket between her chest and her knees. She leaned her head forward, dark scraggly hair falling to cover her face.

I didn't know why I was watching her so closely. I was never one to survey the female transients for possible companionship. Not that I wasn't occasionally lonely or hadn't gotten offers, but it just didn't appeal to me. And then they just seemed to be more trouble than a quick tumble in an alley would be worth. She wasn't following the usual patterns though and that made me cautious. The others were watching her too, looking a lot more like they might be considering companionship. I groaned softly, hoping for no trouble. No one had moved yet, so I closed my eyes, waiting for the quiet to descend again. There was a constant shuffling though, coming from the direction of the girl. I silently willed her to be quiet. The shuffling ceased and I began to drift again before my eyes snapped open with surprise. The unmistakable wail of an infant pierced the air.

Fuck!

Nothing good was going to come from this.

The shuffling started again, as she murmured quietly to the baby. I could see her arms bouncing beneath the blanket as she attempted to silence the crying child.

"Shut that brat up, bitch, or go find somewhere else to camp!" One of the men from the far side of the platform snapped. I saw her jump at the outburst, startled, but she didn't respond. The blanket slid down slightly as she started moving. I saw her coat slide down one arm as she freed it before pulling at her clothes.

Oh God no. Don't do that here. Are you crazy, woman??

She pulled the blanketed bundle closer, her clothes pushing upwards slightly. The crying stopped immediately, replaced by the telltale sounds of suckling and contentment. It was futile at this point to hope for a quiet night.

"Well, shit honey, I hope you brought enough for everybody, " came another voice. She flinched at the words, her dirty hair shaking as she attempted to make herself as small as possible.

"Least you could do is let us have a look," said his buddy. I looked around, the two men were watching her with lecherous fascination. My stomach rolled at the thought. She didn't stand a chance against them, no matter how scrappy she might be. And judging from the way the blanket trembled, she wasn't that scrappy. She glanced up once before lowering her face back to her baby. She looked terrified. I could see her eyes darting around, full of indecision. Stay or run. Neither was a good option. Maybe she could flash some skin and they would be happy. Not likely, and I was betting she wasn't the type to do that. I hoped they wouldn't try for her, that meant a fight. I did not want to get involved in this. This was the reason I avoided cities most of the time. I didn't want to get involved. I wasn't the bad guy, and I certainly didn't want to be the superhero.

I knew I would get involved now. As much as the selfish bastard inside was screaming at me to get up and find another place to be, the vulnerability of this girl called to me. I had learned to turn a blind eye to a lot of the less pleasant aspects of life on the street. There was still a line for me though, some things I couldn't let happen if I had the ability to prevent it. Maybe I could convince her to find a shelter, there had to be one around here. She might be able to use that baby to an advantage and get in, even as late as it was. I kept my eyes on the two men, now whispering between themselves. I glared at them, hoping they'd stay put, but they weren't paying any attention to me. One of them nodded to the other and slowly started to his feet.

Here we go.

"C'mon honey, put the kid down and let me have a nip at that," he sauntered over, his buddy stealthily getting to his feet behind him. The girl looked up at him in alarm, her terror plain on her face. Her feet started scrambling at the concrete, trying to find purchase while she struggled with the bundle in her arms. She was in a corner, she really had nowhere to go. My fingers closed around one of the planks I had picked up. I tried to be as subtle as possible. His attention was on her, and if I was lucky I could get a good hit in before he remembered me. Before his friend got close enough.

Tweedledum walked closer to her, looming over her. He nudged her feet with his, grinning lecherously as she tried to pull her feet back even farther. "Leave me alone!", her voice rung out, it trembled slightly,and it was rough with strain, but I was impressed with the amount of force behind it. Maybe some scrap after all.

"Aww, don't be like that, darlin'," he wheedled, "I just wanna sip..."

I rolled my eyes. Way to go, Casanova.

"Don't touch me!" Her voice was more shaky now, but she was being brave. I glanced at Tweedledee, he was hanging back, but watching maliciously. If I was going to act, I needed to do it soon. I gripped the board tighter, shifting my weight to be ready to launch myself off the ground. I'd need to be quick. Tweedledum reached out his hand, like he was going to pull on the blanket.

Now.

I sprung to my feet, launching myself at Dum. I gripped the plank in both hands and swung it with as much force as I could muster, hitting him squarely across the back of the head. The crack of impact echoed as the board split down the middle. The guy went down, yelling a curse. I tossed the splintered plank to the floor, right at the girls feet. It was too unwieldy to use effectively now. I heard the footsteps of Dee behind me. I whipped around, my fists ready to defend myself. I saw the glint of a small knife in his hand. He slashed at me with it, tearing a hole in my coat but missing me. He was leaning too far forward, so I seized the advantage and trapped his hand, wrapping my arm around his wrist and pinning it to my chest. I slammed my other elbow into his neck, straightening my arm and digging my fingers into his nose as I pushed him to the ground. He roared in pain and anger, but I kicked him once in the side, twisting slightly to bend his arm back. His fingers released the knife as I over-extended his reach, sending it clattering to the ground. I shoved him away, kicking the knife off the platform as hard as I could.

Dum had regained his feet and staggered towards me, taking a swing. He missed, but managed to grab my arm. He swung me around, forcing my back to Dee who had gotten back on his feet. He grabbed my collar, pulling me backwards. My vision blurred as his fist connected with my cheek. I twisted around, ducking beneath his arm. I tucked my shoulder in and shoved forward, catching him in the gut, forcing him backwards. Gaining my footing better, I tackled him to the floor, bringing my arm back and punching him in the lower floating rib. I heard the air rush out of his lungs with a grunt and his hand released my collar. I moved off of him, but I felt Dum's hand grab my head, trying to find a grip on my hair through my hat. He yanked me back, but my hat pulled off my head, along with what felt like a chunk of my hair. I turned around, swinging and missing him. His fist pulled back and caught my chin, but I took advantage of his momentum. Grabbing his arm, turning and pulling, sending him to the ground beside Dee. I jumped on them, landing a knee in Dee's gut and feeling a rib crack before punching my fist into Dum's face. Once, twice, three times, then grabbing his head and slamming it back against the concrete. I turned to Dee, who was clawing at my leg, trying to grab on to me while catching his breath. I spun, striking him across his nose, pushing it back into his face. It definitely broke. One more hit and he fell limply to the ground.

It was suddenly a lot quieter. I knelt there, catching my breath, and heard the stuttering sobs behind me. Oh yeah. The girl. She was cowered in the corner still, her baby clutched protectively to her. Her eyes met mine, wide with fear. She leaned back, still trying to cram herself as far into the corner as possible.

"I'm not going to hurt you." I tried to sound reassuring. I looked at the two unconscious men on the floor. "We should probably get out of here though. Before someone gets curious. Or wakes up."

Her eyes widened. She looked around, lost lamb. I picked up my hat, pulling it back on. "Umm..there's a church up the hill a few blocks. I doubt anyone is still there, but it might be a safer place to go until morning. Or find a shelter downtown." I moved to leave, I didn't want to be here if someone had heard the fight. I stopped when she hadn't moved. It really wasn't my problem anymore. Hell, it hadn't been my problem to start with, but they definitely would have raped her, and probably killed the kid.

Walk away Edward. This is the part where you move on. You did your good deed for the day.

I took another couple steps forward. She still didn't move. I sighed.

I'm going to regret this.

I turned to her, approaching her slowly, trying not to spook her any more than she was. She whimpered. I held out my hand. "Come on. I'll walk you there. No one will hurt you." I saw her eyes fill with indecision. The were dark and wide, and I could nearly read every thought as it passed through them. Despite the red lines and dark shadows beneath them, they were the most expressive eyes I had seen since... I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. I extended my hand closer to her.

"It's okay, I promise. I know you can't usually trust anyone out here, but you can me. I would never hurt someone who didn't deserve it."

Her eyes flickered to the two men, then back to mine. She nodded silently, tucking her feet beneath her. She tried to stand, but the baby made it awkward. She sighed and reached out and took my hand. I pulled her up, not letting go until she was steady on her feet. She was pale and fragile looking. Her skin was dirty and wax-like. Her dark hair hung limply around her face, clumped in tangled strings. She wore a shabby brown coat and loose-fitting clothes. Her feet had white tennis shoes on them. They were scuffed and dirty, but they looked sturdy enough. I couldn't tell how old she was, young for sure, but I couldn't tell if her vulnerability made her look younger than she was. She looked like she had been sick.

My gaze dropped to the bundle in her arms. I saw a shock of thin dark hair, and wrinkled skin. Sick..or maybe just gave birth. The baby couldn't have been more than a week old. She tucked the blanket around the baby again, pulling it close to her chest.

"Umm..thanks," she said, her voice still low and rough. "You know, for...." Her glance went back to the unconscious men.

I nodded, gesturing to the road. Her eyes stayed on me as we walked. I bent and retrieved the knife as we passed. You never knew when that might come in handy. I closed it and slipped it into my pocket, leading the way up the street. We were silent for a few seconds.

"So why didn't you go to a shelter before?" I asked without thinking. I don't know why, it wasn't my business and I didn't think I wanted to know.

"Um..I..I'm not from here, I don't know my way around. I just got off at the bus station, and I didn't know where to go." She spoke, turning to look at the ground as we walked.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. Not sure why she would choose that place to sleep, but I shrugged. She obviously didn't know what to do out on the street. Better to give her some advice. "With a baby, you can probably get into a women's shelter. The people at the church can probably point you in the right direction." She nodded, still nervous. I tried to put her at ease.

"Is it a girl or boy?" I asked.

Her eyes met mine. Still unsure. I smiled as best I could, it was an unfamiliar feeling.

"A boy," she responded quietly, "Jacob"

I leaned over, whispering. "Hi Baby Jacob. Grow up fast, your mother needs some looking after..." She glared at me, so I smirked at her. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

I introduced myself, "I'm T...Edward.." I'm not sure why I gave my real name, I usually didn't. I just felt the need to be honest with her.

She nodded once. "Bella."

I smiled at her. "Nice to meet you, Bella." She started to smile again, but stumbled. I caught her against my body, holding her up. "Careful there." She took a deep breath. I noticed it was more ragged. I looked at her face. It seemed even more pale and drawn. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I guess I'm just clumsy." She pulled away from me, swaying unsteadily on her feet. I didn't believe her.

"Let's get you situated."

We hadn't gone 20 feet before she stumbled again. I caught her again, steadying her. I looked at her through narrowed eyes. Something was wrong, aside from the obvious. We walked forward again. Now we were stopping and starting every ten feet. Her breath was becoming more uneven and shallow. There was a bit of a hill, but it wasn't that bad. The church was in sight now, just a few blocks ahead. The lights were off, but I could see the large white building. We would be able to find her a hiding spot to wait out the night.

"We're almost there, " I encouraged her as I led her up the quiet street.

"Edwa..I.." she slumped against me again. I caught her again but she didn't recover her steps. Instead, her body started falling forward and I could see her arm going slack.

"Shit..no.." I pressed her arm back against her, trapping Jacob against her body, trying to keep him from tumbling out of her arms. I lowered us all to the ground so I could rearrange my grip on both of them. Bella's limp frame rolled against the ground. She was still breathing, more steadily now that she was unconscious. I pried Jacob from her arms, wrapping the blanket around him more securely. It was an automatic action, one that surprised me. I shook my head again. I didn't want to think about that. I tucked him into the crook of my arm. He was tiny enough to fit closely that way. He hardly weighed a thing. Definitely a newborn. His little face was still scrunched. He'd been jostled awake when Bella fell, but after blinking at me unseeingly, his eyelids drifted closed again, turning his face towards my body. I turned my attention back to Bella, her eyes were half open, but it didn't seem like she was conscious. I looked around. I was pretty sure I had seen signs for a hospital when I was walking before. I spotted the lights of the four-story building a couple blocks away.

I sighed. I was already more involved than I wanted to be. With any luck I could just drop her at the Emergency Room and get out of there. They'd take care of her from there. Hospital's had social workers. Either way, I couldn't just leave her and Jacob here in the street. I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her upper body against mine. I stood, pulling her up and over my shoulder, getting a grip around her legs. It wasn't the most dignified way to carry her, but it was the only way I could manage both of them. At least she was wearing long pants. They felt like sweats. Getting balanced, I trudged slowly up the road, trying not to jostle either one of them too much. I hoped for a busy ER. Being unconscious with a baby meant she'd still get seen quickly anyway and it would be easier for me to slip out.

I finally reached the brick building. There was a small parking lot in front and a big lighted sign guiding the way to the Emergency Room. There were a couple people outside, watching curiously as I walked past with my unusual burden. The big double sliding doors opened and I stepped into the waiting room.

It was mostly empty.

Crap.

Okay, I could still probably slip away at some point. Hopefully before they started asking too many questions.

The gray-haired woman behind the counter opened her eyes wide as she saw us, calling for a gurney in a rush.

An aide hurried past the desk, pushing the wheeled bed. The triage nurse came out of her office, helping to pull Bella off my shoulder as I tried to lay her down on the gurney. Bella moaned at the movement. Her eyes fluttered open, confused, searching wildly. Under the harsh florescent lights, I could see deep purple circles under them. One looked a little swollen, too.

"Don't worry, honey, we'll get you taken care of," The motherly nurse comforted Bella as they started wheeling her away towards the double doors leading to the treatment area. "What happened to your wife, sir?" The nurse asked me before taking in my appearance, and Bella's. Her eyes widened, then narrowed shrewdly. I'm sure I was a sight. Now I had a black eye and a bruised chin to accent my dirty and scruffy appearance.

"She's not my...she just collapsed. I think she just had a baby." I gestured to Jacob, still asleep in my arms.

"You think?" The nurse looked at me skeptically. I shrugged. She sighed and turned to Bella. "When was your baby born, honey?"

Bella mumbled incoherently. It sounded like she said "Tuesday..."

The nurse looked from Bella to me and back to Bella, her mouth set in a serious line. She started walking again, pushing the gurney. "Bring the baby, we'll check him out, too."

"But I..." I started, moving with them and quickly placing Jacob on the gurney next to Bella, the side rail keeping him from rolling off. I looked back at the hospital entrance. The dark night outside promising me solitude and anonymity.

Now is the time to leave, Edward. No one will force you to stay.

.

The nurse stopped at the door, swiping her ID card to unlock the doors.

I felt a small cold hand grasp mine.

"Stay...please"

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**Thank you for reading! Please leave a review, if you don't mind. It'll give me something else to think about while I'm at dinner with the in-laws tonight. **

**The trucker's story reference came from "Skippy's List" A hilarious list of 213 Things you shouldn't do when in the military. skippyslist (dot) com/list/**


	3. Chapter 2: Involved

**Thank you to each and everyone of you that reads my little story here. The reviews are making my day, and every time I see even the hit counter move I'm thrilled. I hope you all continue to enjoy it. **

**For those that are concerned that this is going to be a too dark and depressing, let me assure you that it is my intention for this story to be about recovery and life. Both Bella and Edward are in a tough spot right now, but like their original counterparts, they save each other in innumerable ways.**

**Special thanks to Zephyersky for all the creative help she offers and giving me that little push when I'm stuck. Be sure you read her new fic "Cure For Pain". It's linked in my favorites. Also, I could never get this story out there without my bestie and bloggy girl, Amber. Honestly, you should see the grammatical horrors she destroys.**

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**Chapter 2: Involved**

I froze at the soft words, in mid-step as I was turning back to leave. The nurse and the aide wheeled the gurney through the doors, eventually pulling her fingers from mine. I watched as they pushed Bella and Jacob away from me. There was nothing I valued more than the solitude and numbness of my new life. Leaving would mean pulling that security blanket back over my head. Staying meant questions I didn't want to answer, and memories that would resurface. I hadn't even thought about it when Bella collapsed outside, bringing her here was instinct, she needed help. But as the sounds and smells of the Emergency Room started to assault my senses, I remembered why I really didn't want to be here. The war of emotions in that brief moment was almost overwhelming. The desire to flee into darkness contrasted with the warmth of being needed. It had been a long time since I had been needed by somebody.

And, oddly, I was intrigued by this mysterious young woman and her child.

The heavy doors were swinging closed. My hand shot out to catch it before it snapped shut. I stepped through quickly, following them down the hall. The stark white walls made the lights exceptionally bright, I could smell the disinfectant, feel it burning into my nose. The halls buzzed with low voices as doctors and nurses walked swiftly past me. The nearly empty waiting room had belied the busy pace behind the doors. I quickly caught up to Bella, following as she was steered into a room.

The room was a double, empty where the beds should be. Two other nurses came in through the door at the other end of the room. One of them had a small padded cart, obviously meant for Jacob. She pushed it into place, stringing wires and plugging in cords. I stepped just inside the door, leaning against the wall, trying to stay out of the way. I was nervous. I would not be able to answer the questions they were sure to ask. There was more to it, though. The sounds and smells were echoing in my head, reminding me of the last time I was in an emergency room. The sense of deja-vu was creeping up on me. A young woman and her child. Only they were not mine this time.

Then why are you still here, Cullen?

The other nurse, a middle aged woman with a no-nonsense air about her and a clipboard in her hand, waved off the triage nurse and the aide.

"What's your name, Miss?" She was business-like, but kind. She placed the clipboard down on the table next to Bella's bed and reached for Jacob.

"Bella," came the rough whisper.

"Hi Bella, I'm Carol and I'll be your nurse while we get you checked out, okay? What's your baby's name?"

"Um, Jacob"

Nurse Carol addressed Jacob in her arms. "Katie is going to check you out too, okay, little man?" She handed over the baby to the other nurse, somewhat younger, with a curly ponytail. Katie took Jacob to the little bed. She unwrapped him from the blanket, immediately snapping a plastic band around his ankle. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a stethoscope, and proceeded to examine Jacob.

Carol turned back to Bella. "How old is your baby, Bella?"

"Um...four days" Bella was hesitant in her answer, like she was afraid to give away too much information.

"Did you have Jacob in a hospital?"

"No." Still vague and hesitant.

The nurse looked back at me, eyebrow raised. Her face remained smooth, but I could see her eyes tighten slightly as she took in my appearance. "And you must be Daddy?" she asked.

I was taken by surprise at the bluntness of her question, so I stuttered the answer. "uh..no..I'm...ah.."

Bella interrupted, her voice stronger now. "He's a friend. He just brought me here tonight. He helped me."

Carol hummed in response, turning back to Bella. "Have you seen a doctor at all since your baby was born?"

Bella shook her head. She was a big contradiction. She didn't seem the type to have a baby in a bathroom or a back alley, but then, maybe she was desperate.

"What happened tonight Bella? Are you having any problems? Any pain?"

Bella's face flushed a deep red, she looked down at her hands, twisting in the sheet. "Um..yeah, a little here...and.." she made a vague gesture about abdomen level, looking quickly between me and the nurse, then back down at her hands. The nurse looked at me, then back to Bella.

"Okay, let's get you changed and some vitals, then we'll get the doctor to look at you and Jacob." she turned to me. "Why don't you wait out in the hall." Abruptly dismissing me and yanking the curtain around the bed at the same time.

The feeling of panic was slightly surprising. I took a deep breath as I reminded myself they were blocking my view for privacy, not because things were going bad.

Besides, this is the time to walk away. You've been given another opportunity.

Before I could act on that, the aide returned, smiling brightly at me as she approached.

"Hi! Here's the papers to fill out for her and the baby, the nurse will get them when you're done!" She shoved another clipboard with a stack of papers and a pen in to my hands. Her blond curls bounced as she smiled again and turned away.

It seemed everything was catching me off guard now. I was both jumpy and numb, everything seemed so surreal. Things were happening before I could react. I turned to peer in the door. I could hear low voices murmuring, the sounds of footsteps and clicking equipment. I decided to wait, I'd bring the papers to Bella and she could fill them out or tell me what to write. I reflected again on the fact that I was still here. Why didn't I leave when I had the chance? Why didn't I leave now? Curiosity...the feeling of being needed, for sure. My sense of responsibility, long since put to sleep, was waking. Bella had defended my presence here, calling me a friend. She was just trying to save me any trouble, I was certain, but it nagged at me. That someone so vulnerable would be leaping to my defense. I had an overwhelming feeling ever since the fight, if I were being truly honest with myself, to protect this fragile woman and her baby.

Just for a while longer. I assured myself. I'd make sure she would be given the help she needed, and then I'd be on my way.

The curtain swung open and the younger nurse walked briskly out of the room. She moved to the nurses station down the hall and made a phone call. A few seconds later the other nurse emerged. She walked right over to me. Her face was set in a stern expression.

"Excuse me..." She left the words hanging, but her tone was sharp.

"Yes?" I responded quickly. I was nervous. I didn't know what she would want from me.

She frowned at me. "How long have you known Bella?" She asked this as if she already knew the answer. Since I had no idea what Bella had told her, I opted for the truth.

"Just a few hours, ma'am. She wasn't feeling well, so I brought her here."

She looked at me skeptically, "You brought a total stranger to the hospital?" Her tone was disbelieving.

I hesitated, I didn't want to give away anything Bella didn't want shared.

"I had offered to help her get to some place safe. She collapsed while we were walking. Seems this was the best option, considering the circumstances." My words might have been a little sarcastic. I couldn't really blame the woman for being suspicious, but it still irritated me.

"It looks like you've been in a fight recently." She looked pointedly at my hands, then to my face.

I could feel the dull throbbing around my eye and lip and the stinging from the cuts on my hands, but I ignored the discomfort.

"Uh huh," she responded, still skeptical. Her lips pressed together.

"So you don't know anything about the bruises on her arms?"

I think my eyes bugged out. Bruises??

"What? Bruises?" I felt the panic build. Those men never touched her! Did something happen to her earlier?

Crap, they probably think I did it, with my busted up knuckles and face.

"No, I swear, I haven't touched her except to carry her here! Who did it to her, did she say?" My voice was raising. Girls on the street got beat up a lot. It didn't make it okay, and it didn't make me like it. And for someone as innocent as she seemed to be... "What about Jacob, is he okay?"

"Hey, keep your voice down please. Calm down. Jacob is fine, and Bella will be okay. The doctor is going to check them over and we'll probably do some blood work to make sure."

I took a deep breath, willing myself to find calm. My skin still buzzed with tension, but my brain was working again.

"Do you know if she's taken anything? Drugs? Been drinking?"

I shook my head. She didn't seem high or drunk at all, just weak from whatever was going on with her. Like having a baby in some random location. "Not that I know of, ma'am."

Carol eyed me speculatively. "She seems to trust you, maybe you can encourage her to be more forthcoming about her situation. The more we know, the easier it will be for us to treat her." She stared at me again, obvious disbelief in her eyes. "If you plan to stay."

"Yes, I'm staying." What??

She nodded, her face was still wary, but she softened a bit. "Everyone needs a friend." With that, she strode purposefully down the hall, around the corner and out of sight.

I stepped into Bella's room hesitantly, not sure if I should disturb her.

"Bella?" I whispered.

"Come in.." her voice was still hoarse and tired sounding.

I pulled the curtain aside. She was propped up now, a blanket covering her legs. The faded blue hospital gown draped over her. Her cheeks were flushed again, her head down, but her brown eyes looked back up at me. I noted the bruises the nurse was talking about. Deep purple lines around her wrists and forearms. They looked like they might be marks from a man's hands.

"You're still here..." she said quietly.

"Well, yeah. You asked me to." I shrugged, I couldn't tell her any more than that as to why.

"I know you probably want to get out of here."

"I'm fine", I tried to sound reassuring.

"You seem jumpy." She stated, flushing again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said.."

"I'm fine," I said again, "It's just been...well...I'm not used to being in places like this."

Bella nodded.

I held out the clipboard. "They want you to fill this out. Your information and everything." She looked afraid.

I sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"Listen, I know you're running from something. That part is terribly obvious. Just give them your name and age and the pertinent information so they can get you patched up. They'll help you from there."

I paused, thinking of something.

"You are, um, of age, right?"

She snorted. "Of age? Yes, I'm 19. I'm an adult" She looked at me with a confused expression.

"What?" I asked.

She shook her head, her mouth opening and closing like she wanted to say something.

"Tell me..." I said.

"You speak awfully formally for a homeless person."

"There's a standard for homeless speaking?" I raised an eyebrow. She was observant.

"I'm sorry, it just seems..well.." she stammered over her answer.

"It's fine, Bella. We all have our stories." I tried to smile.

She took the clipboard and pen from me gingerly. I could see her wince as she flexed her wrist. She now had a white hospital bracelet wrapped loosely around her arm. The numbers would probably match the ones on the band on Jacob's ankle. She began reading over the paperwork. Occasionally, she would write something down. It was quiet for a moment, but not uncomfortably so. Jacob began fussing from his bed. Bella looked up, turning towards him but getting caught in the pulse monitor on her finger.

"I'll get him," I said.

I stood, walking around Bella's bed to the other side of the room. I looked down at Jacob. They had removed the blanket Bella had around him. I could see it folded on the other chair in the room. He was now wrapped in one of those flannel hospital-issued receiving blankets, a little striped hat on his head. His eyes were squeezed shut as he started to fuss, arms and legs pushing wildly at the blanket. I made soft shushing sounds at him as I picked him up carefully, cradling him to my chest. He stopped fussing as soon as I picked him up. I turned to bring him back to his mother. Bella was watching me, wide-eyed. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. I passed him gently to Bella, who held him closely. His face immediately turned to her chest and he fussed a bit again.

"Yeah, you would be hungry, baby, you didn't get to finish.....before.." her voice trailed off from the motherly cooing to almost embarrassment. She looked around for a moment.

"Um. Do you want me to go out the to hall while you feed him?" I offered, sensing her discomfort.

"You can if you want..." Her voice was almost sad. I looked around the room, there were some cabinets in between the two doors. I opened one. There was a stack of neatly folded hospital blankets inside. I grabbed one, shaking it out, refolding it in half. I walked over to her, holding it up, and carefully draped it over her and Jacob. She smiled shyly and nodded. There was some shuffling and then those sounds of contentment again. She winced a bit, breathing shallowly, before relaxing against the propped up bed. It was quiet again for a few moments.

She was staring at my face. Her forehead wrinkled.

"Oh, Edward..your face.." she whispered softly.

I gingerly touched my eye.

"Enhances the natural scariness, don't you think?" I asked wryly.

She shook her head. "I don't think you're scary, Edward."

"I'm going to have to work on that then."

She shook her head again, leaning it back wearily against the pillows. Her eyes cracked open. "You should have them take care of your eye and your lip. And your hands."

"I've had worse, Bella. I'll be fine. I'll...try to wash up later." I replied. I was fine, except for the slight throb. I'd definitely had much worse.

We both fell silent. Her eyes drifted closed. I didn't think she was asleep. Jacob would hum occasionally from beneath the blanket. I took a seat in the plastic chair next to the bed. I could feel my muscles relaxing just a little. I was exhausted, too. The adrenaline rush was wearing off. I studied her to keep myself awake. She had pulled both arms beneath the blanket, but I had seen enough of the bruising to tell they were pretty fresh, not more than a day or two. Her skin was dull and nearly colorless, but she had long dark eyelashes that fluttered against her cheek now. Her lips were full, but also pale and chapped. She was obviously not well now, but I thought she would probably be a pretty girl once she was healthy and cleaned up. She had a slight build, she'd been no trouble to lift over my shoulder.

I avoided trouble as much as possible, just kept moving. Most of us valued our privacy. There was a pretty strict unspoken "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. But, after a while, it became easier to read people, find the similarities. I tried to find her similarities.

Obviously, she was running away from something. Or someone, from the looks of things. But why now, just days after giving birth? She said she'd gotten off the bus, so she had money to get that far, but not enough to get herself a decent place to stay. What was she planning to do here? I decided to risk asking. The nurse was right, they more they knew, the better off she'd be. And then maybe my curiosity would be satisfied and I could walk away.

"Bella?" I asked. She rolled her head towards me slowly, cracking her eyes open. They were very dark, flat, bloodshot. "Tell me why you were..." I started, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. We both turned towards the sound. The curtain was pulled aside and a middle-aged man with graying hair and glasses stepped inside.

"Hi there, I'm Dr. Snow." He looked at Bella. "I'll be examining both you and Jacob. The nurse will be joining us in a moment. Why don't you let me take a look at the baby, first." He added tersely.

Bella hesitated, then nodded. She flinched again as she moved Jacob out from underneath the blanket. She delicately stroked his face once. She lifted him up slowly. Dr. Snow put down the chart he was carrying and took Jacob, carrying him to the small bed and unwrapped him from the blanket. Bella watched anxiously from her bed. It was silent except for the doctor's movements and the scratching of his pen as he wrote on the chart. He moved each of Jacobs limbs slowly, then prodded at his belly. Using the scopes from the wall, he looked into Jacob's eyes, nose and ears. He drew the stethoscope from his pocket, listening to his chest and stomach. He nodded silently, tucking the blanket back around Jacob and turned to Bella.

"He looks like he's in good shape for the most part. We'll run some blood work on him. He's looking a little jaundiced, which is very normal for a newborn. We'll see if we need to get him under some lights."

Bella nodded, wide-eyed, she looked at me anxiously. I nodded to her in encouragement. Dr. Snow walked back over to us. At the same moment, Nurse Carol wheeled in a small cart piled with medical instruments and vials.

"Ah, good." Dr. Snow said. "I'm going to examine you, Bella, and then we'll get some blood from you, too." He spoke quietly to the nurse, explaining the tests he wanted done. Bella's hands twisted in the blanket again. I reached to tug the the blanket out of her hand gently.

"I'm just going to step out again, okay Bella?" I whispered. "I'll give you some privacy for this."

She nodded again, her eyes still wide. I stood to slip out, but she caught the arm of my coat.

"Thank you, again, for everything. I know you want to..."

I interrupted her. "I'll be right outside, okay?"

She gave a small smile. The doctor huffed quietly, obviously wanting to start his examination. I stepped out from the curtain. Neither of them said anything to me. I exited the room, closing the door behind me. I sat in the chair outside, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. My head dropped into my hands as I felt the panic rise again. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. The noises were louder out here, the odors sharper. I could hear the beeping of monitors and the low, hurried voices of doctors and nurses. Feet walked past me without stopping. I needed to get it back together. The last thing I wanted was to fall apart and become a patient myself. I took a deep breath, my fists clenching. I could feel the skin on my knuckles cracking. I sat up and looked at the door. They would probably be busy for a while.

I stood, looking around, I saw a sign for a restroom down the hall. I ducked into the small room, locking the door behind me. I used the facilities quickly then moved to the sink, turning the warm water on. I surveyed my face in the mirror. There was definitely a deep bruise forming around my right eye and a cut just below it, across my cheekbone. My lower lip was split just inside, I must have bit down on it when the thugs hit me. I was sure I had another bruise on my jaw, but it was hidden beneath the scruffy beard. I pulled my hat off, my overgrown hair falling limply into my eyes. I was a mess. Inside and out.

I dipped my hands into the warm water, coating them with soap and washing away the blood from my knuckles. The cuts weren't bad, just split slightly from impacting another human being. The soap stung, but they didn't bleed anymore. When my hands were clean, I splashed water on my face, then soap. I scratched it gently into my beard, trying to remove any dirt and blood there. There was definitely a bruise. The blood washed free from my cheek and nose. I rinsed off, running my still wet hands through my hair. It would have to do for now.

Feeling cleaner than I had in a while, I dried my hands and face, pulling my hat back on. I stepped back into the hallway and walked back to the chair outside Bella's room. As I was approaching, the doctor exited her room, rubbing his hands together. I could smell the sharp odor of the antibacterial gel. I willed myself to be calm.

"How is she, Dr. Snow?" I asked.

He gave me a look that was clearly superior. "She'll be fine." he answered curtly, glaring at me. I tried my best to maintain a blank face. I was sure they thought badly enough of me. I wondered if they really believed that I wasn't involved with Bella beyond bringing her here.

Without another word, the doctor walked briskly away from me. I knocked on the door before opening it slightly. I heard Bella say "Come in" in a tight voice. I peered inside the curtain, the nurse was sitting on the edge of the bed with an array of vials spread out next to her. She was handling a needle stuck in Bella's left arm, filling a vial. Bella's head was turned away, her eyes closed tightly. I looked over at Jacob. He was sleeping peacefully. I took my seat again. Bella's eyes opened to slits and she smiled tentatively.

"You washed up." she observed.

"Less scary now?"

She coughed a laugh. "Whatever."

The nurse switched vials with a quick movement. Bella closed her eyes again, her body tensing up. Instinctively, I reached for her hand. Her eyes shot open at the contact and I froze. I probably shouldn't have touched her. Who knows what she's been through. Shock crossed her face, but then she smiled shyly and visibly relaxed.

"Thanks.." she whispered. I relaxed as well, glad I hadn't upset her. I still felt a little awkward, holding her hand loosely in mine. But I noticed as I did, the nervous feelings subsided. The sounds and smells weren't quite as jarring.

Nurse Carol finished up, but instead of removing the needle, began taping it in place. I recognized it as an I.V. port, not just a needle.

"Okay" she said, "I'm going to get your I.V. fluids started. Then I'll see about getting you something to eat. You need to keep up your strength. It's just as important for you to eat as your baby." She gathered her vials and tools, placing them back on the cart and wheeled it out of the room. Bella and I watched her go in silence.

"Ugh. Hospital food." She wrinkled her nose.

"She's right, though." I responded. "You need to eat something."

Her eyes widened suddenly. "Oh my god! I didn't mean. I..I... don't mean to be ungrateful for food. I'm sorry! That must have sounded really naive..." She pulled her hand away, covering her face.

"It's okay. Relax. Hospital food is pretty repulsive."

"I didn't mean to be insensitive."

"I know, don't worry about it."

There was a low rumbling sound, coming roughly from the direction of Bella's stomach. I could see her cheeks flush through her hands.

"Okay, so maybe I am hungry enough for hospital food anyway." Her voice was muffled.

I remembered something. I reached into my pocket, feeling for the napkin-wrapped bundle, hoping they weren't too broken. I pulled them out of my pocket and placed them on the edge of the bed. Bella watched me curiously, peeking out from between her fingers.

I stood, grabbing the portable table and pulling it over. I started pulling things out of my pockets, trying not to dump it all on the floor. The crumpled pack of cigarettes, a book of matches, a bus pass from Sacramento, the knife from Tweedledee, three AA batteries, a stack of paper napkins from a fast food joint, and finally just settled for emptying everything on to the table.

Bella dropped her hands from her face, watching with a bemused expression.

"Are you going to build me a bomb, there, McGyver?", she asked with a chuckle.

I shot her a dirty look, "Are you even old enough to know who McGyver is?"

"Yeah, my dad was a big fan." she retorted. She fished into the pile on the table retrieving a disposable lighter. "Hot pink, huh? You strike me as more of a beat-up Zippo kinda guy."

"Yes, well, the hooker I bummed that off of was fresh out of beat-up Zippos. Besides, I think it's empty anyway." I snatched it from her hand and tossed it in the garbage can. I decided to ignore the jab about my age. Finally, I pulled the napkin wrapped bundle from my pocket. The cookies were broken, but still in relatively big pieces. I held the bundle out to her. She raised an eyebrow, holding out her hands. I dropped the cookies into her hand.

"Here, that should be better than hospital food.

She looked puzzled. Her nose wrinkled up a little as she peeled back the napkin.

"You had chocolate chip cookies in there?" she asked in disbelief. She looked up at me, then back at the cookies, snickering and wrinkling up her nose as she flicked a sunflower seed off one piece.

"I just got them tonight, they should be edible."

She took a tentative bite. "Um..these are pretty good. Broken ones are always the best." She smiled and offered me a piece. I took it and popped it into my mouth, but waved the rest back to her.

She swallowed a bite. "You should probably hide your stash there before the nurse comes back. I'm sure some of that is contraband."

There were things in there I didn't want to be parted with, so I scooped it all up and stuffed it back into my pockets, sweeping the crumbs into the garbage.

A few minutes later the doctor walked in.

"Okay Bella, we have a couple things here. We're going to admit you both, Jacob's bilirubin count is a little high. Nothing serious, but he needs some time under the lights. He'll be down in the NICU for that. You have a postpartum infection, we're going to get you started on some antibiotics, and then keep you for twenty-four hours or so for observation. Since you didn't go to a hospital, we need to make sure everything is taken care of. And then we can talk about home care."

At 'home' a look of panic crossed Bella's face.

"How..how long are we going to have to be here?" she asked, unmistakable fear in her voice.

"You, probably just 24-48 hours. Jacob might need three or four days, depending on how quickly he responds to the treatment."

She paled.

"The nurse will be by to take Jacob, then we'll get you moved upstairs." And he abruptly turned and walked out of the room.

Bella buried her face in her hands again.

"Three or four days? I can't...I have to..." She continued mumbling unintelligibly. Suddenly she looked up, alarm across her face. "They're going to take him to another unit? He won't be with me? What am I...who..no..I can't..." she started sobbing into her hands again.

"Shh...Bella, it'll be okay. Maybe...Maybe they can help you. And besides, you need to be well if you're going to take care of Jacob." I tried to sound reassuring, but I worried what would happen with her and Jacob. Undoubtedly, a social worker had been called and that could go either be good or bad. Either way, she was on the run for a reason.

The two nurses entered the room at that moment. Carol stopped and spoke to Bella.

"Don't worry, Bella, we've got you both well taken care of. We'll get you upstairs and let you get to sleep finally."

I looked at the clock over the bed, surprised to see it was four in the morning already. I knew we were both running on adrenaline.

"Am I...will I be able to see him?" asked Bella in a shaky voice.

"Of course, they'll get that all worked out with you. He'll need to eat still." She smiled.

Nurse Katie was packing up Jacob's cart. I saw her attach a small white plastic box to his ankle band before she pushed him over to Bella's bed. "Say good night to momma, little one. You'll see her in a few hours."

Jacob had woken up at the movement, but was just staring at the bright lights on the ceiling. Bella reached over and stroked his cheek and hand. Her lip was trembling.

I spoke softly, "Do you want me to go with him until he gets settled, Bella? Then I can tell you where he is."

She looked over at me. It struck me how much trust there was in her eyes. I was filled with a desire to not let her down. She nodded.

"Would you? I know you...well...you don't have to."

I nodded and waved, following Katie out of the room. We walked through the bright hallways of the emergency ward to some elevators. I could see Katie stealing looks at me while pretending to study Jacob's chart. Her fingers drummed nervously on the cart edge. I ignored her, figuring anything I said wouldn't make a difference anyway. The elevator doors opened and we stepped in. Katie pressed the button for the 3rd floor and i felt the lift rise. We arrived at our floor and walked swiftly down the hall. This section of the hospital was much more muted. The lights in the hall were not so bright. Bland gray carpet lined the hallways, and the walls were painted a soft shade of pink. Katie swiped her ID card at a set of double doors. I saw the large sign designating the NICU. I made a mental note of which way we had gone.

Another nurse met us at the door. She looked at the chart and looked at me sharply.

"I'm sorry, sir, you can't come in here."

"But, I just came to see where he..."

"I understand, but it doesn't matter, we will let the mother know which bed he will be in. You have to have an ID bracelet in order to visit in here, sir." She eyed me up and down. "And we have strict sanitary requirements in the NICU."

My jaw set, lips pressing into a line. I couldn't really argue, just because I had washed up earlier didn't mean I was clean. And, honestly, I was used to that kind of attitude.

I leaned against the counter without answering. Katie and the grouchy nurse took Jacob into a glassed-in section of the room. I could see them still, but not hear them. I watched while they got him moved into one of those clear incubator beds with the holes you can reach through. They spoke for a while, I'm sure passing on the pertinent information. I decided I'd make my way to find Bella's room. I'd tell her where Jacob was and assure her he was fine. Then I should probably go. They were settled. Someone would help them. I still hadn't slept, and I'd need my wits about me.

I walked slowly back down the hallway. I realized I had no idea where they had taken Bella, so I took the elevator down and returned to the Emergency unit. The nurses there informed me, after some reminders that I had been here with her, that she was in the postpartum unit on the forth floor. I walked back to the elevator. It was still waiting on this level, so it was a quick trip up to the unit. I tried to walk as casually as possible. There was no way I looked like I belonged here, but sometimes a confident stride will get you some places. I stopped at the nurses station.

"I'm looking for Bella? She was just brought up here?" I hoped she wouldn't ask for her last name. I tried to dredge up my most soothing voice.

"Room 419" She said, brusquely.

Were they expecting me? Or do they just let anyone walk in?

I moved down the hall until I found her room. There was a low light emanating from within, but it was quiet as I stepped in. The room was decorated in the same muted pink colors, though the floor was tiled. There was a large window on the far side of the room, with a long couch beneath it.

"Bella?" I whispered.

It was still quiet. As I stepped closer I could hear her steady breathing. She was asleep already, exhausted from the late hour and the events of the night. Her pale, drawn face had relaxed. Her dark hair was spread out over the pillow. I didn't want to disturb her, not even to tell her Jacob was okay. I leaned against the cabinet next to the bed, contemplating this girl..woman that thoroughly disrupted my life tonight. I had no idea who she was. She was a total mystery. Brave and vulnerable, strong but naive.

My musings were interrupted by low conversation just outside the door.

"....sorry for her. Alone with a baby on the street?" It was a female voice, young, probably one of the nurses, maybe a resident.

"Compassion is one thing, don't be getting too crazy with that, though," answered a second voice, male. "The social worker will be here in the morning. They'll sort it out."

I frowned. I had nothing against social workers, but this grated against my sense of responsibility. I was involved now. But what could I really do to help her? In all likelihood, she would be sent to a shelter. If she was lucky, she'd get set up in a place she could keep Jacob. But how long would that last? If she doesn't return to wherever she came from, Jacob could wind up in foster care, and I was certain that would devastate her.

I sighed heavily, sitting down on the couch. Bella rolled slightly on the bed, her legs curling up under the blanket. She moaned softly. I froze, thinking I had woken her. Her free hand gripped the blanket, twisting it.

"No...Don't...James...Stay away....Not Alice..." Her voice was pleading, strained. Her eyes were still closed though. She was still asleep. Who was James? Or Alice? I groaned silently. I was too intrigued. The more I learned, the harder it was to think about walking away. The life I had chosen for myself was hardly fit for me. I wasn't sure I could count the ways looking after Bella and Jacob would complicate that life. I really should just leave now, they would take care her. They would be safe, whether together or not.

She mumbled again. I strained to listen. This was my only clue so far as to her story.

"Edward...." she sighed and her hands and face relaxed, falling into a deeper sleep. She was dreaming of me. I made her feel relaxed. Safe. There was a crack in the numbness, a warmth I hadn't felt in a long time. That human connection that is so addictive.

I laid down on the couch, stretching my legs out.

I wasn't going anywhere.

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**Some clues maybe? We'll have to see if Edward can get her to talk soon. **

**Please take a moment to review, they make me happy.**


	4. Chapter 3: Purpose

**Thank you all for reading my story. I hope you will continue to enjoy it as much as I am. Your reviews make my day. Even just seeing how many of you stop by. I do read each and every review. Thank you.**

**Again, I don't own Twilight, Edward, Bella or Jacob or any other recognizable characters. I like to dabble in the magic though, so I take them out to play.**

**Special thanks to Amber, my beta, for taking time out of her increasingly busy days to correct my grammar. Also, to ZephyerSky and WhitneyLove for their help with the tricksinesses.**

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**Chapter 3: Purpose**

_First, it was black. I could sense movement, but saw nothing. Then, white lights filled my vision like small glowing points. Suddenly, they erupted into a swirling multicolored chaos. Red and blue joined the white. I was running. Faces appeared in front of me. I didn't recognize any of them, and none were the faces I wanted to see. I was fighting against hands and arms holding me tightly. I looked past the strange faces, the lights were now holding back the darkness. The dark highway opened up before me. I could see the twisted metal. Figures in bright yellow moved around it, twisting it further. We're they helping? Or making it worse?_

_Two of the figures pulled another out of the twisted metal. They placed the blanket wrapped figure on a gurney, rolling it away from me. I struggled harder against the hands. I heard, but couldn't comprehend the voices that were speaking to me. Abruptly, the lights erupted again accompanied by a piercing noise. When it faded, the twisted metal and mysterious figures were still there, but my attention was drawn beyond them. A large gray house sat against a backdrop of mountains. There were figures near that as well. Shrouded in fog, I couldn't tell who they were, but they seemed familiar. I tried to call to them but nothing came out. I turned to the person pressing against my chest to keep me from moving any closer, to tell them to let me go on, and stopped in astonishment. It was my own face._

"Good morning!" A cheerful voice rang into my subconscious, waking me instantly.

I blinked. My eyes adjusting to the bright light streaming in from the windows above me. I shook my head, clearing it from the unexpected dream. I didn't dream often anymore, but when I did it was usually similar. The lights, the darkness, the twisted metal. The house thing was new though. I stuffed the dream away into my subconscious. I didn't want to think about it right now.

I looked at the owner of the cheery voice. A woman in green scrubs with shoulder length blond hair was smiling at Bella and then me. She was pushing a small cart with low sides ahead of her. Bella opened her eyes groggily, rubbing them. She sat up quickly, catching herself on the railing of the bed.

"Jacob is hungry, Mama. We tried to let you sleep for a little while longer, but he just doesn't want to wait!" The nurse exclaimed. She scooped Jacob out of the rolling bassinet, smiling brightly at him. He fussed quietly as she walked him over to his mother. Bella reached for him eagerly, taking him into her arms and holding him close for a moment, love and relief obvious on her face. She unwrapped him from the blanket he was swaddled in, using it to cover them both as she prepared to nurse him.

The nurse walked to the whiteboard across from the hospital bed. "My name is Donna and I am your nurse for the next 12 hours." She wrote her name on the board in big blue letters, along with the room number. "You just feed that baby there and I'm going to get some vitals from you. Then I'll let you order up some breakfast and get out of your hair for a while." She busied herself with Bella's IV, it looked like they were just giving her fluids, and proceeded checking Bella.

Bella turned to look at me. She still looked exhausted, but then, I doubt we had slept for more than a few hours.

"You're still here, " she said, her eyes wide, like she hadn't expected to see me again.

I nodded. "Of course. You were asleep, and I didn't want to wake you to tell you about Jacob, but now you can see he's just fine."

"It must have been a lot nicer sleeping on that couch. I don't suppose I blame you. Had to be nicer than sleeping on...." Her eyes widened suddenly and she looked at Donna. The nurse was at least acting like she was concentrating on listening to Bella's pulse. Bella's voice dropped to a whisper, "I'm sorry...that was...sometimes I speak without..."

I shook my head dismissively. The couch was a hell of a lot more comfortable than cold concrete, but it did have it's drawbacks. And she was wrong about the most important part. I didn't stay because I wanted a comfortable place to sleep.

Donna retrieved a small folded piece of paper from the bedside table, moving it and the phone to the rolling table and pushed it close to Bella. "I'll get you some water in a minute. There is the menu, you can choose anything there that you want. You have no diet restrictions." She looked at each of us. "Now, do either of you have any questions?"

Bella cleared her throat nervously. I could see her arms tighten around Jacob beneath the blanket. "Um, how long... I mean, what's going to happen now?"

Donna seemed to weigh something in her mind. She walked around the bed so she was between it and the couch, pulling a plastic chair with her. She sat down, leaning forward, and spoke in a quiet but firm voice.

"The pediatrician will be by after rounds to update you on Jacob, but since he's getting the lights he's probably going to need a couple more days. The obstetrician will be by later to check on you, and we'll get the final word on you then. It's the hospital, so everything runs on doctor time." She gave a wry grin. Then her face grew sympathetic and serious. "There will be a social worker coming by later today. Since you don't have a place to go after you are well enough to leave, she'll want to discuss your options." She paused. "And probably see what the best arrangement for Jacob will be."

I saw Bella's face pale at her words. It was to be expected. Of course the hospital would step in. It was as they should, given the situation.

Three years of living by my wits had taught me a thing or two about reading people. That sense had already told me, that whatever Bella's story was, she was new to the streets. Her being out there last night was an act of desperation for her child. She was definitely running from something, probably someone. Just like last night, in the old train depot, the urge to come to her defense was building. Last night, the reasons had been obvious. Maybe it was, today, too. The brief time I had known her had assuaged some of the guilt that I felt being out here. Out here when I have other options, when so many others did not.

"Will they take him from me?", asked Bella in a whisper.

Donna shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know, Bella. It's not up to me. I can tell you one thing, though. The more you can tell them about yourself, and if you have a place you can go, even a relative's or a friend's, that will help." She looked at Bella sympathetically, then at me and smiled. "I'm sure you kids can figure something out. Be sure you order breakfast soon!" She leaned over and spoke in a low voice to Bella, but loud enough that I could hear. "You know," she said, glancing over at me, "the folks down in the kitchen understand how hungry new moms can be. Order whatever you like."

Donna patted the bed and stood up. "I'll let you finish feeding Jacob, and be back to get him in a few minutes. Give him some extra snuggles to tide him over until his next feeding time." With that, she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Bella's arms tightened around Jacob instinctively. She was still looking at me. Her eyes were filling with tears and she shook her head to clear them.

"What am I going to do?" she whispered.

"You are going to order some breakfast right now. You need your strength. We will worry about the rest later," I said. A vague plan was forming in my head. I wasn't even certain it would work, there were a lot of complications. The first was: Was I ready?

"We?" her voice squeaked.

I didn't answer, just got the menu that Donna had left out and opened it. I held it in front of Bella so she could read it. She cradled Jacob in one arm, snaking the other hand out to pick up the phone and dial the numbers. She spoke haltingly, ordering a few items, then looked up at me and hastily added a few more to the list. She hung up when she was finished. Jacob started fussing beneath the blanket. She smoothed down her hospital gown and brought him to her shoulder, patting him lightly on the back. Jacob was having none of it though. His wails grew louder and more insistent. Bella's forehead creased with stress as she kept bouncing him and patting him. After a few moments, I could see the tears welling up in her eyes again. I wondered if I should offer to help, I didn't want her to feel bad, but she looked so distraught. With a short night's sleep, and the terror of yesterday, this little thing could be the final straw.

"Here, let me..." I said quietly, holding out my hands. I picked up Jacob's blanket, tossing it over my dirty shirt. I pried him carefully from Bella's hands. She resisted for a moment, but reluctantly let me take him. "I'm just going to stand right here with him, okay?" I assured her. I put him to my shoulder, swaying slightly, rubbing his back. His thin newborn cry persisted for a moment before abruptly ending in a belch that reverberated in the stark room. I couldn't help the snort/laugh that I gave. How do the tiniest babies always manage those?

Bella was staring at me. Her mouth was open in a small O. Her hands twisted in the bedsheets again. Nervous? She seemed to do that when she was nervous.

"How...how do you know how to do that?" she finally asked. "You must have....Do you.." She stopped again, nearly strangling the poor bedsheets now. She was definitely observant. Hesitant to ask, but observant. I closed my eyes, willing the numbness to cover me. I could avoid the question. Or lie. I could be an effective liar, if I needed to be. But, I didn't want to. I wanted this strange girl to know me. Almost as much as I wanted to know her.

I took a deep breath, handing Jacob back to her along with the blanket. I sat down in the chair the nurse had vacated, pulling it closer to the bed. I pulled my hat off my head, my other hand pushing my hair out of my face.

"I had a...daughter...a family..once." I swallowed thickly, waiting for the numbness to catch up. "She...my...she was terribly colicky the first few months. I got a lot of practice." I looked down at my hands, fidgeting with my hat. I could feel her eyes on me though, and it made me look up. There were tears again, but this time her face held nothing but concern.

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry." She shook her head. "They're..your family...what happened?" She stopped. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.

But now that I had started, I couldn't stop the words from pouring out. "It was an accident...icy roads. We were coming home from a family ski trip" I was surprised how easily the words were coming. "Tanya, my wife.." my right hand instinctively went to touch my left ring finger. I used to have a habit of playing with my ring. "and....Macy...my daughter, they were in Tanya's car. I had driven up separately. Tanya's car...lost control on some ice, hit another car..." The words failed me then. I buried my face in my hands, pressing the rough knit of my hat into my eyes to stop the tears from coming. I felt cool fingers brush mine, the lightest touch. Her compassion was evident even in that slight touch, and I used it to bolster the numb blanket I had my heart wrapped in.

"To lose that...then everything...I can't even imagine, Edward." I heard her exhale deeply, her fingers moving away. I looked up, and she was hugging Jacob tightly to her chest, her eyes closed as she soaked him up. She looked at me again and gave me a small smile. "And last night you became my guardian angel. I think they would be proud of you, Edward."

I stared back at her, thoroughly surprised by her words. What would Tanya think of me? Of my actions, not just last night, but for the last three years. The guilt festered again, the feelings of selfishness. "I don't know, Bella.."

The knock at the door broke the spell as we stared at each other. Donna stepped back in, carrying a loaded-down tray with both hands. Her eyes darted between us and she smiled brightly. "I brought breakfast!"

She set the tray on the rolling table. Sighing regretfully, she continued, "The bad news is, I need to take Jacob back to the nursery."

Bella sniffled at that, but Donna hurried to reassure her. "Just remember, honey, the more time he gets with the lights now, the sooner he'll be done with them."

Bella nodded and handed Jacob to her, reaching to stroke his little foot once before Donna took him and placed him in his bassinet. She pushed the table over Bella's bed. "Eat up! Breakfast might be the one edible meal here!"

She chuckled to herself as she pushed Jacob out of the room, closing the door. Bella lifted the lids on the various plates and bowls on the tray.

"I think this is even more than what I ordered!" She shook her head in disbelief and looked at me. "You have to share this with me, please?" She pushed the tray slightly towards me. I had to admit, it at least smelled good. I stood up, tossing my hat on the chair behind me. She pushed a plate of eggs and bacon at me. I lifted an eyebrow to ask if she was sure. She nodded. "I hate eggs. I just figured you might want them...J...most men seem to.."

"Thanks," I said, trying to match her lighter tone. I grabbed a plastic fork from the tray. She patted the edge of the bed, so I sat, using the closest end of the rolling table.

I looked at her seriously for a moment, watching her nibble on a piece of toast.

"Bella..." She looked at me questioningly, her eyes already guarded, picking up on my tone.

"Tell me why you're running. Please?"

She stared at me a minute, her hand frozen halfway to her mouth. She blinked and reached for a small glass of cranberry juice, sipping it delicately. She seemed to ponder her answer.

"I live...lived in a small town. I got pregnant, and...well...a lot of bad things were said." She took a bite of toast, but I noticed her other hand had disappeared beneath the table, twisting the sheets again. I didn't really expect her life story, but that didn't seem to be the whole thing, not to make her desperate enough to flee with her newborn.

"What happened?" I pressed further.

She was silent for a long time.

"My....the father....he didn't want me to keep the baby. Even when he was born. He...he tried to make me get rid of him... I had to leave or he would have...." The last came out as a whisper. She hung her head, her hair falling forward to shield her face from me. "And, now, I could lose him anyway...."

She took a deep breath. "I was waiting for my sister, just a couple more years and she'll graduate, and we could get out of that place. But..." she stared out the window now, unseeing. "I had to go, or...be out of time."

She wasn't saying everything, I was sure of that. She didn't trust me, know me well enough yet. I watched her as she slowly took another bite of her breakfast. I could help her. I could fix this whole messed up situation for her. Could I go back? Find what pieces of my former life still exist? My accounts should still be there. I had made a comfortable living. When I walked away from my former life, I had no thought for the consequences. Would my family be looking for me? Had they given up?

I put my fork down, scrubbing at my face with my hands. The truth was, my decision to leave had been incredibly selfish. I had often felt guilty over the years, for being out, drifting, when I'd had other options. For taking food and shelter and rides when a phone call would have gotten me all of those things. Maybe this was my chance to correct that. Not only shoulder the responsibilities of life again, but help someone else take charge of theirs. Maybe I could give to someone else all the things that I'd walked away from without a thought.

I dropped my hands to my lap. When I opened my eyes, Bella was watching me with concern etched into that crease between her eyebrows.

"Are you okay, Edward?"

I nodded silently, taking in her face, her wide, genuine eyes. She may not be telling her whole story, but I was certain she'd been honest about the parts she had shared.

"I want to help you." I said simply.

Her eyes clouded, tilting her head to the side. "I don't think there's anything that can be...I just have to..."

"No," I interrupted. "I think I can help, Bella. I...want to help you. But, I need to check some things." I stood, running my hands through my hair. "I need to go....talk to some people, okay?"

"I don't think that any...well, how would anyone help?"

"That's what I need to find out."

I took a moment to use the small restroom off her room, then went to leave. I could feel her eyes following me across the room. I turned back at the door. She looked so lost and forlorn.

"I will be back, okay, Bella?"

"Okay..."

I left, swinging the door closed quietly behind me. I walked down the hallway towards the nurses station. It was located at the junction of two corridors. A high counter separated the work area from the hallway. I could see Donna sitting behind the desk, her head bent over a pile of paperwork. She seemed nice enough this morning, so I hoped she would help me now. I mustered my most charming voice.

"Excuse me, Donna, could you help me?" I coughed once into my hand, clearing my throat. I was definitely rusty.

She looked up at me and smiled, though. "Oh, hello, there. Does Bella need something?"

"Um, no. Actually, I was wondering if you could help me with setting things up so Bella and Jacob's hospital bill is taken care of."

"The social worker will help her get all the Medicaid forms and financial hardship papers filled out when she gets here." She responded, misunderstanding my question.

"No, I mean, what do I need to sign to take financial responsibility for their bill?" I asked, looking at her seriously.

"Oh!", her eyebrows shot up in surprise. She hadn't seemed to pay much attention to my appearance earlier, perhaps a professional courtesy, but she eyed me now. She looked confused, but it was quickly replaced by her friendly smile. "Let me direct you to the billing office. Just a moment." She picked up the phone, pressing a few buttons. She flicked open the file beneath her hand for a moment, glancing down at it before speaking into the phone. "Hi Marjorie? It's Donna up in 4-West. Hi. I'm sending someone down to fill out billing information. Will you pull Isabella Swan and Baby Swan's file please?" She paused. "Yes, it is. I know there's not much information there. He'll be right down." She hung up the phone and smiled at me. "The office is down on the main level. Hang a right after you get off the elevator."

I nodded my gratitude, silently giving thanks that she provided me with the piece of information I hadn't thought about getting from Bella. Isabella Swan. Bella Swan. I shook my head, feeling foolish that I hadn't asked her. But surnames were avoided on the road, I wasn't the only one who valued anonymity. If my plan was going to work, we'd need to get to know each other better. If she let me help her.

I reached the elevator, pressing the call button and waiting. I rode it down to the main level alone. After double checking the directory on the wall, I followed the directions to the administrative offices.

The room was sizable, painted in generic beige and gray. The harsh fluorescent lights seemed dim with the maze of cubicles, shelves and file cabinets. Every surface was cluttered with papers and office equipment. I stepped up to the counter, looking around for someone to help. A heavy-set woman with dark curly hair and glasses on a chain around her neck peered out from her desk. She looked me up and down.

"Can I help you?" she asked, not particularly nicely, either.

I kept my cool. "Yes, I'm here for paperwork for Isabella and Jacob Swan."

She picked up a short stack of papers and walk towards the front desk. She was still eying me with disbelief and disgust. "You wanted billing paperwork?"

"Yes, ma'am." I was a little irritated now. I supposed it was to be expected, but did she need to be rude?

"Well, fill these out. The top sheet has the amount due for the emergency room, but you can be billed for the remainder of their stay." She said this with obvious challenge in her voice.

"I don't have a credit card or checkbook on me, but...." I tried to explain.

"Uh huh, Of course not." She interrupted.

I pressed my lips together to suppress a rude comment back. "If you like, I can give you my bank information and you can verify funds. Will that be sufficient until I can arrange for a check to be drawn for you?"

Her eyes narrowed with suspicion, but she nodded. I grabbed a pen and reached over the desk for a post-it note. I closed my eyes, trying to remember. I had a good memory for numbers. I wrote down the name of the bank my personal account was at, along with the account number and my name. Pushing it towards the woman, I said, "I don't remember the phone number off hand, but I'm sure they are easy to track down. Just ask them to verify a check for whatever amount you think is sufficient."

She looked at the paper, then back at me, her face morphed from suspicion and disgust to curiosity. Her jaw set in challenge and she nodded. She turned away, walking back to her desk. I saw her click a few things on her computer, presumably looking up the telephone number of the bank. I tried to keep my face impassive, as if I were confident this would work. In theory, my accounts should be intact. No one else had access to that account. Well, no one alive anyway.

I saw her pick up her phone, dialing a number quickly. She punched in numbers, then finally spoke into the phone. The background noises of the office drowned out her words, but I could see her face easily. She carried on a conversation, her face still curious. She lifted the paper, probably to read the number off. She seemed to pause, waiting. Her eyes traveled to the ceiling, she was considering something. She looked straight at me, then and spoke into the phone again, her eyes full of challenge. Her lips flattened into a line as she waited. I just watched her, my own expression neutral. She turned her back to me then, her head moving as she spoke. Then her back went straight and she whirled around to look at me again, eyes wide in astonishment. I saw her eyes travel over me again. She hung up the phone without another word.

The woman walked towards me.

"Well, Mr. Cullen, as soon as you fill out the paperwork we'll be set." She returned the post-it with the account number on it. I saw she had scrawled the bank phone number on it as well. Perfect.

I smirked slightly, inwardly relieved. I looked over the forms. My full name. my home address. I had no idea what had happened to my house, but it was still mine, so it should still be there. I had my doubts about the phone though, so I left my business number. Finally completing everything, I signed my name to the bottom. Edward A. M. Cullen, for the first time in three and a half years. I was committed now. If the hospital used that number, my family would know that I was out here somewhere. I would need to contact them soon. I was filled with fear at that thought. Would they be angry with me? It seemed impossible that they wouldn't be. That could wait, though. I needed to take care of Bella first.

I handed Marjorie the papers and thanked her, trying not to sound too smug. I left the drab office.

Okay, at least the hospital paperwork would show that Bella and Jacob were taken care of, that would help with the social worker. The first impression was going to be a problem though. Bella's worn appearance could be explained by her recent childbirth and illness. I probably looked like a deranged serial killer. Convincing the social worker that both Jacob and Bella would be safe with me would be difficult at best. The nurse didn't say exactly when the social worker would arrive. I would need to act quickly. Checking the industrial looking clock on the wall I saw that it was a little after 10 in the morning. I would need to hope that they really meant "afternoon".

A thought struck me. I strode purposefully down the hall, out the main entrance to the hospital. Squinting in the bright June sunlight I looked around, gaining my bearings. I walked out to the street, back to the where we had been on last night.

_Was it really just last night?_

I covered the few blocks between the hospital and the church quickly. I hoped someone would be there on a Saturday. It looked different in the daylight. The white stone of the building gleamed in the sun. I walked to the side entrance. I had noticed what had looked like an office to the side of the large room I had been in yesterday evening. I sighed with relief as I noticed several people moving around inside. I tried the door, but it was locked. I knocked, as politely as I could, and still loud enough to know I really wanted them to answer.

A young man, maybe a teenager, with dark hair and glasses was sprawled in a chair, he jumped up and looked out the glass door at me. He motioned to the woman behind the desk and she disappeared into a back room. He pushed open the door just enough to stick his head out.

"What can I do for you?" His voice was deep for one so young.

"I was wondering if... well, is Brian in by chance? I was hoping he could help me."

The kid looked surprised but nodded. He pushed the door open wider and motioned for me to come in. He walked down the partitioned off hallway a few paces, past some doors, calling down the room.

"Hey Dad? There's someone here to see you."

He looked at me, a little sheepish for yelling, but indicated that I should wait where I was. I wasn't sure exactly how to ask for what I was needing. I could feel my pride being pricked painfully. Other than thumbing rides, I never asked for anything. I looked at the floor as I waited. It occurred to me that maybe I just didn't have any pride anymore. Maybe this was about getting some back. And this was about helping Bella and Jacob. I was asking for help for them, ultimately.

"What is it, Scott?" asked the familiar voice of the pastor. Scott turned to me and waved in my direction, then disappeared into the back room as well. Brian looked at me for a moment, then recognition dawned on his face.

He stuck out his hand. "Hello again," his voice friendly. "Tony, wasn't it?:" I was surprised he had remembered. I could see his eyes taking in the black eye that hadn't been there the night before, but he said nothing.

I shook his hand, forcing myself to remember to look him in the eye, grasp his hand with a firm grip. "Well, sir, actually it's Edward." I smiled sheepishly. "Tony...er, Anthony is my middle name."

He said nothing about the deception, just nodded understandingly. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Edward. What can I do for you?"

"Um, I met someone last night who needs help," I began. I told him about Bella. And Jacob. About meeting them last night and the fight and the hospital. The situation they now found themselves in. He listened with genuine concern and thoughtfulness in his eyes. And then I confessed.

"I can help her....them." I gave a rueful smile. "I'm not quite destitute. I just...haven't. . .used it in a long time. I've been. . . . running away, I guess. It's time though" I was surprised at the truth of my words. It was time. Time to man up, and try life again. The numbness cracked and the pain in my chest flared, but I stuffed that back down. I wasn't ready to deal with the emotional fallout of this decision yet.

"I want to bring her back home with me, help her out while she gets back on her feet. Obviously, there are a lot of complications with that." My fists clenched tightly at the strain of reigning in the anxiety. "I will be contacting my family later, but there's not time before the social worker will arrive"

I looked down at myself and ran my hand over my overgrown beard. "I don't think I could convince her that I can take care of a young mother and her child looking like this..."

Brian chuckled and shook his head. Then he grew serious. "Edward, you seem very genuine to me, and I'm going to take it on faith that you will do the right thing with this young woman and her child. I agree you need to look the part. But I need to ask you: Are you certain you are ready for this? Going home is a big step, isn't it? Are you sure you are ready for taking on responsibility for them?"

I pulled my hat off my head again, running my fingers over my hair. "Yes, It's time." I said, trying to forge the conviction to it's fullest in my voice.

He stared at me thoughtfully for a moment. "I think you should call your family, whoever might be looking for you, as soon as possible."

I shook my head. I wasn't quite ready for that yet. "I will, but this matter is more immediate."

"Okay, Edward. What do you need?"

I sighed in relief, having this kind man show faith in me was giving me some courage for this. "Clean clothes mostly, something we can both clean up with. Just some basic toiletries." I paused, closing my eyes. It felt weird to ask for this, even though I had accepted charity over the last few years. "I will reimburse you, of course. I have accounts, but I have no ID to prove it to the bank. If you like, I can give you the number and you can verify...."

He shook his head. "That isn't necessary, Edward. Let me call my wife." he pulled a small cell phone from his pocket, quickly pressing a few buttons.

He spoke quickly, relaying only the very basic information. After a minute he turned to me.

"Of course! What size? Do you know?"

"Um, the baby is new, so newborn sized or whatever. Bella is...I don't know." I shrugged.

Brian laughed, "I can never figure out women's sizes either, son, don't be ashamed. How tall is she?" He sounded like he was relaying a question.

"Maybe 5'4"? Fairly small." I guessed.

"It sounds like she's about my daughter's size." he turned back to the phone. "Did you get that, Becca? A little taller than me. No. Okay, meet us at the hospital near the church. Out front." He looked at me questioningly.

I nodded.

There was a buzz of conversation on the other end, but he said goodbye and hung up.

"There's a drugstore across the street, we'll get whatever else you need there. She'll meet us at the hospital with clothes. She was already out shopping with my daughter so they will be there soon."

He called back a goodbye to the kid, pulling some keys from his pocket and gesturing to the door. I was starting to feel a little excited. Maybe, just maybe, this might work. I would pay these people back, of course. As soon as I had access to everything again. I was feeling better, the pride of being responsible. It was clashing with tagging along to the store with a preacher a bit, but this was for Bella, so I could play the part I had been for the last three years for a few more hours. When I got home, I would fix everything.

We crossed the busy street, ducking into the brightly lit drugstore. I grabbed a small pack of diapers and wipes for Jacob, two toothbrushes and toothpaste. I probably wasn't going to have time to shave, so I'd need to settle for a trim. I picked out a small comb and a pair of trimming scissors. I picked up a hairbrush for Bella and a small bottle of shampoo. The hospital would have soap, that would do until later. I didn't want to spend too much of Brian's money.

We drove back to the hospital in silence. I was still trying to ignore the emotions boiling under the surface. Part of me was eager to have the focus again, to have a purpose. The other part of me was hopelessly afraid. I was never anyone to do anything halfway. What I was going to suggest to Bella as her solution was going to be drastic, but I had no doubt it would work to her advantage. If only I could sell her on it.

We arrived at the hospital a short time later. Brian parked the car and we both got out. I was surprised at how eager I felt to get back to Bella, to make sure she and Jacob were okay. I waited outside on a bench with Brian for his wife to arrive. We made some idle small talk while we waited. Twenty minutes went by and I was getting very anxious to get up to Bella. I was surveying every car that came into the parking lot, looking for anything that might look like the social worker. Did they drive government cars? I had no idea. Finally, Brian stood up, a warm smile on his face. I stood, too, remembering my manners. We were joined by a woman who was undoubtedly his wife. They looked like they belonged together. They reminded me a lot of my parents in that way. They reminded me of what I always hoped Tanya and I would be.

I pocketed that emotion again, greeting Becca politely.

"You must be Edward!" She smiled happily. She handed me several bags from a chain department store. I slung them over my arm with the bag from the drugstore. "There's a bag there for each of you. Oh! I hope everything fits."

"I'm sure it will be fine, ma'am" I nodded. "Thank you so much," I looked at them both. "I can't even express how grateful I am for your assistance."

Brian asked, "Would you like us to come up? I'm anxious to meet the young woman who has touched your life."

I thought about it, but shook my head. "I don't know how she would feel about strangers visiting. There have been a lot of strangers. But I will be seeing you again, when I reimburse you." I held up the bags. I shook hands with both of them. "Thank you again."

Brian clapped me on the shoulder. "Anytime, Edward. I'm just glad my prayers were answered. I think you did find what you were looking for." He shook my hand one more time, before turning to walk his wife back to her car.

I pondered his words as I rode the elevator back to the fourth floor. I suppose he was right in a way. Bella was giving me direction, something I had been looking for, even if I hadn't realized it yet.

The elevator chimed it's arrival at my destination, and I stepped off when the door slid silently open. I walked down the hallway, my mood suddenly more buoyant than it had been in a long time. Donna wasn't at the nurses station but I could hear her voice coming from Bella's room as I approached.

"....not sure where he went. I'm sure he just had....." I recognized Bella's soft voice immediately. It made me smile.

"Nonsense, That very nice young man with pretty green eyes will be back. He seemed very determined when I saw him," came Donna's playful response.

"He did? Determined about what?" Bella's voice rose in pitch with confusion. It was followed buy a pause. Then so soft I almost didn't hear her. "He does have beautiful eyes. And he is very sweet, and brave, and strong..." Her voice faded out. I stood there for a moment in shock. Bella thought I was brave? And strong? And I had beautiful eyes? I blinked for a moment, not knowing what to make of all that. I shook my head, snapping my attention back to focus. I waited for a moment longer, so they wouldn't think I was eavesdropping.

_Even though you were._

I knocked on the door, then just walked in, since it had been standing open anyway. The voices stopped talking immediately.

"Edward!" exclaimed Bella. "You're back!" Her voice sounded happy, relieved. I could see the remnants of tears on her cheeks though, dried salty trails.

"Of course, I said I would be." I said quietly. I nodded to Donna, who beamed at me. I walked around the bed purposefully, setting the bags on the couch.

"Well, then, since you're back, I'll be on my way. You kids have a good afternoon!" Donna left quickly, scurrying out.

Bella looked at me and all the bags, her mouth agape.

"What is all this, Edward?"

"Just some clothes and necessities. It's not much, but it will tide us over until more arrangements can be made." I smiled at her.

"Arrangements?" she asked, almost alarmed. "Edward? Where did you get all this?"

"From some very nice people who were willing to help. I'll introduce you someday."

"I can't just take this from them."

"Yes, you can. Besides, you're not taking it from them. You're taking it from me." I paused. "I will be reimbursing them as soon as I can."

"Wha..how....Edward, what is going on?" She stuttered.

I put the bags down and came to stand at the side of her bed. I leaned over her slightly. She shrank back. I frowned, and pulled back again. I didn't want to frighten her.

"I'm not...I'm not completely without resources, Bella. It's just....it's been a long time. And I'll tell you everything." I looked at the clock. "But the social worker will probably be here soon, so I will tell you it all later, all right?"

She nodded, still confused. "Why...why are you doing this?"

I lowered my voice. "Bella, for the first time in three and a half years, I have a purpose. I can help you. I can help Jacob. I can't let them separate you, not when I have the power to do something about it. I know that you really have no reason to trust me, but I'm asking you to let me prove it to you. Please, let me help you?"

She stared at me for a long time, her eyes searching mine. I could see a tiny glimmer of trust. She spoke quietly. "I would do anything for my baby, Edward. Anything. If it means I can keep him safe from...that we can stay together...." Her hands twisted in the sheets again as she hung her head and fell silent.

I was touched deeply by her words. I would do whatever I could to earn her trust. I had a lot to explain. And I still needed to tell her my plan. But first, we needed to clean up.

My hand reached out before I even realized it, touching her cheek where her dried tears were.

"Why were you crying?"

"Jacob..." she said softly, her low voice throbbing with sadness. "They just took him back to the nursery again."

I nodded, my finger stroking lightly down her cheek. She flushed red and pulled away slightly and my hand snapped back to my side.

_Why are you touching her? You're going to scare her away. _

"Why don't you go clean up," I said. I noticed they had removed her IV. Her color was even looking better. The antibiotics they gave her last night and this morning were starting to work. She still looked exhausted, of course, but I hoped she would sleep better tonight.

Bella slid off the bed, pulling the blanket around her body. She padded over to the couch, and started rooting through the bags. She looked up at me, with an astonished look on her face, pulling out a stack of tiny blue baby sleepers. I could see her eyes well up again, but she shook her head and stuffed them back in the bag. She reached for another bag, digging through the items inside. I saw her cheeks flush red as she hid her face in her hair. Apparently, Becca was thorough.

She finally just picked up the whole bag, tossing some toiletries from another bag in as well. Suddenly, she was in front of me. She blushed again.

"Um, excuse me.." she stammered out, looking past me. I stepped out of her way and she closed herself into the bathroom.

I spent the time she was in the bathroom staring out the window. I contemplated my plan of action. Bella said she would let me help her. Her guardian angel.

*******

She emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later. She was wearing some light gray loose-fitting pants and a light blue long sleeve t-shirt. Her cheeks were flushed pink from the heat of the shower. I could see just a faint smattering of freckles across her nose. Some of the tension was gone from her bearing, too. She really was a pretty girl. I found myself wondering if the father of her child had been a boyfriend.

She stopped. "What?" she asked, looking self-conscious. I realized I had been staring. I blinked and shook my head.

"You look like you feel better." I observed.

"I do." She flushed deeper, dumping her hospital gown and towels into the hamper next to the bathroom door. "Are you going to..." she trailed off, indicating the bathroom door.

"Yes, if you don't mind?" I realized that my showering here might make her feel uncomfortable. I supposed I could ask Donna if there were family restrooms available I could use.

"Um..no..of course not...please" she stammered a little, but smiled.

I quickly found the bag with what was obviously men's clothing, complete with a package of new boxer briefs. I breathed a silent thanks to Brian's wife for thinking of every detail. When I had everything I ducked into the tiled room and shut the door behind me. I had shed my coat out in the room, so I quickly divested myself of the rest of my clothing. I think it was safe to say they were now garbage. I turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower stall, adjusting the water temperature as hot as I could stand it. I wanted to be quick, but I couldn't resist just standing under the water for a while, letting the heat burn the dirt off my skin. The steam filled the air, cleaning out my lungs. I could smell a mild floral smell, probably the shampoo. I'd have to get something more manly later, I laughed to myself. I washed my hair three times, scrubbing vigorously with my fingernails. My body I washed twice, using a rough washcloth to clean every inch of me. My face, I was gentler with, I didn't want to make the bruising any worse, but I scrubbed at my beard thoroughly.

I hadn't been this clean in a long long time. My personal hygiene generally consisted of quick wash ups in rest area washrooms. If I had change, occasionally I could get a quick shower at a coin operated stall at the truck stops. It was amazing to feel human again. Reluctantly, I turned off the water. Surely the social worker would be here soon and I wanted to be presentable in plenty of time so that I could talk over my plan with Bella first. I stepped out of the shower stall, grabbing a thin, rough, white hospital-issue towel to dry off. I dug into the bag of clothes, ripping off the tags and packaging. I pulled on a pair of the boxer briefs, a little long on me, but they would do. A pair of jeans were in the bag. Nothing fancy, just a generic pair of dark blue jeans. I pulled them on. Again, a little big, but they worked.

I turned towards the mirror to inspect my face. I had definitely lost weight while I had been living on the road. I had always been lean, but the muscles I had before from working out with my brother were leaner now, more wiry. I could see where my cheeks were narrower too, my eyes a little more deeply set. My beard had a few gray hairs in it, too. When did that happen? I suppose my lifestyle would more than account for it. I grabbed the comb and scissors, going to work trimming up my beard. I didn't take time for more than a quick trim, but at least it was less scraggly and my mustache was no longer curled over my upper lip.

I cleaned up the mess and brushed my teeth thoroughly. I looked better, hopefully presentable enough for the social worker. Hopefully enough to buy us a couple days. I pulled on a black long sleeve t-shirt, pushing up the too-long sleeves to my elbows. There were even clean socks in the bag. My old shoes would hold until I got home. I gathered up my dirty clothes, stuffing them into the empty plastic bag.

I opened the door and rejoined Bella in her room. I dropped the bag of old clothes on the shelf by the couch. I could feel Bella's eyes on me. She was smiling.

"Better?" She asked.

I ran my fingers through my still damp hair, realizing I'd forgotten to comb it. Oh well, chances were it wouldn't behave any better clean than it did before. I sat in the chair next to the bed. She was sitting up, legs crossed, looking over an entertainment magazine the nurse must have given her. I sighed in relief.

"I can't even describe how much better I feel."

"You smell pretty." She giggled.

I couldn't help but chuckle. It was good to see her a little happier looking. "Yeah well, my options were limited. Next time I'll have to look for leather and motor oil scented soap."

She laughed again. She picked at the corners of the magazine and murmured, "Well, leather maybe..."

We stared at each other for a moment. Her hair was drying into dark brown curls, shiny now that it was clean. Her eyes were still sad and wary; her body language still a little tense, but she seemed less afraid. I found myself hoping it was because she was feeling more comfortable with me, and my offer to help.

She closed her magazine and put it aside. "So...what's the plan? Is there one?"

I took a deep breath, steeling myself from the anxiety. "I need to call my family. In theory, my house is still my house. I just don't know what they might have done with.....well, everything." I rubbed at my beard absently. Bella's expression was soft and sympathetic as she listened. "My plan is to bring you and Jacob back there. You can stay with me as long as you need to. All the social worker needs to know is that you and Jacob have a safe, clean place to live and that his needs will be provided for." I smiled ruefully, "I'll do my best to look like the respectable member of society I used to be."

I touched my eye gingerly and then gently touched her wrist, only for a moment, not wanted to frighten her. "These will be the hardest to overcome. But I think if we stick to the truth we'll be okay. The person who gave you those is nowhere near here and you'll never have to see them again. And I was protecting your honor." I smirked. "Respectable, right?"

She laughed silently, but was quiet while she listened to me outline the plan.

"I still don't understand why you would do this for us."

One of these days I hoped she would understand how grateful I was for the push she was giving me. "Purpose, Bella. And my pride back. I should be thanking you."

Neither of us knew what to say for a moment.

I spoke again. "I hope you can trust me enough to tell me everything soon. I'd like to know, to get to know you better. And I'll tell you anything you want to know about me, Okay?"

Bella didn't speak but she nodded silently.

"One more thing, it's a big thing, really, but it will make things a lot easier, both with the social worker and for later, while we're...."

I was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. It swung open and Donna walked in followed by a tall dark-skinned woman in a tailored pantsuit with an identification badge hanging from her pocket and a briefcase in her hand. Bella's eyes widened and I felt her fingers grab the sleeve of my shirt, twisting the material. She was struggling to keep her face composed, but I could see the panic in her eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt you kids," said Donna. "This is Zafrina Castro, the social worker from Child Services."

The social worker was business like, but pleasant as she nodded in greeting. She extended her hand towards Bella, who tightened her grip on my sleeve, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Isabella."

Bella nodded but didn't take her hand, she was still hanging on to me. "Um, yeah, nice to meet you." She looked over at me, swallowing thickly. "This is, uh..."

I removed her hand gently from my sleeve, covering it with both my hands for a moment and squeezing, trying to calm her. I debated for just a second. I had really wanted to talk to Bella about this first before I acted on it with the social worker. Bella might be, understandably, angry with me for presuming so much. I almost held off, but I really wanted to show this determination right away.

And she did say she'd do anything for her son.

I looked at Bella for just a second, trying to communicate with my eyes my good intentions. I squeezed her hand one more time before standing, extending my right hand to shake Zafrina's.

"I'm Edward Cullen. Jacob's father."

* * *

**Oh dear. Leave a note if you wish, otherwise I'll see you some time next week!**


	5. Chapter 4: Lifeline

**Let me start by saying that the feedback I'm getting from all of you is amazing. Each review/tweet/PM makes my day. A few readers have asked about Bella's POV. At this point, this is Edward's story, and my plan is to keep it in his point of view. Most likely, anything from Bella is likely to come in the form of an outtake or three. I'm flexible, though, so we'll see how things pan out.**

**Thank you to Zephyersky for her input and for calming my paranoid self. Amber, beta extraordinaire for reading through this huge chapter.  
**

**I don't own Twilight, or Edward, Bella, Emmett, or Jacob. Stephenie Meyer bought me over a year ago with them, so they own me. I own two little boys who are clamoring to go out for pancakes this morning.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: Lifeline**

If this had been a remotely funny situation I would have laughed at the expression on Bella's face. Her head snapped up to look at me, eyes wide and mouth open. Her skin paled, then flushed. A dozen emotions flitted across those big expressive eyes of hers. The ones that were sad and angry made me regret my rash declaration, but the hints of hope and gratitude made me press on. The social worker, Zafrina, looked between us, her sharp eyes obviously not missing anything. Donna's lips curved into a smile that she quickly suppressed.

Zafrina shook my hand, still appraising. I kept my face as neutral as possible. Like I knew she was a necessary part of the experience, but I did not expect it to go on for long, and merely wanted to be done with the whole business. Donna waved silently and slipped out of the room behind her.

The social worker spoke, "Let me begin by explaining why I am here. I was asked to check on you, Bella, because there was some concern over the circumstances of your son's birth and that you might not have a place to go. Obviously, the important thing here is that you and your son get the care you need and you have a safe place to go when your hospital stay is done. We're just going to chat for a bit, then I'll go down to the nursery and see Jacob. Let me assure you it's never my goal to remove a child from its parent unless it's absolutely necessary, okay?"

Bella and I both nodded. I could see the relief warring with the confusion and alarm still on her face.

I spoke up, "I appreciate your concern, Ms. Castro." I tried to make my voice as smooth as possible. "I am anxious to get Bella and Jacob to my home as soon as they are able." I sat back down next to Bella, noting that her hands were once again mangling the bedsheets. I carefully reached over and pulled her hand free, looking at her again. She met my eyes with hers, full of questions and a little fear. I really regretted not having discussed this with her sooner. I gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand.

"It's going to be okay, Bella." I whispered.

"Mr. Cullen. Would you mind stepping out for a few minutes so that I can speak with Bella privately?" Zafrina asked in a tone that indicated this was not a request. "I'll speak with you after we are done here, as well. So please stay close by." she added.

I sighed. I had hoped to state my case first, but it was probably better that Bella get whatever she needed. At least she knew she had an option with me. I looked at Bella, the anxious line in her forehead was deepening. I said quietly, even though I knew the social worker could still hear, "Hey, I meant what I said, okay. It's up to you, but it's an valid option. I promise." She nodded, pulling her hand away from mine and twisting the blankets again. She did not respond, just stared, unseeing, at the forgotten magazine in her lap.

I stood, nodding to Zafrina before walking quickly out of the room. I paused at the door to look back at Bella, but she wasn't looking at me. I stepped out and closed the door behind me. I walked down the hall to the small waiting area across from the nurses station. I sat down heavily on the low sectional couch, sinking deeply into the drab beige cushions. I rested my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. My hair was dry and falling in my face now, so I tried to push it back.

The nervousness was returning. I didn't have any doubt that helping Bella and Jacob was the right thing to do, but what that meant was terrifying to me. I had never been one to back down from a challenge before. I was always very competitive, especially with my brother. We had grown our business together from scratch, getting our designs out and known, quickly becoming a successful architectural firm despite the lull in the housing market.

But I had run away, if I was being truly honest with myself. I ran away from my life, my family, my memories. And I was afraid to go back. I had been pretty good at numbing myself to the memories over the last three years. Would it be more difficult with all the reminders back in my life again? Would they even still be there? I wondered what my family had done in my absence. What if they thought I was dead? I suppose it was a possibility. The fact that my account was still accessible gave me some hope.

My mind kept wandering as I sat there. I considered not going home. If I could arrange some new documents, I could get enough cash to get Bella and Jacob into a decent place.

But I had promised. And I didn't want to break any more promises. As hard as it was going to be, it was time to go home. I would go whether Bella came with me or not. I felt the pang of fear as that crossed my mind. She was quickly becoming a lifeline to me. It was easier to do this for her, with her, than for myself.

I needed to call my family. Maybe Emmett to start with. I wasn't ready for the emotional storm calling my parents would be.

Donna was sitting back at the desk, the stack of files out again as she tapped on the keyboard of her ancient-looking computer. I guess all professions come with their wealth of paperwork. I stood and walked over to the desk, leaning over and waiting for her to look at me.

She looked up almost immediately, a friendly smile gracing her warm face. "Well, hello there handsome! Don't you clean up nice!" she exclaimed. I grinned sheepishly, her carefree demeanor was infectious.

I ran my hand through my hair nervously again. "I was wondering if you could do me a quick favor?" I asked. She raised an eyebrow at me in question. "Could you look up phone number for me?"

"Of course!" she agreed, "What do you need?"

"Cullen Architectural Design. In Seattle." I responded, giving her the name of the company Emmett and I owned together before I left. I wanted to make sure it was still there.

She tapped and clicked at her computer for a moment. "Oh here it is." She wrote down the number on a sticky note and handed it to me. "If you need to make a private call, there's a consult room down the hall on the left with a phone." She clicked a few more times as I expressed my thanks.

"Is this you?" she asked, a note of surprise in her voice. She turned her monitor slightly and I looked out of habit. She had found our company website, and there were Emmett and I, pictured right on the front page. Emmett's jaunty grin showed why he was the customer front man. I sat next to him, perched on the edge of what had been my desk. I barely remembered the cocky, confident man in the picture. His clean-shaven face looked almost boyish, bronze hair refusing to behave even when I was a pillar of the community. The bright green eyes of that man were full of life and he could take on the world. He had everything he wanted, and no reason to think it would ever be any other way.

"Yeah." I said stoically, pulling the numbness over me again as my armor. "Yeah, that was me."

She seemed to sense the change in demeanor, so she just nodded, her eyes still on the screen. As I turned to walk away, I heard her murmur quietly. "Wait until Bella sees that Edward..."

I found the room easily and thankfully it was empty. I stepped in and closed the door behind me. There were a couple of beige couches, a low wooden table in the center. The walls were decorated with muted watercolor prints and the lighting was soft. One wall held a rack of pamphlets detailing the various conditions that can follow pregnancy and childbirth. There was a small stack of magazines on a corner table along with a box of tissue and an archaic telephone.

I sat down next to the table, taking a few deep breaths. I could feel my heart starting to pound in my chest. I closed my eyes, willing images of calming things to fill my mind. It was a trick I used when I had to present a proposal to a large crowd or an intimidating client. I would just open my mind and let the soothing images come. Deep green trees, the mossy damp forests where Emmett and I would often go camping, my piano, sitting there with Macy, playing her favorite kid's songs. That one almost made it worse for a moment. I steeled myself as Tanya's face moved past my eyes. I was about to force my eyes open when the images faded and Bella's face appeared. I saw the peaceful sleeping face from last night and the smiling face of earlier this afternoon, as we had joked about the soap, her shiny hair framing her big brown eyes and pale skin. I was surprised that she appeared, and even more so that I felt so relaxed now.

I savored the moment and the feeling before taking another deep breath and opening my eyes.

It's now or never, Cullen. Man up.

I grabbed the phone purposefully, glancing at the paper. It was the weekend, but we used to forward our business line to our homes or cell phones, just in case. Hopefully he still did the same thing. We were unlisted at home and I had no idea if he was still in his downtown apartment. I dialed the familiar number. I heard the line ring, then the click as it forwarded through.

Ring, Ring, Ring...

"Hello?" came the unmistakable deep rumble of Emmett's voice. My eyes closed. I wasn't sure if I felt more relief or fear.

"Hi, Emmett. It's Edward." I answered quietly, wary of his reaction.

There was a long silence on the line, though I could hear him take a deep breath.

"Edward? Jesus, man..." I could hear him struggle with words, something that never happened with Emmett. "Are you fucking okay, Edward? You...we.."

"I'm fine Emmett. I just..." I began, but he interrupted.

"Are you at this...Pacific Hospital?" He asked. I blinked in surprise. How? But he continued. "The bank called me this morning...said your account had been tapped. The first I hear of you in three years, man! From a hospital!"

"Emmett, I'm fine." I said again, more confident. He seemed more relieved than angry. "I just...I need your help."

"Oh, man. Fuck, Edward. I...we...all of us, we've been worried sick. Are...will you please come home? Mom is...she's been a mess...I know...I know that things were really bad, I don't blame you, but please come home," he rambled. I had never heard Emmett plead like that. At least not since we were kids and there were Star Wars action figures involved.

"I...I am coming home. Emmett. But I need..."

"Anything Edward, we'll get you what ever you need. How long are you in the hospital?" he demanded. "I was just about to come up there and see what was going on myself. I called the information desk, but they had never heard of you! I couldn't get anyone to help me."

"I'm not...listen...I need to know what I still have. My...my house?"

"Everything, man. I knew you'd come home someday." His voice was thick with emotion now. "I uh...well, I gave up my apartment, moved into your house. I didn't want it to sit empty while we waited for you. And it made sense...with...well, I'll tell you all that later."

I sighed in relief. I was puzzled by his last words, wondering how much I had missed while I was gone. "Good, no. I'm glad you did. What about ID? If you know where my old ID is...even expired ID is better than nothing."

"What's going on Edward? Why are you in the hospital? Are you sick? Hurt? Tell me please. You know Dad will..."

I interrupted. "I'm fine Emmett. It's not me in the hospital. I'm just...I'm helping out a...friend." I finished.

"A friend? Huh. I suppose that fits, you'd never ask for help for yourself." Emmett said, almost accusingly.

"Yeah, she needs a lot of help, and I can, especially since...well, since you're the best brother in the world." I smirked to myself. A little flattery was never bad with Emmett.

"Yeah, whatever, Assward," he snorted. And I knew in that moment everything would be okay, at least with us. "Wait..wait a minute. She?" His voice rose in astonishment.

"Yeah. Bella. She um, well I met her recently, and she's going through a tough time. They are threatening to take her baby from her because she has no place to go. I can't stand by and let that happen."

"Baby! Edward...umm...Is it...err..." He stammered, obviously shocked. I followed the assumption he was making and debated letting him continue with it. But this was Emmett. He and I were always honest with each other. So I told him the whole story. About wandering closer to home. About seeing Bella on the old depot platform. The street thugs, the fight. Taking her to the hospital.

"I just can't leave her here, Emmett, feed her to the system. Not when she's running to protect her child. Not when I have the power to help her." I finished, closing my eyes to calm down again, Bella's face now easily dancing to the surface.

"Wow, Ed...I don't know what to say. I think the last three years must have been pretty fucked up for you. But if this girl will get you home than I'll do whatever I can to help." He took a breath too. I wondered if he was doing the same thing I was. "I have you covered, Edward. Your passport from that Rome trip we made is still good, so I used that to renew your driver's license through the mail. I'm on my way up there." His voice got surprisingly stern and authoritative, "Listen, Edward. I'll do whatever it takes to get you home. But we will talk more about this later, understand?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. Silent communication was so ingrained now. "Yes, I know. Thank you, Emmett...for...for everything."

"You're my brother, Edward," was all he said. We were silent for a moment. I could here the slam of a car door and the low purr of an engine. "I'm on my way, Edward. Be there in an hour. Don't. Go. Anywhere."

"I'm not leaving," was all I answered. I heard him grunt in response and the phone line went dead. I hung up the handset and covered my face with my hands. My heart was pounding again, now that it was over. I clutched that blanket of numbness. I had to hold it together. I couldn't afford to lose it or I'd never convince that social worker that I was safe for Bella and Jacob. I scrubbed at my face with my hands, dragging my fingers through my hair and pinching the bridge of my nose.

I had a house still, and valid identification, apparently, thanks to my resourceful brother. And my picture was up on the company website. As far as Zafrina was concerned then, I had an identity, a house, a job and a secure amount of money in the bank. All that was left was to assure her that I was a safe person who would care for them.

I debated again about calling my parents. Emmett's comments about Mom had been a knife to the heart. I would call them later tonight. I didn't know if Emmett had told them anything yet, and I wanted to be better prepared before I talked to them. I quickly collected myself, assuming a smooth expression on my face. I stood and crossed the small space to the door, opening it and walking out. Donna smiled brightly as I approached her desk again.

"I don't know what visitation policies are here, Donna, but we're expecting someone. My brother." I asked politely.

"Oh, well, normal visiting hours are from 10-7, but," she smirked at me. "Of course, Dad can visit at anytime. And visitors are always up to Mom and Dad." She winked at me.

I smiled back, pleased that she was at least playing along. I didn't know what the ER nurse had told her, or what her own observations might have been.

She continued, "You know, since Jacob was born at home, she probably hasn't filed his birth certificate yet." She looked at me pointedly, "We can take care of that for your family here, if you need."

I smiled with gratitude at my unexpected ally in this plan. "That would be great. If you could get the necessary papers, Donna, I'll see what needs to be done."

She stood and walked into a small room behind the desk. I stood, waiting, my eyes looking down the hall at Bella's closed door. It bothered me that I couldn't be in there with her. She had to be anxious, especially without Jacob being where she could see him. I knew why Zafrina was speaking to her separately, she wanted to make sure Bella could be honest about me, and my involvement.

Donna reappeared a few moments later with a clipboard. She grabbed a pen from the cup on the desk and handed them both to me. I could see a small stack of papers on the clipboard.

"Just have her fill those out, please, whatever happens. We need to make sure everyone is all accounted for."

I nodded, accepting the items from her.

At that moment, Bella's door opened and Zafrina stepped out, closing it behind her. She strode determinedly towards me. I stood tall, unwilling to let her position intimidate me. I tried to act like that confident, successful man in the website photo.

I waited for her expectantly. Was she going to want 'my side' of the story now? I wasn't sure what approach she would take with me.

"Can we speak for a brief moment, Edward?" she asked with a neutral expression on her face.

"Of course," I nodded, leading her back to the consultation room. I tried to act as though I was totally relaxed. I held the door open for her, waiting for her to walk in, then stepped in behind her. She sat down on one of the couches and took out a yellow legal pad. I sat on the other couch, just on the edge.

"I'll be brief. I think Bella would like to see you again. She's understandably anxious right now." Zafrina said.

I narrowed my eyes. I didn't like that Bella was anxious and alone. "Can I go see her now, then?" I asked, without thinking.

"In a moment, I just have a couple quick questions, and then I need to go see little Jacob." She answered, perusing her notes.

I fumed a little, but sat quietly, waiting for her to get to the point.

"You look like you had some trouble there recently, Edward. Can you tell me what happened?" She tapped her temple, near the eye.

I had known the fresh bruises on us both would become an issue.

I answered truthfully, but shortly. "A couple of guys were giving Bella some trouble last night. I did my job. Just a few punches to remind them to treat women with respect." I held my gaze level.

She nodded, but didn't respond directly. "What about the bruises on her arms? Can you tell me anything about what happened there?" Her face was blank, but I could see the slight accusation in her eyes. I'm sure she saw more than her fair share of assholes who thought it was okay to beat woman in the course of her day, but I wasn't one of them.

"All I know is that they happened when she was not with me. She hasn't wanted to talk about it." I couldn't help the next part, as my eyes hardened at the thought. "Perhaps there's someone else I need to have a similar conversation with."

Zafrina arched her perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Do you often resolve problems with your fists, Mr. Cullen?"

I silenced the growl I felt building in my chest. That would not be helpful now. I responded as calmly as I could. "No, ma'am. I can usually talk my way out of most sticky situations, but I'm not afraid to defend myself, or those that can't defend themselves."

The room was silent for a moment as she wrote on her notepad. "Tell me about your home, Edward."

Oh, so I'm Edward again?

I described my home, the neighborhood, how Emmett and I had designed it as a bit of a showcase for some of our unique designs. We had wanted to show how the artistic and the practical could work together. The truth was it was a very nice house, in a very nice neighborhood.

"And what do you do for a living?" she pressed on.

I debated for just a brief moment. I needed to be honest, but not too honest.

"I co-own an architectural firm with my older brother, Emmett Cullen. I've taken a bit of a sabbatical following a family emergency, which is how I met Bella. I'm headed back home now and will be resuming work with my company as soon as possible." I was surprised at how sure those words came out.

She wrote some more notes, contemplating my answer.

I was set to not volunteer anything she hadn't asked for, but I did add one thing. "My brother is on his way up here to visit actually. I've asked him to bring some verification for you. He should be here within the hour if you can wait."

She looked surprised at that, like maybe she really was thinking I was making it all up. I tried not to be annoyed by that.

"I need to evaluate Jacob, speak with his doctor. I'll come back up here then. Maybe he'll be here by then." she said, barely concealing the skepticism in her voice.

"May I go see Bella now?" I asked, not bothering to hide the impatience in my voice.

"Of course, thank you, Edward." She said, more graciously now. I stood and she followed. Once again I held the door open for her, clutching the clipboard in one hand.

She glanced at it and looked at me in the eye. "Just so you know, Edward. Birth certificates are legal documents. Knowingly falsifying information is perjury."

I kept my face blank and waited for her to pass. I followed her down the hall, waiting outside Bella's room until she disappeared through the unit doors. Donna watched us with undisguised interest.

I knocked on Bella's door and opened it just a little. "Bella?" I called in.

"Edward? Come in..." Her voice sounded rough, like she'd been crying again. I pondered for a moment the fact that I already seemed to know her so well. Hearing the subtleties in her voice, seeing them in her face. We'd been through an interesting 24 hours together, that had to explain it.

I walked into the room, closing the door behind me. I immediately felt better, the tension starting to dissipate from my neck and shoulders. My fists unclenched; I hadn't even realized I was holding them. She smiled when she saw me. I walked to her bedside quickly, finding her still sitting cross-legged in the middle. The head of the bed was angled up steeply and the magazine sat closed on the rolling table. I caught her smoothing out the covers beneath her hands.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," was her quiet reply. I could see her relaxing, too. I wondered if this was just going to be an effect we had on each other. Crisis bonding and all that. It gave me some hope that she might trust me more as we got to know each other.

"Are you okay?" I asked cautiously.

She sighed. "Yeah, I just...I hate having to talk to a total stranger about personal things. And I want my baby." She sounded almost angry, her eyebrows knitting together as she flopped back against the bed. "I know he has to be in that thing all the time...but I just want him here with me!" My chest ached with her as she worried over her absent child. She huffed, rolling her head against the pillow, her hair covering her face. I almost reached to push it back, but held my place. She pushed it back herself, tucking each side behind her ears, then looked at me with worried eyes.

"Do you think they're going to take him and put him in a foster home?"

The sadness of her question was overwhelming.

"Not if I can help it, Bella." I said. I took up my place in the chair next to her bed again. "I think everything will work out fine, in an hour or so..."

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. "What happens in an hour?"

"My brother will be here." I answered simply. Her eyes widened in astonishment.

"You have a brother? What's his name?" she asked animatedly. I chuckled at her, she seemed genuinely curious of me.

"Emmett. He's my older brother. We had...have a business together. He's on his way with some identification for me. I think it should be enough to convince Zafrina that I'm a legitimate option for you and Jacob."

"What kind of business?" she asked.

"Architects...we both were...are. At least, if I can remember how," I joked. I was bound to be rusty and there had to be new developments in software and design techniques.

"Did you design your house?" she pressed on.

"We did."

She pressed her lips together, contemplating something behind those big brown eyes though I couldn't quiet make out what it was. She looked down at her hands which were, of course, twisting in the sheets again. I waited for her to say whatever she had to say.

"About what you said, earlier..." she began. "Did you...what did you mean? You barely know us."

"Will you look at me?" I asked. I waited a moment until her eyes met mine. They were wet again, rich with color and emotion.

I continued. "Bella, I meant what I said. I just wish I had had time to explain before I had to act so rashly," I smiled in an attempt at humor.

She snorted.

"Let me explain now, though. I told you that meeting you and Jacob has given me the courage, a purpose, to get back to my life. I see no reason why I can't help you with your situation while I do that. More than that though, I want you and Jacob to be okay. If you're with me, then I can see that you are. You are free to do whatever you want though, okay? I'm not forcing you to do anything. I'll even take back what I said to Zafrina if you want me to."

She was quiet while she mulled that over. She touched the corner of the clipboard I was holding. "What's that?"

I looked down at it, then back to her. "Part of the plan, really. No matter what you decide to do."

She looked puzzled.

"It's the paperwork for Jacob's birth certificate, Bella. Donna thought, well, that you might not have done that yet."

She shook her head, looking down again.

"You'll need to fill this out, no matter what, for Jacob to get anything he needs. No matter what happens. But hear me out with this." I turned the paper towards her, my finger pointing at the space for the father's name. She looked at it, and then at me, so I continued. "Since I'm under the impression that you don't want anything to do with Jacob's biological father, I am offering to put my name here."

She gasped and started to speak, but I held up my hand to indicate she should let me finish. She stopped, biting down on her lip. "Of course, it's your decision. And it always will be. Social workers like neat tidy little families. But it goes beyond that for me. As long as my name is there, you have my promise that I will be there for you and Jacob, whatever you need. If he's legally my son, I can provide medical insurance for him. School, whatever, anything he needs. The point is, that's my promise to you. My thanks for inspiring me to be a man again. "

I tapped the form again, "If you ever want this changed, I will do it without question. It will always be your decision."

Tears were slipping down her cheeks again. "Too good to be..." I heard her whisper quietly to herself. "I don't even know you," she said. "You don't know us..or what you might be getting yourself into.."

I nodded and smiled. "I'd like to fix that a little, before we sign our names to this document. But it won't change the promise I just made you. I think I can keep up."

I watched her deliberate, various emotions filtering across her face. She wanted to be mad at my presumption, I think. But that warred with fear and hope. I found myself very nervous as I waited for her answer, suddenly afraid she'd turn me down. I'm sure Emmett would track me down and haul me home bodily, now that he knew where to look. But Bella was my lifeline to making that transition, I was quickly coming to realize.

Bella wiped her eyes with the corner of the bed sheet. She reached for the clipboard and the pen. She looked over the form. After a long silent moment, she began carefully filling out the boxes. There was no other sound, just the scratching of her pen against the paper. I held my head in my hands, tugging at my hair to keep the emotion at bay.

Her voice startled me when she spoke.

"I'm from Forks, it's um, a little town near the coast," she began. I knew where Forks was, Emmett and I had often camped around the area. I looked up at her. She was chewing on the end of the pen, eying me nervously.

I offered her a small encouraging smile. "Yeah, I know where that is. Very small town. And wet, as I recall."

She nodded her head, drawing another shaky breath. "My dad...Charlie...he was the chief of police there." She dabbed at her eyes again. "He, uh...he died about 6 years ago, in the line of duty."

My eyebrow rose, Forks wasn't exactly a crime-ridden place. I waited for her to continue. "I'm sorry..." I offered in sympathy. Grief was definitely something I could relate to.

She saw my surprise and added, "In Forks, it's not the criminals, just the wildlife. A bear was attacking campers, they tried to track it down. Something went wrong with Charlie's gun and the bear attacked him, then he had a heart attack. I miss him...he wasn't very...well, communication wasn't his thing I guess, but he was my dad, you know?"

I nodded.

"My mom, well, she's always been...flighty, I guess. She tries to be artistic, she does a lot of things. She just doesn't quite live in the same world as the rest of us. She shut down after my dad died. She was always there, and she loved us and all, she could get the basics. I know she'd rather go live with my aunt in Florida, but she stays for me and Alice."

"Alice?" I asked, puzzled by the name. I remember her sleep-talk the night before. Alice had been one of the names.

"My sister...younger sister."

I grunted my acknowledgment, remembering she had mentioned a sister this morning. "Continue, please, Bella".

"A few years later we got a new neighbor, James." She paused, closing her eyes. I sat up straight. That was the other name. The name that had upset her. I looked at her wrists, still black and blue, speculatively.

"He was great. He would help us with the heavy house stuff. Mowed our lawn. Brought us firewood. Fixed the kitchen sink when it broke. That sort of thing. Renee...Mom...was thrilled to have a man around for those things. She thought he was a 'nice young man'. Alice hated him." She snorted. "That I should have listened to, never bet against Alice."

"What happened?" I asked quietly, when she had lapsed into silence again.

"When I was about 16, James, well, he started acting really sweet to me. He'd compliment me on my clothes. He taught me to drive. He would flirt with me. He was older, but I was flattered. I was never noticed by boys at school. And here this man was paying attention to me."

I was surprised, but could see where this was headed. Her hands were tangled in the sheets again. I reached out slowly, unwinding them from the wrinkled fabric. She clutched my hand tightly.

"We started to spend more and more time together, dating I guess. Mom was thrilled. Alice whined, but I said she was just jealous." She drew a ragged breath. "I don't really know when it happened. It just seemed like suddenly he was my whole world. I started...sleeping at his house. I'd come home after school and make dinner for Alice and Mom, then go over there to finish my homework and...well.. " She flushed. I patted her hand to show I understood.

"He started getting really jealous and possessive after I graduated. I had gotten a job at Northwest Outfitters." I nodded, I knew the place. I wondered if I had ever seen her there, then realized this would have been just in the last couple years, while I was on the road.

"He didn't like that men would pay attention to me. I was the only female employee and there were always out-of-towners coming in. He tried to make me quit but I refused. I liked it there. And it made me feel independent. I was starting to hate the way he'd hover all the time. He insisted on going everywhere with me."

"Alice started talking about wanting to go to art school. She loves clothes, and wants to be a fashion designer. She's so smart..." Her voice and eyes shone with pride for her sister. "I started thinking if I could save up some money we could move to Seattle. I could get a job there to support us and she could go to school. She was working on getting scholarships and grants. I didn't know what to do about James, but I figured I'd deal with it when the time came. Then I found out I was pregnant."

"I was scared to death. Forks is a small town, and it wouldn't take long for everyone to know. I'd just be another one of those hick-town girls that gets knocked up by her boyfriend at eighteen. You'd think if it happened so often, people would be nicer about it." She shook her head. "It wasn't that bad I guess, but everyone talked. And I hate being talked about."

"I was scared as to what James would say when I told him, but he was thrilled. He started making plans for the nursery and then started talking about us getting married."

She looked at me, shaking her head. "You know, he never even asked me, just started talking about it, like it was set in stone. I tried to argue with him, but he kept talking about it as 'the best plan' and 'for the baby's sake.' I finally flat out refused. I said I wasn't sure what I wanted. I did want the baby, but people work out arrangements all the time, right?"

I nodded. Family was important, but the right family situation was more important.

"That was the first time he slapped me. He apologized, and promised he'd never do it again, if I'd stay with him. I agreed, just to get him to leave me alone. I started putting money aside. Every payday, I'd bring some money to Alice and have her hide it in the house. We planned...as soon as she graduated, we'd leave. She would help me with the baby while I worked, and then go to school. She'd gotten her scholarships and everything."

The tears were flowing now, I handed her the box of tissue with one hand, but kept hold of the other hand, stroking my thumb across her knuckles. Being that it was mid-June, Alice had probably just graduated. Which meant something had gone wrong with her plan, if she had left Forks alone, just a few days ago. I willed myself to be calm for her. If I could have, I would have driven to Forks now and have that conversation I talked to Zafrina about. Men who hit women were lower than dirt.

"What happened, Bella? What changed?" I asked quietly.

She hung her head, wiping her eyes with a wad of tissues.

"He found out we were leaving. Mom was so proud of Alice's scholarship. I don't think she understood that I was going to be leaving James too, but he put it together. He tore apart my bedroom at my mom's house. Found the stash of money. He took it all. He found the information for the apartment we were going to get. He was so angry."

The last sentence came out as a whisper, but she pressed on, like the floodgates had opened.

"He told me if I was going to leave him, I couldn't have any part of him. He said I had to get rid of the baby. I refused. What was I supposed to do this close to my due date? And I wanted this baby. It's not his fault... This was just...a few days ago. He grabbed me when I tried to leave. I didn't exactly move very fast, and I'm not that coordinated anyway. Even when I'm not nine months pregnant."

She gestured to the marks on her wrists. "I guess that's how I got these. He slapped me a few more times."

"He stayed in the house with me, wouldn't let me leave. I couldn't even go to Alice's graduation." She sobbed. "He just sat there, waiting. I didn't know what he was going to do. I went into labor. I begged him to let me go to the hospital, but he refused. Only person he would let me call was this woman from the Quileute rez, she'd been a nurse. She delivered Jacob..he was yelling at her the whole time through the door. Then he left. I don't know where he went. He promised he would be back to 'take care of it' if I hadn't by then."

I nodded, the pieces coming together now. "So you left before he came back?" I questioned. She sniffled and nodded.

"Alice came in...begged me to go. I didn't want to leave her, but I didn't want to be there when he came back either. We scraped together what cash we had in the house and bought me a bus ticket to here. I thought...I guess I figured I would figure something out after that."

I sat there in shock, the depravity of some people still boggled me, even after things I had witnessed in the last three years. Whoever this James guy was, he was a monster.

I asked her, "Do you think he'll come after you?"

She shook her head. "Why would he? I'm nothing special. I think now that I'm gone he'll just turn his attention elsewhere. I just hope it isn't Alice...at least...at least until she can get out of there. She hates him, but he's...so strong"

I pondered all that she had said, mulling each piece in my mind. Nothing she said changed my mind. In fact, it made me more determined to attach my name to her and Jacob. At least I knew I wouldn't go after her like a monster.

She watched me with her big, wide, wet eyes. "I'm a lot of trouble, right? You sure you want to help me?"

I smiled and nodded. "More sure, now." I ran my fingers lightly over the bruising. I felt her shiver, but she didn't pull away. "I won't ever hurt you, or let anyone else hurt you, okay Bella? And my promise still stands. And with my name there, if he decides he wants to get involved, he'll have some hard work ahead of him."

Her shoulders rocked with repressed sobs and her hands were shaking, but she took up the pen again and wrote out her name and Jacob's. She signed the box at the bottom and handed me the clipboard.

"I don't know why I trust you, Edward. I'm scared. I trusted James. I mean...I know you're not my boyfriend or anything...but I'm entrusting you with my baby. That's way more important than anything."

"I won't let you down, Bella. Whatever it is you decide to do." Her choice. Always her choice.

I took the clipboard after a moment, watching her for any sign of doubt. Her eyes held mine though, I could see that inner strength burning in them. She would do anything for her child. Even trust a stranger. And she escaped the monster that was James, so she would no doubt bolt if she ever felt she had reason to fear me as well.

I wrote my name in the box labeled 'Father'. Next to her name, Isabella Marie Swan, was mine. Edward A. M. Cullen. I felt odd. I wondered if I should feel bad, signing on as someone's father, like I was betraying my wife and daughter's memories. But I didn't. Somehow I think Tanya might have approved of this. And Macy had been sorely disappointed when Santa had not presented her with a baby brother that last Christmas.

Bella was watching me. "What's the A. M. for?" she asked.

I didn't look up from the paper as I answered. "Anthony, for my grandfather. Masen, for my grandmother's maiden name."

She raised an eyebrow. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Wow. Four names, huh? Hope you didn't get into trouble a lot." She giggled softly, still sniffling back tears but obviously trying to lighten the mood.

"Not really," I smirked. "I was the youngest, and Emmett was so loud that it was pretty easy to fly under the radar."

"Oh right," she said. "You were the crack baby."

I blinked, "What?" Thoroughly confused by the mental image I had now.

"You know...the oldest always gets the lecture about drugs are evil and your parents'll kill you if you ever even look at them. The middle kid, if there is one, gets the 'blah blah drugs are bad' speech." She smirked, a cute expression marred only by her red nose and watery eyes. "The youngest just gets told 'Don't smoke crack in the living room!'"

I snickered. The analogy was extreme, but not inaccurate. I always got away with more than Emmett did. "Yeah, something like that," I said, still chuckling as I wrote in my birthdate. I signed and dated my portion of the document and handed it back to Bella.

"Holy crow!" She exclaimed, looking at the paper. "Your birthday is next week!"

I considered that. "Yeah, I guess, I haven't thought about my birthday in a long time..." I really had paid absolutely no attention to things like that.

She chewed on her lip for a second, squinting at the paper.

She looked up at me, her eyes taking on an impish gleam. "Thirty-two, huh?" she said, "Wow, I picked me an old baby-daddy!"

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Oh Jesus..don't call me that..."

"What? Old? or Baby Daddy?"

"Either one!"

She giggled again, clapping her hand over her mouth as she made quick little snorting sounds. The tension from the story was broken and it was nice to have a few moments of levity. That came to an end though with a loud knock on the door. Bella jumped, but laughingly called out a welcome as we both turned to look at the door.

It swung open tentatively at first, then wider, and I saw my brother for the first time in three and a half years. I saw Bella shrink back against the bed, pulling the blanket over her lap as she withdrew her hand from mine. I was momentarily frozen in my seat. I stood, walking around the end of Bella's bed as Emmett's eyes took us both in.

"Edward?" He questioned, his voice was strangely raspy. He cleared his throat.

"It's me, Emmett. Hello." Running my hand over my beard, I walked to him tentatively. He looked me up and down a few times, confusion and relief appearing simultaneously on his ever-open face. Emmett always did wear everything right out on his sleeve like that. You would never know a more genuine person than my brother. He hadn't changed much. Just as big and muscular, his open, friendly face, always looking like he was about to start laughing. There was a seriousness about his eyes, now, that hadn't been there the last time I saw him. He walked quickly to me. Our hands clasped together before he pulled me to him in a bear hug.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Edward. You look like shit, but God, it's good to see you." He cleared his throat again, pounding his fist into my back. I stepped back, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans.

"It's good to see you too, Emmett. Thanks, uh, thanks for coming." I answered. My heart was pounding. I reached for that numbness again.

He looked over at Bella then, his eyes appraising. He seemed surprised by what he saw. Bella smiled at him shyly. He crooked an eyebrow and looked back and forth between the two of us again.

I cleared my throat and introduced them.

"Bella, this is my brother, Emmett. Emmett, this is Bella"

"Hi." She said softly.

"Hi, Bella. It's, uh, a pleasure to meet you." He started towards her, but I grabbed his elbow. Emmett can be a little overwhelming, and I didn't want him scaring her. He stopped, looking at me in surprise, then understanding dawning. He settled into his signature dimpled grin. "I think I owe you my gratitude, little lady. For whatever you did to convince my brother to come home!"

Bella ducked her head, blushing at his praise and easy demeanor. "I didn't do anything." She said quietly. She surprised me then, shaking her head as if it clear it and thrusting her small hand out to shake his. His meaty paw enveloped hers immediately, shaking it firmly.

He stepped back then, looking me over. He handed me a large expandable file folder. "That's everything you should need, man. Just please tell me again you're coming home."

I took the file gratefully. "Of course." I said. "Bella...well she and Jacob need a place to go." I peeked into the file, my old wallet was in there, including my drivers license and credit cards. A checkbook. Bank statements. Even a stack of business cards.

"Thank you, Emmett"

"Yeah, well, you owe me." His tone was playful, but I could hear the edge of seriousness. "I called Dad after I got off the phone with you, it was all I could do to convince him and Mom to let me come here alone first and check things out. I hate making Mom cry."

Guilt crept up around the edges of the numbness. I hated making my mother cry, too. No doubt I had years of penance to serve for that.

Emmett walked over, flopping on the couch like he was in his own living room. "So, where the hell have you been for three years, Edward?"

I sat on the edge of Bella's bed so I could face him, running my hands through my hair nervously. When I dropped them to my sides again, I barely felt the brush of her fingers against mine, calming me. Emmett was still watching us closely.

"I needed to get away, I just couldn't...couldn't deal..." I broke off, trying to stay ahead of the grief and the guilt. The words weren't enough to explain the dark place I was in the night I left. But I didn't have another way, didn't know how to explain.

"Jesus, Edward. When I said 'get away for a while' I meant the condo in Hawaii, or Vegas or something. Shit! Not 'disappear off the face of the earth for three and a half years!'"

"I'm sorry, Emmett, I know I..." I began. I looked at Bella, her fingers were still brushing mine, but she was looking down at her lap.

Emmett interrupted again. "Oh, we'll get into that all later, for sure, man. So, you just went off the grid, literally?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Wow." he said, falling silent for a moment while he contemplated that.

We were interrupted by another knock on the door at that point. Damn hospitals were shit for privacy. A younger nameless nurse came in wheeling Jacob in his bed. Bella nearly squealed with delight when she saw her son. It made me smile. I stood, motioning for Emmett to follow.

"We'll give you some privacy, Bella." I said to her. She nodded gratefully, smiling at both of us. She turned her full attention to her son then. I grabbed the clipboard and the expandable file and led Emmett out of the room. Emmett peered at Jacob in the crib. Bella paused in her reaching for him, her fingers twitching towards her son. Emmett looked at her than Jacob, then to me, his eyes speculative. I rolled my eyes. Maybe I should be grateful for the assumption, since it's basically what I was trying to do anyway, but I had told Emmett the truth. He grunted and shrugged, following me out of the room.

I led the way to Donna's desk, she was gone, but I leaned against it anyway, waiting. Emmett leaned his back against the half wall, folding his arms across his chest. "Dude," he started, "Are you sure this is something you want to get involved with?"

"I'm involved now, Emmett. I can't get uninvolved."

He nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like my brother." He looked at my face. "You're still in there somewhere." He paused. "Uh, I hate to ask this, but is she even an adult? What are you getting into with her?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Yes, Emmett, she's 19 years old. And I'm just helping."

He opened his eyes wide, "Like I said..." He snatched the clipboard out of my hand and read. "Yeah, that's what I thought this was. 'Father: Edward A. M. Cullen'. That's a hell of a lot more than 'helping', Edward. And you and she aren't..."

I cut him off. "We can't talk about that out here, Emmett, appearances to keep up, please. And no...it's not like that. Yes, I'm getting that involved." I poked my finger at the paper on the clipboard. "But it's my choice, and the best one for her and Jacob."

His mouth twisted sideways as he considered that, but he shook his head and let it drop for now. "Whatever, as long as you come home."

"Thanks, man. So, how...how is everyone?"

He looked me in the eye as if debating what he should say. As welcoming as he was, I could see I would have some major work at repairing the relationships I had left behind.

"We've been all right, Edward. Considering." He shook his head. "Mom and Dad were wrecks when you disappeared. Especially Mom. I thought, well, I figured you had gone to the island or whatever, but when the caretaker said he hadn't seen you, and then we had no word from you for weeks. God, I don't know what we thought."

I hung my head in shame, I really had never considered the feelings of my family.

"I got married." He continued. "You missed my wedding. You should have been my Best Man."

I looked up in surprised. "You got married. Emmett Cullen is a married man? Wow..." Shock, pride and shame warred within me. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, Emmett. You're right, I should have been. Congratulations though...who?" I groaned. "Oh please, tell me you didn't marry Lauren Mal..."

"Oh hell no!" he interrupted. "Nah, you don't know her. I met her a few months after you...left. Rose. Rosalie. Oh man, she's beautiful, and perfect for me. She gets me, you know? And she's got this ass that..." He made smacking motions with one hand. I groaned and rolled my eyes again. No. Married or not, he hadn't changed that much.

He smirked. "We've been staying at your place, but we're building our own. Rosalie wants her own house."

I nodded. Donna came walking back to the station at that moment, beaming her friendly smile at both of us. I took the clipboard back from Emmett, my eyes conveying a wish for silence from him. She took it from me and slid the paper into the locking file drawer beneath the desk.

"Congratulations." She grinned at me.

I smiled at her tightly. Out here in the hall it was harder to keep myself in check. I was already craving Bella's calming presence. I wondered if I should be worried about how much she affected me already, but I suppose there was time to deal with all of this later. We still had the immediate situation to contend with.

We moved to the waiting area. I flipped through the file while Emmett filled me in on more from the family and neighborhood. Thankfully, everyone was in good health. Our company was still doing well, though he'd had to hire another architect to help with the work load since I'd left. A young guy named Mike, fresh out of college. He asked if I was coming back to work. He'd apparently been depositing my salary while I was away, figuring that when I did resurface, I might be in need of it. I was touched by that. Emmett didn't come off as the most sensitive guy, but he had a big heart. I assured him I would be back to start earning my keep again, just as soon as we got settled at home. There was so much to adjust to. We talked, mostly about lighter topics, for the next half hour. I was just thinking about heading back to Bella's room when I saw Zafrina walking down the hall. I gestured to her for Emmett.

"The social worker."

"Ah, so, showtime?" He asked.

I nodded. I stuffed my wallet in my pocket, the weight feeling odd after all this time. I walked purposefully towards Zafrina, intent on intercepting her before she reached Bella's room. Emmett followed closely behind. She stopped in the hallway, waiting for me, to my surprise.

As I approached she said, "You didn't tell me Dr. Carlisle Cullen was your father." She wore a surprised expression on her face. My father was a pretty well-known surgeon, still practicing at one of the Seattle hospitals. It had never actually occurred to me to name drop him. Habit, mostly. And I didn't realize it would make a difference.

I glanced back at Emmett, who was grinning smugly.

Zafrina continued, "He called and spoke to the chief of staff while I was visiting. He asked if he would convey a message asking for permission to pass on care of his son's family to himself." Her eyebrow arched.

Relief flooded through me. I was stunned, to be sure. I had no idea what kind of reaction to expect from my parents. They might welcome me back, but to blindly speak for Bella and Jacob? I was floored. I felt the numbness crack as emotion threatened to burst through. I wondered if I really deserved any of the people I had in my life. I fisted my hands, digging my nails into my palms. The slight sharp sensation was enough to help me act calmly.

I nodded, as if I had expected this all along. I pulled out my wallet, making something of a show of it, taking out a business card and handing it to her.

"You can reach me there, if you need, in the future, Ms. Castro."

She accepted it, her eyebrow was still climbing her forehead, as if she really couldn't believe the information she was getting, but couldn't find a way around it either.

"Okay then, let's talk to Bella and set up a follow up."

She knocked on the door and peeked in. Bella's voice was tentative. I peered in over Zafrina's head. Bella was anxious, and she was clutching Jacob tightly. She looked from Zafrina to me, alarm all over her face. I smiled and winked at her, trying to tell her silently that things really were going to be okay. She relaxed some, but not completely. I suspected I hadn't quite mastered the calm look on my face either.

We all filed into the room silently. Emmett took his seat back on the couch, and I perched on the edge of Bella's bed again. Zafrina looked at her notes.

"I think I have enough to assure that Jacob is in good hands." She smiled. I stifled a scoffing laugh. She was just doing her job. She looked at Bella. "You have my card. Call me anytime. If you need anything." She said pointedly, glancing over at me and Emmett.

At that moment, Donna entered the room as well. Apparently, half the hospital was in Bella's room right now. Bella clutched Jacob closer and Donna took note. "Oh no honey, I'm not here for him yet. Just need to get another round of vitals from you. The doc will be in shortly to give you the scoop on when you guys can go home."

She busied herself with taking Bella's blood pressure and temperature. Zafrina watched for a moment and then said, "Okay then, I'm on my way. I'll be stopping by in a few days to follow up." She nodded to the room and moved to the door. No one made a move to show her out.

Both Bella and I let out ragged breaths. The tension lessening slightly in the room. I looked at Emmett, questioningly. He shrugged. "It's Dad. You know how it is with him."

I did know. He would do anything in his power for his family, even speak out for someone he didn't know. I was beginning to feel a bit like the prodigal son. Maybe I wasn't out spending my fortune, but, like the original, I didn't deserve the generousity being shown to me by the family I had abandoned. The anxiety at the thought of seeing them again was growing. I didn't think I could handle that tonight.

Donna continued about her business and was just leaving as the doctor entered the room. A middle-aged balding man, wearing blue scrubs and a surgical cap made out of Finding Nemo fabric. He introduced himself to me as Dr. McIntyre. Bella seemed to already know him, he must have come by this morning while I was away.

"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news," he said. Bella cringed closer to me. He smiled. "Oh it's nothing that bad. I consulted with the pediatrician and they think Jacob still needs a few days on the bili-lights. The good news is he's improving fast enough that we can send him home with a portable blanket unit, especially since Dr. Cullen has said he will watch over him at home, and see that he's brought to Children's in Seattle for a follow up"

Bella's face lit up. She hugged Jacob close, a real loving hug, not just clutching him for dear life. She smiled over at me, mouthing a thank you. Her eyes shone with excitement and gratitude.

The doctor continued. "It's going to take us a bit to get that all organized, so we're going to have you stay one more night. You don't really need it, but Jacob does, and I don't like to send mama's home without their babies if I can avoid it. We have the space, so we'll keep you overnight again, and let you go home in the morning."

Bella nodded, looking over at me for confirmation. I looked to Emmett. He cleared his throat. "I'll be here to pick you up then. Looks like I'll need to pick up a car seat." He winked. "That'l be a fun one to explain to Rosie tonight." He laughed.

The doctor asked Bella if she had any questions and she shook her head. He excused himself with a wave and left us alone. Bella cooed at Jacob for a while. Emmett looked like he was undecided if he should stay or go. Bella flipped on the TV, and we watched Law & Order reruns for a while. The pediatric nurse came in eventually, and Bella reluctantly handed Jacob over. She seemed less worried though, maybe she was less afraid they would take him away.

The afternoon sun was setting through the windows, we drew the curtains to cut off the glare. Emmett heaved himself off the couch.

"I uh..don't really want to go, but I should be getting back to Rose. Need to explain everything and get things ready for you," he said as I stood, shaking his hand. He continued, "We, uh, we really haven't changed much about the house since you left...do you want us to..."

"No!" I interrupted. "I'll deal with it...thanks. Really, thank you for coming up here." I said.

He shrugged. "You're my brother." He looked beyond me at Bella, grinning at her. "You be sure to keep him here until tomorrow, okay, little lady? We'll bring you all home!"

Bella smiled back, Emmett's enthusiasm was always infectious. "Okay..." she said.

He looked at me a long time. I almost thought I saw moisture building in his eyes but he shook his head and shrugged. "It's good to see you, Edward. Even if you do look like shit." He clapped me on the shoulder.

"Thanks, Emmett."

He walked out and closed the door. The room was silent again. I could feel my insides quivering. The numbness was cracking as the need to hold it in lessened. I had missed my brother, and I hadn't even really thought about it at all in the last three years. I slumped down in the seat next to Bella's bed again, tugging at my hair with my hands. The guilt and shame was overwhelming. Just those alone. I couldn't even comprehend what going home would mean. Seeing the remnants of my former life. My family's lives had gone on without me. Moments that I should have been there for. I knew I was doing the right thing in going home, in helping Bella, but the enormity of everything was weighing so heavily on me now.

I felt Bella shift in the bed next to where my elbows were propped on the edge of the mattress. Her legs dangled off the side next to me and I felt her cool, small fingers prying at mine in my hair. One by one, she loosened them, I could barely feel it through the fog of emotion, but she slowly freed me from my own grasp. When she had removed my fingers, I felt her small hand stroke through my hair. I felt a shock, like an electric current running through my body, from my scalp to my toes. I dropped my arms to the bed, circling one around her hips and pulling her over in front of me. I laid my head on her lap, staring unseeingly at the wall as my arms encircled her small frame. She kept stroking my hair softly. She was murmuring something, but I couldn't understand exactly what it was. Something about 'thank you' and 'my turn'.

I have no idea how long we stayed like that. The shadows in the room grew long and distorted. I was aware of someone bringing in a tray of food that we both ignored. I didn't cry. No words were spoken. She was just there. My lifeline to sanity and life. I heard her sniff a few times, her hands would pause every so often in my hair, then return to their comforting caresses. She didn't break away until they brought Jacob in for his nighttime feeding. She shifted my head off her lap for a moment. I let it fall to the mattress. As soon as she was settled with Jacob, I felt one hand back along my hair.

Eventually, I drifted off to sleep, soothed by her presence and her gentle touch. Tomorrow would bring its own difficulties.

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**Thank you for reading, all of you. Feel free to leave a note if you wish. I told you it makes my day. I'm out for pancakes.**


	6. Chapter 5: Homecoming

**My goal was Saturday to post this, and it's still Saturday here! At least for another 30 minutes! **

**Again, the reviews and messages are blowing my mind. I get so excited reading them!**

**Special thanks to WhitneyLove for her help this week. Her profile is linked in mine, do check out her fic: The Best Man. It's hot stuff. Zephyersky, as always keeps me writing and thinking. I can never rec her Cure For Pain enough. Amber, of course, for beta-awesomeness.**

**I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. Stephenie Meyer owns me. **

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**Chapter 5: Homecoming**

At some point during the night, I moved back to the couch beneath the window. The night shift nurse had brought Jacob in to be fed again. I don't remember precisely what time it was, but I do know I felt the loss of Bella's warmth and comfort immediately. I dozed, aware of quiet movements in the room and the low murmuring of voices. The nurse dropped a blanket over me. I could hear Jacob's contented sighs and Bella's whispered words of adoration. I couldn't get warm. The warmth of the blanket was nothing compared to the the comforting sensation of Bella's touch. I told myself I was being ridiculous. I was grateful for her comfort, but I could face the next day without needing to smother her. That was probably the last thing she needed. I gripped the blanket around me and tried to sleep again. The sounds faded and it grew dark and quiet in the room. I did not sleep deeply.

I finally gave up when Donna arrived for her shift, cheerily greeting Bella as she went about the morning routine. Bella watched me with curious, anxious eyes.

"So. Home today, huh?" She asked me, between bites of a cheese omelet.

I blew out a deep breath. "Yes. Home."

She looked at me for a long time, her eyes dark and serious. I considered how much I noticed her eyes. They were so expressive.

"Are you going to be okay? Are you sure you..."

"Bella, stop. Yes. I'm sure. Yes. I'll be fine," I said, trying to reassure her. We lapsed into silence. She offered me some of her breakfast with a gesture, but I declined. I wondered if she was apprehensive at all about today. It was difficult for me to tell. She seemed merely curious as she would steal glances at me from the side of her eyes. I wanted to ask her, but I didn't want to make it worse. I wanted to confess my own apprehension, but I was afraid of overwhelming her with my problems when she certainly had enough of her own. The weakness of last night aside, I needed to be strong for her. I was going home to my family. She was the one in the thick of her crisis, seeking refuge with strangers.

The doctor arrived a short time later to do a last check on Bella, and I was asked to excuse myself for a while. I walked down towards the hospital cafeteria and purchased a cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich, then sat down in the small outdoor seating area. The buzz of voices in the dining hall was bothering me. I had grown used to silence and cool air. It would be warmer this afternoon.

As I sat, my thoughts drifted back to Bella. I still could not explain how she had come to consume my thoughts and actions in the short time I had known her. The deep comfort I had felt as I wrapped myself around her yesterday was puzzling. I was overwhelmed, to be sure, from Emmett's visit and the abrupt change of direction my life was taking, but that solace I had found was addictive. Part of me wanted to feel her against me again. I wondered how I should feel about that. I was helping her out because I could, and because she needed it. Not because I expected anything in return, and I didn't want to give her that impression.

Eventually, I made my way back to Bella's room. She was shoving some items into one of the store bags as I entered. She flushed and hid behind her hair and mumbled a greeting.

"So..." I began, the silence getting awkward again. "What's the verdict?"

"Um, the doctor says I just have to take these antibiotics. Jacob's getting a special blanket thing he has to wear for a couple more days." She smiled then, beaming at me. "They're bringing him up now!"

Her enthusiasm was endearing. The love she felt for her newborn son was so pure and amazing. For someone as young as she was, and the terror of the last week for her, that she still treasured the little life she had carried was amazing. I couldn't help but grin back at her. The awkwardness was momentarily forgotten.

"Did you want to shower again before we go?" I asked, looking at the bags of clothing we'd received.

She shook her head and bit her lip. "I was kind of thinking I'd wait until we. . . . got to your house. If that's okay?" The last tumbled out in a rush.

"Of course it is."

We passed the time watching mindless television. The awkwardness returned, but less so. I drew my chair up close to her bed again but I was careful not to touch her. She took up her spot in the middle of the bed, cross-legged again. Her hands were balled into tight fists and I wondered why. She relaxed when they brought Jacob in, wrapped in a bulky blanket with a long cord attached. The cord plugged into the wall and it activated the blue and white lights that would help clear the jaundice in his skin. She shook her hands out before taking him in her arms. I guessed that she had been tense waiting for Jacob, she was probably still nervous about being separated from him.

The next hour was a parade of nurses with discharge information for both Bella and Jacob. Follow up doctor's visits, nursing information, a list of when to call a doctor. Bella gritted her teeth through it and blushed a lot, but listened carefully. I'd heard it before, but their care was my responsibility now. I called Emmett to let him know we'd be ready soon. It was an easier call this time, though the relief was evident in his voice. He promised he was on his way.

We waited. All signed out and ready to go. All our worldly belongings from this life carried in four plastic shopping bags. I prepared myself for seeing my house. Emmett had said that they hadn't changed much. What did that mean? How much of Tanya and Macy was left in the house? I steeled myself for the worst. I would not make Bella's 'homecoming' any more difficult for her than it was already going to be. I would deal with each day one at a time.

Bella started pacing the floor with Jacob. I wasn't sure if she was working out nerves or calming him. He had been fussing a bit, but generally seemed to be a quiet baby. Finally, there was a pounding at the door that could have only been Emmett. Bella jumped at the noise, shushing Jacob unnecessarily. I called for Emmett to come in and Bella moved to the far side of the room, still lightly bouncing Jacob.

The door cracked open and Emmett's head poked through. He looked around with a goofy shifty-eyed expression for a second, than broke out in a grin when he saw us both.

"Hey, hey! It's my new favorite people!" He grinned, "Oh, and my brother." He winked at Bella who laughed and ducked her head shyly. Emmett swung the door open wide and sauntered in. I walked over to greet him, clasping hands before he reached over to pound me on the back. It was then I noticed he had not come alone.

"I'd like you both to meet my most favorite person. This is my wife, Rosalie." He turned and held out his arm for the woman standing in the doorway, with a look I'd never before seen on my brother's face. Rosalie was a tall, regal looking blonde with piercing blue eyes. "Rosie, this is my brother, Edward. And this is Bella and Jacob." He gestured to each of us. Rosalie looked at me appraisingly. I could tell she was sizing me up, and for some reason, she was not pleased with what she saw.

She nodded coolly but made no move towards me. "Pleasure to meet you, Edward." Her gaze turned to Bella, puzzled and still appraising, but her expression softened slightly. "And you, too. Bella."

"I'm pleased to meet you, too, Rosalie." I answered, hoping to put the best foot forward with my brother's wife. She only nodded in response, staying silent. I saw Bella hug Jacob a little closer out of the corner of my eye.

"Welp," said Emmett, "I have a baby seat in the truck for the little guy, so we can blow this popsicle stand whenever you're ready!" He grinned again, obviously excited. I had to admit, it was damn good to be around my brother again.

I fixed my face into one showing more confidence than I actually felt, and grabbed the bags on the couch, unplugging Jacob's blanket and detaching and coiling the cord.

"Let's go then. Are you ready, Bella?" I looked at her. She had paled slightly, clutching Jacob. I shifted the bags to one hand, placing my other hand on her shoulder. I felt that warmth as I touched her again. She took a deep breath and swallowed nervously, but nodded. I looked into her eyes to make sure she was okay. Her eyes unfocused for a moment, then she shook her head and and smiled wanly.

"I'm ready. Let's go..." she said quietly. I led her out of the room. She smiled and ducked her head at Rosalie as we passed. They followed us out of the room.

Donna was waiting at the nurses station with a wheelchair. Bella groaned when she saw it, but Donna gave her a stern look and pointed at the seat. Bella stalled for a moment, and I thought I was going to have to push her into it, but she gave a resigned sigh and flopped into the chair. As a group, we walked to the elevator. As we rode down to the main level, I introduced Emmett and Rosalie to Donna, and thanked her for taking such good care of Bella while we were here.

"Oh, honey, no thanks needed. I just like seeing happy families go home with healthy babies." She winked at me as we exited the elevator, rolling Bella towards the hospital entrance. I chuckled and shook my head at her romantic notions. We were a family, I supposed, legally anyway, now. The idea was surprisingly pleasant. My mind, however, echoed with the memories of my actual family. A slight sense of deja vu, walking out of a hospital with the mother of "my" child. It was a dark reminder of what I was facing today. I shook off the dark feelings, pulling my comforting numbness around myself again. Donna didn't know, and we would likely never see her again. I could let her have her romantic ideas. I looked at Bella and Jacob, reminding myself why I was doing this. Bella was studiously interested in Jacob's small hand.

"This is me," boomed Emmett, gesturing to a massive glossy charcoal gray Hummer. I gave a low whistle. Bella's mouth dropped open in a astonishment as she looked up at his words. Emmett hit the button on the remote twice, unlocking the doors. He stepped forward and opened the passenger door for Rosalie. I dashed ahead of Bella, opening the back door. The interior of the vehicle was a spotless cream color, leather of course. The blue plaid infant seat was fastened securely to the middle of the back seat, looking slightly out of place in such a huge vehicle. I lifted the bags over the back seat, storing them in the cargo area.

I turned back to Bella, holding out my hands.

"Let me get Jacob in the car first," I said. She kissed his forehead and handed him to me, still staring wide-eyed at the truck. I cradled Jacob close with one arm, pulling myself up into the seat with the other. At least I had all that practice getting in and out of semis. It took some rearranging of the bili-blanket, but I got Jacob strapped into the carseat. He stared at me with his dark blue eyes. I knew it was rediculous, he was not even a week old, but I had the feeling he was sizing me up.

"Yeah, it's you and me, buddy. We'll take care of your mom, okay?" I whispered to him. He gurgled a little and I snorted. I looked up as I was stepping back out of the vehicle. Rosalie was looking at me with a quirked eyebrow. She turned around as our eyes met though, looking steadily forward. Apparently, it was going to take me some time to win over my new sister-in-law.

Donna was helping Bella stand up out of the wheelchair. She walked to the door where I stood aside for her. I watched her gauge the distance to the step and the seat. She grabbed the door handle and the seat, wincing as she tried to reach the step. I chuckled softly, coming up behind and lifting her in by her waist. My hands tingled again at the contact, and memories of comfort filled my head, just as the floral scent of her shampoo filled my nose. I let go of her quickly, as soon as she was situated in the seat. She fixed her seatbelt, and I noticed her hands shaking slightly. I started to ask her if she was okay, but she smiled softly at me, and I decided not to smother her.

I shut the door firmly, turning to thank Donna again. She gave a bright smile and a wave before returning to the building. Emmett was already in the truck, so I walked around to the other side, climbed in and fastened my seat belt. Emmett started the truck and pulled smoothly out of the parking lot.

The drive home took about an hour. Emmett filled the time with his animated chatter. Bella was largely silent for most of the way, touching Jacob the whole time. A few times Emmett would ask her questions, try to draw her out. She'd never been to a major league baseball game, we found out, as we passed the stadium. Emmett vowed to change that and she laughed. She'd only been to the city once before, on a school trip. We heard about Rosalie's business. I was surprised to learn she ran a garage specializing in high performance vehicle repairs and modifications. It was difficult to picture the statuesque blond in grease-spattered coveralls, but apparently her work was well known in the area.

As we got closer, the highway winding it's way up to the plateau my house sat on, Emmett grew more serious.

"They'll be there when we get there, okay, Edward? Mom and Dad. I tried to tell them to wait, but they want to see you," he explained.

"Of course, Emmett. It'll be fine. I'll...we'll be fine," I answered, looking over at Bella. Her hand was gripping the side of Jacob's carseat tightly. I reached over and tapped her hand softly, drawing my fingers over hers briefly to get her to relax as I gave her an encouraging smile. She smiled back, her deep brown eyes wide with nervousness, but they were warm as she looked at me. Rosalie huffed in the front seat.

"Of course they want to be there, would you expect anything else?" She was slightly snippy in her response, before returning to staring silently out the window.

I began to recognize my neighborhood, familiar businesses and roads. A few things had changed. It was slightly more built up than it had been, as the urban sprawl moved outward towards our suburban neighborhood. I felt the apprehension building again. I had such mixed emotions. It still felt strange, going home. My chest was tightening and I drummed my fingers on my leg anxiously. I was trying not to think of Tanya and Macy. There would be plenty of that later. I tried to focus on seeing my parents again. What would I say to them? 'I'm sorry' didn't quite seem to cover it. What would they think of Bella? And Jacob? And the choice I had made to help them? Carlisle had used his influence to help, but I suspected it was to get me home. I didn't want to have to defend my choices to my family, but I imagined I would have to.

I felt a tingling warmth again, and looked down to see Bella's fingers brushing my arm. She gave me a questioning look and I nodded to her, assuring her I was fine. I took a breath to collect myself. I watched the neighborhood through the window. The promise of the warm afternoon was coming true. The sky was bright and clear, the Cascade mountains outlined to the east, and Mt. Rainier loomed to the south. I pointed it out to Bella who gasped in amazement. It was a spectacular view, one of the reasons I had wanted to live in this neighborhood in the beginning.

We finally turned the last street, making our way up the slight hill to my house. I could see it now. It looked nearly the same. The pristine gray walls with the bright white trim was just as I remembered. The swing was still hanging in the gazebo. The flowers were missing though, or some of them. I sucked in a breath as I saw Tanya's beloved rosebushes. They still flourished, someone was still caring for them. I was grateful for that, even as my chest tightened with the memories. The big blooms, some purple, some yellow, shone in the early summer sun. An image of Tanya, clad in her silly gardening hat, trimming her roses flashed in my mind. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to block out the emotion. I did not want to lose it now.

When I opened my eyes, Bella was still gazing at me, a worried expression evident on her face. Her hand hovered between us, as if she had be reaching for me but decided against it. I cleared my throat and sat up straight. I could do this.

Emmett pulled his truck into the driveway. There was a black Mercedes parked on the other side. I didn't recognize it specifically, but knew it belonged to my father. Emmett shut the engine off and we sat in silence for a brief moment.

"Here we are!" Emmett broke the silence. Rosalie rolled her eyes and opened her door, sliding out with a practiced grace. I motioned for Bella to stay put while I climbed out. I purposely avoided looking at anything while I walked around the vehicle. I opened the door and took her hand to help her down out of the massive truck. I climbed back in, unbuckling and re-wrapping Jacob in his blanket. I handed him out to Bella and jumped down. I would retrieve the bags later.

I looked at Bella steadily. Her deep brown eyes met mine and I felt momentarily drawn in by them.

"Are you ready?" I asked, softly.

She nodded and whispered back. "Are you?"

I saw the strength in her eyes. She was truly asking, giving me the same moment I was giving her. I knew I would be fine. It would be a difficult evening, but we would both deal with it.

I smiled, my hand unconsciously going to her arm, feeling the shock before I remembered and pulled it away.

"Yes. Let's go."

Rosalie cleared her throat, snapping both of our attention to her. I sighed and gestured to Bella to walk with me. She moved carefully, holding Jacob close, navigating the gravel walkway between the driveway and the front porch.

I avoided looking around, instead watching Bella. She was looking around at the yard and the house, a mixture of curiosity and awe on her face.

"This is your house?" She whispered.

I nodded. "Home sweet home."

"It's beautiful!" She exclaimed.

I smiled my thanks, unable to get words out as I watched her reach one hand out to gently brush one of the rose blooms near the front stairs. Her touch was reverent and brief.

Emmett opened the front door and gestured us all in. Bella hung back a bit, letting me go ahead of her. I followed Rosalie and stepped into my foyer.

This small piece of my house was largely unchanged. The light wood floors shone, the same woven Egyptian rug covering the center of the space. Light streamed in from the second story windows that were open above. The curved stairway wound it's way to the upper level. I was surprised that it felt almost normal to step into this room. Not completely, of course. Bella gazed upwards at the high ceiling.

"It's so...open..the light.."

"Not what you expected?" I asked, somewhat teasingly.

She shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know..."

There was a sound to my left, movement. I looked to the living room, carefully avoiding the mantle, just in case there were still pictures lining the shelves and walls. This room was just as bright as the entry. The ceiling soared to the second story as well, more windows above bringing the early summer sun into the room. The cream colored rug that covered the largest portion of the room was still the same, as were the blue chairs and couch. My piano still occupied the far corner, standing near the windows by the open arch that would lead to the dining room.

It was easy to avoid looking at the details though, because near my piano stood my parents. My father stood with his arm around my mother. Their faces were much the same, maybe slightly older. Dr. Carlisle Cullen was a distinguished looking man, even dressed casually in khakis and a light blue button down with the sleeves rolled up. There was a little more gray in his blond hair, his serious face taking in mine. My mother gripped his arm, her auburn hair and green eyes the source of mine. They stood waiting for us, though it looked as if my father was restraining my mother a bit. My mother gasped as she saw me, and it nearly broke me.

I steeled myself and walked towards her. She broke from my father's grasp and approached me, slowly, as if she was trying not to spook me. We met in the center of the room and she looked up at me, tentatively reaching out to touch me. First my arm, then my beard.

"Edward..." she whispered and hugged me tightly.

I embraced her tightly, feeling her shaking in my arms. I felt my father's presence more than I heard him. He encircled us, one arm around my mother's back and the other on mine.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into my mother's hair, over and over. I had no other words. In this moment, feeling her grief. I couldn't express how sorry I was for leaving without a word. I couldn't explain myself or my remorse.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." My whispered words were the only sound in the room for who knows how long.

It was my father that broke the silence finally. He cleared his throat, patting me on the back.

"Welcome, home, son."

I broke away as best I could, my mother was still clinging to me. I looked at my father, struggling to look him in the eye, to be the man he'd raised me to be.

"Thank you, Dad. For being here. And for...everything. I'm sorry." I couldn't seem to stop apologizing.

"Of course, son. There's a lot we all need to talk about, I'm sure, but for now we're just glad you're home."

My mother pulled back slightly, not letting go. She pulled her handkerchief from the pocket of her slacks, wiping her eyes. She stared at me again.

"I can't believe you're finally home," she whispered. "Where..what.." Her breath caught as she shook again. Carlisle took her hand in comfort.

"We'll get to that all, my dear. I believe we have more to see." He looked over to the entry. Emmett and Rosalie were standing just inside the living room, his arm around his wife; her head against his shoulder. He tried to surreptitiously dab at his eyes with his fingers. I searched for Bella. She was holding Jacob, staring at the floor, hiding against the wall that separated the living room and the foyer. She ducked her head against Jacob, one hand wiping at her own tears.

I disentangled myself from my mother, leaving her in my father's arms. I walked back to Bella, lifting her chin with my finger. Her dark eyes shone with emotion.

"Come meet my family," I said, quietly.

She shook her head.

"I don't...belong... I shouldn't intrude..." She stuttered back in a whisper.

"It's okay, Bella. Come," I said, I drew her forward into the room, she was still looking down, but I walked her back to my parents.

"Mom, Dad," I began, "This is Bella and Jacob. Bella, these are my parents. Carlisle and Esme Cullen."

"It's a great pleasure to meet you, Bella." Carlisle welcomed her warmly. "Thank you for bringing our son home to us."

Bella smiled at him, surprisingly more confident.

"No, thank you, Dr. Cullen. For everything you did for the hospital and me and Jacob. I can never repay you for helping me." She spoke fervently.

"No, my dear. It's us that can never thank you enough. And, please, call me Carlisle," he replied.

My mother was always the epitome of grace, good manners and warm hospitality. But at this moment, she just stood, staring at Bella and Jacob, speechless. Her eyes were darting back and forth between Bella and Jacob and me. Carlisle squeezed her shoulders and she shook herself out of her stupor.

"Bella, yes. Thank you. Welcome." She was still at a loss, but her greeting was warm and genuine. "My goodness. Our new grandson."

The last came out in a whisper of incredulity. Bella's eyes widened at the word.

My mother held out her arms and asked, "May I hold him?"

Bella started, clutching Jacob closer for a second as she blinked a few times, looking at me.

"Mom, maybe let Bella have a chance to get used..." I didn't want Bella thinking she had no choice, but she stopped me.

"No, it's okay." Her voice was strong and she handed Jacob over to Esme who took him lovingly into her arms. I watched carefully as my mother's eyes searched his face. I thought that Emmett had explained the whole situation to my parents, but perhaps he hadn't, or they didn't entirely believe the story. I was certain she was examining Jacob for any familiar features. I would need to make sure that they knew the truth. It really didn't matter as far as I was concerned, I would keep my promise to be there for Bella and Jacob in whatever capacity they needed me. But my family needed to know the truth. If, no, when Bella decided she needed to go her own way, I wanted my parents to be prepared.

Carlisle and I exchanged a look. I sent him a questioning eyebrow and he nodded. They were aware, but my mother's heart was big. She cooed at Jacob for a few more minutes before turning a teary smile back to Bella.

"We've made Italian for you. Are you hungry?"

There was my mother. Food to fix all that ails you.

"Um, yeah, it smells wonderful Mrs. Cullen." It did. I finally noticed the delicious smells emanating from the kitchen. Garlic and oregano.

"Esme, please. Mrs. Cullen is my mother-in-law." She dabbed at her eyes again, regaining her composure. She handed Jacob back to Bella, stroking his cheek softly with the back of her finger.

Bella smiled shyly and nodded.

Emmett cleared his throat. I noticed Rosalie had slipped out of the room.

"Why don't we let you get settled upstairs, Rosalie and I have taken the bonus room for ours. But, the rest is....there. I don't know what you want to..." He gestured towards the stairs. I guided Bella ahead of me, towards the stairs. I saw Esme start to follow, but Carlisle held her back, pulling her into his arms and whispering something in her ear.

I guided Bella up the stairs. She looked around curiously as we climbed to the second level. We reached the top landing and I gestured to the left.

"Um..My room, I guess, in there." The double doors were closed. I pushed her gently forward. The hallway was much the same. Cream colored carpet on the floor, a warm fawn color on the walls, family photos in black frames. I avoided the pictures, but I saw Bella looking curiously at a few of them. I wondered what she was thinking of all this, but couldn't ask her yet. I avoided the closed door on the right.

Rosalie was standing at the end of the hall.

"I made up this room for you, Bella," She said, quietly gesturing to the last room on the left. It was the guest suite, complete with it's own bathroom. I was entirely grateful for Rosalie in that moment, whatever her issue with me was. She wouldn't look at me, but she smiled at Bella. I led Bella into the room. It was simply decorated as I remembered. My grandmother's quilt covered the bed, which was piled with fluffy pillows. The off-white walls were mostly bare, yellow curtains hung on the window. There was a small bassinette decorated with various animals in one corner.

"We picked up a few things. The bassinette, some diapers and blankets. We weren't sure what you needed. We can get whatever else tomorrow," said Rosalie.

"Wow..thank you, um, Rosalie. I don't...know what to say. You've all be so, generous," Bella was looking overwhelmed but she was holding up strong. I felt the need to talk to her, alone. I hoped Rosalie would leave us, but she showed no sign of budging.

The three of us stood there, an awkward silence filling the room as Bella looked around.

Rosalie cleared her throat and stepped away from the door.

"Why don't you go spend some time with your parents, Edward," she said, pointedly. "I'll help Bella and Jacob get settled in here. We'll be down in time for dinner."

She folded her arms over her chest as if daring me to argue with her. I sighed, resigned. I would have to talk to Bella later. I had a feeling Rosalie was used to getting her own way. I did look at Bella to make sure she was okay with this. She nodded and smiled softly. I walked out of the room. I wasn't two steps down the hall when I heard the door snap closed.

I touched the walls as I walked back towards the stairs alone. It felt so surreal. Everything so familiar, yet so strange to be in the space again. I stood at the landing, looking over the half-wall below to the foyer. I could hear the voices of my parents and brother drifting from the kitchen. I walked slowly down the stairs again. I avoided the living room this time, choosing to follow the foyer to the short hallway that led to the kitchen. I knew sooner or later I would need to take some time and take in everything, but right now it was taking all my focus to maintain calm in reuniting with my family.

I walked into the kitchen, the low conversation coming to a halt as three pairs of eyes turned to me.

"Rosalie is getting Bella and Jacob settled in," I said, turning to Emmett. "Thanks, Em, for taking care of everything."

"Thank Rosalie," he replied. "I had no idea what babies need. She did it all."

I sat quietly while I watched my parents work together over dinner. They would both glance at me occasionally and I could tell they were full of questions. I was sure there would be an inquisition either during or right after dinner, as soon as they couldn't contain themselves anymore. I had a lot of explaining to do. Emmett and Carlisle discussed baseball standings. Esme puttered around, putting on the finishing touches.

I stood to help set the table but Esme waved me off.

"I know this is your house, Edward, but tonight let me mother you a bit. I haven't gotten to in a long time."

That wasn't a sentiment I could really argue with, so I sat with a sigh.

Just as the last of the food was going on the table, I heard Bella's soft voice in the hallway. I relaxed a bit, not even knowing how tense I had been. She walked hesitantly into the kitchen, followed closely by Rosalie. Her eyes sought out mine and she smiled at me.

"Hey," I said. "Are you settled in, okay? Is Jacob?"

She nodded. "Sleeping. We got his blanket all hooked up." She hovered close to me, nervous in her body language. It was then I noticed it was quiet in the kitchen, my family all watching us intently.

My father broke the tension. "I think dinner is ready. Shall we sit?"

The six of us took our places around the oval kitchen table, piled high with delcious looking pasta, salad and bread. I guided Bella to a chair by me, noticing Rosalie moving quickly to sit on the other side of her.

The meal began quietly, just the clinking of dishes and silverware. Bella protested when my mother piled her plate high with pasta, and I just smirked at her. Conversation began slowly. It was strained. I could tell they were trying hard not to make me or Bella uncomfortable.

"So, Bella." My mother began. "Tell us about Jacob, is he a pretty quiet baby?"

"Um, I think so." Bella was hesitant at first, but warmed to talk of her son. "He seems pretty good, but the doctor said the jaundice could be making him more quiet and tired. I guess we'll see in a few days."

Carlisle nodded in professional agreement. "Yes, that's true. And I have a fine pediatrician for you to take him to later in the week, Bella. Dr. Hall has been a colleague of mine for a number of years."

"Oh. Thanks, Dr....Carlisle." Bella smiled. She ate her food slowly. "This is really good, Esme."

"Thank you, my dear."

The rest of the dinner continued in the same polite stilted manner. They asked Bella about her hometown and she shared a little about her home and her sister, Alice. I noticed she avoided mentioning her mother or James and no one asked. Emmett teased me about my beard, calling me "mountain man Eddie" for which he earned an admonishment from my mother. I shrugged. I hadn't decided what to do about the facial hair yet. I had gotten used to it and it had been a way to obscure myself from people. I missed the easy conversation that I remembered from our big family dinners. Another reminder that it would take some time to repair the relationships from my estrangement. Sooner or later I would need to talk to them about my time away, but tonight we all seemed content to just be together, even as strained as it was. Rosalie was silent for the entire meal.

After dinner was over, I helped my parents clear the table, insisting that I do my part this time. Emmett flopped on the couch in the family room. Bella went to check on Jacob, returning with him a few minutes later. Rosalie helped her get his blanket plugged into an outlet in the family room and they sat on the floor and played with the baby. My mother joined them a few minutes later, all the ladies cooing over the tiny baby. Emmett strolled back into the kitchen, opening the fridge and retrieving three beers, offering them out to me and Carlisle. We both nodded and he grabbed the bottle opener and popped the caps off before handing them to us.

We stood, leaning against the counters, sipping our beers. I groaned in satisfaction. I had avoided alcohol while I was out on the road. It would seem obvious I guess, turning to drink while I wandered the country, but it always seemed too easy an out for me. Far too easy to be caught unaware. I had learned that lesson early on. When I did get a drink, it was always cheap and disgusting, meant only to get you drunk quickly, not to savor.

Then I noticed both Carlisle and Emmett looking at me with some alarm.

I laughed. "No, no, no...not like that. There's no problem. It's just been a long damn time since I've had a decent beer."

That broke the tension as we all laughed. It felt normal for a moment. Carlisle then looked at me seriously.

"I was hoping you would come in to the hospital with me tomorrow, Edward. I'd like to get you a physical," He said.

I shook my head. "I'm fine, Dad. Don't worry about me. Just make sure that Bella and Jacob are taken care of."

"I know, Edward, I just would feel better. With you on the streets..." He broke off, but the question had been breached.

"Dad, I spent most of the last three years travelling, not living in alleys. Think of it like an extended camping trip." I tried to brush it off like it was no big deal.

He was silent for a moment before he spoke. "I wish you would have called, son. We wouldn't have forced anything on you, but you should have at least let us know you were alive and well."

I hung my head, shamed. "I'm truly sorry, Dad. I can't explain my actions. I'm sorry I worried the family, though not particularly for leaving. I needed..." I shrugged, unable to find the words to explain how I was feeling.

"There is nothing to forgive, just wishes of your old parents." He clapped me on the shoulder. We finished our beers and he spoke again. "Let me get your mother and we'll let you have some time alone. I'm sure this is all very strange for you. And more so for Bella. She's a charming girl, Edward."

I nodded and the three of us walked together into the family room. The large comfortable furniture in this room was still the same, the walls lined with the large bookshelves that I remembered. It wasn't entirely the same. The low table and easel that had been Macy's were gone. As soon as I entered the room, my mother came to me, winding her arm around my waist and hugging me close again. She seemed like there was something she wanted to say.

"You can say it, Mom. You don't have to tiptoe around me, okay." I smiled down at her. As long as I avoided looking to closely at the details of the room I felt in control of my emotions, slipping back into "Edward Cullen" was getting easier and easier.

"Just so many memories. She's lovely, Edward. And it's nice to have a baby to cuddle again. But it makes me miss..." She dabbed at her eyes. "What am I saying? Is this too hard for you, Edward?"

I shushed her, patting her shoulder. "Of course it's not easy, Mom. But, I'm fine. And, this isn't like that, you know, Mom. I'm helping them. Do you understand?" I looked her in the eye, checking for understanding. Esme eyed me dubiously, but nodded. I could see how this must have looked to them.

We all watched Jacob, swathed in his bulky blanket. It's amazing how a tiny baby that lays there doing nothing can mesmerize a group of adults. Finally, though, my father was at my mother's elbow, pulling her away. The sun was setting now, and I saw Bella stifling yawns as she sat on the floor.

"Let's go, darling. I'm sure Edward and Bella are exhausted and could use a good night's sleep. We'll see them tomorrow, okay?"

Esme released me reluctantly, reaching to cup my cheek like a small child one more time. I kissed her forehead and said goodnight.

"I'll be here tomorrow, Mom. I promise."

She sniffled a little and I walked them to the front door. Rosalie followed, bidding my parents good night before stalking upstairs. Emmett waited with me, waving as they left.

"Don't worry about Rosalie, man. She'll warm up to you. She didn't even like me at first." He snickered.

"What is her issue with me, anyway?" I asked.

He held up his hands. "I'm not entirely certain, but you will know when she's ready to tell you, trust me." He clapped me on the back. "I'd better go check on her. You guys have a good night." He walked up the stairs after his wife, and I heard the door at the end of the hall open and close.

I felt her before I heard her. My skin buzzed as Bella stepped into the foyer, carrying Jacob again. I turned and looked at her. Here in the warm light of my house her skin looked less sallow, a rosy tint to her cheeks. Her hair curled softly around her face, and her eyes were deep and soft.

"Your family is very nice," she said.

"They are the best." I agreed. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

She nodded. "I'm fine, thanks. I can't believe your house, it's beautiful. "

We stood, staring at each other for a moment. She licked her lips and swallowed thickly, her eyes traveling over my face. The buzzing sensation was stronger. On it's own volition my hand raised, reaching to stroke her cheek. I caught myself, though, and brushed Jacob's head instead.

"Um, yeah." She said, looking down. "I should get upstairs, he's getting hungry again." She shifted away from me. "Good night, I guess."

"Good night, Bella."

I watched her walk up the stairs, taking the comfort of her presence with her. Now I was alone in the foyer and it was harder to keep the numbness, the facade of calm around me. When I heard the click of her bedroom door, I started up the stairs. I stopped outside the double doors that led to my old bedroom. I told myself I had slept in that room for weeks after Tanya's death, not well, but I had. I could open this door now.

Gingerly, I turned the knob, swinging the door silently open. The room smelled fresh, like a window had been opened that day. Again, this room was much the same. The gold bed dominated the room, blue and rust colored throw pillows matching the threads woven into the bedspread. Black and white photographs of deep forest scenes were framed on the walls. The bedside lamp was on, casting dim light through the room. The ceiling fan hanging from the high vaulted ceiling turned lazily. I walked slowly through the room. The gas fireplace against the wall was unlit. The ensuite bathroom had towels I didn't recognize, but they matched the decor of the room. It was still fairly early, but I decided a shower might relax me. it was going to be strange enough to try to sleep here tonight.

I peeled off the clothes I had been in since yesterday, starting the shower and stepping in when it was as hot as I could stand it. I relaxed into the hot water. I had forgotten how fantastic this shower was. I washed thoroughly again, because I could. Two showers in two days was a wonderful thing. Eventually, though, I pried myself out of the hot water. I dried myself quickly, wrapping the towel around my waist while I went searching for clothes. I rummaged in my dresser for a pair of pajama pants and found some. They were a little dusty, but intact. I shook them and pulled the soft flannel on, grabbing a t-shirt from another drawer as well. I looked over at the closet, wondering if Tanya's things were still there.

I didn't know what I hoped to find when I yanked open the door, but Tanya's side of the closet was empty. I vaguely remembered a discussion with my mother and Tanya's mother about donating her clothes shortly after the funeral. They must have gone ahead with that.

Suddenly, I needed to see. I had been avoiding signs of my wife and daughter all day, afraid of my reaction. that I might break down in front of everyone. That I might break down in front of Bella. Now, I needed to see the evidence. I walked quickly out of the walk-in closet, and through my bedroom, pulling open the double doors and stepping out to the hall. The house was quiet now, I could hear nothing coming from either Emmett and Rosalie's room or Bella's. I contemplated going to Macy's room, but wasn't sure what I'd find in there. I wanted pictures. Most of our photographs were displayed in the family room so I bounded down the stairs, rushing through the house and into the wide, comfortable room.

The far wall of the family room was all built-in shelves surrounding a fireplace. In between the books were all the photographs I remembered. Vacations, parties. I looked at every single one. The emotional storm didn't come, though I felt it bubbling under the surface. Instead, I just stood there and absorbed the memories. I was home, and in this environment I would have to learn to deal with their lingering presence and handle it on a day-to-day basis. It was both easier and harder than I thought it would be. Easier because time and travel had numbed me, separated me from the acute pain. Harder because I knew I'd have to decide what to do with everything now. My brother was right to have left it for me. This was my past and my house. I moved on from the pictures, walking slowly through the lower level of the house, just taking in the details. I could see the backyard. Macy's playhouse still stood, though the flowers were gone.

In the formal living room, I trailed my hands over the piano. I played a couple keys. It was in bad need of a tune. I would get that done as soon as possible. I didn't know if I'd play seriously again, but it went against the grain to have an out-of-tune piano.

Eventually, I completed the circuit, back in the family room. It was dark now, so I flipped on a lamp on one of the side tables. It was dim, but enough to see by. I found myself looking at our wedding picture. Tanya had been radient in her ivory satin dress, Our smiles were brilliant for the camera on our happy day. I remembered with some chagrin that I had been slightly hungover still, thanks to the bachelor party the night before. I was still pretty sure I managed to hide that from Tanya.

I was lost in thought for a while, loosing track of time, when I was startled by a loud clatter from the kitchen. I spun quickly, my heart pounding in my chest. Bella stood in the middle of the kitchen, covering her face in embarassment. A plastic tumbler was on the floor where she had dropped it.

She peered from around her fingers.

"I'm sorry!" She whispered. "I was just....trying to get a drink of water. I didn't mean to disturb you. I thought I could..."

I waved to dismiss her fears, gesturing silently that she should continue and turned back to the picture. I heard her pick up the cup, rinsing it out in the sink and filling it with water. She drank from the glass and I heard her pour the rest of the water out in the sink, and the soft click as she placed it in the dishwasher. She padded over softly to stand by me, looking at the picture I was.

"That's your wife?" she asked quietly. Then she shook her head. "Of course it is. She's beautiful."

I could only nod in agreement.

She wrung her hands nervously. "So, that's what you look like without the beard..." I turned to look at her, she was biting her lip as she surveyed the picture. She looked down with an almost guilty expression on her face.

I was struck for a moment by a whole new kind of beauty. I had noticed she was a pretty girl, but in the dim light from the lamp she glowed. Her hair was damp, she must have showered as well. She wore a short pair of pink pajamas, much too big for her. One shoulder of the top barely held on to her slight frame. Her skin was creamy and tinged pink with her apparent embarassment. Her legs were long for her petite stature. She was slight framed, though her stomach was still rounded from her recent pregnancy.

She must have felt me staring at her, because she looked up suddenly. Her forehead creased as she looked at me curiously. I don't know what my expression was, but her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open slightly. She crossed her arms in front of her, hugging herself.

"What?" she asked in a whisper. Her eyes were so dark, liquid chocolate pools as she stared up at me. I realized I had moved closer to her. The warm sensation started immediately, buzzing to life like a chainsaw. Emotions threatened to overwhelm me again, but it was different from last night. I couldn't name half of what I was feeling. Being here, in my home again, memories of my past colliding with the events of the last few days.

"Bella, I..." I whispered to her, not even knowing what it was I wanted to say. Without thinking, I lifted my hand, touching the soft creamy-looking skin where her shoulder met her neck. I heard her breath intake sharply. She licked her lips and I think I echoed the movement.

I am not certain who actually made the first move. She raised up on her toes or I crushed down on her. Either way, our lips met fiercely. My hand had slid to the back of her neck, tangling in her damp, soft hair. Her hands were flat against my chest, moving up to my shoulders. Her lips were so soft, silky, parted tantalizingly beneath mine. Her body softly molded to my harder frame. My other hand wrapped around her waist lifting her up and into me slightly. I lost track of time as our lips moved together. I was surrounded in a heady haze of the scent of her. I felt her small fingers kneading into my shoulders, then sinking into my hair. We both tightened our grip at the same time, our lips opening, her soft, velvety tongue meeting mine.

It was her soft throaty moan that brought me back to reality. I broke our kiss, pulling back from her and releasing her. She stood there, dazed. Her soft lips were swollen slightly. I realized what I had just done, and gasped. Here I was, trying not to make her feel obligated to me, and I'm kissing her possessively the very first night. I took a couple steps back.

"Bella. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have...I didn't mean.." I stammered, not knowing how to explain myself, all the while fighting the urge to take her back into my arms and feel her against me again.

Several expressions crossed her face. Bewilderment, shock, and what looked like sadness.

She took a deep breath and spoke softly.

"I know, Edward. You were just missing your wife. I understand."

Then, she turned and fled up the stairs.

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**Oh, Edward.....**

**Feel free to leave a note, as always. They still make my day. Thank you!**


	7. Chapter 6: Intentions

** Author's Note: Thank you all again for your wonderful reviews. I hope you continue to enjoy my story. I read each and every one (sometimes more than once) and even if I don't respond, I promise it has made my day.**

**Thank you to Zephyersky and WhitneyLove for pre-reading. Amber, thank you for beta-reading at midnight last night so that I would have this for the morning. Special thanks to my hubby for reading and encouraging me, and pretending to understand my fascination for Bella and Edward as humans.**

**I don't own Twilight or the recognizable characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just glad she lets us play house with them. There are other things in this chapter I don't own either, but we'll let you read them first. I DO own Edward's beard. "Camp Shaveward" has been initiated by some of you and it cracks me up. Hang in there!  
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**Chapter 6: Intentions**

I woke up feeling disoriented. The glowing red numbers on the clock informed me that it was 4:06 am. I had been home nearly a week now, and I was still not used to the quiet at night. For three and a half years, I had grown accustomed to hearing traffic or voices or even just the wind as I tried to catch a few hours sleep each night. My bedroom faced the backyard, so even the rare passing car on the road went by unnoticed. I supposed it was to be expected, not to immediately fall into a normal sleeping pattern. Silence instead of steady noise, a soft bed instead of hard concrete or a bench somewhere.

The week had gotten steadily better, and worse. Better, because it was easier to be in the space. It felt more normal. It felt less weird to get into the daily routine. I had not returned to work yet. I was not ready to deal with the questions and curious looks from clients and employees, but Emmett had been reviewing some of the latest projects with me and I was getting familiar with the business again. My parents visited everyday. They were careful not to hover, but I could see the relief in their eyes every time I answered the door. Things were better because my mother was loosing that anxious look, was more relaxed as she kissed me on the cheek in greeting. Rosalie was thawing a little. At least, she was more stiffly cordial to me, than icy and disdainful. It was easier to be in my house. I was still bombarded with memories every time I went through a part of the house, or out to the lawn. But I was expecting them, and sometimes it was sad, and sometimes just bittersweet, but I found I could deal with it much more easily than I had expected. Maybe enough time had passed that it wasn't so fresh. Maybe it was just the numbness. I was relieved though, I still remembered the crushing pain of those first few weeks after Tanya and Macy's death. I wasn't sure if I was going to endure that again upon coming home again.

It was worse, because I couldn't get a moment alone with Bella. I wanted, needed, to talk with her. It was thoughts of her that had woken me up now, I was certain. All week, the kiss we had shared had played over and over in my head, backed with a myriad of emotions as a soundtrack. There were a thousand reasons why kissing her had been wrong. We had only just met a few days before. We didn't even really know each other. She was so young, barely more than a child herself. She was vulnerable. I was still kicking myself for taking advantage of her like that, especially knowing what she had been through. And her words, before she fled up the stairs to her bedroom haunted me. Had I simply been missing my wife? I'm sure it had seemed that way to her. After all, I'd been standing there contemplating our wedding picture. I had been thinking about Tanya, of course, as I had surveyed my house that night. I did miss her.

I was sure, though, that in the moment our lips had met, I was completely consumed by Bella. No matter how much I chastised myself for kissing her, I could not forget how good she had felt. Her warm, soft lips had fit against mine like they belonged there. Her body had molded to mine as if we had spent our lifetime next to each other. When I closed my eyes, I could still feel the way her small hands had moved along my neck and shoulders, playing with the hair at the back of my neck. Even that soft moan echoed clearly in my ears. Did she feel that electric connection too? Or had I just overwhelmed her? She'd already been coerced, I was convinced, into a relationship before. I did not want to do the same thing, to be another James. I wouldn't harm her child, of course, but to use my age and experience to lure her in? She should be enjoying herself, going to college, being with someone that she chose.

I wanted to explain that all to her. I didn't want her to think I was rejecting her. Or that I had confused her with my wife. I did not want to mess with her head that way. She was utterly desirable and any man would be a fool to not want her. I just wanted her to have that choice. Not feel stuck with the one that thrust himself into her life and attached himself to her by claiming her child as his. I wanted her to know that I was not making assumptions about our relationship. I was fairly certain I wasn't someone who should even be in a relationship. Too broken and lost, and haunted by ghosts of his family.

But I could not seem to get a moment with her. Emmett and Rosalie had both taken the early part of the week off work to help us get settled. My parents were over every afternoon. When I had seen Bella the first time, the next day, she had greeted me with a shy smile and a shake of her head when I tried to speak quietly to her. Jacob still needed the lighted blanket for as many hours as possible. It was easier to wrap him in it and leave him in his bed so Bella spent most of her time in her bedroom with him. The second day, Rosalie had packed up Bella and Jacob and they had gone shopping for some clothes and other necessities. Bella had protested mightily when the trip was discussed, worried that we were already doing too much. It was the one time Rosalie and I had been aligned this week. We finally brokered a compromise that when the doctor cleared Bella to get a job she would work at Rosalie's shop and pay us back. I didn't like it. I would have happily bought her and Jacob anything and everything they wanted, but Bella had stubbornly insisted that she needed her independence and I couldn't come up with a reasonable argument.

Last night, after everyone had gone to bed, I stood outside Bella's door for several minutes, contemplating knocking on the door and seeing if she was still awake. I felt like a stalker though, lurking in the hallway, and had gone back to my own room. Sleep had come slowly, and I was plagued with dreams, the lights again...the faces, and then I'd be kissing Bella again.

I groaned and scrubbed my face as if I could erase the image with the heels of my hands. I took a few deep breaths, willing my body not to respond to the thoughts I was having. I snorted to myself, I supposed it was a good sign. It wasn't that I hadn't had opportunities in the last three years, but the prospect had been less than appealing and it had still felt like cheating. So, as a man, I was glad to know my self-enforced abstinence had not hampered the physical reactions. I just wasn't sure what to do about it. The obvious felt wrong, with Bella just on the other side of the wall. Especially if I was resolved to leave her alone.

Eventually I drifted back to sleep. I didn't sleep deeply, but at least the images didn't plague me this time. When I woke again it was just after seven. I threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. I stayed in the shower way too long, as was normal for me now. The novelty of nearly unlimited hot water and soap hadn't worn off yet. I dressed quickly. Dark wash jeans, a gray t-shirt, layered with a dark green long-sleeved shirt. A peek out the window told me it was overcast and drizzly, but this was Washington, it would burn off by this afternoon. Layers were needed, or you'd either freeze in the morning, or bake in the afternoon. I had gotten my hair cut earlier in the week, not that it helped much. It would still be fucked up by midday, thanks to my habit of running my hand through it all the time. At least it was out of my eyes. I had trimmed my beard more, but I hadn't shaved it off yet. I wasn't sure why, but every time I picked up the razor to start shaving, I'd just toss it back in the drawer. Emmett gave me hell for it all the time. My mother just said I wasn't ready to face the old Edward or something like that. Maybe she was right. Bella never offered her opinion.

I left my room and went downstairs to the kitchen. Some coffee was definitely in order, still tired from the interrupted night of sleep. I needed to get out for a while today, too. Aside from my haircut, and picking up some new clothes and sundries, I hadn't left the house much and I was feeling antsy. I took that as a good sign, too. Today was the first day I really felt like going anywhere. Sooner or later I would run into people I had known before and I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with that.

I was mulling this over as I walked into the kitchen, but I felt her presence immediately. I hadn't expected Bella to be awake though, so I was a little surprised. She was over by the coffee pot, standing on her toes as she poured water into the reservoir. She was dressed in layers too, a deep blue short-sleeved blouse over a long-sleeved white t-shirt. I did notice how her khaki pants accentuated her long legs and the gentle flare of her hips, before I mentally checked myself and focused on something safer, like her long hair tied back into a loose ponytail. I looked around the room. She was alone.

"Good morning, Bella." I spoke softly, not wanting to disturb the peace in the house.

She gasped and jumped, spinning around to face me with a surprised expression. She immediately blushed a deep pink and placed her hand over her chest as if to calm her heart.

"Good morning, Edward." She breathed out. "You scared me! I didn't know anyone was up!"

I smiled at her, somewhat sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just came down to make some coffee, but it looks like you've beaten me to it."

She stifled a yawn and nodded. "Jacob was up so much last night, always hungry. I didn't get very much sleep. I haven't had coffee in so long. I need it today."

I remembered sleepless nights with a baby.

"We could work something out with bottles during the night, Bella. I don't mind taking a night shift with him so you can get some sleep." I was technically his father, I could help out a bit. I suddenly felt guilty for not stepping in sooner.

She shook her head. "No! I'm fine. I mean, it's part of the deal right. Babies. Two am feedings. And four, and six." She laughed as she spoke but yawned again, stretching her arms out.

"You're not alone here, Bella. You don't have to do it all yourself." I said, maybe a little too sharply.

She glared at me, so maybe it was too sharp. "I'm his mother, and he's my responsibility. And you're already helping." She yawned again, twice. "But, maybe I could take a nap this afternoon," she said, sheepishly.

"I think that's a good idea," I responded, happy that she agreed.

"Oh! wait, well, okay. I have a doctor's appointment today. And so does Jacob. But that's still kind of early. I can take a nap when we get back?" The last came out as a question.

I decided to seize the opportunity. "Of course. Carlisle's been wanting to check me out at the hospital, too. I can take you to your appointments and do that while I'm waiting."

Her eyes widened, and I was puzzled by the faint blush on her cheeks again. "Um, Rosalie was going to drive us."

I suppressed a sigh, I appreciated Rosalie's friendship with Bella, but it was getting to be a little much. I wasn't a monster.

The coffee pot was nearly done so I walked over to the other side of the kitchen, closer to Bella. I leaned against the counter next to her, looking down. She gazed back up at me with her big brown eyes. I could see flecks of gold and green in them, as the morning sun shone on her through the kitchen window.

"There's no need for that. I'm going there anyway. We might as well go together," I said. She looked uncertain. "Please, Bella."

She seemed unfocused for a moment, and closed her eyes tightly. She must have been even more tired than I thought.

"Okay," she responded, quietly. "I'd like that." She turned quickly to the cupboard, grabbing two large white mugs and filling both with coffee. She handed one to me and walked to the refrigerator with the other, pouring a splash of cream into her cup.

I took a sip and hummed in satisfaction. We drank our coffee in an awkward silence. I watched her surreptitiously. She would fidget constantly, her hands either drumming lightly on the counter top or twirling in her ponytail. She stared at the floor, avoiding my eyes. The unspoken words loomed between us. I was loosing my chance.

"Bella." I began. She looked up at me sharply, her hand gripped the edge of the counter.

"What?" She whispered.

"I...I just wanted to say I was sorry again, for the other night..." I began. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Don't worry about it, Edward. I told you I understand." She shrugged, though I wasn't certain she was as casual about it as she was trying to sound.

"No, really. I...well, It wasn't what you thought. At least, I don't... Well, I was apologizing because I don't want you to think I have...expectations. From you. Just because of Jacob." I groaned not sure if I was helping the situation or not. "I don't expect anything in return, and I don't want you to think that I do. Okay?"

She swallowed thickly and a myriad of expressions crossed her face before she looked at the floor again. "Yeah, I understand what you are saying, Edward." She sighed heavily, pursing her full lips before taking another sip of coffee. "We can just be Bella and Edward right, we don't have to be weird, right? Even though, this is all kind of weird." She laughed.

I nudged her with my elbow, laughing as she was quick to cover her coffee cup in order to not spill it. "Of course, and who better to be weird with. The crazy homeless man that isn't, and the bravest girl in the world."

She shook her head but did not respond. We lapsed into silence again, but it was more comfortable now, less awkward, though she was still fixated on the floor.

The silence was broken a few minutes later when Rosalie and Emmett joined us. Emmett's booming voice made Bella laugh, and I smiled, watching her. Rosalie eyed us, but said nothing other than a polite "good morning."

Emmett was dressed for work. I raised an eyebrow and gestured at him with my coffee cup. "You're going in to the office today?" I asked.

"Yeah, man. I have a meeting with Marshall for the Sammamish development. They probably want to change the kitchen configuration. Again. Be the fifth fucking time!" He grumbled, but grinned. Emmett had an uncanny way of just letting things roll off his back. "You're welcome to sit in Edward, if you want, get a feel for them." He looked at me, somewhat hopefully. I hated to disappoint him, again. I would get back to our business in time.

"Not this time, Em, but I will catch the next one, okay?" I offered as a compromise. "Besides, I told Bella I'd drive her to her appointments today"

Rosalie looked up, surprised. "Really?" she asked, dubiously. "I had planned to take them. I thought we could do some more shopping afterwards, Bella, maybe grab a late lunch."

I kept my face as neutral as possible. "I need to see Carlisle anyway."

She glared at me. I sighed. Were we back at square one again?

Bella spoke up. "It's okay Rosalie, I've taken a lot of your time. I'm sure you have other things to do besides drive me everywhere. Edward is going anyway."

Rosalie shrugged at this but didn't respond, instead opting to get her own cup of coffee. She stood square between me and Bella. Bella set her coffee cup down.

"Um, Jacob will be hungry soon. I'd better get back upstairs." She pushed herself away from the counter and started out of the kitchen. She stopped about halfway across and turned back to me.

"I'll be ready about 10?" she asked me, I could see her biting the inside of her cheek.

"Ten is fine, Bella."

She smiled apologetically at Rosalie and walked out of the room. I was quiet while I listened to her footsteps go up the stairs.

I watched Rosalie expectantly, I knew she had something to say to me. Maybe I could get things off to a better start.

"Rosalie, I know you probably dislike me for hurting Emmett when I left. I can't apologize enough, to my whole family. Including you. Is there something I can do to make you feel better about me?"

She put her coffee cup down with a heavy thud on the counter. The hot liquid sloshed around in the cup as she turned a level gaze at me.

"You're right," she said, flatly. "I don't appreciate the absolutely needless worry you put Emmett through, or your parents. And I don't like seeing innocent young girls getting taken advantage of." She glared at me now, arms crossed over her chest.

I sighed heavily. "I've made it very clear to her all along, Rosalie. It's her choice to accept my help."

"Oh really," she said, arching a eyebrow. "Some choice. Go homeless and risk losing her child. Or go home with a stranger and let him claim her son as his."

"Rose..." Emmett started, putting his hand on her arm and attempting to pull her away.

"No, he should hear this. The rest of you are all just pussyfooting around him because your afraid he'll take off again. I'm not!" She turned back to me, stepping closer. Her eyes flashed with challenge. "Just what are you hoping to get out of this Edward?" She bit off the end of the sentence, as if there was more she wanted to say.

My eyes narrowed as I stared her down. I could see this would probably always be how things were with my sister-in-law. "Nothing, I'm not expecting..." I said sharply. I sighed then, hadn't I just been chastising myself with this?

"Listen," I continued. "I don't expect anything in return from her. I was there, at the right time and place when she needed help. I. Don't. Expect. Anything. From. Her."

"Really?" she said again with a huff, obviously doubtful. I wondered if Bella had told her about the kiss. "How generous of you then. Her own little knight in grubby armor. She's young Edward, don't twist that into something she's not ready for."

"Aww, be nice Rose. Edward wouldn't do that. And I think our girl Bella is tougher than to take any crap from Edward here." Emmett said, trying to make peace. I took a breath. I didn't want to fight about this, and especially not with Bella just upstairs. Aside from that, images were running through my head again. The kiss, sitting in the hospital, laughing and teasing with Bella. My wife and daughter. I didn't even know if I was ready for anything beyond friendship with anyone, Bella included.

I stepped closer to Rosalie, looking her straight in the eye. She stared back at me, defiant. I could see Emmett move closer out of the corner of my eye.

"I promised Bella that this was at her choice. She is always free to go. I made her a promise from me. That's between her and I, understand, Rosalie? I will keep that promise. And I did not expect any promise in return. Of any kind. She's a smart girl. And amazingly brave and tough." I finished, snapping my mouth shut. I was finished arguing this. I did appreciate that Rosalie was looking out for her. But this was my choice. And Bella's.

We stared at each other for a moment, both of us defying the other to say more.

"Fine," she said, finally. I sensed victory, but kept my expression neutral. We were still staring each other down.

Emmett broke through the tension. He leaned in between us, putting his arms around us both. He looked at me seriously, but his eyes were dancing with mirth. "If you take sexual advantage of her," he said. "You will go to the special hell. The one reserved for child molesters. And people who talk in the theater."

He was trying so hard to sound serious, and so was I, honestly. The statement probably wasn't that far off the mark. But the line was silly enough to break through the tension. He broke first, cracking himself up. His mouth twisted from the serious line to a smirk. Finally, I joined him, laughing.

"Okay, Shepard. I'll keep that in mind." We laughed together for a couple minutes, and even Rosalie rolled her eyes and shook her head while trying to suppress a laugh. She walked out of the kitchen, back upstairs.

Emmett clapped me on the back. "You're a good man, brother. Rosalie's just....protective. Especially about...well, you saw."

I nodded and shrugged. I still didn't want to go into it anymore.

The rest of the morning passed quietly. I followed Emmett out to his truck, pulling the baby seat out and moving it to my old Volvo. My car was still in fairly decent shape considering it had rarely been driven over the last few years. I'd replace it at some point but for now it worked. I had driven a few times this week, and I was happy to find I hadn't completely forgotten how to. My brother left for work with a jaunty wave, in pure Emmett fashion, meaning it started with his whole hand and finished with just his middle finger.

After a quick breakfast, I sat in my home office, just messing around with the design software. A lot of it was new, but the basics were coming back to me fairly quickly. Every so often my eyes would be drawn to the picture of me and Tanya and Macy. It was from that trip to Disney. Macy was riding on my shoulders, pointing at something she saw in the distance. Tanya was looking up at her with her beautiful smile. I wondered, again, what Tanya would think of Bella. I felt a little lost again. I wasn't sure what to do with the feelings about Tanya and Macy. I certainly didn't want to forget. I had wallowed for three years, hiding from life. Literally. How did I move on, now that I was home?

One day at a time, I thought, as cliched as it sounded.

My musings were interrupted by a soft knock on the doorframe. I turned to see Bella, relaxing as I always seemed to in her presence. She had Jacob with her, dressed in a light blue sleeper, edged with yellow trim and an elephant stitched on the back with a matching little hat on his head. She had a large diaper bad slung over her shoulder and I could see the bili-blanket sticking out of the top. She was looking at me apologetically, her eyes going to the photograph I realized I had in my hands.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. It's ten, though. I'm ready to go whenever you are." She gave me half a smile. She still wore the same outfit, though she had added a pair of little blue shoes, nearly the same color as her blouse. Her ponytail sat lower on her head, and a few stray hairs had fallen around her face.

"You didn't interrupt, Bella. I'm ready. Let's go." I put the picture back in its spot and stood up. Her eyes followed me and she seemed glued in place as I walked to her. I reached for the bag, grabbing a hold of the strap and lifting it off her. "Let me take this."

"Okay, thanks," she said. My fingers brushed the soft material covering her shoulder, and I could feel that energy again. Was I just imagining that?

I led her to the garage, opening the back door for her to get Jacob settled into his seat. I waited for her outside the car, watching as she buckled him in, smiling at the way she would coo and talk to him the entire time. She climbed back out, jumping when she saw me still standing there. She shook her head and walked around the car, tripping slightly once, over what I'm not sure. I walked around the other way, opening the passenger door for her. I could remember my manners, even if she looked surprised. I gave her a grin at her expression, gesturing for her to get into the car and closing the door once she was in.

I climbed in to my side of the car, double checking everything before pulling the car out of the garage. I could see Bella out of the corner of my eye as we drove down the hill. The overcast had nearly burnt off and the early summer sun was streaming in through the lightly-tinted windows. She turned her face into the light and closed her eyes, as if soaking up the warmth.

I pointed out a few landmarks as we drove. Bella looked around, taking it all in, but was mostly silent.

"Do you want to listen to some music, I think I have some CDs in the console. I haven't found my iPod yet, but I think I have a few things in here." I asked her.

"Sure," she said, looking curious. She pulled the padded folder out of the console and started flipping through. My music tastes were fairly varied, I had everything in there from classical to Seattle grunge and everything in between. I was curious about what she would pick.

"Let's see," she said, looking at me with a playful expression. "We have 60s rock and roll, 80s hair bands, punk, grunge, and....Debussy?" She pulled the CD out and held it up with a questioning expression.

I grinned at her. "Variety is the spice of life. Keep going, there's probably some Beethoven and Chopin in there, too. Possibly some Elvis. All the greats!"

She reached over and slide the Debussy CD into the player, adjusting the volume. "No, Debussy is good..."

I was surprised. "You know Debussy?"

She shook her head. "Not really, just Claire de Lune, it's one of my favorites. My mom loves it, she tried to play piano, but she wasn't very good at it. So my Dad bought her a CD with it once a long time ago. They used to dance in the living room to it. Charlie was a terrible dancer; I get my fantastic coordination from him." She rolled her eyes. "But, it made my mom happy."

She closed her eyes and listened as the first strains of the music filled the car. I was absorbing the little glimpse of her life that she had given me. I wanted to know more about her. I was about to ask when she opened her eyes and turned towards me.

"Would it be okay if I called them? Well, Alice, anyway," She asked. I was taken by surprise, it hadn't occurred to me that she was waiting for permission. I had thought she hadn't contacted anyone because she was afraid of James.

"Of course, Bella. You don't need my permission to call anyone." I smiled at her. "It's your house too, now. I meant it when I said 'make yourself at home'."

I reached into my jeans pocket, pulling out the cell phone Emmett had given me earlier in the week. I held it out to her. "You can call her right now if you want."

She hesitated, her hand in mid-air, like she wasn't really sure I meant it. Or maybe she didn't want to talk to her sister in front of me.

I sighed. "You'll feel better if you know she's safe, right? Just call her. Or if you want to wait and talk to her privately, call her as soon as we get home."

"Now is good. Um, thanks." Gingerly, she took the phone from my hand, her delicate fingers barely brushing the palm of my hand.

I did my best to focus on driving while she quickly dialed the number into my phone. I made a mental note to make sure she got one of her own soon.

She put the phone to her ear, her other hand idly playing with the tendrils of hair that were falling from her ponytail.

"Alice?" She asked, her voice rising in pitch, giving away her anxiety. I could hear a muffled cry on the other end of the line.

"Are you okay? What about mom? Is everything..." she cut off for a moment. I couldn't hear what Alice was saying, just a muffled voice speaking quickly. "Yes, I'm fine.....I promise. Yeah, I'm safe. Really."

She turned to look at me and smiled. My heart warmed at that, she felt safe with me. That was more than I could hope for, really.

"Yeah, Jacob's fine, too. He's so good." She smiled that smile that was reserved for her son. "I promise that everything is fine with me, Alice. I swear. And...well...as soon as I can...you can come live with me, okay?" There was more chatter from the phone, but I was too distracted to try to decipher it. It sounded like she was planning to get Alice when she got her own place. I knew I had said something about that when I proposed my plan to her, but now I really didn't like the idea of her moving out of my house. Things were awkward, because I had to go and kiss her, but I liked having her around. I couldn't doubt now how much calmer I felt in her presence. I frowned, gripping the steering wheel.

There was more talk, mostly Bella assuring Alice that she was okay. I was still thinking about Bella leaving when we pulled into the hospital parking lot. I found a place a few rows back from the entrance and parked the car. Bella was still talking so I just put the car in park and waited.

My attention was caught again when Bella's voice started getting anxious again.

"What do you mean?" She asked sharply into the phone. "No, don't let him in the house, Alice. Don't go out alone either! Call Seth if you have to!" She paused, listening to Alice speak. Her fingers were gripping the edge of the seat. I could see her knuckles turning white.

"Take this number off the caller ID, too. If you stay close he'll leave you alone. Just don't let him in, Alice!" She was trying to squeeze even tighter, her arm shaking with the effort of her anxiety. I reached over an gently pried her hand off the edge of the seat. Her hand made a fist as it left the seat, so I lightly brushed the back of it until she relaxed enough for me to open her fingers. She turned to look at me, her eyes dropping to our hands before looking up at me through her lashes. There was so much fear in her eyes.

She squeezed my hand once, taking a deep breath and nodding at me. She tried to smile, but wasn't successful. "Hide it. Maybe....maybe you can take mom to Aunt Ren's." she groaned. "I know you hate it there, Alice...but...we'll figure something out for school okay? Just do something to get out of...I wish I could..." She slumped back in her seat. "Soon okay? I have a doctor's appointment..I ask if.."

She was interrupted again by a long string on words, she was quiet for a while before continuing. "Okay, Alice. I'll call you again soon, okay? Give mom a hug for me, just don't tell her....she'll tell him. Okay....bye."

I was still holding her hand when she hung up. I was still disturbed that she thought she was alone in dealing with everything. She was leaning against the seat with her head back. Her eyes were closed tightly. I could see the wetness forming around her dark, long eyelashes.

"Bella," I said. She didn't look at me, so I squeezed her hand and said it again. "Bella. Bella, look at me."

Slowly, her eyes opened. Her eyelashes tangled together before they pried apart, casting dark shadows beneath her eyes. She was a strange contradiction as her damp eyes gazed at me. I could see the scared young girl there, but there was a weight of responsibility, of strength that belied her nineteen years.

"Is Alice okay?" I asked quietly.

She sighed heavily. "Yeah. James has been....I guess he's been trying to call and knocking on the door a lot. Alice has managed to distract Renee, but she's afraid sooner or later she'll let him in. I don't think he'll hurt them, but it's hard to say. I didn't think he'd ever hurt me either." She closed her eyes, looking down at her arms. The bruises were just faint green shadows now. At least the physical ones.

Instinctively, I tightened my grip on her hand. I didn't even know this James and I hated him. How do you betray someone's trust like that? Especially someone who has given you what Bella gave him. Her youth, her innocence, a child. More even than that first evening in the train depot, I wanted to protect her from the evils of this world. To make life safer for her and Jacob. I resisted the urge to drive to Forks now and have that conversation with him.

I saw the clock out of the corner of my eye. It was time to for her appointment. I shifted in my seat to look at her directly.

"I won't let him get to you or Jacob, I promise, Bella." My voice had dropped to a rough whisper as I took in her dark chocolate eyes. It was a few seconds before I realized I was stroking her hand with my thumb. I was transfixed though, as she leaned towards me. She shook her head.

"You can't...it's not your problem, Edward. I'll figure something out," she whispered.

"Yes, it is." I gave her a half-smile, trying to maintain eye contact as she started to look down again. I caught her eyes, they widened, her mouth parting slightly. "It is entirely my business. The safety of my son....and his mother...is of paramount importance to me."

"Oh."

I was lost in her eyes again. The gold flecks were overtaking the green ones now, as they shone with tears. I could see each small freckle on her nose, her peach-pink lips still parted. When her tongue darted out to wet her lips, that feeling built again. The same one from the other night. The air crackled between us, and she leaned in closer. I wanted to kiss her again.

She drew in a sudden deep breath, then exhaled in a stutter. It was enough to break in to the fog.

What the hell was I doing? Taking advantage of a vulnerable moment again.

I closed my eyes, breaking the hold of her hypnotic eyes. I drew in a deep breath myself.

When I opened my eyes she was sitting back in her seat again, staring ahead out the window. I carefully extricated my hand from hers.

"Let's get inside..." I said, softly.

She nodded and got out of the car. I climbed out, too. We both opened the back doors. She leaned in to get Jacob out, opting to take the carrier portion of the baby seat with her. I grabbed the diaper bag, slinging it over my shoulder before locking the car and walking with her to the hospital entrance. This was one of the larger hospitals in Seattle, it was a huge beige building with many windows surrounding the rounded corner entrance. A large gray sign with white letters pointed the way to the OB/GYN offices and I walked her down the hall until we found them, pausing just outside the entrance.

I handed her the diaper bag, helping her sling it over her shoulder, being careful not to touch her.

"I'm going to go see Carlisle. I'll meet you back here, okay? Don't go anywhere without me." I said, seriously.

She rolled her eyes, but half-smiled before turning to open the door. "I'm not that vulnerable, you know." She muttered.

"Aren't you?" I murmured quietly, after the door closed behind her. I scratched at my chin, my beard itching a bit as a stared at the closed door after her. I shook myself out of my reverie and made my way up to Carlisle's office. I got turned around once in the maze of hallways, but I found my way there within a few minutes. Luckily it was where I remembered it being.

I knocked on the door, hearing his voice call out to enter. He looked at me in surprise when I swung the door open.

"Edward! What a pleasant surprise!" He stood, closing the thick medical journal he'd been looking through. He clapped me on the shoulder. "It's good to see you here."

"Thanks, Dad. I just brought Bella here for her and Jacob's appointment. I thought I'd stop by and visit while I was waiting." I answered.

"I'm very glad you did. Will you let me check you over while you're here?" He asked.

"I'm fine, Dad, I told you." Regardless of what I told Bella, I really just did want some time with her today. I might have a lot of respect for doctors, but that didn't mean I liked going to them.

"Come on, son," he cajoled. "Just let me at least give your heart and lungs a listen and get some basic bloodwork ordered. You're mother is worried about you."

I gave him a flat stare for pulling the mother guilt card, and his light blue eyes twinkled with mirth. Old man knew exactly what he was doing.

"Fine, fine," I sighed with exaggeration. "Let's not upset mom."

He pulled his stethoscope out of his pocket and situated the earpieces in his ears. "Yes, exactly." The tone of his voice brought me back to my childhood. He was always good at riding that line between letting you know he meant business, and keeping things from getting too heavy. His understanding and compassion were always as strong as his determination and sternness.

He also didn't dwell long on issues once his point was made. So I was not too surprised when he changed the subject slightly.

"How are things with Bella?" he asked, casually.

"Good, I think," I responded. "She's been keeping close to Jacob this week but she seems to be settling in okay." I frowned, remember her concern about calling Alice. "Mostly anyway. I had to remind her this morning that it was her house, too."

He finished listening to whatever he was listening to in my chest and leaned back against his desk, crossing his arms, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Is it, Edward? Her house, I mean." He inquired, still with that serious expression. His eyes were contemplative, but I wasn't sure what he was thinking.

"Of course it is. For as long as she wants...needs to stay." I returned, wary now.

He nodded. His face transformed to full father-mode. "Look son, I'm not certain of the whole story with you and Bella, but I'm worried about the whole thing. She's a nice girl, but she's just a girl. And you're just coming home after....well, a long time away. What you're doing here for her is a huge responsibility, and I respect that a lot. But is it, any of it, something you're really ready to take on?"

I was silent, feeling not unlike the seventeen year old boy getting the responsibility lecture from his old man after getting caught with his hand up the neighbor girl's skirt. A little defensive and stubborn.

"All I'm saying, Edward, is it won't do either of you any good if you decide one day you can't handle this and leave..." he trailed off at that, his sternness loosing some strength.

"I'm not going to leave again, Dad." I spoke a little more sharply that I probably should have, but I was feeling defensive. "And there isn't any of that with Bella."

Except a kiss that has turned my world sideways.

"I know it probably doesn't make sense, what I did. But meeting her woke me up. It was the push I needed to come home. I wanted to help her, because I could." I gave a rueful laugh. "Don't worry, I'm not going to saddle a sweet young girl with a broken widower like me."

I looked at his desk, there was still a picture of me and Tanya and Macy. A formal portrait taken at our home the autumn before the accident. I stared for a moment at Tanya's smiling face. I was confused at the moment, not sure what emotion to feel. I was still irritated that he thought I would leave again, even if it was probably understandable for him to do so.

He followed my eyes, picking up the picture. He turned it so it was facing me.

"I'm not talking about Tanya or ...Macy...Edward," he said in his quiet voice. "There's nothing wrong with finding happiness again, son. I hope you do someday. I'm sure they, " he waved the picture, "hope you do too. You're just balancing three vulnerable people right now, and that's a lot. For anyone. Even under normal circumstances. Just make sure you're taking each step carefully along your path."

I dragged my hand through my hair in frustration. "Ugh, I know what you're saying, Dad." I blew out a breath. "I had no idea what to expect, coming back. I'm still...figuring it out I guess. It's good. It really is. I don't feel like I'm quite really here yet." I was rambling now.

I took the picture from him, tracing the faces of my wife and child with the tip of my finger. "They may want me to find happiness, but I think the best I can hope for is 'numb contentment'. I had my chance." I pinched the bridge of my nose, hard, in an attempt to stave off the emotion.

Carlisle paused in the middle of filling out a multi-colored paper with his quick messy handwriting.

"It's just all about time. Time is sometimes the only thing we need. Trust yourself to make the right choices." He tore it off the pad and handed it to me. "Stop by the lab on your way back to Bella, please. I'll call down so they will get you right in."

"Right, because I have a fantastic track record," I said, sarcastically. I took the paper. "Thanks again, Dad. Besides, I know you all can't help but hover, so I know you will be looking out for Bella and Jacob." I gave him a smart-ass smirk.

"You, too, Edward." He returned to his desk, opening his book again. "See you later, son."

With a wave, I left the room, closing the heavy door behind me. I made the quick trip to the lab. Thanks to my father's influence, I was seen almost immediately. The tech drew about a gallon of blood and sent me on my way after packing the needle mark with a cotton ball and a band-aid. I really wasn't worried about anything. I'd been very careful about being in contact with people while I was out living on the road. Things like the fight that last night happened, and anytime blood was spilled it was a worry, but I had gotten pretty good at avoiding most situations like that. With everything else there was to deal with, I hoped I wouldn't have to add an illness to the list. I sent a quick plea to whoever might have been listening and made my way back to Bella.

Even as I walked, I could feel my steps quicken in anticipation of seeing her again. I forced myself to slow down and walk at a normal pace. "Just Bella and Edward" I reminded myself, trying to ignore how I liked the way our names sounded together. "Nothing weird." I laughed at her words from this morning.

She was waiting for me on the padded bench just outside the doctor's office, rocking Jacob slowly in his baby seat. She had removed the long-sleeved shirt from beneath her blouse at some point, and my eyes were drawn to the wispy curls that were brushing against her collarbones. The neckline of her blue blouse set off her luminous skin beautifully, and it gave a tantilizing view of just the hint of cleavage. I wrenched my eyes upwards, mentally slapping myself for looking at her that way. She gave me a sunny smile and bounced up to greet me.

"Everything good?" I asked, amused by her enthusiasm.

"Yes! He doesn't need the blanket anymore! And we don't have to come back for six weeks!" She did a little cheer, then blushed at her exhibition. "Sorry, I just hate hospitals."

"I don't mind," I said, trying to keep my face straight. "It's nice to see you in such a good mood."

"I'm just happy Jacob is a healthy baby now!" she enthused.

"Do you need some lunch?" I asked. I wasn't sure if she'd had breakfast, and she was probably hungry.

"Mm...no, I'll make a sandwich at home?" She looked at me in question, but then shook her head. "Yeah, at home. I guess. Then I'm going to take you up on that nap." She yawned and stretched and I had to concentrate on the finding the car.

She would talk intermittently on the way home. She removed the Debussy CD and flipped through the case again, laughing when she found some early 90s dance music and putting it in the CD player. It was like she was in this little bubble of happiness. It was so different from the scared young girl, the stress over her son's health and their living arrangements, even this morning's heartache over her phone call to Alice. It was breathtaking to watch. She sang and laughed, blushing deeply when she caught me watching her. She stopped after that, and nothing I said could convince her to start again. I was a little envious of the lighthearted freedom she was experiencing. I could feel her good mood radiating out towards me, but it was just out of my reach. I could feel it, but it was like there was a crystal clear window between me and that unabashed enthusiasm. The numbness that I used to protect myself from the dark memories had a flip side. I didn't have a clue how to break it.

I pondered this as we drove. While the full mini dance party in the passenger seat never resumed, she still moved her head in time to the music, turning to look back at Jacob and then me every so often. The drive home passed quickly and she went upstairs to nurse Jacob while I made us a couple sandwiches.

I brought them and a couple bottles of water to the family room and turned on the television while I waited for her. I snickered to myself as she came into the room and looked at her plate.

"Triangles? Really, Old Man? Funny." She stuck out her tongue at me and flopped on the couch, tossing a baby monitor to the cushion next to her. She picked up one of the little sandwiches and bit into it hungrily. "Mmfaby-daddy." she added.

"You're not helping your case any there." I retorted back.

She rolled her eyes and dug into her food again. We ate and watched television in a companionable silence.

When we finished I collected the plates and returned them to the kitchen. My cell phone rang, Emmett was calling looking for some information that he had left in the home office. I found it for him and promised a little one-on-one basketball when he got home. I hung up and returned to the family room, intent on telling Bella to go up and take a nap. When I got there though, she was already asleep, curled up against the oversized cushions. I pulled the blanket from the chair and covered her with it. I would just let her sleep there. Probably better, in case Jacob woke up. I grabbed the monitor and left the room.

I was alone for the first time in nearly a week. Part of me was relieved. I had gotten so used to solitude. I knew I had things to go through in the house. I still hadn't ventured in to Macy's room. I knew, academically speaking, that it served no good purpose to leave things like shrines. I didn't think I was ready to get in to it too heavily though. I went back to the office, sitting in the high-backed leather-cushioned chair.

My thoughts drifted to Bella's phone call this morning. Despite her cheery mood this afternoon, I knew she was still worried about Alice. She seemed less concerned about her mother, but then, maybe James was only interested in preying on teenage girls, I thought with disgust. I was sorely tempted to check this guy out. I may not know Bella well yet, but I knew her enough to know it would kill her if something happened to her sister, especially while she was hidden away safe and sound. Forks was a few hours drive away, it was possible to make it there and back in a day. Could I slip away for a day? The anger I had for this...monster...for I refused to call him a man, surged. My fists clenched on the arms of my chair. I dragged a breath in and turned to my computer. I pulled up a browser window and typed in 'Swan, Forks WA'. They were listed, luckily, under Charlie's name, even. I was somewhat surprised that a cop would have their phone number listed, but then I guessed that in a small town like Forks, everyone knew where the chief lived anyway.

I pulled my phone out and found the number Bella had used that morning. It matched the internet entry, so I entered in the address as well, it seemed easy enough to find. According to Bella's story, James lived right next door, so I should be able to figure it out fairly quickly. I tried to calm myself down, I knew - academically, again - that beating him to a pulp wasn't really the best choice, no matter how appealing the idea sounded. I just wanted to check him out, I told myself. I just wanted to see how much of a threat he really was. Was he just an ass that would be content to let her go? I could even bring Alice back, if I could convince her. That would alleviate Bella's stress about her sister. Maybe convince her mom to go visit that relative they spoke about. I could even arrange for a caretaker for the house, if that was a concern. There would be no need for James to even be involved in their lives.

I closed down the window, standing and pacing the hallway to walk out some of the agitation. I called a piano tuner, making an appointment for early the next week. I was itching to play, now that Bella had brought up the story about Debussy, especially if it would make her smile again. Jacob woke up a little while later and I crept into Bella's room. I chuckled at the organized chaos inside. The flowery scent of her shampoo saturated the room. Jacob was squirming in his bassinette, kicking his legs feebly in his sleepers. I scooped him up and he looked at me with his wide-eyed wobbly baby stare. It had been a long damn time since I'd changed a diaper, and I can't say that the time had improved the experience, but we both got through it. I realized I didn't have anything to feed him. We would still need to figure out the bottle thing. It had only been a little over an hour, so I hoped he would hold out for a while longer and let his mother sleep.

I grabbed his blanket from his bed and scooped him up again. We went downstairs and I walked outside to the gazebo. The swing had always calmed Macy, so I thought it might stave off any fussiness from Jacob for a while longer. The late afternoon sun was still warm, even though a slight breeze was blowing up from the valley.

The swing was covered in a deep burgundy cushion. The seat was slightly curved, creating a natural cradle for someone less than two weeks old. I wrapped the blanket tightly around him, making sure his little blue hat was secure over his head. When he was nestled into the cushion I sat down next to him, just watching the trees sway in the gentle breeze. Jacob gurgled quietly to himself, occasionally squirming under the blanket, but stayed pretty content.

I watched Tanya's roses flutter in the wind, the afternoon sun was glinting off them, turning the buttery yellow blooms a darker gold. I hoped she was happy that her beloved roses still flourished. I hoped she was not too disappointed in me for not being the one that had looked after them; her tangible legacy here on earth. It was remarkably easy to imagine Tanya tending to her garden here in front of me. Macy would play here in the gazebo sometimes while her mother worked. I would sit out here and work, being in their presence.

Jacob kicked his feet in a sudden reflexive movement. It caught my eye and I gazed at the newborn baby that was occupying the spot my daughter had often used for a nap on warm summer days. I was caught up in a sense of deja vu again.

I hung my head. Was it as bad as that? Was that my attraction to Bella? There was no doubt I was attracted to her, everything about her was catching my eye. I was constantly aware of her, all the time. Maybe I was just missing my wife. Lonely for the wife and child I had lost. It occurred to me that this is what it must look like to my parents and my brother. That I had found a replacement family. I wanted to shout out that it wasn't that at all, but I couldn't quite do that with the conviction I wanted.

I would hold true to my word. I would always be here for Jacob, and in turn Bella. I would give her the opportunity to start her life over, to save her family. She would have the freedom to choose whomever she wanted someday. She would not be burdened with a lonely widowed man who is so confused by his own emotions that he takes advantage of a vulnerable moment to soothe the emptiness.

Both Jacob and I were startled out of our respective reveries when the front door swung open and Bella burst through.

"Jacob! Edward!" She looked over and saw us, her hand to her heart as she sagged against the door frame. "I saw the swing moving so I thought you were out here, but the monitor was gone."

I was instantly remorseful for worrying her. "I'm sorry, Bella. Jacob and I were just enjoying the afternoon and trying to give you some peace and quiet." My eyes followed her as she walked over to check on Jacob. I caught her eyes. "I didn't mean to worry you."

Her eyes glazed slightly, then she turned her attention to her son. "That's okay. I know he's in good hands. I was just..disoriented, I guess."

She picked up Jacob, cradling him in her arms lovingly. I noticed her ponytail had loosened while she slept and she was adorably rumpled from her nap. I stilled the swing with my feet, patting the cushion.

"Have a seat. Rosalie and Emmett will be home soon, I'm sure, and this is a nice place to enjoy a little quiet."

She sat carefully, and when she was situated I gave a gentle push as I moved my foot, letting the swing just rock slowly.

"I want to check in with Alice tomorrow," she said. "I know it's probably a risk to keep calling her there, but I need to know she's okay. After....when I can get some money aside for an apartment I'll figure out a way to move her out of there. Maybe she can still go to school this fall." Her voice was wistful.

"Of course, Bella. You can call her anytime you want. I'll have Emmett bring you home another phone from work. That way you can have your own and really can call her anytime you want."

"No! I don't need a phone..just...you've already given me too much," she exclaimed, rubbing Jacob's back as he fussed from her outburst.

I swallowed thickly, because I still didn't like the idea of her eventually leaving. "Just a loaner, okay?" I qualified. "Until you can get your own. I'd feel better if you had your own anyway, that way you can get out on your own and have a phone if you want."

"Okay..." she said quietly. "Thank you...again."

We sat for a while, watching the clouds move across the sky. I contemplated the plan I had come up with and almost told her. I had a feeling she'd either object or want to come with me, though. I needed to do this for her, almost as much as I had needed to speak for Jacob. Bringing her along was not an option. Even if it might make convincing Alice to come with me easier, I was not about to risk exposing her or Jacob to James again. We'd be gone too long to make leaving Jacob home with Rosalie a viable option either.

I moderated my thoughts, too, as we sat there in the afternoon sun. I avoided thinking about the way the light glinted off her hair, turning it red in spots. I would do this for her, make and her sister even safer from the monster that loomed in their lives. Then I could let her get on with her life.

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**If it's safe to peek my nose out. I'd like to say that I don't own the special hell either. That belongs to Joss Whedon, as does Shepard Book and _Firefly_. If I lost you on that reference, Google it. Netflix it. Love it.**

**Leave a note if you wish. This chapter took a bit longer than I had planned to get to you. I hope to shorten the wait for the next one.**


	8. Chapter 7: Forks

**I will never find enough words to express how much your reviews and comments encourage me. Thank you all very much.**

**I don't own Twilight, or any of the characters, or any other recognizable names. I write for fun, and because Stephenie Meyer created an addicting world that I love to play in.**

**Thanks to Zephyersky for her pre-reading, and catching me in the dumb moments. Thank you to my hubby D4 for helping me get into a guys head, and for keeping the dirty jokes about it to a reasonable level. And, of course, thanks to Amber for her beta skills.**

**Very extra special thanks to Belindella for creating a incredibly awesome banner completely out of inspiration from this story. Truly the highest compliment. Check my profile to see her work.  
**

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**Chapter 7: Forks**

I half-dozed on the couch in the family room; the fuzzy throw blanket thrown over my legs. The television droned quietly. At least Sportscenter was on now. The infomercials were getting old. You know you have insomnia when you start having favorite infomercials. It was getting more and more difficult to stay asleep. I would crash for a few hours, then wake, sometimes from the dreams, sometimes for no apparent reason at all.

I'd been up since about three that morning. The background noise of the television helped a bit, but I still could not manage more than a light doze in the early morning hours. Still, it was better than lying in my bed, staring at the dark shadows in the vaulted ceiling, wide awake. Bella had been up about an hour ago. I heard her pad around lightly in the kitchen, instantly aware of her as I always seemed to be. Jacob was awake and cooing, and she tried to keep him quiet when she saw that I was down here. It had taken some convincing on my part, but I had finally got her to go back upstairs for some sleep since she was barely keeping her eyes open. Jacob wasn't the least bit interested in sleep, though. He was on the floor below me, laid out on a blue baby blanket and staring up at the black and white dangling toys above him with rapt attention.

I perked up a little when the baseball report came on. Seattle had gotten lucky in this year's draft and managed to pick up a promising young rookie out of Texas. He was supposed to be the best thing for Mariners baseball since Ichiro Suzuki, and for the most part he apparently was. His stats were good, though he'd been in a bit of a slump the last few games. He was definitely a crowd favorite. I made a mental note to find out the firm's season ticket schedule. I still wanted to take Bella to a game.

Jacob hiccuped at the end of the report. I leaned over to check on him.

"Hey, buddy, pay attention. This is important stuff." I nodded at him seriously. Spit bubbles were a positive sign, I decided.

"Damn straight, teach 'em while they're young, I say." Emmett's voice was gravelly with sleep as he came into the room. "About time you started hanging out with the menfolk in this house too, Jacob." He flopped on the other couch, scratching his chest and yawning loudly.

"What are you doing up at this hour on a Sunday?" I asked, Emmett never being one to pass up sleeping in on the weekends.

"Some dumbass was watching TV?" He shot back. I rolled my eyes, knowing full well he couldn't hear the television from the room he shared with Rosalie. "Nah, I thought we could crash Dad's tee time this morning and play a round with him."

I turned to look him full in the eyes. "What? Since when do you voluntarily play golf? You hate golf." Emmett could play golf reasonably well, but did so only grudgingly when it was necessary. He was watching the TV with false attention. Emmett couldn't lie to save his life.

He shrugged. "I just thought it would be a good chance to get you out of the house....err..you know, spend some time with the old man." He was trying his very best to sound nonchalant.

"Right. Because Dad wants to listen to you bitch and moan for 18 holes." I said.

I saw him frown out of the corner of my eye. Then he stared at the ceiling. "Well," he began, "Maybe I could call Mike and we'll get some three on three basketball going with the CPL guys." He looked hopeful, as if trouncing our competition in basketball would highlight his whole day. Maybe it would. I doubted it though. Not even Emmett talked about random sports this enthusiastically at this hour on a Sunday.

"So what's the deal, Em? Why are you trying to get me to go..." I stopped, realizing the date. I groaned. My birthday. Emmett now had a angelic expression on his face. "Mom is planning something. Isn't she?" I asked, with dread. I really didn't want to have a party or anything. I was simply not prepared to deal with it yet.

Emmett looked sheepish, but didn't say anything.

"And it's your job to get me out of the house before she comes over?" Now he was engrossed in watching Jacob try to get his fist in his mouth. Something was definitely up. By the way he wasn't responding, I was certain I was right.

I was about to object, when a thought occurred to me. They needed me busy so they could surprise me? I could be busy. I mentally calculated the hours it would take to drive.

I looked at Emmett, my face serious. "How do you feel about a short road trip?"

He raised one bushy eyebrow. "Road trip?"

"Yes, I figure it'll take us about 10 hours, there and back. We'd be back by...." I checked the clock on the wall, "Six or so? Would that be sufficient to fulfill your mission for the day?" I smirked at him. I knew Mom had put him up to this, she should have known better than to try to get Emmett to dupe me.

"Uh. Where would we be going?" he asked. Suspicious, but interested. Emmett could never resist a road trip.

"Forks. I thought we could scout the area. You know. For predators. Perhaps see how dangerous it really is out in the woods." I looked at him steadily. He gave me a blank look. "Bella is from Forks, Em," I explained. "And so is that fucker that put those bruises on her arms. And made her flee in the middle of the night with her two-day old baby."

I could see the thundercloud building behind his eyes. I pressed my case. "I just want to check him out. And make sure her mom and sister are safe."

He grimaced. "Can we cut his balls off? Keep him from finding Bella 2.0?"

"That's an excellent idea, but I'd rather stick to scouting first. Maybe next time." I think we both looked a little disappointed at my statement. He sat up, suddenly alert. I could feel the adrenaline pumping a bit, waking up out of my sleep-deprived stupor.

"Hmm..maybe you're right. Reconnaissance, first." He glanced at Jacob. "Bella's sleeping? Let me get Rose to watch him. If we're going to make it there and back before...too late, we'd better get movin'."

He heaved himself off the couch and went upstairs. I could hear his heavy tread taking the stairs two at a time and walking down the hall. A few minutes later, Emmett, now dressed in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, returned with Rosalie, looking her usual model-perfect self. She was still wearing what I guess you would call 'loungewear' but, as always, looked like she had just stepped off the page of a catalogue. I briefly wondered if she was always that polished, but banished that thought to the "TMI" category. After she scooped up Jacob to play with him on her lap, I bounded up the stairs to get dressed. I threw open the doors to my room, half-running to the closet. I stripped off my pajamas, grabbing a clean set of clothes. Dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt. I brushed my teeth and ran my fingers through my hair a few times, before giving up like I always did. I found a pair of hiking boots in my closet and pulled them on, quickly tying the laces. I grabbed a dark blue hooded sweatshirt on my way out of the closet. I retrieved my cell phone, wallet and keys from the dresser, shoving them in my pockets. It was still surprising how natural those movements were. I shook my head, I wanted to keep my focus on the mission at hand, not get bogged down in memories and guilt.

I picked up my sweatshirt again, swinging it on as I walked out into the hallway. I had to stop short though, as Bella was just outside my door and I nearly bowled her over. She was staring blankly at about chest level to me. She was wearing a white tank top over a pair of grey and blue sweatpants, both wrinkled since she had obviously slept in them. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, the back standing up slighly. Adorably rumpled. The contrast between her and my sister-in-law was amusing. Rosalie may have been attractive and put together, but Bella just made me want to take her back to bed.

I had managed to refrain from touching her and give her the space that was needed over the past few days. It hadn't, however, gotten any easier to stop the desire to take her in my arms and hold her close again. Even now my eyes were drawn to the creamy skin above her tank top, slightly obscured by the contrasting rich dark hair. She snapped herself out of her trance and pushed her hair behind her ear on one side. My own eyes followed the path of the newly exposed skin before I managed to break free of my own trance.

"Good morning, Edward." she breathed out.

"Hi." That was all the eloquence I could manage at the moment.

"Are you going somewhere?" she asked with interest. I had to tread carefully. I wanted to do this and I was sure she would object, or worse, insist on coming along. I needed to do this, if not on my own, than with Emmett as back up.

"Um, yeah. Emmett and I are going to...do some brother stuff. Rosalie has Jacob downstairs." I was slightly more eloquent that time.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "That will be fun!" She smiled up at me, then moved to pass me, her hand was out as if she was going to touch my arm as she went by. I stepped back into my doorway instead. I wasn't sure if could handle her touch at the moment. Her enthusiastic smile dimmed slightly to a shy glance, then she walked downstairs ahead of me.

Emmett was waiting for me in the foyer. We both grabbed heavy flannel jackets and headed to the garage. After a brief debate on vehicles, we opted to take his truck. We'd just look like hikers passing through. I eyed Emmett's gigantic shiny SUV. Well, mostly like hikers.

The drive to Forks took several hours. The normally congested freeways into Seattle were empty, since it was still pretty early on a Sunday morning. Emmett plugged his iPod into the stereo and demonstrated the capabilities of his sound system on the way to the ferry dock. While my tastes in music tended to be varied, and dependent on my mood, Emmett's tastes ran in phases. Apparently, his current phase revolved heavily around a solo female artist with a penchant for driving dance beats and wild costumes. I watched the video on the tiny screen with bemusement.

"What the hell is she wearing?" I asked, turning the device sideways, like that would give me a better answer.

"Dude, Gaga is the shit. Don't rag on my woman." He snickered back.

"Does Rosalie know this?" I asked. He mocked a panicked face and snatched the ipod from my hand and shut off the music.

"Oh no! Don't tell Rose!" He faked a horrified face. "Nah, she's cool. You should see her "freebie" list. It's a mile long."

"She just strikes me as the jealous type." I said.

"Oh she's definitely possessive, she just doesn't care what whet's my appetite, as long as I come home for dinner." He waggled his eyebrows at me.

"Why am I suddenly thankful for soundproofing that bonus room?"

He guffawed."Yeah, you woulda kicked us out by now."

I arched an eyebrow at him. "You think I still won't? When's that house of yours done, anyway?"

He grinned. "A few weeks, maybe a month or so at most. You should come by the property. We're just waiting on county to inspect and then the finishing can go up. We'll get out of your hair soon enough."

"Don't get me wrong, bro. I appreciate you taking care of my place. And helping with Bella and Jacob." I started. "Just tell Rosalie to back off me, okay? I'm not going to hurt Bella."

He sighed heavily. "Yeah, man, sorry about that. She knows, I've told her. She had a bad ex a while back, so she's sensitive about women getting taken advantage of."

I frowned, wanting to protest. "I'm not going to...it's not like that, Emmett, how many times do I have to tell you all that?"

We were stopped at the loading area for the ferry now, so he turned to me with a dubious expression. "So, you just stare at her all the time for shits and giggles?"

I groaned and rolled my eyes, trying to appear nonchalant. Had I been that obvious?

"Hey man, do whatever makes you happy." he shrugged.

I shook my head. "I just feel protective of her because of how we met. I had to stop those guys from bothering her. She's just..penance..you know?"

"Penance? Dude, aren't you the romantic?"

"Whatever happened to the special hell?" I asked.

"Hey, that's Rosalie's domain. I'm just the messenger."

"Well, tell Rosalie to relax. I'll be a perfect gentlemen. I'm just helping her get a new start." I said, staring out the window.

We were waved forward by the ferry system employee and Emmett drove onto the large boat, parking where we were directed to, near the front and center. He shut off the engine and reclined his seat a bit. It was about a 40 minute crossing to the Olympic peninsula. There was a large seating and dining area in the upper levels of the ferryboat, but Emmett's truck was likely more comfortable.

"Okay, okay. No problem, man." He retrieved a couple bottles of water from the center console cabinet, handing me one. "So...what's the deal with this fucker we're going after today?"

"I don't know much about him, only what Bella has told me." I explained. "I know his first name is James, and he lives next door to Bella's family home. He ingratiated himself into their lives after her dad passed. From what little Bella said about him, it sounds like he figures he was due Bella as payment. Took advantage of a teenage girl and got pissed when she wouldn't play house with him anymore."

Emmett listened with narrowed eyes. "And the bruises...that's when she tried to leave or something?"

"That was she told me. I have a bad feeling about him, Em. He wouldn't even let her go to the hospital when she went into labor. He just left her there thinking he was going to kill the baby when he got back. So she ran." I could feel the anger welling up inside, threatening to break through. I had to forcibly relax my hand as it was tightening into a fist, before I crushed the water bottle I was holding. Emmett wasn't doing much better.

"I just want to check him out, Em. I don't doubt her story for a minute, but she's young and scared. I want to see him for myself and see if he's a douchebag hick that will forget about her now that she's gone or if he's something she's going to have to worry about, and consequently I'm going to have to worry about."

"You know they invented private investigators for shit like this, right?" He asked.

"I'd rather see him for myself. I don't trust anyone else's opinion." I stated, flatly. "If we can get to her sister, I think we can scope things out without him being any the wiser."

"Truth. Plus, this is more fun." He grinned at me. "So, what's the plan?"

"Let's start at the house. If it's just Alice there, I think we can just tell the truth. I think Bella's told her enough that we could make her believe us. Bella doesn't seem to want her mom to know where she is. I get the impression she's not all there." I said, tapping the side of my head. "Like she might inadvertantly say something. If James is lurking around, or anyone else, we'll just pretend to be lost city kids." I patted the pristine leather interior of Emmett's truck.

"So, we're winging it." He stated, bluntly.

"Yes, pretty much."

"Okay, then." He nodded and we lapsed into silence.

Once upon a time, I had been a planner. Every detail of my life, professionally and at home, was generally planned and analyzed. I still was, to a point. Three years on the road had taught me to plan on the fly, though. I had become fairly adept at sizing up a situation and executing a plan within minutes. I had to be. Most of the time you didn't know what each situation was going to bring you more than a few minutes ahead.

The rest of the drive went uneventfully. We finally settled on a compromise of classic rock as background music and talked about the company. Emmett encouraged me to start getting more involved, and I had to agree. While I may not have worked a job in the last few years, I stayed moving. And it was another step in living my life again. We discussed some of the projects that were in progress and we made plans to do a few site visits together this week, as well as meet the new architect, Mike, that he had brought on in my absence.

It was just about midday when we slowed as the highway brought us into town. Ninety percent of Forks was located right along the thin ribbon of highway that cut through the forest. A few side streets led to a small collection of houses. I found myself watching the town with avid interest. Whenever Emmett and I had come out here to hike and camp, the only buildings of interest had been the small grocery store and the sporting goods store located just outside of town. Half my mind was looking at the few people collected in front of the various buildings, wondering if one of them was James, or even Alice or Bella's mother. The other half was picturing Bella in this place. The low collection of buildings that made up the high school she had attended, the hospital she should have had Jacob at. It was actually more difficult than I would have thought, to picture her here.

I reached into the pocket of my jeans, getting out my phone and pulling up Bella's old address. It took us only a few minutes to navigate the narrow streets and find the small two-story, white house. The lawn was mossy because of the constant wet here, but it was well kept, as were the shrubs and flower beds. A green set of stairs led to the front door. There was only one vehicle parked in the driveway, a beat up rustbucket of a Chevy truck, easily 50 years old. I sincerely hoped no one was driving that heap.

There was a single story brown house to the left. There was a chain link fence around the property and a the lawn was slightly overgrown. The garage door was open and a car sat propped up on two jacks. The house on the right was white with dark green trim, two-story with a lawn as neat as the Swans'. I nodded towards it.

"I'm thinking that's James' place. Keep an eye on it." I murmured quietly.

"Right. Well, let's see who's home at the Swan residence." He answered, parking the truck in the space in front of the house. We were both serious as we climbed out of the truck. He waited for me and we walked to the front door together.

There were small windows in the top of the door, it was just out of eye level though and it was difficult to see if anyone was home. I exchanged a quick look with Emmett and knocked on the door.

If it wasn't easily deduced by the house we were at, there was still no doubt that the woman that answered the door was Bella's mother. She was the same height, and the same general build, save for the softness of middle-age. Her hair was a lighter color,though streaked with gray, and her eyes were blue, but they had the same wide expressiveness that Bella's did. Her features, delicate though defined, were very similar. She was dressed in a yellow sweatsuit and answered the door with a smile. Her face held an innocence to it, despite her years.

"Oh! Well, hello there! It's not often we get visitors!" She greeted us with enthusiasm, her voice infused with wonderment. "Such nice looking young men, too! What can I do for you gentlemen?"

"Mrs. Swan?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. I adopted my best client voice again, smiling down at her. "We were actually looking for Miss Alice Swan. Is she at home?"

"Oh!" She exclaimed again, looking excited. "Are you new friends of Mary-Alice's? I don't remember you, but she's always so busy, and so friendly. She makes new friends all the time!" She clapped her hands, smiling happily. "Come in! Please? I have some nice cookies. Have you had lunch?"

She turned and walked away from the door, leaving it open behind her. Emmett and I exchanged a glance. Did she always just let random strangers into her house? Emmett shrugged and took a cautious step inside. I risked a glance at the house next door. It still seemed dark and quiet, so I followed.

Bella's family home was shabby but comfortable. The mismatched furniture was worn, but the homemade afghans and pillows, as well as the multitude of family photos, made the living area look homey and cozy. A soap opera played on the television. Mrs. Swan kept walking so we followed her into the kitchen, just off the living room. It was small, especially with Emmett's large frame looming in the center of the room. A little table sat in a windowed alcove to one side. The cabinets had been painted a bright yellow, though the rest of the room was a drab off-white color.

There were more photos stuck to the front of the old refrigerator. I took a quick look at them. The first was Bella and a small girl with short spiky dark hair at what looked to be a birthday party. The younger girl had a bright smile and was posing with flair, a party favor raised to her lips. Bella was laughing, her arms wrapped around the other girl in an enthusiastic hug. That must be Alice. It looked to be a couple years old. The second picture was more recent. The three Swan women were standing in front of a wooden carved sign proclaiming "Rainfest". Only in Forks would they have a festival for rain. Mrs. Swan was smiling brightly at the camera. Alice was smiling politely, but her attention wasn't on the camera, more on her sister. Bella was smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes. She appeared to be trying to hide behind Renee, but that didn't disguise the rounded belly she was rested her hands on. This obviously wasn't more than a couple months ago. I wondered if it was James taking the picture.

"I was making myself a tunafish sandwich, but I could make more. Or some soup!" Mrs. Swan turned to us. "I'm sorry, I'm terrible with names, and I've forgotten already."

Emmett and I exchanged another glance, we hadn't given our names at all yet.

I debated what to tell her. I didn't want to give her too much information yet, but I didn't want to lie to Bella's mother, either. "My name is Edward, ma'am, and this is Emmett." I gestured to my brother, hoping she'd be satisfied with just our first names. I felt bad taking advantage of her obviously confused state, but I could see now why Bella was so worried about her inadvertantly telling James anything. "We're here to talk to Alice about...a school opportunity." I finished. That was sort of true.

"Uh, yeah." Emmett interjected. I could see him eying the plate of cookies that sat in the middle of the table and I elbowed him in the ribs. "We have a...scholarship program we want to discuss with her."

I closed my eyes and had to keep myself from slapping my forehead, or Emmett's for that matter. I glared at him while her back was turned, but fixed a polite smile when she turned around to gasp at us.

"Oh really?" She nearly jumped up and down. "She will be so excited. They grow up so fast. My oldest is already a college girl. Her boyfriend lives next door and is so good to us. He drove her to the University himself. So sweet." She flitted around the room taking down three glasses from the cupboard and pulling a pitcher of lemonade from the refrigerator. "I hope you young men take care of your ladies that way. So rare to find anymore. Not since my Charlie, for sure."

She poured the lemonade into the glasses, handing one to each of us. "Please sit. Alice is at work, but she'll be back."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Swan," I apologized. "We're on a bit of a schedule today, I was hoping we could speak to her right away. Where does she work?"

Emmett took a sip of his lemonade and hummed in approval, raising his glass in a toast to Bella's mom and winking at her. She giggled and smiled back at him. Freaking charmer.

"She just started at the Outfitters. I told her it wasn't necessary. You're only young once and now is the time to enjoy her summers, but she insisted. She never was much for camping and the outdoorsy stuff, but she said she was going to revolutionize the outdoor clothing world. Or something like that. Such grand dreams she has!" She sighed but had a smile of pride on her face.

I took a sip of my lemonade, to be polite. It was pretty good, actually. I didn't want to be rude, so we complimented Mrs. Swan on her home and her lemonade. After a few minutes I spoke to excuse ourselves.

"We'd better be going. Thank you for the lemonade ma'am. We will look for Alice at her place of work." I spoke as kindly as I could. The woman was definitely not completely living in the real world, and I felt bad that we were keeping information from her. Maybe we could fix that at some point. I nudged Emmett and he nodded. We handed our glasses to Bella's mother and turned to leave the house. She fussed over us a bit and walked us to the front door.

"Stop by anytime!" She waved as we left.

We walked in silence back to Emmett's truck. We climbed in and he quickly started the engine, both of us waving to Mrs. Swan as we drove off. We both sat back with a sigh.

"Shit, we're going to hell for lying to that poor woman arent' we?" Emmett finally said as we drove up the highway to the north part of town, towards the sporting goods store.

I blew out a breath. "I think so." I did feel guilty, but I tried to remember the point. We were keeping Bella and Jacob safe.

"So, Bella's boyfriend took her to the university, huh?" He asked. "Right after she got done having a baby."

"Apparently. He's going to a deeper level of hell." I growled. Why would he lie about Bella's whereabouts? He obviously didn't know where she was. "I wonder why he's trying to act like he knows where she is." I mused.

"I'm already thinking this guy is bad news, Edward."

I could only nod in agreement.

It took us only minutes to arrive at the Northwest Outfitters. There were a few cars in the parking lot. It was Sunday, so most people were coming in from their hiking trips rather than heading out. We both got out and headed to the glass doors at the front of the building. It was a sizable business, camping and hunting supplies being one of the top industries in the area since the logging business fell off. It was crafted like a large log cabin, though the commercial doors were in contrast to that. It was warm inside. The smells of leather and gun oil filled the large room. There were racks of multi-colored flannel coats and bright orange hunting vests and hats. The back wall, behind a high counter, was lined with hunting rifles. The sides of the store were shelf after shelf of various types of outdoor gear. A section for shoes in one corner, and then a counter in the center of the store, on a raised platform. Glass display cabinets made up the sides of the counter, containing electronic gear and hunting and utility knives.

The store seemed fairly empty. The only other person I could see was a small young woman sitting on a high stool at the center counter. She was dressed for an outdoor gear store, mostly. The flannel shirt she was wearing was tied up on one side, the sleeves had been altered to fit snuggly along her arms. The skinny jeans and black heels weren't exactly camping gear either. She had a bored espression, swinging her crossed leg slightly and inspecting her fingernails. I recognized the dark spiky hair, though, from the picture on the refrigerator at the house. This must be Alice. I could see some resemblence to Bella, mostly in the shape of her face.

We walked up together. Emmett got distracted by a display of various camping gadgets. I continued up to the counter. Alice jumped down off the stool as I approached, but didn't look at me until I reached the counter. Her eyes were a bright blue and she eyed me speculatively, then flicked her glance to Emmett.

"Hi there! Welcome to Northwest Outfitters!" Her bell-like voice was a contrast to Bella low soft one. "Let's see," she continued. "You're too pretty to be fishermen. The beard makes me think you've been out camping for a few weeks, but you're too neat and tidy, and he's clean shaven." She pointed imperiously at Emmett.

"Plus, your truck is way too clean, so no way you've been out in the woods." She put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot while apparently sizing us up. I was amused.

"Speaking of that hot truck, there is no way you're from around here, so you had to have driven in from the city today. On a Sunday. And I don't know why you're here, because if that's the case, you buy all of your gear at the REI in Seattle. So you either forgot something stupid, like fuel for you stove, you stopped in here just to show off your fancy truck, or you're looking for someone. Tyler isn't working today, and I don't camp. So which is it?"

Emmett's head popped up. "You think my truck is hot?" He grinned at her, winking.

She rolled her eyes. "For a truck." She said with a shrug. "I like a guy with something sleek and sporty, personally. Or a motorcycle."

Emmett clutched his chest in mock pain. Alice giggled.

I leaned over the counter. "You're pretty good. I am looking for someone, Alice." I figured that would get her attention, since she wasn't wearing a nametag.

Her blue eyes snapped open even wider. "Whoa. You're good. Do you read minds or something? Who are you?" Her face was a mix of apprehension and curiosity.

I shook my head, then looked around the store to make sure no one was around. "I don't read minds, no, but we know some of the same people."

Her eyebrows furrowed together in an exact replica of Bella's expression.

"You're my son's favorite aunt." I explained. She leaned back, a confused look covering her face.

"Wait. Aunt? Your son?" She looked me up and down a few times, narrowing her eyes. Then she stopped and leaned over the counter, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Oohh. Green eyes. Right. She didn't mention the son part though." Her perfectly shaped eyebrow arched. I shrugged, trying not to look sheepish. I know Bella hadn't said anything in the car to her, but I hadn't been in the room the next time she talked to Alice.

She gestured to Emmett. "This is your brother, then, I take it? She didn't tell me your names, though."

I held out my hand to introduce myself but her head suddenly snapped up a she held up one manicured finger. She cocked her head to one side slightly like she was listening for something. I found myself listening too, but I couldn't hear anything besides the hum of the central heating in the building. She grabbed a set of keys of the register, unlocking the showcase between us, before slipping the stretchy cord the keys were on around her wrist. Opening the sliding back panel to the case, she reached in an selected a hunting knife. She stood quickly, laying it out on the counter.

I gave her a puzzled expression, but she just stared me in the eye intently. She snapped her fingers in Emmett's direction, trying to get his attention.

She took a deep breath and spoke. "This is a Buck Woodsman, one of the best models. It's very popular with our customers. You can see it has a four-inch blade, made from 420 high-carbon steel, so it's very high quality and will maintain it's edge for a long time." She recited the information like as if she was reading it from a catalog. The double doors slid open, the chime announcing that a new customer was entering the store, just as I was about to ask her why she was trying to sell me a hunting knife.

Her eyes darted behind me for a second before meeting my puzzled gaze again. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, on edge now because of her behavior, fueled by three years of watching people carefully for signs of danger. I stood up straight, guarded now. I could see Emmett out of the corner of my eye turn to look back at the door. Alice flicked his hand.

"It's excellent for field dressing and easily cleaned and maintained." She continued her sales pitch.

I felt my whole body stiffen as a voice interrupted us.

"Alice!" The voice was calm, tenor in pitch, but slightly gravelly.

Alice gripped the counter, looking first at Emmett, then me. "I'm with another customer, James, I'll check on your order in just a minute." She called from around us. Emmett and I exchanged a quick glance.

This was a chance to watch him in action. I hated the idea of making Alice deal with him, but I figured it was unlikely he would do anything to her here, with us so close.

I fixed a neutral expression on my face, picking up the knife and sliding it into the leather holder. I kept it in my hand.

"That's okay, miss." I said to her, "We have a few other things we want to look at. Why don't you take care of this gentleman." I used the opportunity of gesturing to him to turn and look at him. "And we'll collect the other items we need. We'll just be in the camping section." I told her calmly. I hit Emmett in the arm lightly and walked to the nearest aisle, pretending to look at a display of tents. James stalked up to the counter, throwing a glance our way before turning his attention to Alice. He was medium height and a slightly stocky build with long dark blond hair pulled back into a ponytail at the base of his neck. He wore dirty jeans and a bulky leather coat. He hovered over the counter as he watched Alice tap through the old computer, looking like a mountain lion surveying his prey.

Alice had a bored expression on her face. "Don't get your undies in a twist, James. You know this computer is slow as hell. Give me a minute to look up your order."

"Now who says I'm wearin' undies, Ali." He leered at her. Emmett stifled a snicker as we pretended to be engrossed in what we were doing.

"That's gross, James. Go home and do some laundry. Your ammo isn't in and won't be until next Wednesday. It got back-ordered from the warehouse." She made a gagging noise in her throat.

He didn't leave though, just leaned against the counter. "You know, speaking of laundry, where's that sister of yours run to?" I willed her to not look over at us, and was impressed when she held firm. She still seemed to be riveted on the monitor, though I noticed her tapping was getting louder. She shrugged in response.

"Now, come on Alice. I saw you talking on the phone this morning for an hour in your room. I can't think of any of your pathetic little friends that would have something interesting to say for a whole hour. She's run off, and I just want to know where she is." His voice was calm, almost sing-song, but there was an edge of menace to it.

She turned to face him, crossing her arms over her chest. "I have no idea where she went James. She got out of this god damn small town and I'm pissed she didn't take me with her. I don't blame her though. If I was her, I would have left all of us in this sorry hole, too. Some faster than others." Her blue eyes snapped defiantly. Emmett muffled a snicker and raised his hand in a clawing motion.

I tensed as his hand shot out and he grasped her tightly around her arm. "Listen little girl. I gave your sister two very specific instructions, and I don't like being disobeyed." Alice was trying to pull free from his grasp, but he had her twisted at an angle now, half leaning over the counter. I elbowed Emmett and nodded my head towards the counter. His eyes were narrowed though he looked hesitant. I knew we didn't want to engage James in anyway, this was just a scouting trip, but I wasn't going to let him hurt anyone. It wouldn't matter who either of them were.

James was still speaking in a tight, low voice as we walked as silently as we could back towards the counter. "Do you know where she is, Alice? I have a feeling you do. She has such a soft spot for you, she'd never go long without calling her dear baby sister." Alice turned her face from him, refusing to meet his eyes.

I spoke as if I were just a customer, hoping my voice remained even enough to convince James that I was no one of consequence. "Excuse me, miss?", I asked, keeping my tone light. "Would it be okay if we set up this...." I broke off mid-sentence, trying to appear surprised. James stood up and back from the counter, but didn't let go of Alice's arm. I raised my eyebrow to question him.

"Is everything okay miss?" I stared pointedly at his hand on her arm. "Is he bothering you?" Alice's head whipped around to look at me and I could see the fear in her eyes, even though she was holding her head high, keeping a brave face. James gave her a hard look and she swallowed nervously but answered in a clear voice. "I'm fine, he was just leaving."

James tilted his head towards me, narrowing his eyes as he sized me up, a slight sneer when Emmett stepped up beside me. I could look intimidating when I wanted to, and Emmett's sheer size made most bullies think twice about crossing him. James didn't look afraid, though, more like he was weighing the challenge.

"No problem here, just a little family business." He sneered at us, but let go of Alice's arm with a jerking motion. "None of your concern, city boys."

He turned to Alice, glaring at her, his finger in her face. "You tell her to come home. Empty-handed. You tell her to remember what I said." He stood back again and smiled. "And all will be forgiven. You tell her that and then you come tell me when you have." My nostrils flared, and I could feel the heat of anger building. Emmett nudged my arm, whispering my name furitively. I didn't understand all of what James meant, but the "empty-handed" was clear enough. That someone could be that callous grated on me. Even after the years on the road, and indifferent attitude I saw all the time. And this was his child. His son.

No. Not his son. My son. And my Bella.

I didn't stop to consider my possessive feelings. I gripped the handle of the hunting knife I still held in my hand. Through gritted teeth I asked. "Are you threatening her? Not much of a man to stoop to threatening little girls, are you?" Somewhere in my mind I registered Emmett growling, whether it was at James or at me, I wasn't sure.

James flicked his sharp eyes down to my hand, raising at eyebrow when he saw the knife, and returned my stare. His sneer grew on his face.

"Like you trying to threaten me with that knife, pretty boy? You gonna stab me with that?" He barked out a disbelieving laugh.

I shrugged, my whole body still tense with anger. I fingered the knife as Emmett made a warning sound low in his throat. No, as tempting as it would be to stab him with it, that wouldn't help Bella at all. I had that much control on my anger. I flipped it up casually in my fingers, pulling it free of the sheath with my other hand. I tapped the blade to my jaw, ruffling the hairs of my beard.

"What this? This is just a grooming device." I said flippantly, but I did alter my grip slightly to angle the point of the blade towards him.

He gave a menacing laugh, but looked a little more wary. "Whatever the fuck you want to think, man." He turned to Alice. "Immediately, you understand."

She rolled her eyes, but nodded dismissively. I could see her fists clenched under her crossed arms.

He grinned evily at me and Emmett. "Women. Bitches, all of them." He turned and started for the door. "Waste of time. This one's probably as big a slut as her sister. Already moved on to the next sucker."

I didn't even register the growl as mine at first, my fist came down on the rack closest to me, knocking a few items down. I lunged forward, red clouding my vision. I didn't get very far though. Emmett's steel grasp on my arms held me back like an iron chain.

His gruff voice, low so not to be overhead. "Stop! You're going to tip him off. You know, unless you're prepared to commit murder."

James had whipped around at the sound. He stood on the lower floor of the entry area. He cocked his head to the side and just stared at me for a moment. Our eyes locked together as we both re-evaluated our opinions. He was a menace. But a calculated menace. He'd only act if he was sure. His face was almost passive, despite the menacing gleam in his eyes. I saw his cheek tick on one side. He breathed in through his nose, almost as if he were smelling the air.

And then, just that quickly, he relaxed his pose and pointed at Alice. "Tonight, little girl." And turned and walked out of the store.

It was silent in the store, as we all stared at the door.

Emmett broke the tension. "Huh. Awesome guy." He clapped me on the shoulder. "Calm down, man."

I drew in a deep breath. My vision clearing. I mentally berated myself for nearly giving away our identities, even if it was just a clue. Maybe this trip wasn't such a good idea. I saw Alice slump against the stool, rubbing her arm. No, he would have been here threatening Bella's sister anyway.

"Are you okay, Alice?" I asked in a tight voice.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." she sighed. "I don't know what to tell him tonight. Everything I can think of will just set him off worse, I can see it."

"What about your mom? Will he hurt her?" I knew Bella was more concerned about her sister than her mother, but I wanted to be sure. I had no doubt it would still kill her if anything were to happen to any member of her family.

Alice gave a delicate snort. "And lose his bread and butter? No way. Mom thinks he's the greatest and he treats her like a queen. Of course, she practically supports him with Dad's life insurance money, too, so I'm sure that has something to do with it. Besides, she's not his type." She rolled her eyes. "His last girlfriend, before Bella? Looked just like her. Long brown hair, big brown eyes."

I paused at this. "Oh really? What happened to her?" I asked, warily.

Alice shrugged. "They broke up. He caught her with another guy or something." She had relaxed now, her blue eyes sparkling, like she didn't have a care in the world. "Do I get to know your name now? Bella wouldn't tell me. I promise I won't tell her you said anything." She crossed her heart with her finger.

I chuckled. If she agreed to come with us, it wouldn't matter anyway.

"I'm Edward, this is my brother Emmett. We'll get to last names later, if that's okay."

She shook my outstretched hand, then high-fived Emmett.

Then she frowned. "So, what do I tell him tonight? Because he will show up."

"Will you trust us, Alice? That we're taking care of Bella and Jacob?" I asked her. Her eyes narrowed at me speculatively, but it seemed...less tense than assessing a trustworthy person.

"Bella trusts you." she said, simply. "I know what you did for her. What's the plan?"

"Come back with us. She's dying to have you safe and out of James' reach."

"You came all the way out here for me?" she asked incredulously. "I don't even have to ask where you're from. Everything is a million miles from here. Huh." She eyed me appraisingly.

"Mom won't leave Dad's house. She's...very attached," she added.

I understood that.

"Can someone stay with her? That Native American woman that helped Bella, maybe?" I asked. I wanted to leave soon. Not just for our schedule, but I didn't want to risk James coming back.

"Yeah, maybe. At least check on her during the day." Alice mused outloud.

"Tell her she'll be paid, if it helps."

Alice's eyes widened. "Wow...if I had any doubts. That's a crazy obscure detail."

She considered it for a moment. Suddenly, her face morphed out of that calm veneer and she just looked like a scared little girl. I looked at Emmett, his eyes were filled with sympathy.

"Okay. I'm..." she started. "I hate him, always did, even when Bella first started dating him...and I miss her."

She looked at the computer screen. "Tyler will be here in thirty minutes. It's been dead here today, so I can leave early." Her face reassembled itself into that bright calm appearance again. "Let me go home and pack a few things, figure out something to tell Mom. Pick me up in an hour and a half?"

I hesitated. "What about James? I'm sure he got a good look at Emmett's truck out there."

She shook her head. "He always goes to Waylon's Tavern every afternoon. He'll be there today." She seemed pretty sure of herself.

"Okay then, Alice, we'll see you in ninety minutes." I smiled at her. Emmett grinned.

"Two of them to torture! Do you blush as easy as Bella does?" He asked hopefully.

"Pshh." Alice scoffed. "Do your worst big guy."

"I'm gonna love this, Edward." He laughed.

"Yeah. When do you move out, again?" I rolled my eyes at him.

We left the store quickly then. The parking lot was empty, save for Emmett's truck. I wondered how Alice was getting home, but didn't want to go back in to ask. We climbed in the vehicle and drove north out of town a ways. We had some time to kill, so Emmett amused himself by following a small dirt road. There didn't seem to be any signs warning us off so we kept going. It finally hit a dead end in an overgrown clearing. And old dilapidated house stood there. Larger than any other house in town, we figured it must have belonged to a logging company owner back when business was still booming. It was a shame. The old Victorian style house had a lot of potential, if it could be renovated. Emmett and I both looked at it a long minute before grinning sheepishly at each other.

"God damn, we're such house geeks. Couple of architects ogling an old house like it's Miss February." Emmett snorted. He turned the truck around and headed back to town.

We'd finally passed enough time to wind our way back to the Swan house. We didn't want to linger in front, in case her mom was watching. Or worse, James. James' house was dark still though, with no sign of a truck or anyone being home. We pulled up, staying to the garage side of the house, hoping the smaller windows and the large tree in the front yard would obscure us a little. Right on cue, Alice popped out of the front door. She was loaded down with three suitcases and a large tote bag, but didn't seem to have any trouble lugging them down the stairs. She practically skipped to the truck. Emmett laughed and shook his head as he got out of the truck and opened the back for her. They got her bags loaded in and he hoisted her into the backseat, making her yelp as he picked her up bodily.

Emmett got back in the car and started it immediately, still buckling his seatbelt as he took off down the street. I glanced at James' house again, a prickly sensation making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. There was no sign of anyone though. No light or movement. I was definitely paranoid, and the sooner we were away from Forks the better. I didn't even want to come here to camp again.

The three of us were silent as we headed out of town. As soon as the city limits sign blurred past, Alice started talking. She chattered nonstop for the next hour, asking questions about our lives in Seattle. We did eventually get around to last names. She and Emmett bantered back and forth. I found myself getting lost in thought again. Like always, my thoughts drifted to Bella. I found myself impatient to get home. This morning seemed like an eternity, and I couldn't wait to see her joy at seeing her sister. I could picture her deep brown eyes filled with elation and the happy blush across her cheeks. I groaned internally as I remembered the birthday party my mom had planned for tonight. Maybe with the distraction of Alice, it wouldn't be too bad. I didn't want any dark reminders tonight. It would be a happy moment when we got back, and we could use a little joy.

Eventually, Alice curled up in the back seat and fell asleep. As we waited in line for the ferry, Emmett turned to me.

"So how much trouble do you think we'll be in with Rosalie and Bella?" He smirked at me.

"You? Heaps." I tossed back at him. "I bet Rosalie doesn't like it when you do unplanned crazy shit like this." He shook his head vehemently. I considered if Bella would be angry. Maybe for the James thing, but he doesn't know a thing about us, so there really wasn't anything to worry about. I grinned at Emmett. "I'll be fine," I said, gesturing to the sleeping Alice, "I have 'Wrath of Bella' insurance.'"

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**Home to Bella next chapter. I wonder what that will bring us? Also, eventually, I will be doing some Bella POV outtakes. There's not a schedule yet, because I don't want to take time away from the main story.  
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**Leave a note if you wish, and I'll see you next week!  
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	9. Chapter 8: Chaos

**At long last! Please forgive the tardiness of this update. I really don't intend for it to go this long in between. Hopefully the extremely long chapter will make up for it. Thanks to the usual suspects. ZephyerSky, Amber, BD. Extra thanks to my hubby, without him I would have wrestled with this chapter forever. **

**Thank you again to everyone who reads, and more to those that review. **

**I don't own Twilight, or any of the recognizable characters. I don't own the Mariners either. **

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 8: Chaos**

"Thanks, again, Mom," I said, kissing her on the cheek before helping her into Dad's Mercedes.

She smiled and shook her head at me, grasping my hand tightly. "Don't thank me, sweetheart. It was all Bella's idea."

Her gaze flickered to the upstairs window above the garage. The last guest room, now occupied by Bella's sister. "Though, I think you may have given her the all the thanks she could ever want." Her soft laughter joined my father's.

"That was sweet of you son, to do that for her," She added.

I shook my head and waved as I closed the door. Dad waved in response as he backed the car smoothly out of the driveway. I stood and watched them leave until the sleek black car disappeared at the base of the hill. I pulled my lightweight navy jacket around me against the slight chill of the evening. The fresh air was nice, but the heatwave the weatherman was promising hadn't quite arrived yet. I made my way over to the swing, as had become my habit in the evenings since I'd been home. I stretched out on the cushion. It wasn't quite long enough to lay down completely, but the side rails made for a decent footrest. I stared at the ceiling of the gazebo, the white wooden slats artfully arranged in a star pattern as they wove up to the peak of the structure. I chuckled at the memory. Our contractor had hated us for that design, apparently it wasn't as easy to build as it had been to draw.

Shifting my weight was enough to get the swing to sway slightly, and I closed my eyes. I knew sleep would not come, but the day had been exhausting. The sleepless nights were taking their toll, and the adrenaline rush from the encounter with James had long since worn off. Emmett and I had made our way back from Forks late this afternoon. Alice had woken up again after we boarded the ferry and she and Emmett had bonded over Lady Gaga.

That song was never getting out of my head.

In the end, though, it was worth it. Bella had been overjoyed to see her sister. We'd interrupted party preparations when we'd returned, earning us a stern, however good-natured, glare from my mother. Bella had been at the stove when Alice strolled into the kitchen like she owned the place and nonchalantly inquired about dinner. I had watched from the doorway as Bella screamed and dropped the utensil she was using before she ran to envelop her sister in a crushing hug. There had been tears and laughter, and the joy and surprise on Bella's face had warmed the numbness of my soul. She had then flown in to my arms, burying her face in my chest as she sobbed her gratitude.

I didn't need her thanks. I hadn't done it for that reason. Though, that moment of getting to hold her in my arms without feeling like I was a lecherous old man was a pleasant thing. I'd held on to her as long as I could, soaking up the calm feeling she always restored in me and trying to ignore the electric current that flowed wherever we touched. But, just as suddenly as she had hugged me, she had quickly jumped back, her eyes wide with fear as realization dawned in her eyes.

"You went to FORKS!" she exclaimed. "What if....Did... You can't go there."

"Bella. Bella, relax. It's okay. Alice is safe, and your mom has someone looking out for her. Everything will be fine." I tried to reassure her. Her hands had begun shaking and the joyful tears from a minute earlier turned fearful. I cautioned both Emmett and Alice with my eyes to keep quiet. I would explain what happened with James later. Carlisle and Esme both looked confused, but I did see my mother dabbing at her eyes.

The 'party' took me completely by surprise. I had been dreading this event. My mother was well-known for her parties. Always classy, elegant, without being too stuffy. The food would be perfect. Everyone always had a good time. They may not have been the wildest parties ever, but it was always perfect for whatever the occasion. The memories came bittersweet, as usual. Tanya was equally adept, and the two of them were a force to be reckoned with.

I had remained home for most of the time I'd been back. A few of the neighbors had stopped by, having heard through the neighborhood grapevine that the prodigal Cullen son was home. Emmett had told the staff at the office as well, but I was still unsure about immersing myself in large groups. I had been afraid my mother would see my birthday as a good chance to reacquaint me with the neighborhood, or my office staff, or Dad's staff at the hospital.

My fears were unfounded, though. After the tears and shock and squeals of laughter from Alice and Bella's reunion died down, I looked around to see that there were no artfully placed decorations or perfectly constructed platters of appetizers. Instead, the patio in the backyard had been decorated in bright colored paper and balloons. I had stared, perplexed, into the kitchen as we all filed back in. Bella scurried back to the stove, dragging Alice behind her, to start lifting pieces of fried chicken out of a pan.

What's all this?" I asked, still surprised at the unexpected change from what I had envisioned. I turned to look at Esme. "Mom?"

"Oh, no, dear. . .all credit goes to Bella. She wouldn't even let me help. I've had baby duty." She chuckled and patted Jacob's back. She had been holding him since we came in, something that just occurred to me. I had been aware of it but it had just seemed so normal, I hadn't given it a second thought. "Although, I must admit, it has been most entertaining to watch your father mash potatoes."

Carlisle had moved to the center island and lifted the spatula he was using to stir the potatoes, shaking the end in her direction. "None of that from you, young lady. Bella says I'm a 'champion potato smasher'." He winked at Bella and she giggled softly as she piled the chicken on a large platter.

"You're the best, Carlisle." She smiled at him. Carlisle gave a sniff of mock self-importance. She was so relaxed. The most relaxed I had seen her around my family yet. She was wearing a white pair of those short pants that only come to the calf, and a blue t-shirt. Over the top, she wore a pink apron that was spattered with grease from the chicken. Her long brown hair was swept up into a messy pile on the top of her head. She just looked natural and at home.

Dinner was casual and very enjoyable, and exactly what I needed. It was so normal. Everyone was smiling and happy. No one was shooting me worried looks. Bella held Jacob as she ate, rolling her eyes as Alice peppered Esme and Rosalie with questions about shopping opportunities in Seattle and Bellevue. Carlisle and Emmett were discussing baseball, as usual for this time of year. I contributed a little to the conversation, but mostly I just watched everyone.

After dinner was over my whole family sang "Happy Birthday" while Bella brought out the richest looking chocolate cake I had ever seen. She gave me a mischievous smirk as she set down the cake with thirty-three candles carefully counted out and lit. I did get the satisfaction of watching her eyes widen and her cheeks flush as I drew in a deep breath and blew out every single candle. I shouldn't have flirted with her like that, but i couldn't resist it when she teased me about my age. It was all in good fun, right? Harmless flirting.

_Sure_.

My parents had my piano tuned for me as a gift, wringing a promise to play again soon from me. Emmett and Rosalie presented me with a stack of tickets to a Mariners game the next week, enough for the whole family, plus more he planned to give to the office staff. _There _was the party with all the people, but I was ecstatic about going to a game again. And I knew I needed to meet these people. The game would be a good diversion. It did not escape my notice that all of their gifts, while things I would truly enjoy, were designed to get me back into my life.

The wind picked up, blowing my hair into my eyes and bringing me back to the present. My family definitely meant well. And, they were right. After all, hadn't I come home to take up my life again? To assume the responsibilities I had left behind? The prospect of really rejoining the world was nerve-wracking. I still had so much to sort out. Everyday life, meeting clients, just dealing with the memories of my family. Hiding here at home wasn't much different than hiding on the highways and streets. I let out a heavy sigh at the thought.

I felt her before I saw her. I knew Bella had stepped out from the front door, even before the floral perfume of her shampoo washed over me. l could hear the soft footfalls as she walked closer and the swing changed rhythm slightly as she took hold of one of the chains suspending it from the ceiling.

I lifted my head, lowering my eyes so I could see her. She had removed the apron before dinner. Her hair was down again and her chocolate brown eyes were still slightly red-rimmed from the tears shed earlier this evening. At least they had been happy tears. She gave me a small smile.

"Hey," she said, using the swing chain as leverage as she pivoted around the corner. I gave her a crooked half-smile.

"Hello, Bella," I answered softly, not wanting to disturb the peace of the late evening. Despite the late hour, it wasn't quite dark yet. The edges of the sunset were still peaking over the western horizon, bathing the front lawn in soft orange glow.

"I thought you would still be up with your sister." After the birthday dinner, Alice and Bella had disappeared upstairs to tend to Jacob and get Alice settled into the last guest room.

Bella laughed lightly, moving to the rail of the porch. She sat down, leaning her back against one of the posts and drawing her feet up.

"She discovered the bathroom and the jacuzzi tub. I'm going to have my work cut out for me prying her out of your house when we get our own place." She shook her head in disbelief. I closed my eyes, not wanting to think about the day Bella would inevitably move out. I made a laughing noise, hoping it sounded convincing.

We were quiet for a minute before she spoke again.

"Thanks, again, you know, for getting her. " She gave a deep sigh then wrapped her arms around her knees. "I don't want to sound ungrateful, because, I am. Grateful. For everything you've done for us." She snorted, "And here I thought I was the one planning the big surprise for you."

I sat up, a little too quickly, and had to shake the dizziness out of my head. I didn't want her thinking the birthday dinner had meant nothing to me. I looked straight at her, hoping she would turn to look at me.

"You did surprise me!" I blurted out. "I knew something was up because Emmett was acting weirder than normal, and, well, it is my birthday." I grinned at her, feeling more at ease the longer we spoke. "I thought it was going to be Mom, though, and one of her big neighborhood bashes in some attempt to get me to be social again."

She did turn to look at me then, her eyes wide, and she blushed. Her hands released her knees as she moved them to inspect her fingernails.

"She was going to do that. You're probably more used to that. This was probably really silly compared to all that." She turned away, idly tracing the the leaves of the climbing rose. "I just thought that you might not be ready for that yet. Pretty silly, I know. You've just done so much for me, and I wanted to do something back, and it's just dinner, and I still had to get Rosalie to buy it all, and..."

I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. The rambling was adorable, but I knew she was upset. I stood and walked over to her, sitting on the railing next to her and and pulling her hand off Tanya's roses. I squeezed it lightly, trying to calm her and get her to look at me.

When she finally did, I released her hand. "Bella. It was exactly what I needed. I was dreading it all day. I was afraid that it would be a big fancy party like she and Tanya used to throw. Not that they were unbearable," I clarified. "I'm just not. . . .ready. Especially after today. It was a long day." I ducked my head to catch her eyes again. She had dropped her gaze to her lap, but lifted them again, letting out a small sigh.

"Mom used to make my dad fried chicken and mashed potatoes for his birthday. He was supposed to be watching his cholesterol, so it was like, his one treat. I just associate it with comfort food and birthdays, and it was such a nice day. Plus, it was fun to see your dad mash potatoes." She grinned at the memory.

I teased back. "So, I remind you of your Dad? Gee, thanks," I said, giving her a cocky half smile. We would often tease each other about our respective ages. My smile faded quickly though, at the seriousness of her expression. Apparently, this wasn't one of those times.

She blushed and said quietly. "No, that's not it." She composed her face and nudged my leg with her foot. "You totally trumped me with the nice surprise thing. Again." She glared at me, but she was smiling.

"I'd say I was sorry for stealing your thunder, but I'm not." I didn't know how to communicate the compulsion that I had to continue to provide everything she needed, to continue to make her safe and happy. I didn't even entirely understand it myself, just that it was a driving force in me since I had met her. I would take whatever motivation I could get in myself. Her eyes got impossibly darker and deeper, emotions flickering over her expressive face.

"Why did you go get her? You've already taken so much responsibility for me. Alice isn't your responsibility, too. I could have....done something....later." She stammered over the emotions.

I thought about the incident with James earlier today and the things he had said.

I leaned closer, so she would understand my sincerity. "Just because I only legally spoke for Jacob, doesn't mean that his needs are the only ones that matter to me, Bella. I'm an 'all-in' kind of guy. Alice wasn't safe there. If it wasn't safe for you, chances are it wasn't going to be safe for her. And I couldn't take that risk, because I know what it would have done to you if something had happened to Alice, even the most minor thing."

Her eyes were wide and I was losing myself in those dark pools. The moisture that collected in her eyes was all the confirmation I needed. I reached up and touched the corner of her eye, trapping a tear and wiping it away.

"And it wouldn't have been okay. I need to talk to you about that." I paused as fear filtered into her eyes. "We did see James today. He saw Alice talking to you on the phone. I don't think he knew for sure that it was you, but he guessed correctly, even if Alice didn't confirm it."

She gave a strangled gasp, "You saw James?" Panic filled her face and voice, she looked around the yard and to the street, as if searching to see if he had followed. Then she turned back to me, her eyes filled with anger as well as fear. "You could have led him here. To Jacob. You...your family!"

I touched my finger to her lips briefly to silence her. "It's okay, Bella! He has no idea who Emmett and I are. He just came into the store when we went there to look for Alice. As far as he knows, we were just two random city slickers out for a weekend vacation. And it _was _necessary, and I'm glad we were there. He threatened Alice, and he was convinced she was in touch with you." I looked at her intently trying desperately to convey both calm and sternness. "If I had it entirely my way, I would have taken your mother, too, but no one else seems keen on moving her, including you."

Bella's full lips twisted into a frown as she nodded. Her eyes closed. "I guess I can't completely, object. You did bring Alice back. I just. . . .I'm so afraid of anything happening to anyone, because of James. And you've already gotten yourself hurt once for me." Her eyes went to the side of my face, the bruises from the fight all but faded now.

She started tugging on the leaves of the vining flowers again, a sure sign of her anxiety. There were a few false starts before she spoke, the plant now straining under the pressure she was putting on it. One yellow blossom was shaking at the edge of the trellis.

"I'm just super paranoid now, I guess. I underestimated him. Thought he was this great guy, someone Dad would have approved of, and to have him turn on me like that." She shook her head, her fingers clenching in frustration as she tugged a leaf off the plant. I winced slightly. "Sometimes," she continued, "it seems all this is too good to be true, I met my guardian angel the first night out. He saves me -- twice -- then takes me to his huge house and everything is just too perfect." She sighed heavily, yanking another leaf off the rosebush.

I grabbed her hand, stilling her. "Would you stop mutilating my wife's rosebushes please!" I snapped, much harsher than I meant to.

She froze, closing her eyes, turning to me, looking contrite. "I'm sorry, Edward. I wasn't thinking. Oh God. . ."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, calming myself down. Tanya was so protective of her roses, it was ingrained in me. I took a deep breath.

"You and Alice and Jacob are perfectly safe here, Bella, okay. And I have a lot of baggage, but I promise I will never force you to stay when you want to go." I felt her skin, smooth and silky beneath my thumb, as I realized I was stroking the back of her hand, still clasped in mine. I moved closer to emphasize my point. Her legs dropped to either side of the rail, straddling the top piece as I leaned in.

"I said it in the hospital, and I'll say it again. You're helping me every bit as much as you think I'm helping you. You got me home, effectively saving _my _life." I could see her swallow thickly, licking her lips as she blinked back tears again. "Now that Alice is here, that will lessen the chance that James will accidentally find his way here. He didn't see us leave with Alice, or associate us with you, okay? I promise."

The last I breathed out in a quiet whisper. Our close proximity had started the current of electricity that I always felt when close to Bella. The world had shrunk down, accentuated by the waning light. The sun was nearly hidden by the horizon, a slight red glow glinting off Bella's hair was all that was visible, The house lights had come on but the corner we sat in was shadowed. I realized we were leaning in closer and closer to each other. Her warm hand closed tighter into mine, and she was just right _there_. My body was tingling with the memory of how she felt against me.

And I knew I could reach out and pull her against my chest, wrap myself around her and kiss her again. And I knew she would welcome it.

The wind picked up slightly, accomplishing two things. It blew Bella's hair around us both, blanketing me in the intoxicating aroma. It also shook the rosebush, the blossom near my face shaking violently. As if it were admonishing me. The two conflicting senses sent my mind reeling and I pulled back quickly.

Bella jumped at my sudden movement, confusion crossing her face. She hopped off the railing, crossing her arms and rubbing her shoulders.

I mentally chastised myself for nearly taking advantage of a vulnerable moment again. "Bella, I'm sorry for that. I don't..." I wasn't sure what to say. "I don't want to give you the wrong impression." I finished. That wasn't quite it, but I was at a loss.

She stared at me for a long time. "You're so confusing," she said, finally. "I don't know what you want from me."

I didn't even know what to say to that. My body was alive with want for her. My mind and heart were aching, that numb barrier so close to cracking. Guilt, and grief warred with desire.

I willed my body to calm, to not betray my feelings. I mustered a calm, controlled voice. "I just want you to be able to trust me. That I won't take advantage. That you can trust me, and my family."

We were both silent again. She stared out at the darkened horizon, he arms still folded across her body. She nodded slowly.

She started to say something a few times, and all I could do is wait for her.

She finally spoke.

"I should check on Jacob. And make sure Alice didn't drown in the bathtub."

She turned and walked quickly in to the house. I sat heavily on the swing, sending it in a violent motion. This was the right thing. To keep my distance. I was too broken to contemplate a romantic relationship. And despite her experiences, she was far to innocent and vulnerable to be saddled with someone like me. To take advantage of a bit of hero worship crush would be the most selfish thing I could do.

I waited out on the porch for a while, then made my way upstairs. I could hear a murmur of voices from Bella's room. Alice must be in there with her. I smiled to myself, happy I had done something to bring her happiness.

I prepared for bed, knowing sleep would be a long way off. I was right. I laid in my too soft bed for several hours, listening to the quiet noises. Alice eventually went to her room. I heard Bella go down the stairs and then back up a few minutes later. I wasn't sure, but I thought she stopped outside my door for a moment, but it was then that sleep finally claimed me.

******************

The next week went by in a blur. I was afraid I had hurt Bella's feelings the night out on the porch, but her demeanor seemed unchanged. She still teased me for being an old man, occasionally even pretending to yank a gray hair from my beard. She and Alice had been inseparable. Alice wasted no time making herself at home, and suddenly the house was always full of happy chatter. Rosalie seemed to get along well with both girls, taking a big sister/maternal role with them, but they'd often disappear into Emmett and Rosalie's room in the evenings with Jacob, leaving Emmett and I to watch a game or movie. To say she was on my mind most of the time would be an understatement. When it wasn't her, it was Tanya and Macy, and a lot of the time, it was all three. I worked to maintain a casual attitude. I tried hard to avoid being alone with her, since that's when my senses seemed to leave me the most. I pulled the blanket of numbness back over me, and set out to just be. . .normal.

I still wasn't sleeping well. Dad noticed. He offered to prescribe me some pills, but I hated the idea of taking anything for it. I assured him I would be fine. I was just still adjusting. Things would sort themselves out eventually. I would usually end up falling asleep in the afternoon, unable to keep my eyes open for any longer. It probably wasn't helping the nighttime insomnia, but I had to take the sleep when I could get it.

I began visiting a few sites with Emmett. I was able to ignore most of the stares and leading questions posed by clients and vendors that remembered me from before. I visited the office twice, reacquainting myself with the office staff. Jessica, I remembered with her curly brown hair and bubbly personality. She had been our receptionist when we first opened the office and was now the office manager. She was nice enough, if a little too flirty, but she ran the office with amazing efficiency. There were three new people. Erik was the new receptionist, fresh out of film school and trying for his big break into zombie movies. Angela was working an internship from the University of Washington and was a good quiet balance to Erik and Jessica's constant chatter. Mike Newton was the new architect Emmett had hired when it became apparent I wasn't coming back anytime soon.

It was a bit awkward meeting him. I assured him I wasn't back to put him out of a job. He was fairly good, especially for being not long out of engineering school himself. The three of us conferred on the existing projects. I would still mostly be working from home, so I took a few of the smaller projects that were cluttering up time from Emmett and Mike. Once I got more up to speed, I'd definitely jump in with more challenging work. I was already getting back into the competitive nature that was inherent in a design office.

We closed the office the day of the game, since we had invited the whole staff. Emmett firmly believed in working hard and playing hard, so office events like this were not entirely uncommon. My parents came over early and Bella made us a amazing breakfast of french toast. The promised heatwave had arrived and it was already quite warm out. Both Alice and Emmett would tease me every time I'd scratch at my beard, the heat making the prickly itch of the hairs worse. Mom would shush them both and then tell me in her sweet mom voice how much she missed my face. Bella would just laugh and shake her head, no help there. I knew it sounded stupid, so I did not dare voice it, but the beard was something of a barrier. A remnant from my vagabond days, and I drew some strength from it. I knew I would need to shave at some point, for a more professional look, at least.

The afternoon found us in the stadium. We had arrived early to watch batting practice and warm-ups. Our seats were fantastic, right along the third base line, near the end of the dugout and occupying most of the two front rows. The seats higher up would offer a better view of the field, but here we'd be right in the thick of the game. I really wanted Bella to enjoy the experience. The warm summer sun was a comforting heat. Washington used the term "heatwave" loosely, but it was warm enough that most of us shed our various Mariners sweatshirts in favor of the t-shirts and jerseys we wore beneath.

Since it was their first game, I ushered Bella and Alice down to the first row of seats. Alice immediately perched on the railing. She had confiscated Emmett's mitt on the way in and she was determined to catch a ball. Bella was looking around in awe of the massive stadium. Esme had taken charge of Jacob as soon as we arrived, saying Bella should have a chance to enjoy the sights and the game, for which I was grateful. Esme had always been an amazing grandmother and she had truly accepted Jacob as her grandchild. Emmett and Rosalie sat on the other side of me with my parents on the end.

We cheered as the players took the field for practice. There's something very special about watching a baseball practice. Even more than the games. Cheesy movie lines and home grown sentiments have a grain of truth, there's something to be said for the sounds, sights, and smells of a baseball field. Batting practice was first, with the players rotating through the line up, starting with easy hits as they warmed up. The small audience that had gathered early for practice cheered as the favorites took the plate. Slowly they started stretching their hits, finally culminating in a good-natured battle between Ichiro Suzuki, long-standing power hitter for the Mariners, and the rookie from Texas, Jasper Whitlock.

Alice was cheering wildly as the two players took turns hitting balls into the stands, holding her glove as high as she could. Bella was laughing at her and shaking her head.

I leaned over to speak in Bella's ear. "I didn't realize Alice was such a fan," I said, laughing at her antics. Bella froze for a second, her hand reaching up to rub at the exposed creamy skin of her neck. She was wearing a Mariners t-shirt, fitted closely to her rounded curves. The neck line was a wide v-shape, leaving plenty of exposed skin that made it difficult to focus on the field. When I leaned in to speak I had to catch my breath to avoid being intoxicated by the scent of her. I pulled back before I could be misunderstood again.

She turned to me, her mouth turned in a smirk as she watched her sister. "Alice is tolerant of baseball. She's a big fan of Jasper Whitlock, though."

Alice turned back to us and grinned. "Oh come on, Bella... LOOK at him. He's a great player!"

Bella arched an eyebrow at her. Alice's grin turned slightly wicked. "And he's just so tall. And climbable," she finished.

"Alice!" Bella gasped at her, flushing slightly. "Behave yourself."

"Oh, Bella. Stop being such a prude, I know better. You've said the same, just not about Jasper Whitlock." Alice smirked at her. Bella turned to her with a horrified expression. I couldn't help but laugh at her expression, and I wondered who Bella's celebrity crush was. I was about to ask her when we were interrupted by the arrival of most of the office staff. Parking was a pain around the field, so it was unsurprising that they had opted to carpool as well.

"Whitlock's going to wear himself out before the game," commented Mike as he set down his belongings on the seat behind Bella. "He shouldn't use up all those good hits on practice. Man's only got so many of those."

"Pssh, that man could work his bat all day." Alice winked and Bella buried her face in her hands. "No I mean really, look at him," Alice continued. Whitlock was waiting his turn to hit again and showing off a bit by spinning the bat around his hand, tossing and catching it, to the delight of his fans.

Mike shook his head and reached over to shake hands with me.

"Hey man, good to see you," he said in his good natured way.

"You, too," I said, he was a likable guy. Extremely generic, maybe. If there was a poster boy for the typical mid-20s American male, Mike would probably be it. Sandy blond hair, blue eyes, affable smile, easy going nature. Into sports and science fiction in equal amounts. Probably partied as hard as he studied in college.

Bella turned to the newcomers, looking a little nervous, but she greeted everyone with a friendly wave. I introduced her to Angela and Jessica as a friend staying with us. It was the easiest explanation. They didn't need all the details. Erik had been unable to make it to the game. Jessica regarded Bella with a speculative look, probably trying to size up the relationship status, eager to pick up on the gossip of the new Cullen house guest. Angela gave her a friendly smile though. Angela seemed to have a good heart, and I was grateful for her calm acceptance.

Mike, however, gave Bella an appreciative look. "Hi!" He greeted her, taking her hand in both of his. I saw him look over at me, assessing the careful distance between Bella and I. He smiled warmly at her, giving her a wink. "I'm Mike Newton, it's a pleasure to meet you." Bella blushed and introduced her self, tugging her hand away.

"Have you ever been to a game before, Bella?" he asked. He grinned when she shook her head and started pointing out different points of interest in the stadium. I was glad everyone was being nice to her. Did he have to be that friendly, though?

I turned back to watch practice, trying to ignore the conversation going on next to me. Alice cheered wildly as Whitlock took the plate. He hit two towards center field. Just before his last hit though, his attention was drawn our direction, perhaps Alice's cheering had finally gotten too loud. He turned back and it the ball, but it went foul, down the third base line, and right into Alice's waiting glove. We all cheered and laughed for her as she stared in astonishment at the ball in her glove, then broke out into the biggest grin.

The players began filing off the field, heading into the dugout. As Whitlock made his way over she called out his name, trying to wave him over to sign the ball. He sauntered towards the dugout, talking with the catcher. Just before heading in, he finally looked directly at Alice. She had fished a pen out of her bag and was waving it and smiling at him. He gave her a lazy grin, tipped his hat to her as he quite obviously looked her up and down, winked and dropped down in to the dugout.

Alice stood there with the pen hanging in mid air with a flabbergasted expression on her face.

We all laughed as her gaze turned from surprise to outrage as she flung herself into her seat to sulk. And no one laughed harder than Bella.

She grinned at me. "No one refuses Alice. Not even major league baseball players." She snickered. "We'll be hearing about this for a while. She'd probably marry him now though."

Alice huffed in annoyance, but I noticed she didn't let go of the baseball, just tucked the pen into the pocket of her skinny jeans and adjusted the pink logo tank top she was wearing.

Emmett leaned over. "He was probably offended at that shirt. Seriously, how can they have pink gear!"

Alice picked up her program and pretended to ignore him.

The group of us chatted as warm ups started and ended. We cheered for the introduction of the team and sang the national anthem. The game was off to a good start. Both teams were playing well, keeping the runners stuck on first or second base. Emmett and Carlisle were busy keeping score, filling in their stat sheets as they went. I had a sheet in front of me, but I couldn't concentrate enough to use it. For one thing, Bella was wearing shorts, and she had propped her feet up on the railing as she sat slightly slouched in her seat. Her legs were long, despite her small stature and the expanse of skin was entirely distracting. As much as I tried to keep my eyes on the game, they kept finding their way back, to follow the curve of her calf and the back of her knees, the slight curve of her thigh before her leg disappeared into her khaki shorts.

She was very knowledgeable about the game, a product of many game watching nights with her dad, she explained. It was easier to keep my eyes behaving when we were talking, I could either watch the game or her face. I would still get distracted by the depths of her eyes, but at least I wasn't ogling her legs, or the way her t-shirt pulled across her full breasts.

It also didn't escape my notice the way Mike would lean forward to talk to her. He randomly spouted statistics about various players, obviously trying to impress her. I was fairly certain the issue with her t-shirt was also not escaping his notice. Bella listened with slight interest. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or if she was just being polite. Mike monopolized her for most of the fourth and fifth innings, even making her laugh several times. I grew increasingly irritated at him.

He wasn't doing anything wrong really. I just couldn't help but think he was monopolizing _my _Bella. The same Bella I had sworn to give space to and allow her this exact thing. Mike was exactly the kind of guy she _should _know. Intelligent, successful, young, with a fresh outlook on life to chase away the darkness she had seen. He didn't even bat an eyelash when Esme handed Jacob back to Bella when she excused herself to use the restroom. He made googly faces at him.

_Googly _faces. Seriously.

After that, I really did attempt to concentrate on the game. I kept listening to their conversation though, trying to analyze her responses instead of trying to analyze baseball statistics. Emmett would make the occasional comment about the game, in between cheers and goading the other team's players. I would grunt a response, but I really wasn't listening.

At the seventh inning stretch, the Mariners were down by two runs. The opposing team had managed to gain an advantage off the tiring Mariners pitcher. We all stood to stretch our legs and prepare for the traditional song. Alice was still sulking from the brush off she got from Whitlock, but suddenly, she jumped to her feet with a smile. She pulled the pen from her pocket and stood with her arms folded. We all looked at her quizzically until we noticed Jasper Whitlock veer off the path he was taking from his position as shortstop to the dugout. He smirked at Alice as he walked up to the railing, stepping up on the top of the wall to reach his hand out for the pen.

I heard Rosalie snort behind me. "Way to work the dimples, Texas boy." He flashed her a grin before turning his attention back to Alice. He towered over her, but she just narrowed her eyes at him, pulling the pen back against her chest as he reached for it.

"You kept me waiting," she said, evenly, as if chastising a boyfriend.

His face instantly fell, and his mouth dropped open slightly as he stared at her. All traces of bravado were gone. He removed his hat, letting his shaggy blond hair fall down around his eyes, and nodded at her.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," He responded, sounding sincerely polite, ducking his head. "Won't happen again." He smiled.

Alice grinned and held out the ball and pen and he signed it quickly asking for her name so he could personalize it. As he returned the ball, she snatched the pen from him and wrote something on the back of his hand. He grinned at her and jumped down off the low wall he was balanced on, moving quickly to join his team in the dugout.

Bella started laughing hysterically. "Oh my god, Alice, I don't believe you just did that!"

Alice gave her a smug grin. "I just know what I want, Bella. And I just go after it."

"That's my girl, Alice!" Rosaliecheered, reaching over to high-five her.

Bella shook her head and sat back down, adjusting Jacob more comfortably in her arms. I was watching her, again. She gave me a small smile but appeared lost in thought, her full lips pursing slightly.

The break was winding down and Bella stood back up.

She turned to me, holding out Jacob. "Do you mind taking him for a minute?" she asked. "I need a restroom break."

On instinct I took Jacob from her, but I shook my head at her. "You shouldn't go alone, Bella, just a second." I turned to see if Rosalie would hold Jacob. Just as I turned, I heard Mike speak up.

"I'll walk you there Bella, you really shouldn't go alone. The crowd can get bad." I could just _hear _the victory in his voice. I couldn't exactly object without looking like a total jerk, though, so I remained in my seat.

"Um, thanks Mike. Okay. I'd probably get lost trying to find my way back anyway." She looked at me for a moment, that crease between her eyebrows appearing again. Mike was standing behind her, holding out his hand to help her up. She took it hesitantly, getting to her feet. She let go again, but as they picked their way up the stairs, I could see him _innocently _placing his hand on the small of her back to guide her through the crowd.

I seethed.

The break ended and they were still gone. The stadium was packed, so it would take a while to get through the crowd and the line. I tried to tell myself that it was good he was with her. She really shouldn't be trying to navigate the stadium by herself. The chances of bumping in to James here was slim to none, but this stadium held more than a thousand times more people than her hometown. He was being nice. Just like I would have been if I had been quicker to volunteer.

At least, that is what I told myself as I tried to quell the irrational. . .jealousy I was feeling. I should be the one protecting her from the crowd, standing close to her to keep her from being bumped around in the chaotic concourse.

The eighth inning started. Alice's rookie was on fire. In the top half of the inning he hit a grand slam, giving the Mariners a nice two point lead late in the game. The other team was finally able to get some outs on them and they switched sides, where he seemed to grow wings and snatched the ball out of the air, neatly securing a quick succession of outs before the opposition could get a man on a base. Alice cheered enthusiastically, and he tipped his hat again as he disappeared into the dugout once more.

Bella and Mike still weren't back. I tried to tell myself that it was just extra crowded because half the stadium left to use the restroom or get food at the seventh inning stretch. It would take them some time. Maybe they stopped to get a hot dog on the way back. That would take extra time. Or maybe he was buying her a souvenir. Did he really think that gifts would work on her? That would take extra time, too. I didn't think she'd really be into the foam fingers, but I'd been surprised by Bella before. Maybe a hat?

The longer they were gone, the more convoluted my musings got. They got lost trying to find their way back. Or at least that's what he would tell her. He'd pull her aside to "wait out the crowd a while". Keep her nerves comforted with a casual arm draped around her shoulder. Would she really let him do that? She had pulled away from most of the casual brushes he'd tried earlier in the game. I started to panic, then. Not just because I was going insane with jealousy, but because I was really starting to get worried about her whereabouts. What if James was here? It would be that kick in the gut after a seemingly perfect escape. Mike would have no idea who he was, and James was slick enough to get her away from him.

"Dude. Edward! You're going to give the poor kid whiplash." Emmett punched me in the leg. I hadn't noticed it was violently bouncing as I tapped my foot in irritation and impatience. I stilled and tried to put on a mask of calm, while thinking of an excuse to go look for them. Jacob was just staring at me in his usual calm way, intently chewing on his fist. I hadn't really jostled him, but I saw Emmett's point.

"What's the matter with you anyway? You totally missed that play!" Emmett asked, incredulously. I looked at the scoreboard. The Mariners had scored another home run.

"Sorry, I was just distracted. Where are Bella and Mike anyway?" I tried to sound as casual as possible. As if it just occurred to me that they were still gone, but even I could hear the slight edge to my voice.

Emmett raised an eyebrow, I don't think I fooled him. He pointed to the stairway behind me, however. "Right there, man. Calm down."

I whipped my head around to look. Bella was walking down the stairs, her hair blowing in the slight breeze, looking insanely beautiful with the sunlight shining on her. She was laughing at something Mike had said, punching him lightly in the arm. He grinned back at her, taking off his baseball cap and putting it on her head, pulling it down low over her eyes.

Asshole.

I plastered a smile on my face as she took her seat beside me, looking flushed and slightly breathless. I didn't want to think about why.

"Long line?" I asked, blandly.

"What?" she looked at me confused. "Oh! Yeah, there was. But then Mike took me over to watch the pitchers warming up in the bullpen." She pointed to the area at the far side of the stadium.

"Oh." I blinked, trying to not think of any manner of overly friendly gestures that could have happened. There was a place not far from the bullpen that was a prime make out location, as I recalled from a previous visit to this stadium.

"Did you have fun?" I tried to sound casual, but the edge was still in my voice, and Bella noticed. She gave me a confused look, but turned to smile up at Mike behind her.

"Yeah, it's really cool that they let the audience watch," she replied. I gritted my teeth as Mike beamed at her.

The rest of the game passed in a quick blur. The Mariners secured their win, but I was in no mood to celebrate. I started gathering our belongings while everyone stood cheering. When Emmett asked why I was in a hurry, I said something about wanting to get the car before the crowd. Bella had taken Jacob back, holding him in his blanket against her. Judging by the way he was nuzzling into her chest, I guessed she was going to need to feed him soon, so I took her arm to lead her through the crowd quickly.

But not before I heard Mike say, "So, Friday maybe?" I narrowed my eye and tried to look away as a low growl threatened to erupt from my chest.

Bella licked her lips nervously, "Uh, I don't know Mike. Not sure I can. I have this thing with. . .Alice." she stammered out. I looked at her curiously. I wondered why she had turned him down, even though I was inappropriately happy that she had.

"Okay, well, I'll see you again soon, I hope." He gave her a winning smile.

I grimaced at him. "See you at the office tomorrow, Mike," I said pointedly.

"Right. Uh. . . . bye." He waved.

I stalked through the stadium, paying no attention to the looks Bella and Alice and Rosalie were exchanging. Carlisle called for me to slow down finally. I did; when I was sure we had left Mike far behind with Jessica and Angela. Carlisle and Esme had driven in with Emmett and Rosalie and they all waved as we parted ways in the parking lot. I considered having Alice and Bella wait while I retrieved the car, but I didn't want to leave them alone at the entrance to the stadium. I guided them through the parking lot, Alice skipping ahead, still in her Jasper Whitlock-induced high.

As soon as Bella had gotten Jacob into his car seat, and the ladies were settled, I maneuvered my way out of the lot and pulled quickly into the busy streets of Seattle. Bella was turned slightly in her seat to talk to Alice, who was chattering non-stop. Bella was excited with her sister, but I could see her giving me worried looks in my peripheral vision. I stayed quiet. I had no idea what I was likely to say, and I didn't want to take my irritation out on her. I most certainly was not irritated at her. I just wasn't sure who I was angry with, Mike or myself. I tried to mull it all over, but Alice's constant babble made it impossible for me to think. Jacob started fussing as we were nearing home, adding to the chaos of noise in the car. I needed to think. I needed somewhere quiet to do it.

As soon as I thought it, I knew where I was going to go. I pulled up to the front of the house, not pulling into the garage like normal. Bella looked at me quizzically as I helped her and Jacob out of the car. I placed the strap of the diaper bag over her shoulder.

"You have keys, right?" I asked. "Emmett and the rest should be back shortly." I knew we had arrived well ahead of them. My Volvo was infinitely easier to maneuver in traffic than his over-sized SUV.

"Yeah," she said, watching my face with concern. "Aren't you coming in?" she asked. Her hands tightened in Jacob's blanket. She was nervous.

"No." I said shortly. "I just need to go somewhere. I'll be back later." I saw the alarmed look on her face, and some of my irritation dissolved. I tugged on Jacob's blanket, freeing it from her fingers, avoiding touching her. I didn't think I could handle that right now.

"Hey." I looked into her eyes, softening my voice. "I will be back, okay?"

"Okay," she answered, quietly. Alice gave me a glare as she took Bella's arm, dragging her to the house. I waited until they disappeared into the door. I walked back around and got in the driver's seat, turning the car around and speeding down the hill.

I wondered if I was choosing the right time for this, but then, there probably wasn't an optimal time to visit the grave sites of your wife and daughter. I hadn't been since I'd been back. I hadn't been there since the funeral. I felt a sharp stab of guilt in my gut, piercing through the anger and irritation that was burning in me. I never really saw the point in visiting graves before. It wasn't as if they were really there. I carried every bit of Tanya and Macy that was left in me. Now, however, it seemed long overdue. And maybe being there, with the stark, cold reminders of what I had, I could sort through the chaos in my mind.

I stopped at a roadside flower vendor on the way, purchasing two large bouquets of assorted summer flowers. Pinks and lavenders, yellows and blues. Like Tanya would color her garden. I could bring a little of that to her grave. He didn't have any daisies, but Macy liked all flowers, so these would do for now.

There was still an hour or so of daylight. The gate to the cemetery was still open, but I parked just outside anyway. I pulled my hoodie back on, the wind was getting stronger, normal for a June night. I gathered the flowers and made my way up the long drive towards their graves. Just because I hadn't been here in over three years did not mean I didn't know exactly where I was going. The cemetery was on a slight hill, rolling upwards from the entrance. The perimeter was lined with tall poplars, with ivy covering the fence, to discourage teenagers looking for a thrill. A few trees dotted the expanse of lawn, in amongst the headstones. Tanya and Macy's places were near the western edge, three rows in, just a few sites away from a cherry tree. The blossoms were long gone from the tree, but the leaves rustled lightly in the wind.

I found the location. This was the first time I had actually seen the headstones. The guilt rolled through me again. The last time I was here, there were just two temporary plaques embedded in the ground. The headstones had been ordered, but would take several more weeks to arrive. I had left before they had been placed. I wondered if there had been a ceremony. Or if it was just a cold institutional placement of two slabs of granite. I would have to ask my parents, though I was sure, I hoped, that someone had been here. I wondered how often Tanya's parents came by. I wondered what they thought of me now.

I saw stones now, though. Speckled white stone, their names and dates carved perfectly into the cold stone. They were placed close together, since they had side by side plots. I sat in between them, just far enough away to reach the few pieces of long grass growing around the edges. I pulled those free before dividing the bouquet into two bundles, placing each in their places.

The quiet was helping the irritation, if not the guilt. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be feeling, sitting here. Don't people have those life-changing revelations while meditating over the graves of their loved ones?

Life was so simple then. Not even four years ago. Everything was easy, effortless. It seemed like now everything was tossed sideways. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. How did I resolve my past with my present. How did Bella really fit into this? Why were my feelings so chaotic about her? My fists clenched as I thought over the afternoon. I was jealous. It was the only name I could put on the emotion. That was a foreign concept to me really. None of the girls I dated in college became significant enough to really worry about jealousy.

I think I always knew I'd come home and marry Tanya anyway. She always said the same, too.

I couldn't recall a time when I had been jealous with Tanya. Not that there was never cause to be. Tanya was a beautiful woman, tall, long blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. She was intelligent and engaging, at ease in so many situations. I had overheard many comments about her. I remembered a Christmas party several years before she died, we had gotten separated while mingling, and I found her getting hit on by an overly-charming partner from one of our construction contractors. I stepped in to let him know his advances were not welcome, but mostly to save her from the experience rather than out of any sense of jealousy. We even joked about it for years after that.

Bella wasn't mine. I had no claim. Even less than the long-forgotten college girls. It was right for her to enjoy the company of a friendly guy, like Mike. It wasn't like he was drooling on her or anything. He'd definitely been appreciative, a thought that ground through my head as I picked at the low grass. This is what I said I wanted for her. Wasn't it?

I'd been very careful lately. I had kept a careful distance. We had been friends. Alice had provided a buffer. Bella was much occupied with her sister and her son. If I was truly honest though, I had been miserable. It seemed the more I tried to stay away, to resist the draw of her, the more I had to fight to not look, to not touch. It would be so much simpler if I could just let her go. The easy way Mike had flirted with her, I wanted to do that. I wondered if that's what I was jealous of. The possibility of what could be with Bella, of having that possibility.

"What a time to come visit you," I spoke quietly to the space around me. "I should be grieving for you both. And instead I'm in knots over a girl."

I traced my finger over the edge of Macy's headstone, before repeating the action on Tanya's. "I do miss you, both of you, so much." I swallowed back the husky sob that was threatening. "You left me so abruptly. I couldn't deal with it. I'm sorry, T. I let a lot of people down."

There was so much. The guilt, the confusion, the desire. All of them were so strong, and I couldn't sort out which one to try to unravel first. I sat there until the sun dropped down behind the horizon, not even realizing how late it was. It was oddly peaceful. Eventually the chaos of emotions subsided. I knew I had sunk into the numbness that had been my security blanket for so long. I could look at the headstones with just a feeling of acceptance, or maybe it was resignation. When I could reach this point, I felt like I could deal with the real world. Work, my home. Even Bella.

It was then I realized how late it was. I stood up, brushing off my legs, stretching out my cramped muscles. I touched the tops of each of the stones in a silent expression of my love for my family.

I made my way back down to my car, getting in and driving off towards home. I took my time, though, and it was nearly midnight before I got there. Emmett's truck was in the driveway, so everyone was home, but the house was dark, even Alice's window. I pulled into the garage and shut down the car. I let myself in as quietly as possible. I had planned to go straight up to my room to change and at least _try_ to sleep, but a flickering light from the family room caught my eye. I set down my keys and phone and went to see who was still up.

I shouldn't have been surprised to see Bella there, because I had been instantly alert as soon as I walked in the house. She was stretched out on one of the couches, watching a movie. She had changed into a pair of those gray, soft, stretchy pants, that hug her hips and make her legs look even longer, and a white tank top. Her hair was loose, curling around her shoulders, and it struck me how much I liked that. The rich dark color of her hair against the creamy paleness of her skin.

She sat up as soon as I walked in the room, even though her back was to me. The only light in the room came from the television and it flickered blue shadows around the room.

"Hi," she said softly. Her eyes were wide and luminous as she looked at me, assessing my mood.

"Hi," I responded, just as softly. I smiled at her to show my bad mood from earlier was gone.

"Are you okay?" The question was tentative. She moved around the edge of the sofa, coming closer to me. I felt the electric warmth of being near her, but soaked it up this time, instead of trying to fight it off. I just had no fight left for it. I felt it warm the edges of the numbness.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I said. Our voices were hushed, not wanting to disturb the silence in the house.

"You were gone. You were. . .angry, I thought. But I don't know why." Her hands twitched slightly at that. I smiled slightly. Her tell. She suspected, but didn't want to say.

"I didn't like that you disappeared at the game. I was worried. I imagined a lot of terrible things." I confessed.

"I was fine, Edward. I never left the stadium. Mike was with me. And he was. . . nice." She looked up at me through her lashes, another contrast against her flawless face. I swallowed thickly. There was nothing about her that wasn't beautiful, I was sure.

"I still didn't like it." I said simply. Her forehead wrinkled slightly in confusion. She seemed to start and stop a few times. She was right in front of me now. Close. She had showered, even though her hair was dry now, I could smell the floral aroma stronger than earlier. An image of her emerging from her shower, naked and wet, her skin flushed from the hot water appeared in my mind, and I groaned softly to myself. She heard and the confusion got deeper.

"Where did you go?" she asked, finally.

"Someplace quiet," I answered. I didn't really want to tell her where I was. It always seemed that every time we had one of these moments, I was looking at a picture, or thinking, or talking about Tanya and Macy. I could feel the draw of her getting stronger, and I was on the edge of giving in to it. If I was going to leap off that ledge, I didn't want her mistaking anything.

"You could have called," She said, with a slight sharp edge. It was softened though, by her quiet voice and the nearness of her.

"I was fine, I wasn't going far." I assured her. Did she think I had left like I had before?

"But I didn't know where you were." She licked her lips, and I was mesmerized by the slight sheen of wetness covering her lower lip now. "I didn't like it." She gave a half smile, echoing my statement earlier.

"Mike asked you out this weekend." It wasn't a question. I tried to keep the disdain from my voice.

She blushed and fidgeted with the edge of her shirt. "Yeah. I said no."

"Why?" I didn't know if I was excited for the answer, or terrified of it.

"I don't want Mike," she whispered. I closed my eyes briefly at the words, feeling tension I didn't know I still had leave my body. When I opened them again, she was watching me intently, a mixture of nervousness and determination evident in the flush of her cheeks and the set of her jaw.

My shoulders slumped, she needed to know. "I don't know what I have for you." I didn't know how else to voice it.

It was painful to voice the words. To put her and I in a sentence like that was terrifying. She shook her head. Once hand reached out, trembling slightly, landing lightly on my chest. The warmth intensified from that spot, radiating outward. My breath released in a ragged gasp.

"I'm confused, too." She said.

I placed my hand over hers, holding it too me, as if I were afraid she'd run away. I reached to her with my other hand, brushing her hair off her shoulder. Watching as the curled ends of it drew up the tops of her breasts, visible over the top of her tank top. My eyes followed it's path up over her shoulder, and I placed my hand at her neck, feeling her warm skin and the silky cover of her hair.

"I'm tired of staying away from you, Bella." My voice was barely audible.

"Then don't," she whispered back.

Her lips parted and that was all the invitation I needed. I intended to savor every moment of this kiss. I brought my lips to hers slowly, hesitating slightly, to savor the moment a little, feeling her warm breath blow across my lips. I chuckled softly as she sighed, raised up on her toes and closed the rest of the distance herself. Her lips were velvety soft, even softer than I remembered. I groaned against her mouth, my hand tightening into her hair. Our hands were still trapped between us and I felt her fingers grip the front of my sweatshirt. Her breasts pushed into the back of my hand, surrounding it with their warmth and softness. I felt her other hand slide up my arm. She caressed the side of my face, her fingernails lightly grazing through my beard, before reaching into my hair and tangling her fingers in it.

Her lips were parted beneath mine. I nipped at her full bottom lip until she opened them further, our tongues meeting instantly, neither of us missing the opportunity. She moaned softly and I gathered her closer, slipping my hand out from between us, letting it graze the underside of her breast. I smiled in satisfaction at the shudder she gave, since it was accompanied by her other hand joining the first in my hair. I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her tightly to me, wanting to feel her all against me again.

It took everything I had to break away, finally. I knew I would get carried away so extremely easily. We parted slowly, exchanging a few soft chaste kisses as we calmed down. She blushed and ducked her head against my chest. It was so Bella, it made me laugh quietly again, holding her against me, kissing the top of her head.

"We'll figure it out, Edward." She said, muffled against my chest.

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**Please wait until the roller coaster has come to a full and complete stop. Whew.**

**Thank you for stopping by. Leave a note if you wish. They make my day.**


	10. Chapter 9: Awaken

**This has been a crazy week (ish). Edward gets a little kissyface, and he's all chatty -- about everything. So I had to calm him down and sort out the now versus the not yet. The good news is: we're here after about a week (ish). **

**There are so many people to thank this time around. ZephyerSky and WhitneyLove, as usual, who offer so much advice with dialogue and situations. The various new people I've met, whose names I can never keep straight, for the support in writing a little bit everyday. Amber for being the last set of eyes for the spiffy-fying phase. Lindelle was a whiz with the grammar and clarification. Thank you so much ladies. Also, to LambCullen for her generous recc's and The Fanfiction Rebels for their lovely review. Thank you to anyone who has clicked on the link, not to mention shared it with a friend. I'm honored that you spend time with these characters.**

**I don't own Twilight, or the characters. Those all belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own Edward's beard. And his fluffy towel.**

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**Chapter 9: Awaken **

"You should get some sleep," I murmured into her hair.

We had moved to the couch. I was sitting sideways, against the arm, with one leg stretched down the length of the sofa. Bella had curled up in between my legs, laying her head against my chest while she watched the rest of her movie. I wasn't paying attention to the movie, but I had noticed it was over now. I spent the last forty-five minutes soaking up her warmth as she lay against me, my nose buried in her hair most of the time and tracing shapes on her silky bare arms with my fingertips.

Bella hummed into my shirt, before stretching around me to look at the clock. I bit back a groan as her body pressed into mine. Now that I had given up trying to stay away from her, all I wanted was to constantly feel her warm, smooth skin under my fingers and lips. The more I touched her, the more the chaos of emotion and darkness seemed to stay away. And, she just felt so good. Some decorum was in order, though, I supposed. As much as I wanted more, I knew it would take some time for us both to be ready.

"Ugh, it's one AM." Bella sighed. She angled her head to look up at me. "What about you? I know you don't sleep much." She frowned slightly.

I shrugged. "I'm used to not sleeping very much. It's more strange now, because I'm home. But I never slept much, out there."

"Yeah, I guess I can see that." Bella yawned and pushed herself up.

I swung my leg off the couch and stood up, pulling Bella with me. She grabbed the remote and turned off the television. We walked together up the stairs. I still had not let go of her, choosing instead to keep my arm around her shoulders, hugging her close to me. The upper level of the house was completely silent and dark, so we moved quietly down the hall. I walked with her all the way to the small alcove that housed the door to her bedroom.

Bella glanced at the closed doors at the end of the hallway, one leading to Alice's bedroom and the other to Emmett and Rosalie's room. She laughed silently as she turned to face me.

"Why do I feel like I'm sneaking home after staying out too late on a date?" she whispered.

I pressed my lips together in an attempt to remain silent, laughing quietly with her. I leaned down so I could whisper in her ear, feeling her smooth skin against my nose.

"Hm, sneaking home? Does that mean I get to steal a few more kisses?" I grinned against her ear, feeling her fingers tightening their hold on my arms. I could feel her cheeks warm, even though I couldn't see her blush in the darkness. I was surprised at how easily the flirtatious words were coming to me and how much I just wanted to touch her, even more now that I had permission. I breathed in the perfume of her skin, calming myself, not wanting to overwhelm either of us after this emotional evening.

Just to prove my point about the date analogy, though, I grazed her jawline with my lips until I met hers. I was rewarded by a soft sigh and a slight tremble before her lips parted below mine. I couldn't help but press the kiss deeper, licking along her upper lip. It was just slightly fuller than her lower one, and fit so well between mine. My arms encircled her, holding her body against mine. Her warm curves pressed against me, all soft and full. I couldn't help the low groan that escaped, muffled only by her mouth against mine.

I mustered what willpower I could and slowly pulled myself away from her addictive lips. Unable to make a clean break, I pressed my lips against hers three more times, until she was smiling against my mouth.

"Soon," I whispered, "I'll take you out on a real date. We won't even have to sneak, though I'm still going to steal kisses. Again." I grinned at her. There was a faint light coming in from the high window near the ceiling. I could just make out a slightly worried expression.

I kissed the wrinkle in her forehead, wondering if I was ever going to be able to keep my lips off her. "What is it?" I asked.

"Rose is going to give you all kinds of crap, isn't she?" Bella frowned, but rolled her eyes.

"Oh yes, I'm definitely going to the special hell now, I'm sure." I smirked at Bella's confused expression. I kissed her lips again, as chastely as I could manage. "Don't worry about Rosalie, I'm not. I know she thinks I'm some thoughtless ogre that abandons my family and seduces beautiful young women, but I assure you that's only partly true. And most of that isn't her concern anyway."

She smiled up at me and nodded. Her eyes lowered to my chest where she traced the logo on my shirt with her fingertip. I saw her lip disappear between her teeth, before she turned shy.

"Well, I'd better go," she trailed off, tilting her head towards her bedroom door. Suddenly, it was like a first date, and I was the awkward guy. I didn't want to let her go, even for the few hours before morning. I pulled away from her slowly.

"Good night, Bella." I said, shoving my hands into my pockets to keep them to myself.

"Good night, Edward." she whispered, fumbling behind her back for the doorknob. I stood in the hall until she turned around and disappeared into her dark room. I walked slowly back to my room, opening the door quietly and slipping in. It wasn't really necessary, but I didn't want to break the silence. It was like I was trying to draw out the moment in my mind as long as possible.

I changed into some pajama pants and a clean t-shirt and crawled into bed. As usual, I lay awake for a long time, watching the moonlight shift outside my window. Without Bella wrapped in my arms, I was cold. The day's events swirled in my mind again, images racing through. At least the jealous irritation I had felt at the game was subsiding. I snorted a laugh to myself.

_Take that, Newton. Actually, thanks a bunch, man._

I could be generous, now.

It was easy to think of nothing but Bella when I was with her. She already consumed so much of me. It was these quiet alone moments when everything else intruded my mind. This is when I doubted and questioned my own mind. I still had no idea what to do with everything. Giving in to the draw of Bella brought even more questions. What do I do with my past? The pictures, the mementos and things that clearly belonged to Tanya and Macy. Hell, Macy's bedroom was still sitting there, mostly intact, across the hall. Do I convert that into a room for Jacob? He would need his own room eventually. Do I put away the pictures? Would Bella be uncomfortable with them? Would she even tell me if she was? Would she ever share this room with me? How does one date anymore? Tanya had been gone for over three years now, we had been married for nearly seven years before then. Ten years since I had last dated. I tried not to think about how young Bella had been when I started dating Tanya. Her age didn't bother me, and it didn't seem mine bothered her, even when she'd tease me. She certainly didn't act like I remembered nineteen-year-old girls acting.

At some point, the questions slowed down and I drifted into sleep.

The usual dreams came, as always. Flashing lights and blurry faces. I was calmer in my dream though, not as frantic feeling. I could smell flowers and strawberries. Bella was somewhere in my dream. I couldn't see her, but I could sense her presence. The scent, I would know anywhere. The warmth that would radiate against my skin. I knew that, too. I could almost feel the silkiness of her hair. I searched for her blindly, she was a balm for the painful images that were outside the bubble she created. And then, the sense of her was so close, I could feel her, even though I still could not see her.

And then I heard her soft giggle. _Right _against my ear.

My eyes flew open, blinking away the sleep from my vision, lifting off my pillow. My pillow, which at some point, had turned into Bella's shoulder. I drew back so I could look at her, while at the same time I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close against my body. She was giving me an impish grin.

"Wait, what are...I know you didn't...I..." I stammered, still surprised. A lot surprised, actually.

"Are you always this confused in the morning?" She asked, still giving me a cute little smirk. She was dressed already, which disappointed me profoundly, but not enough to take away from the surprise of waking up to Bella in my bed.

I guess that answers the bed question. Sort of.

I buried my head back in her neck, nuzzling the spot where it met her shoulder. "No, only when completely, and incredibly pleasantly, surprised."

One of my arms was pinned underneath her, so I used that one to pull her closer. The other I ran down over her shirt-covered arm to her waist and hip, feeling soft denim before thankfully finding skin. At least she was wearing shorts again. I curled one hand behind her smooth leg, pulling it over mine and tangling our feet together.

"To what do I owe this extreme honor?" I mumbled into her neck. I swear I was addicted to her scent. Three years I lived on the street and never got hooked on drugs or alcohol, but I return home for three weeks and I am utterly intoxicated by the scent of _Bella_.

She laughed again, stretching her neck, giving me more room, one of her hands was stroking my hair, which was extremely nice. The other was wrapped around my upper arm.

"I just thought, you know, since we were sneaking home late last night, I'd continue the tradition and sneak into your room this morning." Her laughter continued, but cut off suddenly as her breath caught.

"You don't mind do you?" she asked, her shy Bella voice back. "I'm sorry if I invaded your privacy...this is your..."

She couldn't continue because my lips were on hers. Efficiency.

"I don't mind." I murmured against her lips. "I officially extend the 'mi casa es su casa' clause to include my bedroom."

Still foggy from waking up, I let myself get lost in my Bella bubble. I pressed my mouth to hers more firmly, pushing her back into the pillow. I pried her lips apart with mine, tugging my teeth lightly against her lower lip. She relaxed against me, except the hand that tightened in my hair, and I deepened the kiss even further, letting my tongue explore her mouth. We were tangled up now, my upper body over hers. Her leg tightened where I had it wrapped around mine and the sensation of her hip rubbing against me had more than just my mind waking up. I tried really hard not to rub against her, but it didn't stop me from pulling her tighter to me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to slow down. She was just right _here_.

Gradually I slowed down our kiss, and Bella seemed to be on the same page. I finally released her lips slowly and looked down at her, just taking in her swollen lips and heavy lidded eyes.

"You are entirely too tempting." I whispered at her.

She closed her eyes and blushed, squirming against me in her sudden shyness. The movement was not lost on me, though, and I moaned and dropped my head against her shoulder again, nuzzling into her neck again.

"Ow.." she whispered.

I lifted my head quickly. "Ow?" I asked, somewhat alarmed. "What's wrong?"

She ducked her chin against her chest, rolling her neck a little. I looked down and could see where her skin had reddened under my beard.

"You were really...snuggling...there for a minute.." She laughed, good natured, but rubbed at the spot. "It'll go away in a few minutes, just sensitive."

I hummed. "Well, maybe it's time to shave after all. Because I plan on kissing this spot a lot." I said, ducking my head down again and very carefully pressing my lips against her delicate collarbone.

"If you want," she said, somewhat breathlessly, I thought smugly. "You don't have to do it for me. I don't mind it." The last words came in short phrases as I trailed kisses along her collarbone. I nudged aside the open collar of the button-up shirt she wore, the strap to the tank top she had on underneath, and another tank top, as well as her bra strap. How many clothes was she wearing anyway?

"The next time you get in my bed, you need to be wearing a lot fewer clothes."

We both froze. Bella blushed from the roots of her hair to the neck line of her tank top. I rolled over and flopped on my back, covering my face with my arm. Simultaneously, we both started laughing.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I wasn't exactly thinking," I turned to look at her again. She turned to meet my eyes, still red as a tomato, but smirking slightly.

"What?" I asked.

"It's not a bad point..." she bit her lip as she responded quietly, hiding her face in the pillow. I took a deep breath, willing myself to calm down.

I smiled at her, stroking her flushed cheek with one finger. "All in due time. Right now, I should probably get up and get dressed before I say or do anything else to get me in trouble."

I hesitated, it was going to be slightly awkward getting out of bed considering my current state. Bella sat up, then stood, straightening her clothes.

"I'll, uh, I'll let you get dressed. Alice has Jacob," she said, softly. Shy Bella again. She looked at me for a moment, those wide, rich brown eyes staring at me again. She turned to leave.

"Hey," I said, making her pause and turn back to me. She gave me a questioning look.

"Not to question a nice thing, but why did you come in here this morning?" I wasn't really sure why I was asking, but it was such a surprise.

She blushed again and shrugged. "I just. . .hoped now I don't have to stay away."

I felt my mouth drop open slightly at that. I knew how difficult it had been for me at times, to keep my distance from her. Had it been the same for her?

"No." I shook my head. "Don't stay away." My voice was quiet, these moments seemed to need a quiet voice. I didn't want it always being heavy and serious though, so I smirked at her again. "And you can wear whatever you like..."

And she blushed again. I grinned. "Seriously, there aren't any rules. Unless you want them. We're kind of unique. Our situation. I think that entitles us to do as we see fit."

She nodded, but remained serious. Her eyes darted to a shelf on the wall. I followed them to a photograph of me and Tanya, baby Macy cradled in her arms.

"I just worry about overstepping my bounds." she whispered.

I stood, the shift in mood effectively solving any issues I was having. I swallowed down the pain, avoiding looking back at the picture. This is part of what I was churning over last night. This balance. I walked around the bed, catching her hand, kissing her on the forehead, then chastely on the lips. I waited for her to look at me again.

"Let me worry about that, okay?" I said.

I wished I could read her mind, to know exactly what she was thinking at that moment. Those long silences when she watches me with those expressive eyes both intrigue me and frustrate me. Finally, she smiled.

"Okay, I'll just go downstairs. See you in a few minutes." She turned and opened the door, slipping quickly through.

Twenty minutes later I was showered and dressed in a pair of army green cargo shorts and a dark blue V-neck t-shirt. I jogged down the stairs, resolved not to let the dark thoughts take over today. There was still a lot to deal with, far more questions than answers, but it was better _now_ at least. I was still basking in a little of the warmth caused by Bella waking me up this morning. I really didn't want too many dark thoughts crowding that memory out of my mind right now.

"Good morning, Edward!" Alice bounced and waved from the breakfast bar. I was thankful there was just a glass of orange juice in front of her instead of coffee. I was quickly learning that Alice was a perpetual ball of energy. Bella was sitting at the kitchen table holding Jacob against her shoulder. He was definitely getting more alert now, his eyes were more focused as he stared out around the room.

I returned Alice's cheery greeting, helping myself to a cup of coffee and sitting down next to Bella at the table. She moved to stand.

"Did you want me to make you something?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes and pulled her free arm until she sat back down. "Don't worry about it, I'll get something. I just want coffee for now." I kept my eyes on hers. She flushed slightly under my gaze, pulling Jacob off her shoulder and holding him in her lap, letting her hair fall over her shoulder, blocking her face from my eyes.

I said nothing, just reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear so I could see her again. She blushed deeper and rolled her eyes at me, but she was smiling.

"Oh, my god. You two are so cute it's almost disgusting." Alice sang from across the room. Both Bella and I looked over at her, she was grinning, contradicting her words. She gave an over-dramatic sigh and rolled her eyes. "Do you need me to watch Jacob, again?"

"Alice!" Bella hissed. Alice just snickered and jumped down from her stool, bringing her dishes to the sink and dancing through the kitchen to the door.

"I like Alice." I chuckled at her. She rolled her eyes again.

"Yeah, Alice is a crack-up. And annoying."

"Little sisters are like that, I hear." I answered. "But useful, I'm thinking."

"She wants me to go out with her today, go shop or whatever." Bella's nose wrinkled, as if the thought of shopping was distasteful.

I felt some anxiety spike. The thought of Bella being out there, even with her sister, alone, was alarming. It was ridiculous, I know, but I couldn't help the stab of panic.

"I promised Emmett I would do some work this morning, I need to get back into things there. But I can take you out later this afternoon." I offered.

Bella hesitated, biting her lip. "Um, I think she wants, like, a 'girls day out'. Well, and Jacob."

Why did that make me so nervous? I hesitated over my response, just a moment too long, because Bella spoke quickly.

"It's not that I don't want you around, because I do. She just wants to talk about...everything and well, Alice gets...maniacal about her shopping."

"No, no. Bella. I'm not worried about that. Of course, you should spend time with your sister." I composed my face into a neutral expression. I let out a long breath. "I would just feel better if I could take you."

She rolled her eyes at me. "There's no reason for that. We'll get out of your way, so you can work, and be back later. Alice already checked the bus routes, we can get into the shopping district really easily."

My eyes nearly bugged out. "The BUS!? Are you insane? There is no way you are taking the bus, Bella." I took a deep calming breath, pinching the bridge of my nose to regain focus. "Let me take you. I'll give you the time with Alice, I can wait in the Starbucks or whatever. Please?" I asked. I led her out to the foyer, backing her up until she was standing against the staircase and leaned over her, bracing one arm on the baluster above her. "I would feel much better if I could see you there safely."

A flicker of worry passed over her features. Once more, her eyes swirled with a flurry of emotions, most of which confused me. Sad? Angry? Whatever they were, they passed quickly.

"Okay, fine. If it would help. It's unnecessary, but whatever." She gave me a slightly exasperated look. "I don't suppose you'd let me drive your car?"

I gave her a look of mock confusion. "You can drive?"

She stuck out her tongue at me. I was tempted to suck on it. "Yes, I can drive, old man." She snorted. "I suppose it would be greedy of me to be sad that you rescued me and my sister, but not my truck, huh?" She grinned conspiratorially at me.

"By 'truck', you mean that heap of rusted metal I saw in your driveway?" I asked, almost hoping to be wrong.

"Hey! Have some respect for The Beast," she retorted. I snorted. 'The Beast' was about accurate.

"I am willing to do just about anything for you, Bella. Making you safe and happy is number one and two on that list. What that list excludes, however, is 'rescuing' your truck, letting you take the bus, or ever making you feel that you are being greedy." Her eyes were wide, luminescent. Her pink lips pulled apart as she gasped softly. I couldn't resist their call, so I dropped my head down, capturing her lips in mine.

I would have deepened the kiss and pressed myself closer, except I was reminded that we weren't alone. Jacob sneezed and sighed, an action that still shook his whole tiny body. Both Bella and I started laughing. I touched my forehead to hers, then pushed myself back, pausing only to drop a kiss on the top of the baby's head.

"Just give me some time to get some work done, and then I will take you and Alice wherever you want to go, okay?" I asked.

"Okay." Bella gave me a breathtaking smile and went upstairs.

I went to my office and turned on my computer. While it was booting up, I called Emmett. He was just arriving to work, having left just before I came downstairs. He quickly got me the information I needed to get started. The project wasn't a terribly difficult one, but it was a large office complex and the contractor was a long-standing client of ours. In that moment, I was entirely grateful to my brother for treating me like a grown up.

I dove into the project, finding that I hadn't lost as much knowledge as I was afraid I had. I had to look up a number of things, and I was certainly not as efficient as I remembered being, but I wasn't completely hopeless. I lost myself in the busy work of it all. It felt good to have the distraction of work, and for a while I was able to push aside thoughts of what to do with pictures and bedrooms and playhouses.

Bella interrupted once, bringing me a plate with some toast and scrambled eggs on it and ordering me to eat. I ate, because I was helpless to resist Bella anymore, and it was delicious, and I was suddenly ravenous. Other than that, Bella and Alice kept to the family room with Jacob. Occasionally I could hear their voices, but not what they were saying. I wondered what they talked about all the time. It was obvious they were best friends, aside from being sisters. Emmett and I were pretty close as brothers, but I know friendship and family didn't always go hand in hand.

I finished up the work that needed to be done just before lunchtime. I sent a message to Erik to have him set up a site visit with the client the next week, and put away the materials I was using. I joined Alice and Bella in the kitchen for a quick lunch.

Alice didn't appear to mind that I was driving them over to the collection of shops she wanted to go to. After we finished eating lunch, we loaded Jacob and all the necessary paraphernalia for going out with a baby, and left. Alice filled the drive with her usual bright chatter. Bella and I stole small glances at each other, exchanging smiles. I wanted to hold her hand, but she was keeping it folded tightly in her lap. I didn't want to embarrass her if public displays weren't something she was comfortable with. There was so much I still needed to know about her. I vowed to rectify that soon.

I pulled up in front of the Starbucks in the Village. The complex was not so much a mall as a collection of shops. Some were national chain stores, but most were small boutique businesses. Wooden paths connected the separate buildings, and small flower beds brightened up the wide spaces. Alice had already rattled off a list of the stores she wanted to go to, Bella sighing in good-natured resignation. Bella got Jacob situated in the blue checkered baby sling she wore across her body. It was sturdy enough to carry him comfortably and safely, leaving her arms free. A compact bag filled with baby necessities hooked over her shoulder.

"You sure you don't want me to keep him?" I asked her, as I helped get the strap adjusted properly.

She shook her head. "I'm fine, really Edward. That way, when he's hungry...you know." She said, blushing a little.

"Okay," I said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'll just be in here, okay? Use your phone if you need anything."

She waved it in the air. "Okay, okay, Mr. Overprotective. I'll be safe." She gave me a knowing smile.

"That's all I ask."

"C'mon Bella! Bye Edward!" Alice waved excitedly. Clearly, I was dismissed.

I watched as they walked down the pathway, sorely tempted to follow them at a distance.

Just to be sure.

I chastised myself for being a paranoid stalker. This was an affluent suburb. Crimes of the day were embezzlement and insider trading, not so much on the armed robbery. Like the day before though, I found myself thinking of any manner of bad things that could befall Bella while I wasn't there for her. At least it wasn't just petty jealousy this time. I distracted myself by strolling slowly into the Starbucks and ordering a coffee. I bought a newspaper as well and took a seat out on the patio that faced the direction Bella and Alice had gone.

This felt very familiar. The coffee was better, and the surroundings much nicer, but I had spent many days with a cup of coffee and watching the people go about their day. I took a little comfort in the familiarity, easing some of the nerves that were building now that I was out of Bella's presence.

"Edward? Edward Cullen?" A voice interrupted my thoughts. A man of medium height, light brown hair, pulling off his sunglasses with an astonished expression. I recognized him immediately. Demetri Crazzo was the husband of one of Tanya's friends. The four of us would often attend various events and have dinners together.

"Yes, it's me." I gave a wry smile and stood to shake his hand, hoping to cover my uncomfortable feeling. I knew sooner or later I'd have to deal with meeting people again. I slipped into the mindset of professionalism. I could, at least, act as normally as possible. It had gotten me through the interactions with the social worker and the hospital administrators, it would work again. "How are you doing, Demetri?" I asked, politely.

"Good, good." He still looked surprised, and he shook his head. "I almost didn't recognize you." He added scratching his chin, indicating my beard.

I shifted in my seat, mirroring the action of scratching my chin. "Yeah, I guess I'm still a little incognito with this. What's new with you?" I was hoping to keep the conversation away from me. I could see the questions on his face. Demetri had always been the observant one.

"Great! Heidi is doing well, we just had our third. Another girl." He shook his head. "I'm out numbered, man." I thought back, Demetri and his wife, Heidi, had a little girl a couple years younger than Macy at the time.

"You have three now?" I asked. "That's great, man." I shook his hand again. I was happy for him. He and Heidi were great parents. The twinge in my heart as I remembered my little girl was painful, though I tried hard to keep it from showing.

He sensed my mood, shifting uncomfortably, in that way that was entirely too familiar to me. When people don't know how to act around you.

"So, how are you, Edward? Things going well after your...sabbatical?" He asked. Was that the public perception of what I had done? Oh, if they only knew. He took a seat at the table, searching around for something else to look at.

"Yes, better now." I smiled, thinking of Bella. He looked back at me seriously.

"Glad to hear that, Edward," he said, before turning back to scan the open lot. "You're still driving the Volvo, I see."

I laughed, he'd always harassed me about my car, egging me into needing something with a bit more flash.

"Yeah, I'm not quite ready tackle the midlife crisis, like some." I snarked back at him. He laughed heartily, hitting a key remote and I turned to look at the shiny red Porsche that flashed it's lights a few spaces away. I snorted a laugh. "Like I said. . ." I added, casually sipping my coffee.

"Well, I should be on my way," he said. "Will we see you at the Independence Day carnival? We're taking the girls to the parade and then to the picnic afterwards."

I remembered the annual event held in town, I had taken Macy a couple times. Bella would probably really enjoy it, and it would be a chance for us to do something fun together. Maybe not a real date, since the family would likely want to join us, but still a good time.

"I had forgotten about that," I said. "Yes, though, we will probably go."

He caught my pronoun usage. He looked at my car and then back at me. "We? Is that a car seat I see in your car?" He turned to me with a grin. "Doing better, definitely! That's great, it's good to see. Did you remarry?"

I caught myself. How did I explain Bella and Jacob. Was she my girlfriend now? I supposed it was the simplest explanation. And it would make most of the questions easier.

"No!" It came out a little more intensely than I intended, and I saw Demetri's eyebrow reach for his hairline. "M-my girlfriend, though. Bella. We have a son, Jacob." By the end of the comment, I was feeling more confident. It had sounded rather nice, actually, to lay it out like that.

"That's awesome. We'll look for you on the fourth, we'd love to meet them." He actually sounded genuine, for which I was grateful. He sauntered off to his Porsche, giving me a cheesy grin as he got in.

Maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as I had feared. Just how much did I complicate things myself? As if on cue, I panicked slightly as I dug my phone out of my pocket, checking the time. It had been about an hour. Not that long, really.

I texted Bella anyway.

_-How's the shopping going?_

A few minutes passed. I tapped my foot anxiously while waiting.

_**-Alice has found her own personal Heaven. She has made me try on 45973 outfits, and her baseball player called. She may be catatonic soon, and you can come rescue me. Again.**_

_-Say the word, fair damsel, and I shall be at your side. _

Four-hundred-twenty-seven taps later. . .

_**- You are so corny, Old man.**_

I wondered what the delay was. What was she trying on? My mind went overboard again, though at least I wasn't conjuring up nightmares of terrorist attacks on a small suburban shopping districts this time.

_-You sure you don't need a second opinion on all those outfits? I'd be happy to weigh in._

The response was immediate this time.

_**-NO!**_

I snickered and typed out a response.

_-Okay, okay. Text me when you're done, I'll drive around so you don't have to carry everything back._

_**-Ever the gentleman. Thank you.**_

I smiled. Genuinely.

Some more time passed. I spent most of it lost in thought, about Bella mostly, but other things as well. Until my phone beeped again.

_  
__**-Alright, hero. Come save me from the savage pixie and her checklist of doom. We're in front of Beth's.**_

Beth's was a ladies' boutique at the far end of the Village. I messaged her that I would be right there. I hurried to pick them up, pulling my car into the closest spot to where they were waiting. I jumped out of the car and strode quickly to Bella, my eyes traveling over her form, both in appreciation and to assure myself that she was okay.

"Hi," she breathed. "Are you okay?" She was searching my face. Maybe I wasn't hiding my anxiety that well.

I gave her a crooked smile. "Now I am."

She rolled her eyes. "You've been bored out of your mind, haven't you? Told you to stay home."

"Not a chance." I said, kissing her forehead. I reached into the baby sling, pulling Jacob out so she could pack it away for the drive home. "Hey, Jacob-buddy." I said. "Did they bore you to death with all the shopping? You should come play basketball with Uncle Emmett and I later and we'll restore some man points for you." Alice trilled a laugh as she stowed a large assortment of bags in the trunk. Bella was just staring at me, her mouth open in a small O. She shook herself out of her daze when I crooked an eyebrow at her questioningly.

It was late afternoon by the time we got home. Rosalie and Emmett were already there, sitting at the kitchen table while dinner cooked and talking over plans for their house. Alice waved me off and hauled the shopping bags upstairs herself. Rosalie reached for Jacob as Bella walked in, taking him with a coo. For whatever reservations about me there were, so far, everyone had taken to Bella and Jacob amazingly well. I only hoped that would continue as we met others from my past. I thought back to meeting with Demetri earlier. He was accepting enough. Would Heidi be? I didn't really care what they thought of me, but I fervently hoped any animosity towards me would not be directed at Bella.

Bella sat down wearily in a chair at the table, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.

"Tired?" I asked softly, coming up behind her and stroking her hair lightly. Bella leaned into my hand and nodded, keeping her eyes closed.

"Go take a nap, then. We've got Jacob."

She pried her eyes open, giving me her dazzling smile. "Maybe after dinner. I'm starving, too." Her hand lifted up to touch mine. I could feel eyes on me, and looked over to my brother and sister-in-law. Emmett was smirking. Rosalie's eyes were narrowed, though she was still pretty relaxed. For Rosalie.

"Well," Rosalie spoke in a clipped voice. "Isn't that _special_."

"Emmett?" Bella grinned, never taking her eyes off mine. "Can you go make out with Rosie for a minute, distract her from worrying about me so much? Edward's been a perfect gentleman. Mostly."

I tried to stifle a snicker. Emmett heaved a sigh. "Work, work, work...Just don't ever ask me to distract Edward when he gets all overprotective on your ass." He pulled Rosalie closer and kissed her soundly.

"Child! Child here!" Rosalie objected, lifting up Jacob. "Later, big boy." She nudged Emmett playful, but exchanged a meaningful look with Bella. Bella just shrugged and smiled up at me, making her intentions clear, if nothing else.

I tried not to feel too smug about that.

Alice joined us a few minutes later and we had a lively dinner. Emmett let us know they'd be moving soon. The house would be habitable sooner than they thought, and while it would still need some finishing work, they were anxious to be in their own home.

I couldn't agree more. As we ate, my thoughts drifted. Alice was making arrangements for school in the fall. Since the campus was in downtown Seattle, she was looking into campus housing. Eager to live the full college experience, she said. Bella was excited for her, but said nothing about future plans. Was she still planning to move out and get her own place? We weren't exactly following standard dating rules here, so I didn't know if it was out of line to hope she would just stay. Oddly, or maybe not so much, no one else asked that question either.

After dinner, I pushed Bella upstairs to rest for a while. Emmett was in full support of giving Jacob a manly education in basketball, so we set him up a safe distance away in the shaded baby swing Rosalie had purchased for him and razzed each other into a game of one-on-one. Emmett schooled me pretty severely, mocking my rustiness.

"What, are you out of practice, big brother?" He said, dodging out reach with the ball. This was something I liked about Emmett. No walking on eggshells anymore. He was over it.

"Maybe a little, but I'll just wear you down. And I'm still faster than you." I shot back, darting forward to snatch the ball from under his hand, twisting to make a clean shot at the basket. Luckily, with all that bravado, it went in.

"So, I take it you finally pulled your head out of your ass. She was pretty upset last night when we got home." The diversion of the game was a good buffer against the pang of guilt.

"Shut up, Em. You know how complicated this is." I retorted.

"Yeah, and you're just making it worse. And I don't mean just by hooking up with Bella." He took advantage of my distraction at his words to sneak around and score another point, increasing his lead.

"There's no 'hooking up', Em."

He came to a stop, looking at me curiously. "Huh." was all he said, then shook his head. I took advantage of the pause to make another shot.

He started talking again as we played. "Yeah, well, whatever. . . just, you know, be smart. She's like a sister now and I'd have to kick both your asses if either of you screw this up, and I don't have the time for that."

"Yes, Emmett. I know."

We played on, not talking any more, just the occasional curse or shout as one would get around the other's defense. Emmett won soundly though, proclaiming his victory loudly.

"You see that, Jacob?" he boomed. "Your dad has NOTHING on your Uncle Emmett. Stick with me for the man lessons, got it?"

I shoved him hard against the garage door, just because. He shoved me back with a grin, just as Jacob let out a piercing wail.

"Aw, look man, you scared him. Trying to beat up his Uncle Emmett." Em looked over at the swing. "I'm okay, J, he's not that tough."

I rolled my eyes, but let that pass, instead going to the swing and unfastening Jacob from the straps. Jacob was alternately fussing and sucking violently on his tiny fist.

"You're just hungry, aren't you?" I asked, getting a strange noise from him in response.

"Whoa, I think he just growled at you, Edward." said Emmett, snickering from over by the garage.

"Definitely, hungry. Let's get you to Mama." I whispered to Jacob. I brought him quickly inside, leaving Emmett to bring the swing into the house. It was curious, the attachment I had to Jacob already. I didn't think I could say I truly thought of him as mine. but there was definitely a feeling of attachment there. Was it just psychological from claiming him? Was it because he was part of Bella? Both?

I sighed and shook my head. So many questions. I was going to torture myself to death with them.

I took the stairs at a fast pace. Jacob had calmed slightly now that he was being held, but I wanted to get him to Bella quickly. When I reached her door at the end of the hall, I hesitated for a moment. She did come into my room this morning. Did that mean we were passed the knocking phase? I played it safe, and knocked softly first, before trying the door. It was unlocked, so I cracked it open just enough to speak.

"Bella?" I called out, quietly, but then louder. "Bella, I think Jacob is hungry, may I bring him in?"

"Come in. . . it's okay. I'm awake." I smiled, that feeling of ease spreading over me as it always did.

I pushed the door open and walked into the crowded room. It was the smallest of the bedrooms up here, and with all the baby gear, and Bella's apparent clutter tendencies, it was a little cramped. But it was warm and comfortable and just...Bella. I knew Rosalie had picked this room because it had a en-suite bathroom. Maybe I could switch rooms with her. I certainly didn't need the immense space that was the master suite.

Or maybe I could convince her just to share it with me. Someday. _Soon_.

I did my best to not let that show on my face. Bella was sitting cross-legged in the middle of her bed, looking deliciously rumpled from her nap. She was staring with a slightly glazed expression, as I walked closer. My hair was dripping in my face from the sweat I had built while playing outside, chilling now that I was in the air-conditioned house, a contrast to the heat outside. I placed Jacob carefully into her waiting arms, pushing my hair out of my face as soon as my hands were free. Bella was shrugging out of her button down shirt, and I couldn't help but watch the smooth skin of her arms as it was revealed.

I snapped myself out of my reverie, brushing my hand through her hair.

"I'll let you..." i gestured towards Jacob. It was crazy, some moments we were so easy and fun with each other, some were intense and close, and other times I just stammered and fidgeted like a teenager with his first girlfriend. "Um. I need a shower. But if, after you get Jacob settled, you want to come see me. I'd like to have some time to just. . . talk with you."

"Okay." She answered softly, always right there with me in the moments. Her hand was paused on the shoulder strap of her tank top.

"Okay, see you soon." I left quickly.

I immediately went to my room, closing the door behind me. It was already pretty dark, with just a little of the late evening sun streaming in through the high window along the roof line. I flipped on a lamp, plugging my ipod into the stereo system along the inside wall. I wasn't really in the mood for anything in particular, just some background noise, so I placed it on random and let it go.

I walked around the room, to the large bathroom, flipping on lights as I went. I shed my sweaty clothes, dropping them into the hamper. Despite the heat outside, I turned the water fairly warm. I still couldn't resist a hot shower. I didn't want to linger this time though, so I washed quickly. I dried off, grabbing a pair of dark green plaid pajama pants from my dresser drawer. I reached for a t-shirt, too, but draped it over the back of the vanity chair, while I brushed my teeth and combed my hair.

I considered myself in the mirror. It wasn't as difficult for me to look at my reflection now. The broken, weak man wasn't quite as broken and weak anymore. Confused, yes. But I found myself appraising more of the physical, instead of judging the decisions I had made. Almost a month of home-cooked meals was showing a little. The lean muscle, scrawny if you asked Emmett, was filling out more, but I was sure my time out on the road had permanently altered my build . The few stray gray hairs in my beard remained, the most evidence of my age, unless you paid attention to the weary lines around my eyes. Those wouldn't go away until I could sleep, but I could do something about the beard. I smirked a little to myself, remembering the morning. A number of benefits, possibly, to be gained. Honestly, though, I was suddenly anxious not to look like the broken man that stumbled home nearly a month ago. Maybe if I looked the part, the rest would come easier.

I went to the large cabinet next to the vanity. I had already found and used my electric trimmer once, taming the overgrown beard into submission after I had gotten home. Somewhere, I used to have an actual shaving kit. A gift from my father, ages ago. Carlisle was a man who believed in shaving properly. I was never that concerned about it, but it seemed it would come in handy now. I finally found it in the back of the second shelf. i dusted off the bag and brought it to the counter, opening it up and unrolling the bundle of shaving implements. It looked a little intimidating, but it would work.

I plugged in the cord to the trimmers and adjusted it to a fairly short length, leaning over the counter, trimming off the thickest portion of my beard. I took my time, making sure I got it fairly even, just in case I decided to leave it.

I was just finishing when there was a soft knock on the door frame. My eyes met Bella's in the mirror as she stood in the doorway. I shut off the trimmers and smiled at her in the reflective surface.

"I wasn't sure if I should just come in or not," she said quietly. I arched an eyebrow at her and she blushed. She gestured vaguely at my half-dressed state. "I can come back if you..."

"No!" I stopped her, turning around to walk to her. "You're fine, keep me company." I smiled down at her, taking her hand and pulling her back into the room with me. She returned my smile, but I did catch her glancing down at my bare chest, seeing her eyes move over me. I wondered what she was thinking, both curious and afraid. The expression on her face didn't indicate that she was unhappy with what she saw though. I had to take a deep breath, not wanting to react to her ogling. I could already feel the warm buzz in the air. She had changed into a pair of dark blue pajamas, made out of soft-looking cotton, tiny buttons fastening the front of it closed over her rounded breasts.

She broke the tense silence between us when she suddenly turned to take in the room. Her mouth dropped open as she looked around.

"My god. Don't ever let Alice see this room. She will kick you out." She snorted with laughter.

It was a large room. The shower itself was a large stone alcove, clear Plexiglas separating it from the room. Next to the shower was a small room with the toilet, a sliding pocket door for privacy. Two separate vanities framed the huge sunken jacuzzi tub in the corner, with wide windows, angled up slightly for privacy, but affording a nice view of the Cascade mountains. I was technically using the "hers" side of the vanity, slightly larger than the simpler "his" side, but I needed the space for the task at hand.

"Well, then, let's keep Alice out, okay?" I grinned at her. "You, on the other hand, are welcome to use it as you desire."

She flushed again, sitting on the end of the vanity counter, folding her legs in front of her. "Maybe I will." She was quiet for a moment. "Jacob is sleeping. I think you guys wore him out," she added with a grin.

I chuckled and picked up the cup from the shaving kit. The soap mix was still sealed so I mixed it together with some water, stirring it with the large brush. Bella watched me curiously.

"Are you really going to shave your beard off?" She asked, toying with the curled ends of her hair.

"Well, yes." I smirked at her. "I can't be giving you any more ammunition for those old jokes. Among other things." I met her expressive eyes, watching them darken and dilate as I gazed at her, reaching one finger to brush along her collarbone.

She blushed, of course, but shook her head. "You don't have to, you know. Not for me."

I shrugged, "It's time, too."

We chatted as I shaved. I'd ask her questions about whatever random trivial detail I could think of. Her favorite color was green, she liked roses, but had a soft spot for simple wildflowers. She preferred the classics to modern fiction. Despised asparagus, but would die for a good piece of chocolate cake. Her best friend was her sister. We commiserated over the complications of having a younger, more outgoing sibling as we swapped stories from our childhood. Her smile was bittersweet when she spoke of her Dad, but she spoke freely. All the while, she watched every move I made intently. It was slow going. I was long out of practice, even before I had left home, with using a straight razor, and I wasn't interested in slicing my neck open or my nose off. The blade was nicely sharp though, since it was still in it's original wrapping.

I had to stop and mix lather a couple times, since I had no idea how much I needed. Bella mixed up the last batch for me, claiming she needed to feel useful. She had handed me the brush hesitantly, and watched again as I removed the last of the hair from my face. I turned on the water in the sink, rinsing off the blade, setting it down carefully off to the side. I bent low over the basin, splashing water over my face, rinsing the lather completely. It felt odd. Not really numb, but an oddly new feeling as the steamy air in the room touched skin that hadn't really seen the light of day in. . .well, I wasn't sure how long it had been since I was last completely clean-shaven.

It was invigorating though, the feeling heightened by the tingling sensation as my skin dried and I could feel the tightening across my cheek and jawbones. I dried my face with a fluffy towel and walked to where Bella still sat on the counter. Her eyes were wide as they searched my face. I was almost embarrassed under the scrutiny, but I wanted her to look, too. This was me. Under all the layers I had hidden under. I felt more exposed by the lack of hair on my face than by the lack of shirt over my chest.

"Well?" I asked, my voice breaking slightly. She took my hand, pulling me closer, unfolding her legs so they dangled over the edge of the counter. Wordlessly, she pushed the low-backed chair that was tucked under the counter with her foot, tugging on my arm until I sat down. I could feel the anxiety build, the longer she was silent. I knew I was considered attractive, particularly in my former life, but none of that cocky self-assurance was with me now. I did my best not to tremble under her gaze. She shifted slightly so she was sitting on the counter, directly in front of me. She reached one finger up, touching my cheek, right by my left ear. Slowly, she drew it down my face, tracing the smooth edge of my jawline. Her touch burned, not just from the contact to the dry skin, but from the heat of her touch.

"You're beautiful," she whispered. I swallowed thickly, closing my eyes against the weight of her words, and the heat of her gaze. She kept speaking though, her voice raising to a throaty murmur, as if reaching to me. "You were before, I mean. I think you're beau. . . handsome either way, you know. Your eyes. . ." she trailed off. I cracked my eyes open to find hers, so liquid, chocolaty, and warm, gazing into mine, as if she'd known I would open them at that moment. Her finger tip grazed my jaw again.

"You should put something on your face, though. . . razor burn is a terrible thing." She smiled and looked down. Suddenly shy again. I couldn't move. I was still caught in her spell. Keeping her right hand holding my face, she leaned over to the pile of shaving necessities, sorting through until she found a small tube. She looked at the label and nodded to herself. It was my turn to watch her intently now.

She unscrewed the lid to the tube, squeezing a small amount of the slightly oily substance into her small hand. She dropped the tube to the counter beside her and rubbed her hands together. She brought one hand to each side of my face, gently pressing the liquid into my skin. I hissed softly as it stung a bit, but the warmth of her hands was a soothing balm, and I couldn't help but lean into them. Slowly, she drew her hands down, over my jaw and chin, gently over my neck. I had to swallow the lump that was building in my throat. I couldn't remember ever having felt so cared for. She released me only for a moment, to squeeze more of the lotion into her hand and then she repeated the process, silently drawing her fingers over my face, this time making sure she covered the spot over my lip, and the corners of my jaw, all the way up to my ears, her fingernails lightly grazing the hair I had left as sideburns.

Her eyes met mine, and I could only imagine what she was seeing in them. Awe, worship, adoration, and more than just a little desire. The air around us crackled with the electricity that always surrounded us. The bare skin of my torso was at once both chilled and heated. I could feel my body responding instinctively to her, blood drawing downward into my groin. She leaned forward and brushed her lips softly against mine.

That last gentle touch did me in. My hands came up to wrap around her hips, gripping her tightly as I stretched my neck to keep my lips connected with hers. I reached one hand up, cupping her neck in my palm, burying my fingers into her thick hair, anchoring her to me. She sighed softly against my mouth, her lips moving with mine in silky softness. Her hands, still slippery from the aftershave lotion, slid over the skin of my jaw, over the back of my neck and shoulders.

She was leaning over the space between us, and I couldn't stand not feeling her against me, so I circled my arm around her waist, still keeping the other firmly anchored in her hair and slid her off the counter and into my lap. Her legs were straddling mine as I pulled her flush against my chest. I angled her head to the side so I could deepen the kiss. Her lips parted and my tongue sought out hers, sliding like velvet against each other. I had to break away to breathe, both of us sucking in air with ragged gasps. I remembered my promise then, pulling her hair back over her shoulder, my lips pressing fervent kisses down her neck, alternately brushing her soft warm skin with my cheek, feeling the silky texture against the newly exposed skin of my jaw. Her hands glided smoothly over my shoulders, the sensation of her warm hands on my body causing me to moan against her neck. I paused with my lips at her pulse point, flicking my tongue over the thin, delicate skin.

"Oh. . ." The soft cry of desire falling from her lips intensified everything. My lips continued their assault on her neck, nipping just until I reached the promised spot, right there at that little dent, where the collarbone bent to reach towards her delicate shoulder. I pulled back just a little, humming with satisfaction as she gripped my shoulders, fingers slipping against me as she tried to maintain her grip. I turned my face to slowly rub my jaw along that spot, reveling in the sensation of her skin against mine. She shivered against me, and I brought my mouth to her, licking the same spot in a long, slow draw, my tongue flat against her skin, before fastening my lips over the same spot.

"Oh, god. . . Edward." Her ragged moan pushed me into an almost delirious state. My erection, already rising hard and aching between us, strained for her. I instinctively brought her closer. Our lips met again, passionate, demanding, worshipping. I pulled her hips hard against me, groaning loudly into her open mouth. She leaned her head against mine, lips millimeters apart as she pressed close. I could feel her damp heat through the thin layers of cotton that separated us. I was rapidly loosing all coherent thought as she ground herself against me, or I pulled and moved her above me, I couldn't tell. My hand slipped down from her hair, tracing over the neckline of her pajama shirt, gently, contradicting the intense, insistent motion of our hips.

My fingers traced over the curve of her breast, before cupping it in my hand feeling the full weight. She arched slightly, causing her breast to fill my hand completely. Satisfied she was going to keep close to me. That she would keep rolling her hips against mine. That the heat I felt could consume me at any moment; I moved my other hand to her top, fumbling at first, but slowly slipping the small buttons through the holes until her pajama top fell open. She was wearing a soft cotton bra beneath, but it didn't stop me from exploring the soft skin of her chest and stomach. I bent my head to trail kissed down her neck again, pausing only to lave at the hollow at the base of her throat, before continuing on to the tops of her breasts. My hands searched lower, my thumb grazing the indentation of her belly button, then just beneath.

"My god Bella, I want to touch you, everywhere. I can't get enough." I groaned into the space between her breasts, everything still heightened against my face. My fingers traced just along the edge of her pajama pants which had slipped down low on her hips after our frantic movements.

She shuddered against me, but stiffened slightly. I could feel her hot breath against my ear as she spoke, leaning her head against mine.

"I know. . . I want . . . I just . . . I can't . . . " her voice broke off in a gasp. I froze against her chest, some thought that maybe I had pushed too far finding its way into the back of my brain. She continued though, "Just, the doctor said. Oh, Edward. I can't . . .not yet."

I sagged against her, half with relief and half with desire. Of course. It was so easy to forget how recently she had just had Jacob. Her body needed time to heal. With great effort, I pulled myself away from that intoxicating body, raising my head to look in her heavy-lidded eyes. My fingers brushed her hair back from her flushed face and swollen lips, and I met her eyes to let her know I had listened to her.

"Of course, I know. I'm sor-" I was interrupted as she cut me off with a firm kiss, grinding her hips against me, creating another burst of friction against my desire.

"Please don't say you're sorry."

I nodded, understanding her feelings. I pulled back again, "Soon," I whispered. "When. . . when we're both ready." I tried to calm my breathing. Bella looked at me speculatively. She sat back, which really only changed the angle she was rubbing against me and ran her fingernails lightly down my chest and stomach.

"You're not under doctor's orders." She whispered. "I could. . ." her voice trailed off. Her fingers dipped just barely into the waistband of my pants, just a fraction away from where I was aching for her touch. I groaned, a deep rumble in my chest as my imagination filled with images and fantasies of Bella's hands on me, accentuated by the feel of her fingers so close.

It took every ounce of willpower I possessed to pull her back farther on my lap towards my knees. Even more when her gaze dropped to my lap, looking at the very obvious bulge shaping the material of my sleep pants. I wrapped my hands, lightly, around her wrists and pulled them up and away from the dangerous path they were on.

"When we're both ready." I emphasized.

She nodded into my shoulder, shy Bella having made her return. We sat there, just holding each other, for a long time. Our breathing slowed, a comforting rhythm. I ignored the ache in my groin, nothing was clouding the feeling of her in my arms. When I had calmed enough to stand, I did so, still holding her. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I couldn't help a soft groan as that sensation filled my mind with innumerable possibilities.

"I should go to bed, I guess." She whispered this against my ear. I could hear the sleepy quality to her voice, thick and dreamy-like.

"Mmhmm." I nodded into her hair. "I agree." I reached my bed, placing her gently in the middle. I climbed in next to her, pulling her back against my chest.

"But, Jacob. . ." she murmured sleepily.

"Is fifteen feet away, and doesn't starve quietly. Stay with me."

"Mmkay. . ."

Sleep didn't come any easier for me tonight than it did any other night. However, the hours laying awake passed far more pleasantly.

* * *

**So, Ms Ambrosia was kind enough to set up a thread for Some Life in Me over at the Twilighted forums, come keep her company. I'll drop by too with a tease for the next chapter in a few days. The usual deal with the (dots) and the .'s .**

**http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=9467**

**And/or review, if you wish. **


	11. Chapter 10: Normal

**Okay, here we are! Thank you to everyone who reads. The reviews and tweets make my day. I love them! **

**A little business before the chapter: Thank you to my girls. Amber and Lindelle for betafishing the heck out of this chapter. WhitneyLove, Zephyersky and AngryBadgerGirl for all the prereading and encouragement and advice. I couldn't do this without you! Mwah!**

**I also don't own Twilight, or any of these characters. I hope Stephenie doesn't mind. We all love playing with her characters.**

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**Chapter 10: Normal**

Watching Bella sleep was rapidly becoming one of my favorite ways to spend my time. This was the third night Bella had slept in my bed. The first night, I had lain awake holding her warm body against mine almost the whole night, until sleep finally took me. A nightly ritual, of sorts, was emerging. Every evening, after dinner, Bella and Alice would disappear upstairs, and sometimes Rosalie would join them. Emmett and I would play ball or video games. Later on, Emmett and Rosalie would go to bed while Alice was on the phone with Jasper Whitlock. Bella would feed Jacob one more time and put him in his cradle for the night. I would go to my bedroom and either watch some television on the small flat panel or read.

My favorite part came later. Bella would come tip-toeing into my bedroom, always late, and always after the house was quiet. Tonight she wore a red v-necked t-shirt that pulled slightly against the strain of her full breasts, with just a hint of cleavage peaking from the vee. Her long legs were bare except for a pair of red and white dotted boxer-style shorts. I had to admit, the red was nearly as striking against her pale skin as the dark blue I loved so much.

Tonight, she had slipped quietly through the door, clicking it shut softly behind her. She had done this the last night, as well as tonight. The same motion. The soft knock, then the door would crack open and she would peek in, meeting my eyes with the most serious expression. She would slip through and lean back against the door as it closed quietly. I would not have minded if I could frame the image of her leaning against my door, lip pulled between her teeth, her hands gripping the door knob behind her.

"You don't have to sneak, you know. I think they know you sleep here at night." I had said this to her with a slight grin, but still a quiet voice.

"I know." She ducked her head down, letting her hair fall over her shoulders. She looked back up at me, eyes luminous in the low light from the lamps. She spoke with a hush, as well. "It's so peaceful in here. I don't want to break the spell, you know?"

I moved to the edge of the bed, pulling her close, so she was standing between my legs. I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her softly on the lips. My bed was just the right height, so that neither of us had to strain our necks and she fit perfectly into my arms. I hummed into her mouth as her hands slid over my shoulders to tangle in my hair. I hadn't forgotten the passionate moment the other night, and neither had she. We were more reserved since then, but I was acutely aware of my need to feel her, kiss her, and touch her.

I gave her a half smile, pushing her thick dark hair over her shoulders. "A spell is a good word for it, isn't it? Whatever this is that I feel when you are near me. You have bewitched me, Isabella."

I saw the blush creep up her neck and face, rosy pink highlighted by the red of her shirt. She quirked her full lips in a smile before rolling her eyes at me. She moved away from me, but only to crawl on to the bed and sit cross-legged, facing me.

"More like the other way around I think, Edward." She disagreed.

She fell silent then. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, even with the unspoken thoughts that were clearly hanging between us. Part of me wanted to push her for her thoughts of us, but there was a barrier there for me too. I couldn't even begin to put words to my feelings. I just knew I craved her. I could feel the difference when we were apart. The weight I felt was lifted when she was near, and I didn't even notice the weight until it was gone. We were still tentative in our exploration of each other's emotional barriers, and that was okay for now.

We talked about more mundane things, learning little bits about each other. We still studiously avoided talk of James, or Tanya and Macy. They were there, lingering in the background, fueling both the cautious distance and the strong desire that would sweep over us when I'd pull her close to me and kiss her good night. I knew, deep in my gut, that sooner or later both of our pasts would be a huge hurdle for us to traverse. I just hoped she would stay with me long enough for me to put the broken pieces of myself back together. Then maybe I could give her something more than this numb man I was, and really explore the possibilities we had.

Eventually, she fell asleep cocooned in my arms again. I was awake still, plagued by insomnia for one more night. I did not mind as much now, however. I was comfortable, my too-soft bed now a warm nest with Bella next to me. And, like that first night in the hospital, Bella spoke in her sleep.

The words were mumbled, soft, and sometimes just happy sighs, or anxious sobs. She fretted over her mother, sighed happily over Jacob. I would tighten my hold on her when James' name would come from her sweet lips. Sometimes she would say it angrily, and her fist would grind into the pillow. Other times she would tremble and say it with a moan that was both sad and frustrated. I would pull her closer to my chest when she would do this, silently willing her to understand that I would always protect her from that man who had taken her innocence. Last night when I had done that, I was rewarded as she buried her nose into my chest and sighed deeply, whispering my name. My heart swelled with warmth; this was something I could protect her from: the horrors that haunted her at night.

Now, however, she was not sleeping. Jacob had woken up hungry some time around 3 a.m. I had still been awake when the small yellow and white baby monitor came to life with his cries. It wasn't difficult to hear him from the other bedroom, but Bella felt better having a monitor close. She stirred in her sleep, groggily lifting her head as she focused on the sounds. I was already slipping out of bed though.

"Just stay here," I whispered. "I'll go get him."

"Okay," she said with a yawn, shifting to sit up against the headboard. I chuckled softly at her sleepy, rumpled state. I moved quickly towards Jacob, not wanting him to wake Alice across the hall. When I stepped into Bella's, now just Jacob's, room, he was kicking his tiny feet at the mattress of his small bed. I made shushing noises at him to calm him as I carefully picked him up.

"Hey, buddy." I spoke quietly in his ear, holding him close as I grabbed his blanket at the last minute. "Let's get you to Mama without waking up Auntie Alice, okay? I'll bet she's super cranky when she gets woken up."

Jacob hiccuped, his cries settling to hungry fussing noises as he rubbed his little face into my shoulder.

Bella took him from me with a smile that I couldn't help but kiss. She was still shy about nursing him in front of me, so I closed my eyes when I crawled back into bed, stretching out comfortably and listening to her speak softly to Jacob. Moments like this we felt like a real family. It was easy to just slip into that fantasy for a while. The warmth was both familiar and different, as it always was during these moments. My eyes drifted open to the photo of Tanya and Macy, perched on the shelf across the room. I couldn't see it though. The antique frame was still standing there, but the shelf had been jostled or something, and it was turned away. I could feel the hollow pain in my chest, missing them terribly. It was somewhat muted though by Bella's presence next to me, and I focused on that instead. Those thoughts kept me company as sleep finally overtook me, as I was soothed by her voice every bit as much as Jacob was.

I woke with a start. I was sprawled across the bed, obviously unconsciously searching for Bella in my sleep. A Bella that wasn't here. I sat up, scrubbing at my face, I hadn't shaved again since that first time, so it was definitely time to do it again. I checked the clock. It was nearly nine. Almost six hours of sleep was a record. I felt the cooler sheets on Bella's side of the bed, inhaling her scent from her pillow. I wasn't sure those six hours of sleep were worth not waking up with her.

Today was the Fourth of July, and we had planned to go to the parade and community picnic that was held down by the shore of nearby Lake Washinton. Bella had been excited to go when she had heard of it.

Alice was attending another baseball game, as a guest this time of one Mr. Jasper Whitlock. Bella had objected to Alice going by herself, but we were assured that the other families of the players would take care of her. Alice was brimming with excitement at the possibilities, and Bella had finally relented, not having the heart to deny the experience to her sister.

I showered, shaved and dressed quickly. A peek out the windows showed a slightly cooler day, though it would probably warm up by afternoon. We'd be outside most of the day, so I threw on my favorite pair of button fly jeans over my boxer briefs, a white t-shirt and a short sleeve blue casual button down, as a grudging nod to the slightly pretentious air the "neighborhood cookout" would have. Four years ago I wouldn't have thought twice about it. Now, I just wanted to show Bella a fun day.

Satisfied with my appearance, I headed to the door to join Bella downstairs. When I got to the hall, though, I stopped short, my eyes drawn to the patch of light not usually visible in the hallway. I turned the opposite way from the stairs, my heart sinking slightly, the ache increasing as I walked silently down the passage way. Afraid, again, of breaking a spell, though a whole different spell, with an unknown fear. Macy's bedroom. A room I had managed to avoid in the time I had been home. It hadn't been necessary, logistically, to open this room. I also couldn't put a specific reason on why I had put off coming to this room.

I stood in the doorway, forcing myself to look in. This was Macy's princess-in-the-tower room, complete with the tower-shaped alcove at the front of the house. It wasn't exactly as I remembered, of course. Someone, probably my mother, had started the packing process at some point, but enough was left. The pale pink walls, framed with the smiling faces of all of her favorite princesses as a border. White lacy curtains, somewhat dingy now with dust and disuse, hung at the windows, filtering the sunlight into patterns on the pale pink carpet. A child-size white drawing desk and a set of shelves, now empty, stood against one corner, forming a cozy nook. A white rocking chair, padded with pink pillows, stood in the alcove. Her bed was still canopied, though the bed itself had been stripped. The gauzy fabric framed the princess bower like a cloud. I swallowed back the lump that was forming in my throat and slumped against the door frame.

Most incongruous with this scene, however, was Bella standing in the middle of the room, near the foot of the bed, tentatively fingering the delicate fabric of the canopy.

"What are you doing in here?" My voice was rough, probably more harsh than it needed to be.

She jumped and spun around to face me. Her hands went behind her back, and her eyes were wide and wet, fear and remorse written across her face.

"I...I'm sorry, Edward! I didn't know this was...her room. I didn't know what was in here. I was curious." She spoke in a rush, eyes darting around. She didn't come any closer to me, but she looked like she was preparing to bolt, even though I was blocking the only exit. I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose, trying to resolve the image of Macy's room, my past, with Bella. The discordance rattled my mind like an infant trying to play a concerto.

I staggered forward, a little off-balance, catching myself on one of the posts of the bed. It was still a solid piece of furniture and barely shifted against my weight.

Bella took a cautious step closer to me, I could see her hand reaching for me, tentative. I ignored it.

"I'm really sorry, Edward. I don't know why I...I just thought it was another guest room, I thought maybe Alice's room had been..." Bella stammered, a pleading tone to her voice. I couldn't look at her, it would muddle me even more, and make the discordance worse.

"Stop!" I did try to keep my tone even, but she jumped a little at it. "You could have asked. Me. Emmett. Rosalie in one of those nightly girl talk sessions you all have! It never came up?" I knew my tone was sneering, but I didn't seem to have much control over what I was saying at the moment.

"No," she whispered. "I never asked. I didn't know if it was okay."

I bristled with irritation. "So, you just walked in here." I followed that with a deep breath, making my voice as even as possible. "Will you leave me alone, please."

"Okay." Her answer was flat, emotionless. She slipped past me, avoiding touching me. I heard her whisper as she walked out.

I groaned to myself, moving across the room slowly to sit in the rocking chair. I leaned my elbows on my knees. I felt like an ass for hurting her feelings. I hadn't been prepared to deal with this room, whatever had been found behind the door. Just like I hadn't yet ventured into the playhouse, or really even taken a close look at the garden, content to leave it in the hands of the gardener Emmett had hired.

I sat in the quiet room. My eyes roamed around. I spotted a well-loved teddy bear, one ear nearly worn down, dressed in a tutu, pink of course. That was her. A piece of her in this space. Mr. Snuggles, long suffering of his pink tutu, had been her favorite since she was an infant. I leaned forward out of the chair to grab him by the foot, dragging him to my lap. A small cloud of dust shook off his fur, making me sneeze twice. Mr. Snuggles was a piece of Macy, even a piece of Tanya. I could almost feel the places their hands had touched him. The memories of their laughter and joy were fuzzy, fuzzier than I wanted them to be at that moment, but I could remember. A clearer memory of myself, sitting on the floor next to her bed, singing her softly to sleep.

"Fuck!" I half-shouted to myself, "Why the hell is this so damned difficult still, T?" I slouched back in the chair, staring up at the ceiling as if I was speaking to Tanya in heaven. "It's been three goddamned years. More than!"

Macy had been our princess, here in her tower with her princess friends. Dress up clothes, play makeup and tea sets, dolls and all the accouterments that go with them. Now, though, with the exception of Mr. Snuggles and maybe the rocking chair I sat on, this could have been any little girls' room. A page out of a catalog. It didn't smell like her. Not like her favorite bubblegum-scented perfume and strawberry soap. There was none of that here. Just dust and stale air.

All those little cliched statements they feed you after someone dies ran through my head. I was given countless papers and cards with the stages of grief neatly outlined for you. Nice and orderly, like a to-do list of emotions. What they don't tell you is it doesn't always go in that order. And sometimes you have them all at once. They also don't tell you how to move forward. How to put away the pieces of the old you and your old life, the life you thought was yours forever, and try something new. Who knows, maybe there's a nice little checklist for that too. I bitterly wondered where I could find that one.

I gripped the bear tightly in my hands, venting my frustration into his furry body. More dust shook loose, a sad reminder of how futile my anger was. I couldn't stop it at the moment, however. I stood, searching the room for a box or anything to put Mr. Snuggles away in. I finally opened the cupboard built into her dresser. Once it had held tiny pastel colored sweaters and hats. Those were gone, of course, probably donated to charity. I felt the sharp cedar scent as I stuffed the bear inside and closed the door firmly. That would do for now.

That simple action, if a little hasty, was somewhat cathartic. I contemplated that for a moment, wondering if it was that simple. Maybe it was time to get rid of all these reminders. At least then I couldn't be surprised by these moments. I'd make arrangements for the rest of the furniture to be picked up for charity. It would make someone's little girl happy, and I would try not to be bitter about 'someone's little girl'. Either way, most of this was just stuff. Things that would remind me of my past, but without any real meaning.

I rubbed my hands over my face, surprised when they came away wet. I hadn't noticed the few tears that had slipped down my cheeks. I hastily brushed them away, simultaneously giving myself the "it's okay to cry" and "man up" speeches.

I felt a little stupid, now, having stalled on coming in here. Since the moment I'd decided to come back home, bringing Bella with me, the actual action of doing each of those steps was far easier than when it played in my mind prior to accomplishing each task. Ugh. Just do it. Right.

And, I owed Bella an apology.

I closed the door quietly behind me as I left. I second - and third - guessed myself, opening and closing it several times. I finally settled on closed. It was still an unused room for now.

I found Bella in the family room, curled up with Jacob on the couch. I thought she might have been asleep at first, but then I saw her hand move, lightly stroking his small features with her fingertip. Her lips were moving, but I couldn't hear what she was saying. She turned her head when she heard me, or maybe she just felt me, like I always seemed to do with her. Her eyes were serious and they followed me across the room. When I stopped a few feet away, her lips turned into a slight frown, and I saw her arms tighten around Jacob.

"It, um, was the surprise more than anything, I think." I started. Her jaw tightened slightly, her chin lifting. She didn't respond, but kept her eyes fixed on mine. I moved closer, slowly, momentarily being brought back to that first night. The strength and wariness while her eyes assessed me.

"I shouldn't have snapped at you."

She shook her head, her eyes closing briefly, before meeting mine. Now that I was closer I could see the slight red rim framing her round, coffee-colored irises.

"I shouldn't have gone in there when I saw what it was. I'm sorry. I've made myself too comfortable here. I shouldn't do that, I'm still a guest." She sat up as she said this, bringing Jacob to her shoulder.

I winced internally at that, I didn't want to think of her stay here as temporary, even though it was the logical thing now. If we were dating, or whatever it was we had, we were certainly going about it in an unconventional manner.

"May I?" I asked, indicating the portion of the sofa next to her. She nodded, giving me a weak smile. When I sat, she nudged me with her shoulder gently, a silent cue that things were okay.

I took her chin with my fingers, turning her face to me gently. "I'm sorry I snapped, I never want to make you cry."

She pulled her face away, adjusting Jacob on her lap. Her mahogany hair curled and bounced around her shoulder, almost distracting me from the fact that she was shaking her head vehemently.

"No, no," she said. "It wasn't you. It was me, I just..." She stopped herself, inhaling deeply and sitting up straighter, her chin lifting in more defiance and strength. She turned to me with a half smile, her lips twisting wryly. "I don't want to ruin anything. You know, here." She gestured with one hand, waving it back and forth between us. "I don't want to ruin it because I'm being stupid and overreacting. You had a right to be angry with me."

I leaned my forehead against hers. "You can't ruin it for that okay? I'm the one here who can't even tell you what to expect. I know there's a lot I have to work through, and to let go of, but I'm trying. Okay?"

She nodded against my forehead. "I'm sorry for comparing you to James, in my head." She snorted and rolled her eyes, a humorous thing at this close proximity. She was toying with the corner of Jacob's blanket though, so I pulled back a bit, taking that hand in mine. I raised our hands up, my right hand lifted by my shoulder, like a pledge, only I held her hand fast in mine.

"I promise, Bella. I don't ever want to hurt you. And, I will honor those promises I made you back in that hospital room. It's all you. Anytime. All your choice. I don't know what all else I can promise you, but those things are written in stone now, do you understand?"

She squeezed my hand tighter, tilting her head down to awkwardly brush the fingers of her other hand over her eyes, squeezing Jacob in the process. "Yeah," she said, quietly.

Still holding her one hand, I brushed away her tears gently with my other. I smiled wistfully, remembering again. "You know, I wanted to do this - dry your tears - that day in the hospital, when you told me...about everything. It was all I could do not to reach out and touch your face."

Bella closed her eyes and leaned her cheek into my hand. "You could have. I think I already had a crush." I looked at her disbelievingly, and she smirked back at me. "My knight in dirty armor with the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." She caught herself at the end, blushing, like she was afraid she'd revealed too much.

I snickered, remembering my bedraggled appearance. I turned to look down at Jacob, now staring at the bright window across the room. I moved so he could see me, and he focused on my nose.

"I'm going to kiss your mom now, Jacob. You might want to close your eyes." I heard Bella's soft giggle right next to my ear, her breath tickling my skin. I turned my head and caught her lips quickly with mine. It was soft and sweet, lingering just long enough to taste her. There was a child present, after all. Still, I relaxed at her touch, at her sweet acceptance of me.

She pulled back from me slowly, nipping at my lip one last time, making me hum in response.

"I like kissing you." She said, simply, almost as in making an observation. I chuckled.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. We should do more of that. Later." I was definitely not opposed to spending more time kissing Bella.

"Hm...any good make out spots at this fancy picnic of yours?" She grinned at me. "I'm sure Rosalie will watch Jacob for a while."

An hour later, we were in the Volvo, driving down the hill towards Lake Washington. The event was a semi-private community tradition. It was a little stuffy, as I recalled, but the food was always good, and the location had the benefit of being able to see all three of the major fireworks displays that happened down on the lake. Rosalie and Emmett had left earlier in the day. According to Bella, Alice was going to try to bring Jasper in time for the fireworks, but the team was having it's own celebration.

We had packed the trunk full of supplies for the day. A couple blankets, in case it was cooler later, a stroller for Jacob, plus diapers and extra clothes and all the odds and ends a baby needs. Sunscreen, hats, sunglasses and sweatshirts for us. Bella insisted she was fully enjoying the warmer weather, even if it was cooling off. She was devastatingly beautiful in her light blue sundress. There were tiny little white flowers embroidered along the neckline, and along the edge of the skirt. She had pulled her hair up in a messy knot, exposing her neck and shoulders. I carefully reached over and fingered the soft cottony material of her skirt.

Bella quirked an eyebrow at me.

"I like this," I grinned at her, watching her blush. "You're going to get cold later though, the wind coming off the lake is pretty chilly at night."

She fidgeted with one of the straps from her dress. Luckily, we were at a stoplight and I didn't have to worry about the road while my eyes followed the path of her fingers.

"Yes" was her simple answer. She was turned away from me, looking out the window, but just before the light changed, she looked back at me and gave me a flirtatious grin.

I shifted in my seat before driving forward, needing to make myself more comfortable. I could definitely seen the advantage in needing help to stay warm later. I returned her grin with one of my own, but neither of us said anything. Instead, the rest of the drive was quiet, except for the low music coming from my stereo. We were late getting to the picnic, and missed the parade entirely, so the parking lot was packed. I found a spot near the back.

The park sprawled over a wide curve of the lake shore. It was ringed with tall evergreen trees, and dotted with alder, cherry and dogwood trees. A lush green lawn, even in the middle of the summer, covered the majority of the open space until it gave way to the coarse sand and rocky beach the led to the water. Along the perimeter of the park were booths serving a multitude of options for food. An open stage was set up near the edge of the beach where local bands would take turns playing throughout the day. The opposite end of the park housed several mobile amusement park rides. There was a large crowd milling around the park or staking out their places on the beach.

Bella emerged from the car with a wide-eyed expression. "Community party..."

I could identify with the anxiety in her voice. We'd been to the baseball stadium, with tens of thousands of people in the stands, and the heavy press of people in the concourse. This was more personal.

"I know a lot of these people, at least by name." I said. "People from...before."

She looked at me with worried eyes. "Are you going to be okay? We don't have to...I don't really like crowds, anyway."

I turned towards her, pinning her in the triangle formed between the side of the car and the open door. My hand found hers, clasping it tightly, low against our bodies. I wanted to kiss her, but refrained. We weren't hiding our blossoming affection, but so far the physical demonstrations had remained private. We were both anxious enough, without springing public displays of affection. Her hand was comforting in mine, the soothing gesture I was hoping to offer her reflecting back on me tenfold. The warmth that radiated out went beyond care and desire, though that was certainly there as well. It was like her strength, that had fueled her escape from James, her short childhood, her care for her sister, was seeping into my body. I was absorbing it like a sponge.

I moved backwards, letting her free from my prison, and gave her a shrug. "It'll be fun. It always is."

She gave me a bright smile, though her eyes studied me as they always did. She opened the back door to get Jacob while I retrieved everything from the trunk. I placed most of the items in the basket beneath the seat of the stroller. Bella buckled Jacob in, adjusting the large sunshade to protect his delicate skin. She batted my hands playfully away from the handlebar of the carriage and started walking towards the main section of the park. I took my place next to her, feeling pretty natural as we walked together through the gravel parking lot.

Bella came to an abrupt halt when we reached the outskirts of the crowd. She was looking around at all of the people that were passing by.

"What is it? Who do you see?" I asked, wondering if she had recognized someone. She shook her head quickly, then turned to me with a grin.

"Look at the crowd, what do you see?"

I surveyed the crowd, mostly faceless. I didn't see anyone I immediately recognized. Just a multitude of families. Older kids, younger kids. Lots of younger kids, babies.

"We kind of look like we fit right in don't we?" She asked, quietly.

I looked at her curiously, nodding. We certainly did. No one not privy to the details would think we were anything but a traditional new family.

"So, we can pretend, a little," she continued. "We're just a family out to celebrate the holiday. No sad memories, no scared girl from the dinky town. The American Dream, right here." She finished the statement with a little swirling gesture of her hand. "We can pretend we feel totally comfortable and normal here. And then maybe if we try hard enough, we'll believe it, too."

I considered that for a moment. "What about the people I know?"

"They don't know what this is," she said, making that gesture again. "All that matters to them is that we're just...normal. I have always wanted to be normal."

"Normal, right." I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I can do normal."

She nodded approvingly. "Very normal." The smile she gave me was as brilliant as the sun that was trying to shine past the clouds. Her clouds were in her eyes, she was still anxious, but she wanted to at least pretend to be normal. With me. I would take that for now. We were both still pretty fragile and broken. I knew, though, that I didn't want to _pretend _to be "normal" with her. I was absolutely positive I wanted that dream to be real.

Pretending, however, came fairly easily. Maybe it was the fact that my arm encircled her bare shoulders, and my fingers could idly stroke her soft skin whenever I felt like it. Maybe it was how she relaxed into me, the only tension in her body coming from pushing the stroller. Even Jacob seemed to be in on the game, watching the patterns of light the sun made on the cover with a rapt expression of baby astonishment. Every so often his tiny feet would kick in the air.

We found my parents and Emmett and Rosalie fairly easily. They had managed to secure one of the few picnic tables at the far end of the park. Emmett had already discovered several of the many food booths and was currently gnawing messily on a large barbecued turkey leg.

"My god, Emmett!" Bella exclaimed. "Way to caveman it up!" Her head tilted back in a hearty laugh, while what was probably the cheesiest grin ever spread across my face. Seeing Bella interact so easily with my family was amazing. She was shyer around my parents. They were watching us closely, my father's eyebrow raising at my arm around Bella's shoulder, but he smiled easily and welcomed us. My mother was beaming. I was pretty sure, since she was instrumental in motivating me to come home, that Bella could do no wrong in Esme's eyes. I gave Bella's shoulder a quick tight squeeze before we broke away from each other, and my mother pulled me into her own tight embrace.

"Oh, I'm so happy to see you finding some happiness, my son!" Her words were a fervent whisper against my shoulder and I saw her dab at her eyes. I pulled away so I could look at her, but kept my voice low, chuckling at her enthusiasm.

"It's new, okay, Mom? We still have a lot to figure out, so don't go overwhelming her, please?" And by her, I meant us, but it seemed more manly to put it in terms of looking out for Bella. Esme, forever being able to know what her children needed, just looked at me with her pleased expression and nodded.

"Of course, Edward." She dusted imaginary dirt off my t-shirt as she spoke. "I know it's difficult for you both, with all you have both been through. I just think it's not an accident you two found each other. That's all."

I gave her a half-smile in response, not wanting to dwell on the more painful half of her statement. I pondered the rest of it as I greeted my other family members. I wondered if there was something fateful about it. How had we come to be in the same place, just as we needed each other, without even knowing we were needed? Would I have felt the same way about anyone else in the same situation? Or was it just _Bella_?

"Emmett! Stop it!" Bella's laugh, half mixed with outrage interrupted my musings. Bella had apparently taken Jacob out of the stroller and Emmet was attempting to feed him barbecued turkey. "You can't feed turkey to a one-month-old baby!"

"Awww c'mon! How's he gonna learn to be a man if he's denied good barbecue!" Emmett grinned back, clearly enjoying himself, even when Bella and Rosalie both smacked him on each of his arms.

"I think there's still plenty of time for that lesson, Emmett," I replied, dryly.

We stayed at the table and chatted while Jacob was passed around to be cuddled and fussed over. To my surprise, even Carlisle took a turn holding him, assessing him with both the eye of a physician and that of a grandfather. I recognized the expression, it wasn't quite the adoring face reserved for his granddaughter, but it was very close. After he passed the baby along to Rosalie, he turned to me, speaking quietly.

"How are you doing, son?" His voice held the warm concern it had the day I visited him in his office. "Things are going well? Are you sleeping?"

I breathed out a quick laugh. "One question at a time Dr. Dad. I'm doing okay, I think. Things are...what they are, mostly it's well. I sleep some." I held up my hands when he started to ask more questions.

"Not today, Dad," I added, gesturing to Bella, who waved back as she chatted with Rosalie and Esme, and smiling wryly. "We're pretending to be normal today. And it's working, I think. I'd like to keep it that way, at least for today."

"Pretending?" He asked, the crease in his forehead accenting his dubious glance. "Is it all pretend? Is that what you want?"

"No, to both questions." I said, hoping the tone of my voice and expression on my face conveyed my intention to end discussion on the topic.

"Very well, then, son." He gave and encouraging smile and, thankfully, dropped the subject.

The aromas from all the food were beginning to make my stomach rumble with hunger. I couldn't remember if I had eaten breakfast that morning. I slapped my father lightly on the back once, then stood to rejoin Bella. I slipped my arm back around her should, wanting to take any advantage of the chance to touch her skin. I leaned close to her ear, inhaling her floral scent.

"Hungry?" I asked in a low voice, smiling as I felt her shiver slightly.

"Starving."

"Come with me, there's lots to choose from. If you'd like, I'm sure Esme would be happy to watch Jacob while we walk."

I saw the anxiety pass over her face as she considered that option. She shook her head silently and her eyes were pleading. I understood, Jacob was part of the _pretend_. I hugged her close and released her to get Jacob from Rosalie and put him back in the stroller.

We walked, surveying the options. Seattle loves its food almost as much as it loves its coffee, so there was plenty to choose from, and every bit of it smelled delicious. I spotted an old familiar booth and laughed aloud.

"What's so funny?" Bella looked up at me with an amused expression.

I pointed to the booth. "Emmett and his man lessons. I notice he avoided Dixie's booth." I snickered, shaking my head.

"What's Dixie's?" she asked, confused.

"A Seattle institution," I explained. "The family moved up here from Louisiana ages ago and started this barbecue place, the only place to get real Southern barbecue around here. And the spiciest barbecue sauce you have ever had. They call it 'The Man'. Dixie's was a long standing tradition, an initiation of sorts, when you were a young professional. Meeting 'The Man' was nearly a hazing effort."

"It has a name?" Bella laughed. "I can't do spicy, though!" She pointed to Jacob. "He eats what I eat."

I grinned at her, this was a chance to show off a little, and what man doesn't want to show off for a beautiful woman?

"Nah, they won't make you have it, just me. Pops has a soft spot for pretty girls." I winked at her.

"Okay then, Mr. Tough Guy, let's see you sweat." She giggled as I tugged on her shoulder, steering the stroller over towards the booth.

The familiar people of Dixie's were there. There was the son and daughter, working the barbecue and serving up customers. I couldn't remember their names. Mama Dixie stood at the end of the counter, wooden spatula in hand, keeping order and moving everyone along. Mama Dixie did not tolerate dawdlers. My eyes were drawn, though, as we took our place in line, to the large vinyl sign hanging along the side of the booth, honoring the passing of "Pops" Porter, Mama's husband and the man behind 'The Man'.

I sighed. "We just can't get away from death, can we." My heart ached for Mama's loss as well as my own.

Bella looked at the sign, understanding immediately. "Hey," she said, "It's all okay. Normal people having a fun day. Right?"

I leaned over to her, kissing the top of her head, soaking in an extra hit of that essence that always calmed me and made the world seem upright again. "Right," I murmured into her hair.

"All right now, no time for lovin' in my line. Get your food, son. You can kiss on your woman later." The sharp voice pierced my Bella-haze. I chuckled as Bella hid her face in my chest and blushed. We moved through the line quickly, not wanting to incur any wrath from Mama Dixie for holding up the show. There was no choosing at Dixie's place, you got what you were served.

"Hey there, L.J.!" Mama called out suddenly, pointing her spatula at Bella. "Give lil mama there an extra helpin' of beans and cornbread. Skinny thing needs some meat on them bones if she's gonna feed that baby right!"

Bella's cheeks flamed even brighter, covering her face with one hand since she had to steer the stroller still, and I had to release her to take our food. I quickly paid one of the younger members of the family.

"You gotta feed her more, young man." Mama chastised me as we approached. She had the same small pot of hot sauce in her hand that Pops would always wander their establishment with. She stirred it with the spatula, the sun glinting off her dark skin, eyeing us both.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am." You were always polite to Mama. "I'm sorry for your loss." I added, nodding to the picture of Pops and echoing the sentiments I had heard so many times in the past.

Mama narrowed her dark eyes at me and purses her full lips. "My Mr. Porter would have no such wallowing, young man. You do right by him with me by enjoyin' his food, may the good Lord watch over his soul." She then blatantly looked me over up and down. "You're a handsome young thing, son, but I'm giving you two drops anyway. Help build your stamina so you can make more pretty babies."

Ignoring the blushes on both my face and Bella's, she proceeded to drip two small drops of the sauce off the end of her spatula on to the barbecue meat-filled sandwich. I gulped, one was generally sufficient to start a fire.

"Go on with you, now. Don't hold up my line." She turned her attention to Bella. "You're good, you don't waste your time with boys, young miss. Just make sure he treats you right, and get some meat on you."

We made our way back through the crowd to rejoin my family. Bella was still blushing the whole way back. When we reached the table, Bella adjusted Jacob in his stroller so he could see everyone, and took her seat. I sat across from her, tangling my feet in hers under the table as we shared a private smile. I didn't want to lose that physical connection to her. Any touch was pure therapy for my soul.

"What'd you guys get?" Emmett called from the other end of the table. He had apparently finished his gigantic turkey leg and was now finishing off a strawberry shortcake. "Jesus, Bella, how much does a little thing like you eat?" He gawked at her plate, piled high with the extra servings Mama had ordered.

"Apparently, I need fattening up so I can adequately sustain my baby." Bella giggled.

"Aw, hell. Dixie's is here? How did I miss that?" Emmett's face crumpled. The expression was so absurdly forlorn that Bella burst into a fit of laughter.

"Yes, Emmett. Maybe you couldn't see it around that half a bird you were gnawing on." Emmett was so easy to tease. Easier still because he played along.

"Ha! Yeah, whatever, loser. Let's see you meet The Man again."

I sliced off a large section of my barbecue sandwich, making sure it was all piled together before spearing it with my fork. I turned to Jacob in his stroller. His little mouth turned up in a hint of a smile. I waved my fork at him.

"Here Jake," I said, "This is the lesson of a real man." I was being cocky, but it was amusing to goad my brother. I smirked at Bella once, winking at her as she scrunched up her face, while I stuffed the large mouthful of juicy barbecued goodness into my mouth.

I was instantly on fire. From the inside out. Napalm burned down my throat and out through the pores of my skin.

"Mmmmmmmm!" I managed to get out, because it really was very good. I was hoping that the desperate squeak near the end wasn't as audible as it sounded in my head. Bella was watching me with her mouth open and her eyes wide, so I wondered if perhaps my face really had caught on fire. I chewed as quickly as I could, wincing slightly as I swallowed. I breathed in deeply through my mouth, trying to cool off my tongue and throat.

"Well, crap, now I have to make room for Dixie's. Can't have my little brother showing me up, can I?" Emmett grinned as he watched me sweat. Rosalie and my parents clapped politely with amused expressions on their faces. I bowed from my seat, trying to be casual as I reached for my bottle of water.

"That's not going to help, you know." Bella giggled at me. She held up a piece of cornbread, and leaned across the table, offering it to me. "You need something to soak up the oils."

With that, she pressed the bread against my lips and I took a bite. I noticed she watched my mouth the whole time, so I did my best to make it as slow and deliberate as possible. Flirting was normal, I told myself.

"Thanks," I said, after I chewed and swallowed the cornbread. It did significantly lessen the inferno. I licked the few crumbs from my lips, giving myself an inward pat on the back as I heard her gasp and mimic the movement. She quickly turned her attention back to her food.

The conversation at the table was lively, as it always is when my family is gathered. The band that was currently occupying the stage was good, and it added a perfect backdrop to the warm day. I managed to finish most of my sandwich, surviving the blazes with liberal use of bread and water. Most of the heat seemed to be concentrated in that first bite, and the rest mixed well into the sauce and meat.

When we finished, Bella still wanted to look around at some of the art displays and the lake. She opted for the baby sling this time, though, not wanting to wrestle the bulky stroller. We took our time, meandering through the crowd. My arm went around her shoulder again, idly tracing the triangle of skin between the strap of her dress and the baby sling. My heart warmed, echoed by my body as her arm wrapped around my back, her hand delicately resting on my hip. I was flooded with memories of the night I shaved, her hands on my bare skin. I had been wearing a t-shirt at night, so even in the soft moments where we would kiss each other goodnight, our hands didn't find much skin. I was preoccupied with thoughts of exploring her smooth skin as we wandered. Occasionally she would stop and look at the exhibits of the local artists with paintings and photographs and other arts and crafts. I was content to let her lead, and I mostly watched her. It was like learning a little more about her.

We were about to head back to my family's table when I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

"Edward! Edward!" Demetri was standing up on something so he could see over the crowd, waving us over.

"Who is that?" Bella asked, looking over at him curiously.

"A friend of mine, from before. I saw him the other day while you and Alice were shopping. Would you like to meet him? I think I see some other friends with him." I recognized the group of people nearby. Once upon a time I would have been here with them as well.

"Um. Okay." Bella nervously ran her hand over the baby sling. "But, what if they don't like me? I mean..."

I knew what she meant, but it was ridiculous, Bella had won over everyone in my life so far, and they were the people that really mattered to me the most. I shook my head at her, turning her to face me. I cupped my hand in her hair and the back of her head, stroking my thumb across her cheek.

"How could anyone not like you, Bella? These are my friends. They will like you." I assured her, getting lost in her deep brown eyes like I always did. The truth was, I wasn't even sure they would like me. I supposed I would understand if they were angry, though Demetri didn't seem to be. And if they were, so be it. They had no reason to be upset with Bella though.

She gave me that beautiful small smile, where her full lips curve into a tiny bow. I couldn't resist that invitation, and leaned down and kissed her, lingering just for a moment against the silky softness. When I pulled back she was smiling wider, her lashes dusting her cheeks before she looked back up at me through them. It was a look much like the one she had the first morning she came into my room, impish glee and warmth. The kind of warmth that was melting the numbness around my heart.

_Click. Whirrrrr..._

"Hey there, folks! Having a good time today?" A bright, cheery voice interrupted us, just as we were about to walk over to Demetri. There was a curly haired young man of average height, holding a professional looking camera, just off to the side of his face. "I'm Mark Mann from the Seattle Times, can I get your names for the caption?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, taken aback. "I'm Edward Cullen, and this is Bella Swan." He scribbled the names into a small notebook and waved as he disappeared into the crowd.

Bella laughed and leaned her head back against my hand, where it was still tangled in her ponytail. "There's going to be a picture of us kissing in the paper."

"No, I don't think we were kissing when he took the picture," I said. Then I grinned at her, mimicking the impish grin she would give me when she was feeling playful. "I could call him back and we could try again, though?" I leaned in to kiss her again but she stopped me with both hands on my chest, fixing a glare at me. It was more adorable than fearsome though, and I couldn't help smirking at her.

"Just introduce me to your damn friends, Edward."

"Okay, if you insist. But you owe me a kiss now," I said, pointing at her and doing my best to look stern. I failed, it was just too easy to be playful and the smiles were winning. I was suddenly emboldened. These playful moments with her lifted my spirits. And, I kind of liked the idea of a picture in the paper, showing us together. Showing the world that, for some reason, this beautiful girl wanted to be with me and trusted me to take care of her.

* * *

**To be continued next week, as we get a glimpse into Edward's old life and his friends, and we learn a little more about these two. **

**Dixie's is a real place here in the Seattle area. Pops Porter, may you rest in peace. This story is technically taking place in the future, so I really don't know how these will work this summer at Dixie's, so my artistic license is coming into play there. No disrespect intended to the Porter family. They are wonderful people.**

**Please say hi in the review box if you wish, or stop by the forum or twitter. Links to both are in my profile.**


	12. Chapter 11: Liberty

**A/N: I'll try to keep this short so you can get right to the chapter. **

**Thanks to AngryBadgerGirl for all the spanks...err...reminders and help getting my sleep-deprived ramblings turned into something coherent. Also thanks to Lindelle for breaking out her pink highlighter, and Zeph for chasing plot bunnies with me.**

**I still don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Liberty**

Demetri threaded through the crowd from where he had been waving at us.

"Heidi would never forgive me if I let you sneak off. She's been looking forward to seeing you since I told her we ran into each other." He caught up to us, holding out his hand to shake mine. His eyes immediately moved to Bella, his expression turning to one of appraisal as he blatantly looked her up and down. His eyes paused momentarily on Jacob, still snug in the sling. Bella's left hand rested on him, both giving and receiving comfort. I gripped Demetri's hand firmly, maybe a little more than necessary, but he looked back at me and grinned, shaking my hand.

"Demetri, I'd like you to meet Bella. Bella, Demetri Crazzo, a friend of mine," I said casually. I kept the introduction simple. I had referred to her as my girlfriend before with Demetri, but, despite our 'normal' act, I was suddenly nervous about how she would react to that application. Bella greeted him with a shy smile.

"It's a great pleasure to meet you, Bella. You're quite the mystery." He flashed her a charming grin. I rolled my eyes. Demetri always was a smooth talker. Instinctively, I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulders, pulling her tight up against me. Bella smiled shyly as she murmured a greeting.

Demetri gestured over to a circle of chairs and picnic tables. The chairs were the folding type, heavy fabric stretched out over metal frames. The tables were covered with red, white and blue cloth that fluttered in the soft breeze that blew off the lake. In the middle of the circle was a large quilt spread over the grass, also inspired with patriotic colors. It was covered in small toys, appropriate for the two babies that rolled and played on it. Several other young children ran and played around the outside of the picnic area, or in the rocks on the adjacent beach.

As we approached, the faces of the people occupying the area suddenly shifted into focus. It wasn't that it had really been that long; three and a half years wasn't that long in the scheme of things. Mostly, these people looked the same. It had simply been so long since I'd even thought of them. I felt immediately both guilty and puzzled. They had been - perhaps still were - my friends. Good friends. Something felt off, though. I dismissed the thought; we had reached the small gathering, and the adults were looking at us with a mixture of curiosity and astonishment.

Heidi, Demetri's wife, was closest. Her hazel eyes darted between Bella and me. Laurent and Irina had come up behind her. Irina had been Tanya's roommate in college, and they were close enough to be sisters. Garrett had been somewhat of a friend of mine since high school, despite his rebellious turn, and his parents were good friends with mine. His wife, Kate, was a warm and friendly woman. Her patient composure perfectly balanced his often zealous behavior when we were younger.

"Edward!" Garrett shouted out from the back of the small crowd of people. His hearty voice broke through the surprised silence. He pushed through the rest to grasp my hand in a casual greeting, punctuating it with a slap on the shoulder. "It's been forever, man! How are you? Demetri mentioned you were back in town."

His easy demeanor was relaxing, a contrast to what I could now identify as shocked judgment. "Uh yeah," I said. " It has been a long time, Garrett, and it's good to see you again."

His eyes slid questioningly to Bella, taking in Jacob with a look of surprise. Maybe Demetri hadn't mentioned them. That was unlikely. Demetri was a gossip hound, worse than ten old women.

"Sorry," I said, clearing my throat. "Garrett, everyone, this is Bella Swan, and um, our son, Jacob. Bella, this is Garrett, his wife Kate, Laurent and Irina, and Heidi." I finished the introductions, indicating each person as I named them.

Kate came forward immediately, giving me a light hug and shaking Bella's hand. Heidi gave us each a stiff smile in greeting, murmuring pleasantries. Laurent was much the same, though Irina grasped his arm as he moved forward. Irina's eyes changed from astonishment to narrowed suspicion. We were motioned to seats, and I helped Bella get settled into one of the folding chairs before pulling another close to her for myself. They pointed out their respective children. Demetri and Heidi's three girls were all nearly identical, very close in age. All little blondes. I stared in surprise at their oldest, Jane, who was six. Bella squeezed my arm as I took in this child. She had only been a year younger than Macy. I felt some of the dark pain from this morning threaten, but Bella's warm hand made me focus on her, and I was able to stop the flood of emotion from bubbling to the surface in front of everyone. Jane didn't appear to remember me though, skipping around before spotting Jacob in Bella's lap and immediately asking if she could see him.

Laurent and Irina had twin boys, only three years old. I tried to remember if Irina had been pregnant when I left, but I couldn't. Kate laughed merrily and pointed at her stomach, barely rounded with pregnancy, as Garrett grinned with pride. I remembered that they had been trying for a child since before Tanya and I had Macy, so I gave them heartfelt congratulations, which was quietly echoed by Bella.

"So, Edward," Demetri interrupted. "Fill us in on the last few years. You left very suddenly." His voice was its usual suave, but his face held questions beyond idle curiosity. I hestitated a moment before giving my answer. I really hadn't worked out what my 'story' was going to be. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Kate speaking quietly to Bella, obviously about Jacob as Bella had unwrapped him from the sling and both had their attention fixed on him. Bella's posture was tense though, as if maybe she was still listening in.

"I, well, you could call it an extended road trip." I tried to keep it vague. Six pairs of eyebrows rose. Heidi reached over and patted my shoulder.

"We know it was a difficult time for you, Edward. It was for all of us, I'm sure we had no idea how you felt." Something was off about her tone. I didn't remember Heidi being one for condescension. My jaw tightened as I nodded in response, gritting back any further conversation. I didn't want to talk about Tanya anymore today, though it was probably inevitable when seeing our old friends.

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds, as we all surveyed each other. Kate spoke first, her voice warm.

"How old is your son?"

Bella smiled at me, pulling me from my fog of thoughts. Her eyes shone with the love she had for her child. She turned him around on her lap so he was facing out, straightening his lightweight blue outfit, "Four and a half weeks," she said in a clear voice, pride showing through. The appropriate 'oohs' and 'ahhs' were said. Irina was silent, looking skyward instead of at Jacob.

"Tell us how you two met." Kate's request was eager, and I was grateful for her support. Bella caught her lip between her teeth, since her hands were busy with Jacob. Again, I decided to stick with most of the truth. I reached over and very deliberately traced a finger along Bella's shoulder. A chaste action, but I grinned as she suppressed a shiver.

"At a train station, up north, actually." I grinned at Bella, forcing my tone to be playful. "Bella was having some trouble with a couple persistent fellow travelers. I stepped in and helped."

I didn't miss Bella hug Jacob closer at the memory; the rest would likely take it as simple motherly affection.

"That is so romantic...the knight in shining armor!" Kate gushed enthusiastically. Bella gave me a little smile, something mysterious playing about her eyes as we both remembered the quiet admissions from this morning.

"Oh yes, Edward was always the charmer wasn't he?" Irina had a smile, however insincere, plastered on her face, and her initial tone seemed polite, but the venom behind it was unmistakable. "I'm sure Bella was _very _grateful."

I bristled at her tone and obvious insinuation. Bella's voice broke in before I could say anything.

"Yes. I was grateful. He didn't have to help a stranger." There was a tightness about her jaw that betrayed her calm tone.

"Besides," Kate jumped in as well, dismissing Irina's statement with a wave of her hand. "It turned out well for both of you."

I nodded my thanks to Kate, perhaps my friendship with her and Garrett was salvageable.

Irina turned away, making herself busy with random items on the picnic table. Garrett abruptly changed the subject, and the majority of the group chatted about mundane topics for a while. Kate was still speaking softly to Bella. I tried to listen in on their conversation while keeping up with Garrett and Demetri. Laurent stayed mostly silent. Perhaps he shared his wife's irritation, or at least didn't want to appear too friendly. Heidi eventually joined Kate and Bella. Her youngest daughter was just a little older than Jacob.

So much was different about these people, and yet, still the same. For the most part, they looked the same. Still stylishly dressed, even on an informal occasion like today. Designer _everything_. Not just their clothes and shoes, but the chair covers and even the cloth covering the table. I could see the delicately embroidered labels on each item. They were young and successful, like everyone here. It was easy to see how they had moved on with their lives. The new children that played and crowded Bella and Jacob, the changes and advancements made in their professional lives were all new. Our casual conversation touched on recent promotions and company expansions. I was grateful I had immersed myself enough in my own company again to have something to talk about. I still felt disconnected, though. Maybe it was just the distance, the time since I last saw these people. Or maybe because the last time I saw them was at Tanya and Macy's funeral.

At one point, a question from Heidi to Bella broke through the buzz of conversation and grabbed my attention.

"So, do you plan to get married, now that the baby is born?"

Bella sputtered and blushed. "I, well, we haven't really been..."

"Really?" Heidi's surprised response captured all of our attention. "I would have thought _you _would have insisted. Well, at least Edward is a good man that will take responsibility." There was a subtle inflection on the word 'you' that I didn't miss. Ten pounds of judgment in that word. I looked over at her incredulously. She was sitting near Irina and her mask of politeness was cracking.

"Will you be going back to your family then?" Irina chimed in.

I growled out a low response as Bella blinked at the sudden attack on her. "No. Bella is with me."

"Hmm. Lucky girl," Irina sniffed.

"Well then, Bella. You should join us for our Girl's Night's!" Kate spoke brightly, calmly, trying to smooth over the tension.

"Our next night out is a wine tasting, Kate." Irina's voice was dry and sarcastic. "Are you old enough to drink, Bella?"

Kate murmured a cautionary word. "Irina..."

Now the tension in the group was palpable. When did these people get so judgmental? I stood from my seat, grabbing Bella's hand.

"I think it's time we rejoined the family, Bella," I said, keeping my voice even. Bella gave Kate a small smile of gratitude and friendship. I was glad at least one of them was nice to her. Garrett slapped me on the back, a look of understanding on his face. He was irritated, too. Demetri was whispering in Heidi's ear. Irina's head was tilted as she listened in. Her thin lips nearly disappeared in her bitter visage.

Heidi walked over and placed her hand on my arm and I fought the urge to shake it off.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I was just surprised. This all seems so out of character for you." She was good. The apology _almost _sounded sincere. The insinuation regarding Bella angered me, though.

"What do you mean by that?" I gritted my teeth as I spoke. I wouldn't disrespect her, no matter what her attitude was. Heidi didn't get a chance to answer.

"Do you even know Edward's character?" Bella's voice was strong and firm next to me and I turned to her. She had an intense expression of outrage. Her chocolate eyes flashed and her cheeks blushed, not from embarrassment, but from defiance. "Edward is the most selfless person I have ever met. You have no idea what he's committed to, or the depth of my gratitude. Think whatever you like about _me_, I don't care. I don't know you, but I would think you'd have a better impression of your _friend_."

She was beautiful, even if I really didn't deserve the praise she was giving me.

Kate helped Bella get Jacob situated back in the sling. She whispered something in Bella's ear I didn't catch, and Bella gave her a grateful smile and a nod. I shook Garrett's hand, sparing a nod at Demetri. Kate grasped my hand with a quick squeeze, and nodded at Bella. I slipped my arm around Bella's shoulders again, the skin-to-skin contact soothing my irritation a bit. Without another word, we walked back out into the crowd.

Bella was walking stiffly. Her face was blank and her eyes were turned away from me, depriving me of the insight into her feelings. My own feelings were jumbled. My family had been accepting of Bella from the beginning, and had welcomed me back with open arms. That was far more than I had expected, even if they were family. I didn't assume that anyone would understand exactly why I had disappeared, even if they presumed I spent it lounging in a luxury hotel somewhere. What I really didn't expect was for anyone to be so antagonistic towards Bella. I pondered this silently as we walked.

I was steering us towards my family's table, more out of habit than it being where I wanted to go. I didn't really care, as long as I was with Bella. I was clinging to the remnants of our 'normal'. Because of this, I was surprised when she pulled away in the opposite direction. My chest tightened as I turned to look at her. Her face was still troubled, clouded over and pale.

"Where are you going?" I hoped she didn't notice the slight crack in my voice. My arm had slipped from her shoulders as she pulled away. As if on cue, Jacob began fussing, squirming around in the sling. Bella steadied him with her arms, giving me a wry smile.

"I need to feed Jacob..."

"Ah, right." I gave her a tight smile, my irritated mood only slightly lifted. "Do you want to go back to the car for that?"

"Yeah. That's probably about as private as it gets here, right?" Her cheeks pinked a little.

"Probably. At least the windows are tinted. Let's go." I took her hand in mine, pulling her with me to the car. A few moments alone with Bella, even if it was just in the car, sounded wonderful. I was half-tempted to suggest going home. My heart really wasn't in the celebratory mood anymore anyway. It was clear out, so we could probably see a few of the fireworks displays from the front yard.

Bella stopped, tugging me back. "No, you don't have to come too. I can just go. It'll be boring just sitting there..."

_NO!_

Panic shot through me at the idea of her going off alone.

"No!" I exclaimed. "I'm going with you." My tone was firm, maybe more forceful than necessary, but I wasn't about to let her disappear from my sight.

"There's no reason for that, Edward. Go have fun with your brother or something. I'll catch up when I'm done."

She tried to tug her hand away and console the hungry Jacob at the same time. I was stronger though, and pulled her close to me, so I could look down into her eyes. They were still worried and troubled. Maybe she did just want to be alone, away from me. They were my friends, after all. I worried that she would be angry with me over their actions. It didn't matter, I decided, I wasn't about to let her wander through the crowd without me.

"Please..." I locked my eyes with hers, my voice rough. Her breath caught and her eyes went wide before softening slightly. My lips curved into a slow grin. "Besides, why would I want to watch Emmett eat when I could be sitting with the prettiest girl at this entire picnic?"

Bella rolled her eyes and tugged back against my hand. I didn't let go of her, though I did loosen my hold enough for her to start walking. As long as I was going with her.

"You are so cheesy, Edward," she snorted.

We walked quietly to the car. The crowd was denser now, with more and more people arriving as it got later in the day. Bella walked ahead of me as we threaded through, one hand reaching behind her for mine. She came to an abrupt halt at the edge of the parking lot, forcing me to crash into her. Without moving from where I was pressed up against her, I turned her in the direction of my car, smirking against her ear.

"Shut up, Edward. I would have found your car," She snapped at me, but she bumped back into me in mock exasperation. I chuckled into her hair, and she elbowed me in the ribs. Maybe it wasn't _exactly _mock exasperation, but it was still nice to have her up against me. We walked close like this to the car. As soon as I saw it I hit the button to unlock the doors and start the engine. It was going to be hot in there, some air conditioning would be nice. I was still considering the 'going home' option, too.

Before releasing her to open the door, I kissed the spot behind her ear, humming softly when I was rewarded with a shiver. "Do you want to stay here? I could take us home."

She froze, turning to look at me, but shook her head. "No, I want to stay."

_Damn_.

I opened the back door, since the windows in the back were tinted darker. I moved Jacob's car seat out of the way, shoving it to the far side of the car, and gestured for her to get in. She did, sliding to the middle. I opened the front, reaching in to adjust the air conditioning to a comfortable level, then climbed in the back with her.

She slumped against the seat. "The bag is with Esme," she said with a heavy sigh.

"Oh." I replied. Other than changing Jacob, I wasn't sure what she needed it for. We could do that when we rejoined them. Then I noticed her hand at the strap of her dress. OH. The blanket.

"Do you really need it?" I was hesitant to leave her alone here.

She looked torn and shy. I could have said that one day I hoped to see everything anyway, but now probably wasn't the time.

"No, I'll be fine." She was trying not to blush, I could tell. "I know it makes you feel better if I'm not alone," she added quietly. I gaped at her as her observation sunk in. She was right. I had thought that, though maybe not in so many words. I couldn't bear it if something - _anything_ - happened to her when I wasn't there to protect her.

I shrugged out of my button-down shirt as I recovered my senses, handing it to her to use as a shield. "I know being covered makes you feel better," I said with a small smile. She took it gratefully, turning sideways on the seat and drawing her legs up as she cradled Jacob close. I took her ankles in my hands, stretching her legs over my lap, slipping her sandals off. Her skin was warm and smooth under my hands as I massaged her ankles gently.

"I'm sorry about what happened over there. Irina and Heidi..." I didn't know how to apologize for putting her through that. I should have made our excuses and gone the other way.

Bella toyed with the edges of my shirt, dipping her head down. "They were just being protective of your wi...their friend." She stumbled over the end of the sentence, speaking to the top of Jacob's head instead of looking at me. I could see her forehead crease in either frustration or anger. "They should be more understanding of you, though!"

"No, Bella. I don't care what they think of me. I made my choices." I winced at the memories that dredged up. The accident playing through my head briefly. "They don't know you though, and they shouldn't judge you."

"That's exactly it, though," Bella interrupted, shifting Jacob more comfortably on her lap. "I'm not...it's not like I fit in here." She plucked at the skirt of her sundress. "Not exactly designer label. To them, I'm just small-town trash that got herself knocked up to land her sugar daddy. Hardly worthy of a big-shot architect."

Her voice cracked slightly at the end. I was too stunned at her words to immediately form a response, so she continued.

"It's not really all that far from the truth, either."

My hands stilled on her feet as I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath. She shrank back slightly into the door when I opened my eyes, lightly pulling her feet away, but I held them fast to my lap. "What?" I huffed at her. "What do you mean 'not that far from the truth'? You're not any of that!"

"Aren't I?" Her voice was quiet as she tried to not disturb Jacob. "I'm from a town that has fewer people in it than are at this party, Edward. Maybe it wasn't you that knocked me up. But here I am, mooching off your life. Just because I happened to be in the right place, made you feel sorry for me, then took advantage of this selfless, heroic guy."

"Stop!" I tried to keep my voice down too, but I hated what she was saying about herself, not to mention that she was completely wrong about me. She finally looked at me, her deep brown eyes wide and wet. I lowered my voice to a rough whisper. "You're not 'mooching'. And I'm far, far from perfect."

"But I'm complicating your life. You've just come home, and I'm in the way, and messing with things that are none of my business. On top of stealing food and living space. For me, for Jacob, _and _my sister!"

"Bella, stop. Please. Do you honestly think I give a shit about that stuff?" Bella gave me a look, clearly remembering the events in Macy's room this morning. "Yes, there are things in the house that have meaning to me. But the house, the money, the car? It's just stuff, Bella. And it's mine to give and use as I see fit. And it's fit that I give it to you - and Jacob and Alice - so you can be safe from the assholes of the world. I'm just sorry I introduced you to more of them!"

Bella snorted. "They're nothing like James, Edward. Judgmental and bitchy, maybe. I think the worst thing Irina could do is make me a glass of chocolate milk and force me to sit at the kid's table on Thanksgiving."

I shook my head with a slight laugh, leaning back against the window. My hands resumed their path along her ankles and calves, reveling in their silky smoothness. We were quiet, both lost in thought for several minutes.

"Edward?"

I opened my eyes to look at her. She wasn't looking at my face. Instead, her eyes were dark and watching my hands as they caressed her skin. Finally she brought them to meet mine.

"I had fun being normal with you," she said, wistfully.

I smiled. "Me, too. We're really not, are we?" She shook her head in respose.

"It was nice though. You deserve more normal," I continued, gesturing between us. "Whatever we have. I know we're still figuring it out. Normal would be I pick you up from your place, take you out for a real date."

"I've never been on a 'real date'. I don't think," Bella murmured.

"What? He never...? Or any other boys?" I was honestly surprised. Well, maybe not at James. Asshole. "Surely there were school dances or movies?"

Bella shook her head. "With James, well, we never went anywhere, really. And I never was asked by anyone else. I'm just ordinary, even at Forks High School."

I squeezed her feet, making her moan. I resisted doing it again, simply to hear that sound again. "You are far from ordinary, Bella."

She gave me a half-smile, like she didn't really believe me. I wasn't going to let her go on thinking like that. I knew her well enough now, however, to know that words weren't going to convince her. I would have to show her instead.

I gave her a crooked grin, tracing my fingers up the back of her calves. "So, can I be your first date?"

She laughed, shifting Jacob around under my shirt. "This doesn't count?"

"Not at all." I eyed her seriously. "This is the awkward family event where my brother embarrasses himself, my friends are rude, and then I try to convince you to go home early so I can kiss you without the mini-chaperone."

Bella huffed in mock annoyance, pushing her foot against my stomach in a soft kick. "Good luck with that, buster. I'm on to you."

"So is that a 'yes' or 'no' to the date?" I kept the impish grin, enjoying the banter.

"Where would you take me?"

"Oh, no. You don't get to know that yet. It's a surprise." I had no idea, to be honest. "You have to decide purely based on my charm."

Bella sagged against the door and groaned. "That's hardly fair. You're too charming for your own good. How am I supposed to resist that?"

I beamed at her. Hyperbole, maybe, but I'd use it for my advantage this time.

"When?" She asked.

"I'll let you know." I replied. "Yes?"

She sighed, but smiled back. "Yes."

We were quiet again. Bella leaned her head against the back of the seat, closing her eyes. Her breathing was steady, slow, but I didn't think she was asleep. I watched her, mesmerized by the patterns of the sun and shadows on her hair and skin. I continued my gentle massage of her legs and feet.

"Edward?" Bella's voice broke the silence some time later. I rolled my head around so I could see her. Her lower lip was caught between her teeth. The sun was setting low along the hills behind me, lighting up the inside of the car in a dark red hue. It made her hair glow with auburn lights and gave her skin a rosy glow.

"They were definitely right about one thing." Her voice was still very soft.

"What is that?" I asked, curiously.

"I am grateful. For everything. Words aren't enough."

I frowned. "Bella, the connotations..."

My hands stilled on her legs, somewhere around her knees. Unconsciously, they had been moving higher and higher on her legs. I moved to shift her feet from my lap. I had agonized for weeks about her thinking I expected repayment of any kind - especially _that _kind. She stiffened her knees, trying to hold them in place. I could have easily moved her anyway, but her point was made. I settled for purposely holding my hands still across her feet.

"You think I don't know what they were saying?" Bella asked, incredulously. Her eyes snapped with that inner fire. "I'm not that naive, Edward. They think I'm an opportunist. The sugar-daddy thing, again. You were my hero, and I _repaid _you, and then trapped you." Her eyes dropped down to Jacob, indicating what she meant. Jacob had finished and she moved him against her shoulder, rubbing his back lightly.

"Trust me, I've heard it all before." Her words were bitter and her eyes didn't meet mine. "Small town girl that got herself knocked up, remember?" She added, waving her hand.

I closed my eyes, wishing I could go back in time, in everything. Save her from each and every person that spoke a hurtful word or caused her pain.

"Bella," I began, but my voice was rough and caught, so I cleared my throat before speaking again. "I don't...I never... expected any form of repayment. Especially not that way." I stroked her ankle again, feeling the satiny, delicate skin that covered the bone there.

"I know." Her answer was simple. She pulled her feet away, and I mourned their warmth in my lap. She smiled at me, even though her eyes were serious - maybe to show that she wasn't pulling away as a rejection.

She twisted around, away from me, my shirt falling from its draped position over her shoulder. My breath caught as a swath of skin was revealed. The strap of her dress was hanging down her arm where I was sure she moved it to feed Jacob. My thoughts weren't on Jacob, though. Instead, I was distracted by the pale, smooth skin stretching over her shoulder. The curled ends of her ponytail fell across her back, and I wanted to kiss along the line of her shoulder blade to her neck. She rustled with something behind her. In my sudden fog of lust, I was vaguely aware of her slipping the baby into the car seat. I groaned inwardly, trying not to make the sound out loud when she turned back, the soft cotton of her dress folded over in front, revealing the full round curve of her breast.

Here I was trying to convince her I had no expectations, and I start ogling her almost immediately.

Even though I was mentally chastising myself, my eyes still followed her fingers as they pulled the strap back over her shoulder. She gathered my shirt up gently, laying it against the back of the seat. I was silent as I watched her. She seemed to have a purpose, so I waited. Finally, she gathered her legs beneath her and shifted over so she was sitting in my lap. Instinctively, my arms opened up for her, gathering her close and holding her tightly. She leaned against my shoulder, burying her face into my neck. I heard - and felt - her inhale deeply. My hands, one on her arm, the other wrapped around the front of her body, resting splayed around her hip, tightened their grip as I gasped softly. Her lips pressed soft kisses into the side of my neck.

I felt her smile against my collarbone, and I shivered again when she spoke, her warm breath ghosting over my skin.

"This is why I know." She began. "This _spell _doesn't happen when the person just wants you to...satisfy them because you owe them..." Her hand had been resting on my chest; now it tightened in a grip as her body tensed. I held her closer, burying my face in her hair, inhaling her floral scent. "I didn't know, at first," she continued. "When you talked to me in the hospital. About coming home with you. I thought you might want that, you know, repayment. Especially since you told that lady that you were Jacob's father."

I pulled her away from my chest so I could see her face. My mind was swirling with her words.

"You thought that?" I whispered.

She nodded, her fingers drumming small patterns over my t-shirt. "I could tell you were lonely. And then there was me and Jacob, and you wanted to pretend to be his dad. So, I thought you wanted me to pretend to be your...wife or whatever."

"And you agreed still?" I asked her in disbelief.

"Yeah." Her chin came up and she looked at me seriously. "I would do anything to keep Jacob with me and safe."

I worried then. Had everything that had transpired between us been an act of obligation?

"Stop that." Bella's voice cut sharply through my musings. With one finger, she traced a crooked line down the middle of my forehead. "I said _this_ doesn't happen when it's like that. I wouldn't feel...I wouldn't have to work so hard not to touch you, if I felt obligated." She gently traced her finger down my nose and over my cheek, looking into my eyes. I was dazzled, drawn into the swirling brown and gold, watching them darken as she leaned forward to kiss my cheek, near my ear, gently. "Trust me. I know this."

I didn't want to think about what life with James was like for her. Even seeing the way he had treated Alice disgusted me. Now I could see him pawing at her and twisting what should have been words of love and devotion into guilt and coercion. Instinctively, protectively, I held her tighter. Bella slid her arms around my neck, her fingers, soft but insistent, kneaded my skin before sliding into my hair. I groaned, half in surprise, half in desire, as she suddenly tightened her hands into fists, my hair tangled in her grasp.

Her lips met mine softly, but there was no hesitation. I don't know if she was trying to prove her point or just distract me. Both worked. All thoughts of rude friends and the past fled my mind. I was caught up in her, the 'spell', as she called it. When her lips parted and her velvety tongue swept out, brushing delicately against mine, my hands tightened their hold on her. I was craving the feel of her skin, always grounding me. My right hand moved from its place on her hip. She drew her leg up, mirroring the motion of my hand as it caressed her thigh, her skirt slipping down until I, at last, found skin just above her knee. Bella sighed softly into my mouth as my fingers found the tender, sensitive skin on the back of her thigh.

A tiny sound broke through the haze. A diminutive sneeze, followed by a coo of satisfaction. Mini-chaperon, indeed. Bella's lips were still fastened to mine when the giggle broke through.

"Oh my god, Mom! Do you have to do that in front of me!" Bella mocked in a high-pitched voice as she released my lips. Her fingers loosened in my hair and she simply rested them on my shoulders.

I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Oops!" Bella's voice was back to her playful tone. "Note to self: Get babysitter for next car make out session."

I grinned at 'next'.

"My parents are just over there. We can come back." I gestured towards my family's table and smirked at her. "Or, we could just go home - sneak out to the garage after he goes to sleep."

Bella's eyes darkened for a moment, and I was mesmerized by the way her teeth chewed contemplatively on her lip. Shy Bella, however, quickly gave way to mischievous Bella, as she popped the door open, nearly sending us tumbling out. Amidst the merry giggles, she sputtered. "I think you'll just have to pace yourself, Mr. Cullen."

I gingerly shifted her off my lap, into the center of the seat, before she could realize the effect that particular statement had on me.

"You look beautiful," I assured her, as we stumbled from the car. I watched her as she smoothed her dress and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Truly, she did. She was always beautiful, but lit up in the afternoon sun, red highlights warming her rich brown hair, she was breathtaking. Her ponytail was slightly mussed from our brief make-out session, but not so much that she wasn't presentable. The blush that crept across her cheeks just added the perfect finishing touch.

I hefted Jacob higher on my shoulder and we rejoined my family. Emmett waggled his eyebrows at us suggestively, making Bella blush again. My mother nearly squealed with happiness as we returned, plucking Jacob from my arms immediately. Rosalie offered us bottles of water, which we both drank from greedily. We chatted with everyone for a few moments. The conversation was lighthearted and full of amusing banter. It was a pleasant way to rejoin the party.

I wanted to have some time alone with Bella, though. I had wanted to go home, not deal with the crowd, or risk another encounter with rude friends. We could have a quiet evening watching the local fireworks from the backyard. The chance to spend a few hours with my lips attached to her delicious skin was entirely tempting. But I understood what she didn't say. _This _was normal: being social, enjoying a holiday, having fun with each other. It was not the pretend normal we had covered ourselves in earlier this afternoon. It was genuine Edward and Bella normal. Never mind how we had come to meet, or our pasts, or the unconventional relationship that was developing out of it. This was it. People suffered difficulties and they picked themselves up and eventually moved on. I smiled to myself, bemused, as I watched her chatter animatedly with Rosalie and Esme. I knew the numbness that I often surrounded myself with was beginning to crack, and I could almost get a glimpse of myself as, well, normal.

A new band began performing, and they were quite good. I stood and tugged on Bella's hand.

"Come dance with me."

Her eyes widened, and she tried to pull her hand away. "Oh no! No. No. I don't dance."

I folded my hand around her wrist, and grinned at her. "Yes, you do. Come."

Bella rolled her eyes dramatically, but got up. She looked over to Esme, who shooed her off with a wave of her hand. I tugged her through the ground, holding in laughter as she literally dragged her feet to the area near the stage. I turned around just as we reached the edge of the cleared area, spinning her into my arms. She yelped in surprise and was giggling by the time she stumbled and crashed into my chest. The music was light and fun, nothing I was familiar with, but perfect for dancing with your girl on a warm summer evening. It was a bit faster than it should have been to justify how close I was holding her, but I didn't care.

I moved one of her arms around my neck, my hand grazing her satiny skin from her shoulder to her elbow, humming softly at the texture of it against my palm. Her other hand clutched my arm and I encircled her waist, content just to sway to the music. She stared fixedly at my chest for several seconds, before lifting her head to look up at me. She had a questioning expression, which shifted to a smile as she took in my face.

"You're in a good mood." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes." I continued to grin at her, probably like an idiot.

"What's got you so happy?" She grinned back at me, looking slightly dazed. I shifted us around a quarter-circle, in case the sun was in her eyes.

I shrugged a little, leaning down to brush a quick kiss across her lips, making her gasp in surprise. "I'm dancing on a nice summer evening with a beautiful woman, what's not to be happy about?" She raised her eyebrows dubiously. "Seriously," I added. "Ask any man here. They'll all agree. As long as they find their own woman," I finished with a smirk, holding her tighter to my body, enjoying the way her soft curves molded to my frame as she finally relaxed into my arms.

She gave me a bit of a wistful glance. "You should smile more."

I said the only thing I could, which was true: "You make me smile, Bella." If I could have pulled her closer, I would have. We danced, well, swayed really. I could have resurrected dancing skills that lay dusty in my past, but I was truly content to just hold her and feel the music. Bella didn't seem to mind. We moved this way through a few songs, even singing softly along with the covers we recognized.

The band was the last one playing for the day, their set lasting just until dusk. This gave everyone enough time to settle in to watch the fireworks. The sun was dipping lower in the sky, long shadows appearing everywhere, offset by the rows of lanterns set out. Kate and Garrett danced past us, waving, with friendly smiles.

"They are nice. I liked them." Bella mumbled into my shirt. I gave us just enough distance so I could look into her face.

"I do, too. Garrett was quite the troublemaker in his college years, but he always met people with an open mind. Kate, too. Though she was never quite the rabble-rouser Garrett was." Bella laughed at the image.

"Are you sure? It's always the quiet ones."

"Maybe..." I said with a wink. "We could invite them over someday. If you would like?"

Bella considered it for a moment, pursing her lips as she thought. It wasn't too long, though, until she smiled. "Yeah. Yes, I would like that. I want to....meet your friends. At least the ones that want to meet me."

I pulled her chin up so she was looking at my face. "Don't let them drag your spirits down, now. What happened to all that courage and mettle in the car?"

She quirked her lip up in a lopsided smile, due to her wry sense of humor and the way my hand was holding her chin. She shook her head until I loosened my grasp, settling my hand back on her hip.

"The spell," she said. "You know...like we talked about. It's easy to be brave in that."

"Yes," I said, "It's the same for me, you know."

The music concluded; I spun Bella around a few times, just for fun, just to hear her laugh. The band waved and thanked the crowd, earning a heartfelt round of applause from everyone present. Bella and I walked slowly back to my family's table, my hand never leaving her. This time, it rested on the small of her back as I guided her through the crowd. Carlisle had purchased dinner for everyone, so we had a quick bite to eat before staking out our place to watch the fireworks. My parents stayed at the table, and Emmett and Rosalie disappeared towards the water, probably trying to get as close as possible to the action.

Bella and I packed up all of Jacob's gear, wheeling the stroller around until we found a spot near the back of the crowd. Neither of us was entirely comfortable being in the middle, and the space we found was near a large rock to lean against and was off the path of passing picnickers. Bella needed to feed Jacob again, and this was private enough, with a blanket and the near-dark.

We were quiet while Jacob nursed, Bella covered to her neck with the second blanket and half hidden behind me. We sat on a large quilt spread out on the dry grass, the stroller weighing down one end of it as the breeze off the lake began picking up. After Jacob was tended to, she tucked him into his stroller, snug in blue fleece pajamas and a dark blue, satin-edged blanket. She angled the stroller and the shade to protect him from the wind, while I stretched out on my side on the quilt. She turned towards me, shivering slightly in the evening breeze, until I patted the space next to me and held out my arm to her. She seemed hesitant and nervous, though I couldn't figure out why.

"Cold?" I murmured as she sank down next to me. Truthfully, I'd been looking forward to this all day, before my wild desire to just go home surfaced. I watched, enraptured by the way the breeze blew the wisps of her hair around her face. Bella nodded silently, smoothing her dress beneath her before laying down on her back next to me and looking straight up at the sky. There were many visible stars dotting the night sky - impressive for this area, sandwiched between Seattle and Bellevue. At other points around the lake and beyond, other fireworks displays were beginning to light up the heavens.

I shook out the blanket until it draped over us, protecting Bella's bare legs from the much cooler wind. I was going to take my job of keeping her warm very seriously.

Once I had us tucked under the blanket, I reached for her. I ran my hand over the soft curve of her waist. She didn't react until I pulled her to me, closing the small gap that was between us. She kept her eye fixed on the empty sky above us, but her lips quirked in a grin. I slid my hand from her waist over her hip, gripping her firmly and turning her body towards mine. As she rolled to face me, my hand continued in its exploration, grazing over the round curves, down to the back of her thigh, searching for the skin I had found so delectably soft earlier. I pulled her leg over mine, sandwiching my own leg between hers, and I resumed the patterns I had been tracing this afternoon.

I opened my eyes, not realizing they had been closed, to see Bella looking at me intently, just inches from my face.

"Hi," I said. These moments always seemed to start there, and I didn't see any reason to thwart tradition.

"Hey," she said, with a small grin. "The fireworks are up there." She pointed to the sky with the hand that was partially trapped beneath her, since the other was tracing patterns on my shirt, mimicking the patterns I was drawing on her thigh.

"Oh, I don't know," I murmured, bringing my lips close to hers. "I kind of like the fireworks right here."

I pressed my lips into hers, suddenly needing to feel her, taste her. It only took her a second to respond. We hovered just on the edge of need, our tongues moving together almost instantly, as if searching for the other. I could taste her lips: silky, warm, and with a hint of the raspberry ice cream she had eaten after dinner.

"Edward," she sighed into my mouth, and I could actually feel the icy numbness in my chest crack that time. I groaned softly, just a rumble in my chest, almost echoing the pattern of warmth that was filling me. I pulled her even closer, or tried to, bringing her body flush with mine. My right hand tightened its grip on her thigh, pulling it higher on my hip, wanting to feel her stretched along my body.

We were startled by the loud blast of patriotic music from the park loudspeakers, punctuated by the explosion of pyrotechnics above us. Bella pressed her forehead against mine as she giggled and caught her breath. I was fairly certain it wasn't just the fireworks that had her short of breath, and I was a little proud of that. I resumed my exploration of her leg, feeling her skin pebble in goosebumps. She turned her face to the sky, a joyous smile breaking out over her face as she took in the multi-colored points of light exploding in the sky.

With her face turned upwards, her neck and collarbone were deliciously exposed. I buried my face into the gentle curve, inhaling the scent of flowers, smoke, and sunshine. She shivered, an enticing sensation as she trembled against me. I flicked my tongue out to taste her skin, humming in approval as she gasped and gripped my arm.

"You're...you're missing the fireworks." Her voice was breathless.

"Oh no, Bella, I'm not missing a thing." I mumbled into her shoulder, still pressing hungry kisses along her collarbone. "I don't understand it, but I just cannot get enough of your skin. You are delicious."

"I think you're still trying to convince me to go home," she panted.

"Is it working?" I couldn't help but grin as my tongue retraced its path back to her neck, blowing across the damp trail, just to feel her shiver against me. My body was responding quickly, blood flowing to my groin as I hardened against her shivering body. I tried not to be completely crude and rub against her, but couldn't resist pressing her tightly to me and enjoying the shivers as they coursed through her frame.

"MMMaybe..." She drew out the word, still looking straight up at the sky. I pulled back briefly to take in her beautiful face, suddenly afraid I was pushing myself on her - nearly literally - at this point. Her eyes flicked to mine, dark and luminous, and I was pleased to see them slightly heavy with desire. Her face was a mixture of wonder, wistfulness, and want.

"We can stay...the fireworks are always great," I offered. Her choice, always.

She smiled, her hand reaching to caress my face, and I couldn't help closing my eyes and shuddering - in a good way - in response.

"I'd like to see the rest of the show, but you don't..." she paused, and I felt more than I saw her blush. "That...it felt really good. What you were doing." Her leg hooked tighter around the back of mine, pulling herself harder against my body. My erection ground into her hip and I couldn't help the groan that escaped my throat. When my eyes met hers again, she was biting her lip, biting back a grin, though her face still held a look of wonder.

"Good, then watch the show. I'll be busy." I dipped my head to kiss along the strap of her dress. Her hand sliding up into my hair, gripping tightly and holding me to her. I resisted the urge to push farther down, a public park not being the place I wanted to be in when I explored her body further. No, I wanted her in my bed, or maybe sprawled out on the rug in front of the fireplace.

I really didn't understand this addiction I had to touching her - her skin especially. Even now, tonight, with access only to her neck, shoulders, and the silky skin of her legs, I couldn't get enough. Soon, someday very soon, I would peel her clothes from her, piece by piece, and explore every inch. The thought alone nearly made me come undone right here, especially combined with the way she was subtly shifting against me.

I didn't stop kissing her, per her request, of course. My mind began churning though, effectively helping me keep control. Her expression of wonder...I didn't think it was entirely about the fireworks. I didn't want to think about Bella with James in this way, but if he didn't have the courtesy to take her out on a proper date, even pizza and a movie, I wondered if he even bothered showing her what her body might be capable of, or if he simply coerced her into bed and selfishly took his own pleasure. I had to admit, the prospect of bringing her to orgasm was thrilling. And I wanted it. I wanted her, badly.

I briefly wondered if I should feel badly for that, out of a sense of loyalty to Tanya, but I pushed that thought out of my mind. A month ago, I was hopelessly wandering. I couldn't see a future beyond that cold January night nearly four years ago. I ran away from my past, but never got away, no matter how far I went. I might have abandoned the reminders and the sympathetic, worried stares. I never lost the memories. I was soulless, frozen in time. I moved out of necessity, the need to survive, the feeling that if I just stayed away a little bit longer it would all go away. I was certain, now, that I had paid my dues.

It wasn't until Bella walked into my life, ensnaring me immediately with that inexplicable need to help her, that I felt moved to act.

My arms tightened around her instinctively. I heard the massive explosion of the grand finale of fireworks above us and Bella's gasp of admiration. I couldn't help it, I didn't want to interrupt her enjoyment of the show, but I needed to taste her lips again. My hand finally left her leg, skimming up her body to cup her head and pulling her back to face me, capturing her lips in a hungry, needy kiss. Her fingers tightened in my hair as she locked her body to mine.

Yes, this. This was now. And Bella, everything.

Moving on. Normal.

I could do this.

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**Thank you for reading!**

**Also, I am contributing an outtake from this story to the Fics for Nashville fundraiser. Copy/paste and remove spaces in this link for more info: http:// community . livejournal. com/ ficsfornash/**

**The outtake will be in Bella's point of view at some point earlier in the story.**

**Thank you, again!**


	13. Chapter 12: Touch

**Author's Note: Here we are, at long last. I received many kind notes in the last few weeks, and it means a lot that you have missed Some Life in Me. I truly didn't mean for there to be a mini hiatus in between now and the last chapter, but here we are. If you were worried, of course I plan to finish the story. I'm pretty sure I have the best of the fanfiction readers, because every note and question was so sweet. Thank you all so much.**

**Special thanks to the usual suspects, but especially to Zephyersky for idea bouncing a quick hands on the google-verse. AngryBadgerGirl for hours and hours of listening to me babble about this chapter before I could make the words appear on the screen. Also for being my wonderh00rtwin, and teasing me with TNGUS goodies to get me to write. And, finally to Lindelle for her mighty red pen, and taking time out of her weekend to laugh at my grammatical issues.**

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**Chapter 12: Touch**

I sighed in frustration as I stared at the words and pictures on my computer screen. I clicked through a few more websites before slumping back against my chair. I was trying to decide where to take Bella out on our date this weekend. I searched through events and shows, restaurant after restaurant, and nothing was standing out.

"You know, Eddie, solitaire isn't that hard. Red, black, red, black, red, black."

I flipped off my brother without looking at him, only hearing his answering snicker. I rubbed my hands over my face and pulled them through my hair.

"I'm just trying to decide where to take Bella. God, it's been a long time since I planned a date." I groaned in frustration and reached for the mouse again, returning to flipping through the tabs of possibilities.

"It hasn't changed much, bro," Emmett snorted in amusement. "Dinner, a movie, and you spend the rest of the time trying to get her naked."

I picked up a rubber band from the top of my desk and shot it at him, hitting him square in the chest. He yelped and rubbed his chest, but laughed good-naturedly.

"Seriously, man," Emmett continued, still laughing to himself. "You've changed a lot since you've been back, but you still over-think everything. Keep it fucking simple. She's gonna like whatever you decide."

"You're probably right, Em." I answered, wondering how much I had changed.

"Of course I'm right!" He punched my shoulder with his huge fist. "Hey, you coming to the Simon site today?"

"I'll be there. When are you heading out?"

We planned our work schedule for the day. Now that the summer was in full swing, we were kept pretty busy. I was glad for that, it was nice to feel useful. In the last couple of weeks, since my experiment in 'normal' with Bella at the Independence Day festival, 'normal' had been coming easier and easier.

The routine was becoming more and more comfortable. Emmett's house was complete now, and they were moving out this next weekend. As much as I appreciated my brother and sister-in-law's presence, it would be nice to have a little more privacy. Alice would remain with us for the summer, but her plans for campus housing were in place.

Bella and I had settled into an odd sense of domestic harmony. She was finally seeming at complete ease being in the space here, calling the large kitchen her 'playground' and devouring the collection of books on the shelf in the living room. More often then not, I would come home from the office or a job site to find dinner bubbling away on the stove, and Bella sprawled out on a quilt in the backyard, reading a book, with Jacob carefully shaded in his baby swing nearby. I would stretch out next to her and we'd talk about our days and spend a few delicious minutes kissing before heading in for dinner.

Emmett eventually left me alone and I continued to search for ideas. I knew he was right and I was probably over thinking everything. I wanted the date to be special for Bella, a chance for her to feel treasured, maybe sweep her off her feet a little. There were plenty of events going on that I knew she'd find interesting; theater, symphony, museums, and Seattle certainly had its share of excellent restaurants. The problem I kept coming back to was how crowded and busy they would all be. I wanted to take her out, let her get dressed up and feel like the beautiful young woman she was, show her off to the world that she was with me. I also just wanted to have a few hours with her to myself, with no interruptions. Bella was now more comfortable with storing milk for Jacob and letting the rest of us help with feeding him. That would also buy us a few hours out, I hoped.

And idea finally occurred to me that I thought would be perfect. I picked up my phone and made the necessary reservations and other arrangements. I was grinning by the end of the calls, even more excited now to take Bella out on a proper date.

I was just finishing up and quickly closed out the open websites on my computer when I heard Bella's light footsteps in the hallway. I tossed my phone on the desk and spun my chair around just in time to see her swing around the door frame

"Are you working?" She asked, smiling.

"No. I'm glad you're here," I replied, my eyes roving over her as they always did.

She was a bit more dressed up than her standard jeans or shorts and a t-shirt. I reached out and pulled her to me, settling her sideways on my lap. Her arms wound around my neck automatically as she leaned in to press her soft lips against mine. I hummed against her mouth. The kiss was gentle and chaste, but every bit as delicious as the heated ones that were becoming more and more frequent.

"Mm...very glad you are here." I kissed her one more time, fingering the delicate material of her blouse.

Bella turned and surveyed my desk, which was remarkably devoid of any work materials.

"What are you doing?" Her question was innocent, but I knew better. She had been trying to weasel our date activities out of me. It had been easy to playfully deflect her questions, because I hadn't a clue what we were doing, but now I just grinned at her.

"Nothing," I replied as blandly as possible. She saw right through me, of course, glaring at me adorably.

"You look nice," I observed, looking her over again, and hoping to deflect the topic. "I really like that color against your skin." Her blouse was mostly the dark blue that highlighted her luminous skin. It was decorated with stripes in all directions of lighter blue and white, but the effect was there.

She blushed, ducking her head and toying with the buttons on my shirt. "Thanks," she said, brushing away some microscopic bit of dirt.

"I, um, I was thinking that I'd go in to Rosalie's shop with her today and start learning my way around." She made a wry grimace. "It's probably about time I started paying for myself around here."

I leaned my head back on my chair with a sigh. I pulled her chin up with one finger so I could look at her.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. You're hardly eating me out of house and home. There's no rush." I protested. I knew her independence would be important to her, but it was ridiculous to think that taking care of her was a burden.

She pulled her chin away from my finger, looking down at her lap.

"It's just that you've already paid my hospital bills, and you're supporting Jacob and Alice, not just me. You've bought all this stuff for Jacob and me. I should be responsible for them."

"Hey," I interrupted. "As I recall, Jacob is officially my responsibility."

"Only on paper," Bella protested. I tried to ignore the flash of hurt that statement created in my gut.

"I also promised to take care of you," I continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "And that includes anything or anyone that comes with you."

Bella didn't answer, just kept staring down at her lap. I swept her hair back over her shoulder when it fell forward and hid her face from me.

"Bella, what is it?" I finally asked.

"I just don't want..I can't...I don't like being so completely dependent. I don't want to be helpless again. I need to feel like I am capable of taking care of myself, and Jacob. And Alice, too. I was so close...before...and then it was stolen."

And that was my Achilles Heel. I could never put her in a position where she felt as trapped as she had with James. I did entirely understand her position. That didn't stop me from protesting once more, though.

I ran my hand up her leg as I spoke, unable to resist touching her. "Hey," I said, waiting for her to look at me again. "I don't want you to feel trapped, Bella. Ever. I do understand what you're saying. I just wish you would take some more time, it's still really soon. Just be Jacob's Mama for a little while."

I flashed her a crooked grin, hoping it would make her smile. She snorted and rolled her eyes, but I caught the corner of her lips lifting slightly.

"And you don't want me going somewhere without you." Bella stated.

This was true. I hated being apart from Bella. The few times I'd had to leave her at home to visit a client, or she went somewhere with Rose I would drive myself insane with worry. I knew, in my head, how improbable it was that James would find her, or that any of a thousand accidents I could conjure up would happen, but that didn't stop me.

I smiled ruefully at her, pulling her close and kissing her neck, just behind her ear.

"I know, I'm unreasonable like that. It's just much easier for me to relax when I have you right here with me," I murmured. I pulled back to look at her seriously.

"I could build you your own store, right here in the yard." I had to work to keep my face serious as I teased her.

Bella let out a short laugh. "You'd build a store in your yard?" she asked, incredulously.

I tilted my head to the side. "I _am _an architect. It's entirely possible. There's plenty of space."

She was searching my eyes, probably trying to decide how serious I was.

"Uh huh," she replied. "And it'll look like a fortress, I'm sure. With a moat. And a dragon."

"Fort Knox will have nothing on this store," I promised.

"How will the customers get in?" She crossed her arms over her chest. I was momentarily distracted by the swell of her breasts pushing up over the neckline.

"Uh, no. No customers." I shook my head, both in denial and an attempt to restore blood flow to my brain.

"How am I supposed to run a store with no customers? Mail order?" I could tell she was trying to keep from laughing too. Her cheeks were pink, not with the full flush of embarrassment, but the light glow she gets when she's happy. I relaxed.

"Robots, maybe." I suggested.

"Robots?" Her voice rose an octave as she fought indignation and laughter. "Robot customers? Is the dragon a robot, too?"

"Yes, with a giant blow torch in his mouth." My mouth twitched now as it got more difficult to maintain a straight face.

Bella went back to serious. "You can't just isolate me from everything."

I was serious, too. "Never." Then I grinned at her, I was enjoying our game too much to stop. "Besides, you'll have the robots!"

She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue. I thought I did very well resisting the urge to suck on it. She was absolutely adorable when she was irritated with me.

"Can I name them all Edward the Overprotective Baby Daddy?" Bella shot back at me.

"Only if you never sell...whatever you're selling...to men. Only women, over the age of sixty. That call you 'sweetheart'."

"Why don't you just build me a bunker that's five miles underground. I can live there for the rest of my life! No one will ever see me except you!" Clearly exasperated now as she punctuated her words with big gestures.

"I'll start the plans, I have the software to design all this right here." I shifted forward suddenly in my chair, grinning when she had to clutch at me desperately to keep from falling.

"Ahh!" She shrieked, grabbing at my shirt. I laughed openly and tipped back, making her rock back into me. She twisted on my lap, smacking my chest with a miffed expression.

"Whoa, whoa! Hey, now, Lil' Mama." I said the last in my best Elvis' impersonation, which admittedly, probably wasn't that good. It had the desired effect, though, as she collapsed against my chest in a fit of laughter. I held her tight against me, chuckling into her hair, thoroughly enjoying the sound of her laughter.

Finally, she caught her breath. "I am serious about this, though, Edward. It's important to me. And Rose will let me bring Jacob. No other place is going to let me do that."

I smoothed her hair back from her face, tracing my fingers over her cheeks. "I know." I sighed. "Just promise me you'll take it easy. Don't work too much at first. Rosalie will survive. And don't worry about the money, I like taking care of you. Do what you need to do to feel good, okay?"

"Okay." She graced me with her special smile, the one I was pretty sure she only gave me and Jacob. She leaned forward, grazing her lips against mine. "I promise."

"Good," I whispered.

I tangled one hand into her hair, pulling her head to me again. Her lips parted as they met mine automatically. They started out soft, tasting, and I sighed with pleasure at the warm, silky taste, with the hint of the berry flavored lip balm she always used. As was becoming more and more normal lately, our kiss quickly became heated. Her fingers found their preferred place in my hair, twisting and tugging lightly. My other hand gripped her leg, sliding over her curves to squeeze the back of her thigh, right where her leg met her ass.

I was just about to lift her and move her so she could straddle my lap when Emmett's booming voice in the entry interrupted us.

"Hey Ed-man! We gotta go in fi... " He broke off as he stuck his head in and saw us. He rolled his eyes and smacked his meaty palm over his face. "Aw hell, you two. You guys are as bad as a couple of horny teenagers!"

Bella was blushing outrageously, but turned to grin at him. "I _am _a teenager, Emmett."

Emmett stared at her for a moment then muttered, "Fuck.." followed by an unintelligible string of words. When he reached the stairs he called out. "Five minutes, loverboy!"

"I'd love to explore the implications of the rest of his statement, but I really should go." I sighed reluctantly into her neck. She squirmed on my lap, blushing. I pecked her chastely on the cheek and set her up on her feet and gathering my things.

Emmett was more or less correct in his assessment. He had walked in on us making out more often than he cared to over the past couple of weeks. At least he was moving out soon.

It was as if neither one of us could resist the call to kiss and touch. I couldn't remember ever having this sort of a relationship before. The kind where kissing and touching - without resulting in sex - was this satisfying. And, despite the constant ache in my groin, I had been content to move at Bella's pace.

There was no doubt I wanted her. My nightmares, lately, were often replaced by dreams of her satiny skin beneath mine or feeling her smooth, long legs wrapping around my waist as I sank into her warm body. Her six-week check-up had come and gone a week ago, with both her and Jacob receiving a clean bill of health. The full implications of that pronouncement hovered between us, though we never spoke directly about it. There was just an unspoken agreement that the moment wasn't right yet. Instead, we spent countless hours kissing, and being completely wrapped up in each other.

I had the feeling, from what little I knew of her relationship with James, that he hadn't been a particularly patient lover with Bella. His loss. Bella, I was learning, was a passionate woman. She always had a look of wonder on her face as I would kiss and caress her. I reveled in these expressions, and I couldn't wait to show her more. I knew for myself this would be a significant step for me. However, the lingering feelings of guilt regarding moving on physically with a woman that wasn't Tanya were easily eclipsed by the intense desire I had for Bella.

Consequently, sex with Bella was constantly on my mind for the remainder of the week. Every kiss and caress burned and I ached each night she slept in my bed. Still, I waited. For all we were going about our relationship in an unconventional way, she deserved a little romance, and maybe a little seduction.

Of course, this was easier said than done, because Saturday night found me in my closet dressed only in my boxer briefs nearly tugging my hair out with nerves as I agonized over the most minute details of the evening.

It had been a long damn time since I had been on a date, much less tried to seduce anyone.

Everything was in place. All the arrangements had been made. I even had a dozen pink roses delivered to a blushing Bella earlier in the day. They now sat in their crystal vase on my dresser where I had placed them after Alice had literally pulled Bella from my arms and lips, insisting it was time for Bella to start getting dressed.

I finally settled on a dark grey suit and an olive green button down shirt with no tie. I half-heartedly tried to tame my hair, but gave up quickly. I appraised myself in the mirror, trying to relax. It wasn't just the seduction plans I had, everything about tonight seemed heightened. Whatever happened tonight, it was a significant moment for us.

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when I heard Bella's voice call into the bedroom.

"Edward? May I come in?"

I hastily rinsed my mouth and dried my face and hands before responding.

"Of course you can, you don't ever have to kno-" I was speaking as I rounded the corner back to the bedroom and stopped short when I saw Bella. I knew I was openly gaping at her as my eyes traveled over her body.

At first I was simply transfixed by the expanse of bare skin across her shoulders. The only thing interrupting it was a thin purple strap - a string, really - that wound around her graceful neck and met back at a point, nestled between where her breasts swelled, just barely, over the top of her purple dress. The rest of the dress skimmed her body down to mid-thigh. Her long creamy legs were so tempting and smooth, I could barely take in the matching purple heels or the way her hair was pulled back and left to hang loosely down her back.

I brought my eyes back to her face, "You l-look...nice..beautiful," I stammered out, swallowing thickly as all the blood in my body began rushing to my groin. My mind was light years ahead of me, making plans that involved wrapping those bare legs around me and tugging loose the string around her neck. I finally brought my eyes back to her face, she was blushing slightly, but that was betrayed by the small smirk playing at her lips as she caught me ogling.

I also didn't miss her eyes moving over my body, or the intake of breath. Neither did I miss the way her full breasts swelled over the top of her dress when she did that.

I crossed the distance between us in three large steps.

"You look very good, too." she said.

"Thank you," I murmured, dipping my head down to brush my lips against her jaw. I inhaled deeply, groaning at how amazing she smelled. "God, you smell good," I told her, kissing my way down her neck. She tilted her head to the other side, completely opening up that side of her neck and shoulder.

"Alice is mad at me." Bella's voice was slightly breathless, I was glad to hear. Her hands had raised to grip my arms.

"Why is Alice mad at you?" And why were we discussing Alice? With an extrodinary act of will, I pulled back from her slightly.

Bella rolled her eyes. "She wanted me to wait, and do some big grand entrance down the stairs. I told her this wasn't prom."

I chuckled. Alice was over the moon in romanticism, between Bella and I and her growing relationship with Jasper Whitlock. I was grateful for Bella's rebellion though, I much preferred these private moments with her. Not to mention I would never hear the end of it from my brother over my drool-filled, stuttering reaction to Bella's appearance tonight.

"I'm glad you chose this option..." I paused, and blatantly stepped back to ogle her. "Althougth, now I am very tempted to just order take out and stay in this room all evening."

"Okay." Bella agreed. I blinked in surprise, I had been joking - mostly. I pulled her back close to me with a low groan, capturing her lips with mine. I kissed her thoroughly, tasting her lip gloss, a fruity complement to the scent of her. I tried my best to keep my hands in check, not wanting - too much- to muss her up before we left. We _were _leaving, I made myself promise.

"You are entirely too tempting, Little Mama." I mumbled against her lips. She started to giggle again at my endearment. If it would make her laugh, I'd definitely keep using it. I ran my hand over her shoulder and down her arm before grabbing her hand. "Come on. Let's go."

She spun slightly as I pulled her around, her gauzy dress flaring out and drawing my attention to her legs again. I breathed out, this was going to be a long night if I couldn't keep myself focused.

We took the stairs together. Emmett called out a farewell from the kitchen as we entered the foyer, Rosalie and Alice, apparently over her prom-visioned disappointment, waited at the bottom of the stairs for us with Jacob. Bella took him immediately, cradling him to her shoulder, closing her eyes and resting her head on his small body. He instinctively cuddled with her, but his large eyes, now a distinctly darker shade, stared at me over her shoulder. I knew he had no idea of what was happening, but like many times before, he always seemed to be telling me "Take care of my mama."

I brushed my fingers over his thick dark hair, ruffling it and then wrapped my arm around Bella. I knew this would probably be difficult for her to leave Jacob, even in the care of trusted family, for a few hours. I could see her eyes getting wet. I squeezed her to me and whispered in her ear. "You can change your mind. We don't have to go tonight. Though I hope you want to."

Bella sniffed and breathed deeply, handing Jacob back to Rosalie. "No, I want to go...out with you." She gave me a wan smile, and kissed Jacob's cheek one more time. She went over the preparations she had made for him with Rose, not for the first time today, and we left quietly.

As we were driving away, I felt a vaguely familiar heaviness in my chest. My thoughts were on Jacob, Bella's instructions running through my mind, suddenly worried something was forgotten. Not that Bella would forget something important, but I worried anyway. I knew I was attached to Jacob as well as Bella, but it struck me again as I considered how important both of them had become to me.

Bella sat in the passenger seat quietly, looking down at her lap and fidgeting with the hem of her dress. I heard a small sniffle as we stopped at a stoplight, and I turned to her to see her hastily brush a tear from her cheek.

"It's always hardest the first time." I said quietly. I remembered the first time Tanya and I had left Macy for an evening. I didn't want to dwell on those memories tonight, but I hoped it would comfort her to know I understood how she felt.

"He's just so little..."

"I know," I said as we continued driving. "He's with a lot of people that love him though. I'm sure my parents will stop by at some point, too. Esme's been dying to see him again."

She smiled, obviously trying to shake off her melancholy. "Your family is very nice to us. Where are we going?" she said, abruptly changing the subject.

"Since this is your very first date, I thought we'd start with the basics: dinner and a movie." I grinned at her.

"Aren't we a little dressed up for dinner and a movie?" she asked.

"I might have taken a few liberties with the tradition." I could feel my grin spread over my face as her eyes widened. I was still nervous. There was a new charge to the atmosphere between us. I still wasn't sure how to define it. I wanted us to be able to relax and enjoy each other's company, so I concentrated on breathing steadily and our conversation.

We wound our way through Seattle until we arrived at our destination. I pulled into the valet parking area, hastily exiting the car to help Bella from it before the valet could. I narrowed my eyes at him as he blatantly looked her up and down, and he quickly handed me my ticket and dashed to the drivers side to park my Volvo. Bella didn't notice; she just stood staring up at the tall spire that rose above us, and broke out in to a grin.

"The Space Needle? I've always wanted to come here." Her eyes were shining as she looked at me. I took her hand and led her to the entrance, passing by the more touristy gift shop.

"Is it too cheesy?" I asked, worried. "The gift shop and observation deck are pretty touristy, but the restaurant is actually quite nice. You're not afraid of heights, are you?"

She shook her head, and we proceeded through the lobby to the elevator. I watched her face as the car rose up the towering restaurant. She broke out into another breathtaking smile as the city sprawled out beneath us, stretching farther and farther the higher we went. Seattle was bathed in a reddish-gold glow from the setting sun, which glinted off the water and highlighted the sea of roofs beneath us.

We waited only briefly while I gave my name to the host and we were led to a small square table by the windows on the outside edge of the ring that composed the dining area. Currently, we had a spectacular view to the south. Ferries and other ships moved in patterns through Puget Sound. We both watched for a moment as the view shifted, the rotating floor of the restaurant carrying us in a slow circle.

After Bella was seated, I took my seat, opting to sit on the side adjacent to her instead of opposite her. She was focused on her menu, small tendrils of hair curling and falling over her face. The lighting was dim, and when she finally looked back at me, her eyes were dark and hypnotizing as they peered through her lashes. My mouth went dry, suddenly overwhelmed with how beautiful she looked in the waning sunlight.

She stared at me a moment, licking her full lips slowly. I don't even think she was aware of how sensual she could be without even trying. Both the excitement and the fear I had for our evolving relationship grew within me.

My attention was diverted as she reached for her water glass, and I noticed how her hand trembled. Was she as nervous as I was? She had seemed so confident when she walked into my room. I had assumed any strain had been over the prospect of leaving Jacob behind.

"Are you nervous?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light and teasing.

"Is it that obvious?" She wrinkled up her nose, color flooding her cheeks. "I'm so - not good - at this kind of thing. I have no idea what I'm doing."

"If it makes you feel better, it's been a long time since I've been on a date, I might be a little rusty." We laughed together, both of us visibly relaxing.

Our waiter greeted us a short time later, offering wine and appetizers. The former we declined. Bella flushed at the question, but requested a sparkling juice instead, and I ordered a club soda. We settled on a platter of chilled shrimp for our appetizer.

"You can have a drink if you want, Edward. I'm the one that's underage here," Bella muttered as the waiter left, twisting her napkin in her lap.

"I don't want a drink," I assured her. Truthfully, her age hadn't crossed my mind until the waiter asked the question; it was something that mattered less and less to me as time went on. Bella looked at me through those think long lashes again. Her face was sad. I didn't want her to be sad. "Really, Bella, it's okay," I repeated. "If I had wanted one, I would have ordered one. Besides, I have to drive." I flashed her a quick grin, and I saw the corners of her mouth tug upward before she sighed.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm being weird about it." She gave me a wry look. "I'm just paranoid about feeling like a child on a grown up outing."

I snorted a laugh, sputtering slightly as I reached for my glass of water. After taking a quick swallow to calm myself, I openly leered at her.

"You don't look like a child to me." I said, waggling my eyebrows at her.

I reached over and ran my fingers down her arm, freeing her fingers from her poor abused napkin, drew her hand up and into mine and kissed the inside of her wrist. I smiled against her skin as I heard the quiet gasp.

"Just to set the record straight, Bella," I said, softly. "Your age doesn't concern me. Does mine worry you?" I frowned, I had worried about that somewhat, but it was so easy to get caught in our bubble and forget those details.

Her eyes were soft in the flickering candlelight from the table, the sad look was in them again, but she smiled. "I only worry that you're going to think I'm just a silly little girl."

"Never," I murmured. "I doubt you've ever been a silly little girl, and you are a more intelligent and mature woman than some we know that are nearly twice your age. And it's _your _company I crave, Bella."

The flush across her cheeks morphed into one of pleasure, and she squeezed my hand in response. Our moment was interrupted by the return of the waiter.

We relaxed more as our drinks and food arrived. The spell that always wove its way around us emerged and we could have been alone here at the top of the city.

The rest of dinner was both frustrating and fantastic. We laughed as we ate; good food lending itself to easy conversation. Some times we drifted into silence. It was a comfortable one, much like we would be at home.

At least, it was _mostly _comfortable. When I would look up from my own meal long enough to catch the way Bella's lips would wrap around a forkful of her seafood pasta, things became more than a little uncomfortable. _Again_. As much as I was enjoying this time with Bella, away from the prying eyes of our siblings or even the demands of day to day life, it was just intensifying the desire to be truly alone with her.

It wasn't even entirely about the physical. I wanted to have some time alone, just the two of us, with no one else even nearby, to talk and be together, something we hadn't had in the time we'd known each other. The physical need for her was definitely there, however. As astoundingly beautiful as she was in her sexy purple dress, and as much as I wanted to brag to everyone that she was here with me, all I really, truly desired was to get her alone. Alone in a place where I could tug loose those strings around her graceful neck and find some still-undiscovered skin.

"What?" Bella's voice interrupted my musings. I realized that I had been staring, unabashedly, at her for the last several minutes.

"Hmm?" I tried to be casual.

"You were staring at me. What are you thinking?" Bella asked. Her tone was genuinely curious, with a hint of humor at catching me staring - again. Not the stereotypical question laced with hidden agendas. I had to wonder if she honestly just didn't know how drawn I was to her. Had I told her? I was sure I had, but maybe she didn't yet believe it.

I was about to speak, but we were interrupted by our ever-efficient waiter offering us dessert. I stifled my irritation and was profoundly grateful when we both declined.

Bella was quiet in the car as we drove to our next destination. I wound my way through the city, down the steep hills towards the brightly lit waterfront. I knew she was missing Jacob. The quick phone call home to Rosalie had comforted her; he was doing fine. She was toying with the hem of her dress though, lost in thought.

I knew this first time out without Jacob would be tough, I was still surprised at how much I was worried and missed him. I could only imagine how Bella was feeling. I turned into the parking lot near the water's edge, fully prepared to simply turn around.

"Do you want to just go home?" I asked, softly. Bella lifted her head, her large brown eyes holding a mysterious expression. She looked...torn, for lack of a better word. She opened her mouth to speak, but then did a double take as she looked out the window.

"Where the heck are we? I thought we were going to a movie?" Her tone was puzzled as she gazed at the collection of boats moored in the water nearby.

I gave her half a smile, I had been looking forward to this part of the evening. "We were, any movie of your choice. My parents have quite the collection on board their boat, and were generous enough to give us use of it this evening."

Bella turned to me, her mouth open in an inviting O of surprise, she said nothing so I continued, shrugging. "I wanted to be alone with you. Dinner was one thing, but I wasn't looking forward to sharing you with a theater full of people. I know you miss Jacob though, we can go home, if you want. I'm sure Carlisle and Esme will let us use the boat another time."

Bella's hand shot out, her delicate fingers pressed against my lips, silencing me, and I suppressed a moan at their softness.

"Alone?" she whispered. "Just us? No one else is here?"

"Not on board the boat at least." I shrugged again, not wanting her to feel pressured into staying.

Suddenly, the sadness was gone from her eyes and she broke into the breathtaking smile she had worn as we rose above the city earlier in the evening. Her fingers traced my lips, making me sigh against her hand.

"No," she finally said, my eyes flying open to see exactly what it was she was declining. "I want to stay here longer. With you. Alone. J-Jacob will be fine, I'm sure."

I didn't miss the slight stutter, but her eyes were determined. I knew Emmett and Rose would call if there was a problem, so I let myself be selfish and grinned back at Bella, grabbing her wrist and planting a kiss in her palm. I smiled into her skin at the gasp she gave.

"Good, let's get to the boat. It's far more comfortable than my car." I smirked at her, crooking an eyebrow playfully. Bella grinned back but blushed, an arousing combination of innocence and flirtatiousness. I quickly got out of the car, and ran to the other side, taking Bella's hand as she stood from the car.

Bella wrapped her arm around the front of her body.

"Cold?" I asked.

"Uh..yeah, a little. The wind.."

"Well then, I'd better resume my position as official Bella warmer." I grinned down at her as I wrapped my arm around her bare shoulders.

We walked in silence down the dock to where my parents' boat, the _Compassion_, was moored.

"This is it," I said, softly, indicating the sleek white Sea Ray Sundancer we had approached.

"This is your parents' boat?" Bella cried out, incredulous. "It's huge!"

"It'll do. They use this for their private vacations, when they don't want company." I leaned into her, my lips at her ear. "Exactly why I thought it would be perfect for tonight."

I placed a kiss just below her ear, inhaling the scent of her skin, before forcing myself away and helping her to board the boat. The yacht was relatively new, my parents had purchased it the summer before I left. It was long and sleek and white. Bella stepped carefully on to the low deck, and I led her around to the cabin entrance, steadying her as she swayed with the movement of the boat. I unlocked the cabin door, triggering the automatic light inside and stood aside so she could walk in first.

"Oh my god.." came her quiet gasp. Truly, the interior was beautifully done in dark cherry wood walls and furnishings, contrasting with the light-colored upholstery my mother favored. Small windows lined the side, letting the lights of the harbor in. On the table was a large bouquet of roses I had delivered earlier, their rich fragrance perfuming the air.

I stepped in behind her, pulling her light gold wrap from her shoulders, as she leaned in to sniff the flowers. I bent to kiss the exposed skin, never able to resist. I hummed against her cool skin as it pebbled into goosebumps while she suppressed a shiver.

Maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as I feared.

I laid her wrap against one of the seats in the dining area, shrugging off my coat and laying it aside as well. As I turned back to her, she was lightly stroking the petals of the deep pink roses with an unfathomable expression on her face.

"Would you like something to drink?" I offered quietly. "There's water and soda in the fridge. Wine, even." I grinned at her as I opened the door. Bella was looking around the room, and turned back to look at me, an amazing sight as her large brown eyes gazed at me over her pale creamy shoulder. Her teeth caught her lip for a brief moment before she blushed and shook her head.

"Just water, please," she replied. She rubbed her arms with her hands, still peering through the windows and looking over the inside of the cabin.

"Okay," I responded. "There are movies in the cabinet next to the TV, if you would like to pick something out."

She nodded silently, her fingertips grazing over the cabinets until she found the latch. I adjusted the lights at the control panel, switching from the harsher security lights to the softer glow of the lamps mounted on the tables near the 'L' shaped couch. I was suddenly nervous as I watched her peer at the large collection of DVDs. She looked...unattainable. I thought, before, that it would be thoughts of Tanya that would make me stumble in my efforts to seduce Bella.

Not at all; I was just a nervous wreck.

I grabbed two bottles of water from the small refrigerator and focused my attention back on Bella. I knew we were ready for this step. We were both just too nervous and hung up on our pasts. A normal couple might have a rational discussion about sex, but we were hardly normal.  
Then again, as I briefly thought back over any of my previous relationships, I don't think there was ever an actual discussion on the topic. So maybe I was just over thinking.

I walked back across the long narrow room, pulling a rose out of the vase on the table. Bella had selected a movie and was loading it into the DVD player. I walked up quietly behind her, trailing the petals of the flower over the curve of her shoulder

I chuckled against her ear as she fumbled with the disc, watching her blush creep over her cheeks until it matched the rose. She closed the DVD player and turn to face me.

"What did you choose?" I asked her, keeping my voice low so it wouldn't shake as much. She held up the box, revealing an unfamiliar romantic comedy type movie, with a smiling couple on the cover. I nodded in approval. "Very date-like."

"I always wanted to see this, but never did." Her eyes darted to the rose in my hand again, then she ducked under my arm and pulled me to the couch, tossing the movie box on the table. I loosened the the cuffs on my shirt, rolling up my sleeves as I sat back. Bella sank into the cushions next to me, her dress floating around her legs, completely distracting me from the opening sequence of the movie as I watched her cross one leg over the other.

I was only vaguely aware of the movie, to be completely honest. Instead I held Bella in my arms, nearly purring like a cat when she curled into my side, resting her head on my chest. My senses were filled with her, her perfume, the feel of her bare shoulders beneath my arm. I still could not get enough of touching her skin.

We were quiet as we watched, only our steady breathing or an occasional bout of laughter at a funny moment. So, it took me by surprise when Bella suddenly reached out and grabbed my knee. The one opposite of the side she was sitting on. I met her eyes with surprise. Her face was a mix of amusement and curiosity.

"What?" I asked.

A giggle bubbled from her lips. "The boat wobbles on it's own, you don't have to simulate the open ocean there." That's when I realized she was actually pressing down - holding my knee in place. By the pent up energy I could feel, I must have been bouncing it in my nervousness.

"Is everything okay?"

I felt a little sheepish that my anxiety was that obvious. Exactly how was I supposed to seduce Bella when I was acting like a awkward teenager?

"I guess it's my turn to be nervous." I tried to shrug nonchalantly, but Bella suddenly broke into peals of laughter. I looked at her, abashed. What was funny about this? I was actually starting to have some serious stage fright.

Bella composed her expression, but the corners of her lips were twitching. "Why are _you_ nervous? I mean...how is that even possible?" Her eyebrows knotted together in confusion.

I sighed. Now she was worried about _me_. Not exactly how I wanted this seduction scene to go, even if I had absolutely no clue how to picture it in the first place.

That wasn't true, this moment had haunted my dreams for quite some time now.

I pulled her hand from where it was toying with the hem of her dress; now I had made her nervous again. I brought her hand to my lips, pressing a soft kiss at the juncture between her palm and her wrist, trying to salvage some kind of romance out of my insane nerves.

My heart was beginning to hammer in my chest though, and I anxiously spit out. "I'm just trying to impress a beautiful woman." I winced internally at the cheesiness of the line.

Bella stared at me wide-eyed for a second and started laughing all over again. I pressed my face into her hand, trying to disguise my awkward attempt as a romantic gesture. When I thought I could speak straight again, I looked up at her, capturing her eyes as her giggles faded, watching them widen and darken as the mood shifted more serious again.

"It's true," I said, kissing her wrist one more time. Now I had a hold of her again, tasted her skin. I could feel the craving for more building. "Never before have I been this nervous, this desperate to impress the woman I'm...captivated with." I stumbled over the last word, not sure what I was actually going for. Bella lips parted, and she licked them slowly.

Her eyes locked on to our joined hands now, a soft laugh escaping, no ringing girlish giggle now. "You saved my life, Edward," she said plainly. "And Jacob's. I think you covered 'impressed' a while ago."

I frowned. That wasn't exactly what I meant. That night that seemed so long ago now, I was in the right place and the right time, and did the right thing. That was just heroics. This was about impressing her as a man. As something more specific than just helping out someone in a bad situation. I wanted to impress _her_.

I struggled for a moment to put the words in my head together, to make them come out of my mouth in a way that made sense. Bella was watching me intently, searching my face. I'm sure she was looking for clues as I struggled with my thoughts. Her face was pensive, then softened into a familiar playful smile.

"Is that what this is all about?" She gestured vaguely at the room. "Let's see. Fancy dinner in the sky, flowers, looking like...that..." she gestured at me then, closing her eyes. "Romantic movies on a yacht. You even offered me _wine_!" Her laughter bubbled through her lips again, her eyes dancing at me.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Cullen?" She asked, entirely too pert and tempting for her own good. Her eyebrow arched and her pink tongue just touched the corner of her mouth as she smirked at me.

I blinked in surprise. I should have known she would see right through me. I wondered if she intended to compare me with the manipulative Mrs. Robinson, or if my own paranoid fears about taking advantage of her were just surfacing. She seemed to be in a good mood about it, though. Even if she was laughing at me. And, her sudden sauciness definitely had an effect on me. I shifted slightly in my seat to accommodate the tightening of my pants.

I mustered up all my bravado, trying to squash the negative feelings, and smirked back at her. "Well, yes, actually. However, judging by the fact that you're laughing instead of ripping my clothes off, I think I'm just making an incredibly corny fool out of myself." I gave a self-deprecating laugh.

Bella's face softened into a smile that warmed my awakening heart. She shook her head and squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry," she said in a low voice. Her lips quirked into a half smile. "I'm not laughing at you, I swear. I'm still really nervous, too."

As if to punctuate that, she released her other hand, the one that was still twisting in the soft gauzy fabric of her dress, rotating her wrist slowly as if working out stiffened muscles.

I captured that hand as well. I realized this made her position a little awkward, but I didn't release either of her wrists, gathering them together and circling my fingers around her delicate bones.

"But I'm still corny, aren't I?" I pulled her closer to me, still trapping her arms.

Bella opened her eyes to look into mine, they were so dark and I was drowning again. Her hair danced around her shoulders as she shook her head again.

"No," she whispered, before she giggled again, less nervous and more playful, now that I realized her nervousness too. "Sometimes you are. But not this time. I think..."

She fell silent and shook her head when I tugged on her arms to encourage her to continue; just shrugging like she didn't really know what to say. I suspected otherwise, but didn't want to push her. I leaned my head close to hers, brushing my lips lightly against hers. That light touch was enough to start my body buzzing all over again, my hands tightened on her wrists, aching to move over her skin.

I had some reservations that made me hesitant now, always wanting to make sure I wasn't pushing her, but I didn't want to lose the lightheartedness we'd had.

And, I just needed her.

I opted for more teasing. I adopted an expression of mock indignation.

"Did you _really _just compare me to Mrs. Robinson? Have you seen _The Graduate_?" I grinned at her, pulling back so she could see the teasing expression on my face. "You and Alice sneak that movie on late-night cable?"

She stuck her tongue out in defiance, and the sight of it filled my head with all kinds of sordid images. In truth, I was using the teasing to keep the overwhelming lust at bay. I was also failing. She struggled slightly against me, trying to free her hands. I didn't let go, just pressed a kiss on to her fingers. I was absorbed by the feel of her fingers against my lips, the scent of her skin, and I almost missed her response.

"I never saw the movie. I...I borrowed the book...from the library. They didn't have much..." Her voice was breathy against my skin and my body answered with a rush of blood to my groin, hardening against the zipper of my pants, before I comprehended what she said.

"The book? Who reads the book?"

She laughed, still breathless and I had to shift in my seat again.

"I do, I actually liked it, mostly. I was probably too young to understand most of it, but I could identify with Benjamin a little. You know...an outsider looking in. Being shunned by the social status quo. Not just doing what's expected of you, finding the balance between expectations and true happiness." Her words because more drawn out, her voice getting softer and huskier.

I continued pressing kisses along her fingers and hands, more turned on than I would have thought possible by an analysis of a forty year old book. Then again, these moments when Bella really showed how her mind worked made her even more sexy than all the bare-shouldered sun dresses in the world.

"Hmm, interesting," I mumbled against her fingers. I was finished with book club now. "So, do you want to be seduced?"

"Not really..." Bella whispered. I looked up at her in surprise, wondering where I had misread the conversation now. Bella's eyes were dark and luminous and very intense as she gazed at me.

Before I could prompt her to continue her thoughts, she launched herself at me, awkwardly, since her hands were still trapped by mine. But our lips met without too much damage, and I was immediately distracted by the warm, berry-flavored, silky-wet mouth that was moving against mine. I was both confused and thoroughly aroused. She slowly dragged her lips from mine, sucking lightly at my bottom lip. I gave her a questioning look as she pulled back.

She twisted her arms in mine and I freed her immediately, hoping I hadn't made her feel trapped. To my surprise, not to mention joy, she half-rolled and shifted until she was straddling my lap, her dress riding high on her thighs, and I couldn't help but cup my hands around them. She leaned her forehead against mine and circled her arms around my neck, her fingers twisting into my hair.

"You don't _need _to seduce me, Edward. I already want you. _Now_."

And with that statement everything else disappeared. My past, her past, the movie, the nervousness. I desired her. She desired me. I no longer wanted to worry about anything, all I needed was to fully indulge and enjoy touching her everywhere. Her fingers tugged on my hair, pulling my head to hers and our lips met in wide, open-mouth kisses. Bella's velvety tongue met mine without hesitation, only briefly stopping to take a ragged breath before she raised up just slightly on her knees, pressing me against the back of the couch.

The movement allowed my hands to slide farther up her legs, curving around to the sensitive skin at the back of her thighs, and I felt her tremble against me. I moved slowly, wanting to savor every inch of skin I was allowed to touch. She was so warm, and I could feel the heat increase the higher my hands traveled. My fingertips met the silk fabric of her panties and I groaned into her mouth. The texture so close to that of her skin. I traced the line where the material and her skin met, just savoring the dual sensations, from the back curve of her ass, and my mind was doing its best to conjure up the image.

I didn't want to imagine, though. I wanted to _see_. I had felt her clothed curves against me every night for the last month, and now I wanted - needed - more.

I reluctantly pulled my lips from hers, sucking gently on her full lower lip, Our eyes met briefly, hers were dark and full of want, and I was struck with her words from just a moment ago. She really did want me. The thought fueled my desire and I was fully hard beneath her. I pulled her against me, my hips thrusting involuntarily to meet the damp warmth of her arousal. I was holding her to me with one hand on her ass and the other slid up her back beneath her dress. My lips traced the edge of her jaw to her ear and when I reached the spot just below her earlobe she threw her head back and made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a moan.

"Edward..." Whatever the sound was, it included my name, and it was the most amazing sound I had heard in a long time, if ever.

I kissed and licked down her neck, and I nudged the string tied around her neck with my nose.

"I need to untie this, Bella. It's been teasing me all evening." I murmured against her throat.

"Yes, please." Her answer was throaty and rough, but it was definitely affirmative.

She arched back just a fraction and I grabbed the end of the tie with my teeth, just nipping her skin. Bella gasped at the sensation and ground herself into me again. My dick was straining against the zipper of my pants, but I didn't want to let go of her long enough even to adjust myself. I tugged the tie loose easily, however she had it tied, it loosened immediately, falling along the curve of her breasts to hang down the front of her dress. I followed the path they took with my tongue until I could just dip inside the stretchy material that covered her breasts.

Suddenly, I didn't have enough hands. I had one still squeezing and kneading her soft, silk-covered curves, and the other wrapped around her back, my hand splayed wide over her bare back, like I was trying to touch as much of her at once as I could. I needed another to push the top of her dress down.

I settled for releasing her ass just long enough to fist the gauzy fabric at her side and I tugged her dress down until the top slid over the satiny strapless bra she was wearing beneath it. It was a light pink color, so delicate against her creamy skin and my mouth immediately began sucking and licking at the newly exposed skin.

"Oh God, Edward..." Bella's voice was a low breathy moan. Her head had dropped against mine, panting in my ear as I tried to touch her everywhere at once.

I tried to kiss gently, softly over her breasts, nudging aside the cups with my nose. Somewhere in the barely coherent parts of my brain, I registered that they were probably the wrong kind of sensitive for too much stimulation, but it didn't stop me from nipping at the tender skin. One soft, satin cup folded under slightly, and I stilled every other action for a brief moment, holding her hips to mine firmly and carefully nuzzled the rosy pink bud that crested her breast. I could hear her breath catch, feel it hot against my cheek and then her mouth was kissing and biting gently along my jaw.

Bella's hands were at the buttons of my shirt, tugging and fumbling, but she managed to get them undone, yanking the tails free and the warm palms of her hands smoothed over my chest. She straightened on my lap to allow room for her hands and the action caused her to rock over my hard erection. The thin silk panties she was wearing were just under my fingers, making me acutely aware of how close we were. I was overwhelmed by her heat, the scent of her perfume and the dampness I could sense, even if I couldn't feel it yet. My hands held her hips and rocked her against myself, and my head fell back against the cushions and I thrust my hips up to her. I felt her short nails catch in the hair on my chest.

Warmth, electricity and fire spread outward from her hands as she ran them down my chest. Her weight shifted over me, her hips moving back away from me, surprisingly strong against my hands. I was about to protest but then she leaned into me, her warm mouth brushing against my ear and down my jaw.

"Bella..." I mumbled, half in surprise. She didn't normally take the lead when we would kiss and cuddle, and her passion was incredibly erotic. She hummed against my throat and moved her hands lower. I felt her fingers curl around the waistband of my pants. Bella lifted her head and pressed her lips to mine, opening her mouth and sliding her tongue into mine. My whole body convulsed with sensation as her hand pressed against my dick through my clothes. I groaned loudly, muffled by her fervent kiss. My fingers tightened their grip. Bella moaned in response and squeezed me through the layers of clothing. I twitched into her hand, and then her hands were gone, but only to the buttons of my slacks.

"Bella, Bella, Bella..." I chanted, pleading against her lips. I wanted her hands on me, but I needed to touch _her _more. Considering my response to her _through _my clothes, I knew I would never last skin-to-skin. She had the top button undone.

"I need to touch you now." I breathed a sigh as my pants loosened, but I was still trying to stay ahead of her.

Her hands paused on the elastic on my boxer briefs.

"What?" she asked, in between kisses, a note of confusion in her voice.

I pulled back to look into her eyes, nearly black in the dim light, framed by her hair, her swollen lips, and couldn't help moaning at the sheer sexiness.

"I need to touch you, first - now. Please, Bella..." I was nearly begging; peeling back her panties slightly with my thumbs.

"Oh!" Bella blinked, confusion still marring her heavy-lidded eyes. "Um, okay..." she whispered. She leaned in to kiss me again, and I could feel the heat in her cheeks. Her lips were firm and insistent against mine though, and she squeezed my dick again.

With a growl, I pulled one hand from her back, brushing her hands gently away from me, before I lost it completely. I slid my hands down to her thighs again, gripping them tightly. I lifted her up, chuckling as she squeaked in surprise, her hands flying up to my arms to steady herself. Quickly, not wanting to waste any chance to touch her, I turned her around so she was leaning back against my chest, her light body at a slight angle to mine. As soon as she was settled, my lips found her ear, then her jaw, coaxing her to turn her head to mine and in an instant I was sucking gently on her lower lip. I anchored her to me with one arm around her slim waist, pulling her dress up with my arm.

My other hand slid into her panties, running the tips of my fingers around the silky edges, feeling the lace trim at the edge. Her stomach quivered when I reached the front of her and her breath was ragged in my mouth. She didn't pull away, and her kisses were every bit as passionate, so I continued.

And then my hand was on _her_, and we both shook at the sensation. I felt her hands reach up and behind my head, gripping my hair and her head fell back against my shoulder as my finger slid over her clit and into her wet pussy.

"Oh my god! Edward..." My body throbbed in response to her cries, even as I felt her get even more wet.

I was awestruck at this moment. When she fell back against me and broke our kiss, I opened my eyes to the sight of her body stretched out against mine, her round breasts with their taut nipples above the crumpled fabric of her dress. Then the milky skin of her stomach, my hand splayed over her, as if I were trying to touch as much of her as possible. Pale pink silk panties covered where I really wanted to see, but I couldn't bring myself to remove my hand from her to strip them off. I was touching her, in the most intimate place she could offer me. If there was any hope of breaking the addiction I had to her skin, it was gone now.

"Bella..." I barely registered my own voice, but it was gravelly and needy against her ear. "Touching you like this...it's...incredible..." Her only response was to tighten her fingers in my hair and a slight nod of her head as she tried to draw a breath.

Savoring every moment, I slowly slid my finger through her wetness, drawing it back to her clit and circling slowly. The soft moan was enough to push me onward, not that I was even thinking about stopping now. I needed to touch her like this, so intimately and feel her come apart in my arms.

I wanted to kiss her, but I wanted to see her more, so I gently pressed kisses against her ear and cheek, watching her body tremble over mine with each movement of my fingers. As she got more wet, more swollen, more hot, I increased my pace, occasionally dipping down to her opening, where she was the most wet, somehow remembering to be gentle, even though I wanted to plunge my fingers deep inside her. She was quivering against my body, only soft moans and cries, punctuated with my name.

"Edward..what... so...need..." were the only words I could make out, and I moaned along with her. Occasionally she would writhe in a way that made her ass brush my dick, making me throb even more, as if her moans weren't having enough of an effect. I really didn't want to lose it while she wasn't even really touching me though, so I refocused on her.

"I think you're close, aren't you my Bella." I murmured in her ear, "Come for me, beautiful girl...let go, let me take care of you..." I was rambling, encouraging her.

"Oh!" Bella cried out and arched her back, her legs trembling and I felt her pussy swell and I pressed hard against her clit, flicking it twice with my finger.

"Edward!" I was glad I turned to look at her face at that moment, because seeing her orgasm was the most beautiful thing I had ever witnessed. As enticing as her body was, seeing the pleasure wash over her face, her mouth dropping open and her neck stretching back as she cried out my name made me forget everything else.

I buried my face in the crook of her neck and shoulder, rocking her as I gently caressed her while her body quivered and came down from her orgasm. I was still hard as marble, throbbing against the curve of her ass, but the satisfaction of making Bella cum was overpowering my own needs.

Bella's fingers were still threaded into my hair, and they tugged once more as she shuddered again and fell limp against me, her hands falling to the back of the couch. I looked at her face. Her eyes were closed, but her lips were curved into a slight smile.

Her eyelids fluttered open and her dark chocolate eyes met mine.

"Hi.." I whispered.

"Hi.." her reply echod mine.

"You are so beautiful, Bella..."

Her eyes closed, and I frowned, I need her eyes almost as much as I needed her skin. I could feel her cheeks warm again. She was feeling self-conscious, despite her relaxed pose. I let her have her moment, and shifted her more comfortably in my lap.

I groaned when the action pressed and slid her ass against my erection, and my dick twitched noticably. Bella sat up, looking at me. She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something but only bit her lip instead. We were both panting, but the pace of our breathing had slowed. Bella reached up to take my face in her hands, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. As she deepened the kiss she slid off my lap, not letting me go as a mumbled my protest. She knelt on the couch next to me, dropping one hand to trace down my chest again. She was still somewhat pressed against my side so I was content with the contact.

The boat was silent, except for the low hum of voices from the television and the sound of our lips quietly meeting, so we were both startled when my phone, buried in my pocket somewhere, sang out shrilly in Emmett's ringtone.

I was both annoyed and on edge, I knew Emmett wouldn't call unless it was important. Bella growled adorably against my lips and her hand searched my pocket for my phone.

"It's Emmett." I mumbled as the song continued to play. Bella froze in my arms and looked down worriedly at the phone. I took a deep breath to try to calm myself, finding it difficult even with the sudden interruption and worry with Bella half-naked next to me. I kissed her gently one more time.

"I'm sure everything is fine, Bella. He probably just has a question." I tried to assure her, but I found myself remarkably worried as well. Bella nodded but began fixing her dress. I hit the answer button, sending the call to speaker so Bella could hear.

"Emmett..." I began, my voice flat, conveying the 'this better be important' message.

"Hey, uh..Edward." My name, something was up. "I'm really sorry man, but we need you to bring Bella home. I, uh, spilled the last bottle, and Jacob is crying. Rosie says he's hungry."

Bella's eyes went wide and her face crumpled into a guilt-ridden mask, quickly retying her dress around her neck and smoothing the top over her breasts. I was momentarily distracted by watching her. I heaved a sigh at the interruption, it was inevitable, I guessed, but we had all the time in the world., The vision of Bella cumming in my hands was far more overwhelming than my irritating brother.

"Yeah, no problem, Emmett. We'll be on our way. Tell Jacob to hang in there."

"Dude, really, so sorry." Emmett repeated.

"Just go help Rose," I smirked into the phone, ending the call. I stood, swaying slightly, and refastened my pants and shirt. My erection has started to subside with the news, but I still couldn't help the slight wince as I adjusted myself back into place.

Bella noticed, and looked up at my eyes, almost fearful in her guilt.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes on my groin, making it clear what she was apologizing for. I shook my head, and helped her arrange her dress before running my hands down her arms and brushing my lips over hers.

"Shh. Don't apologize. I promise it won't be the last time we are interrupted." I grinned against her warm cheeks. "Besides, I got what I really wanted." Bella's cheeks flamed even hotter and I couldn't help kissing each of them.

She looked down as I pulled away, still hiding her blushing face, but I could see her smile. "I'll... just have to owe you then." She sputtered out quickly, looking up at me.

I paused in reaching for my jacket, groaning softly at the images bombarding my brain.

"Anytime, little mama." I grabbed her hand and headed to the door. "Let's get you home."

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**Ahem..ermm.. see you next time! Please feel free to leave a review, they make my day. I am leaving on vacation later this week, and will be laptop free for a week, so it will be at least two weeks before I get another update to you. I am bringing a notebook though, because of course MagicFingersward is REALLY interested in what happens next chapter and has things to say to me about it. **

**Thanks again!**


	14. Chapter 13: Feel

**A/N: Hey all! Thank you for coming back after this long stretch between chapters. This is a doozy of a long chapter, so get your favorite beverage, maybe a snack and get comfy. Thank you to everyone who has sent a message professing your love for these two. Extra thanks to Lindelle for her uberbeta skillz, Zeph and ABG for listening to me babble on the daily, and my hubs who patiently answers all my questions about that strange place inside a man's brain. He's aptly rewarded. I promise.**

**I also don't own Twilight any more than I did the last time I updated. I've been to Forks since then, though, and it was a lovely time, both the twi-tourist parts and the 'get away for a quiet vacation' parts. Shout out to Wayne and Angie at the Fisherman's Widow. Amazing hosts.**

**Okay, I won't keep you any longer. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 13: Feel**

Bella was quiet for the entire drive home. Her arms were crossed and her hands pressed just below her shoulders. Her face was a mask of emotion. Worry, maybe, for Jacob. He was hungry, but it would take us less than twenty minutes to get home. I was sure she was concerned and feeling guilty for leaving him tonight. I wanted to console her, but I wasn't sure she'd really believe me, not until she saw Jacob with her own eyes and tended to his needs. I remembered well how difficult it was to leave your child the first time. I hoped she would feel better once he was settled, and we were in bed.

I shifted in my seat as discreetly as I could at the thought of Bella in my bed later. We'd been sleeping in the same bed for more than a month now, content with kissing and cuddling. I knew, now, that after seeing her nearly naked body, hearing her moans and whimpers as she came in my arms tonight, that I would have a difficult time keeping my hands to myself. Though the mood was broken now, I hoped we could get it back. I wanted to touch her again, feel her soft skin against mine. I concentrated on keeping my breathing steady as I drove. I could deal with having to wait, and I repeated this mantra in my head the whole way home.

I hit the button to open the garage, causing the lights to flood the driveway. I pulled in and shut off the car. Bella gave me a weak smile and pushed her door open, springing quickly from the vehicle before I could exit and help her. I caught her as she nearly sprinted around the Volvo, squeezing her shoulder with my hand, hoping for a comforting gesture. Rose or Emmett must have been in the foyer because we could hear Jacob fussing and crying through the door. Bella rubbed the top of her chest again, still clutching her arms around herself. I yanked the door open and Bella dashed in ahead of me.

Rosalie was pacing the foyer; she stopped and handed over Jacob immediately. I smiled at the instant relief that washed over Bella's frame as she shushed and cooed at the baby. Bella flashed me a happy smile before gesturing that she was going upstairs. I nodded my understanding and she disappeared, followed closely by Rosalie.

Emmett appeared in the doorway from the kitchen, rubbing the back of his head, with an apologetic expression. He started to speak then abruptly stopped and stared at me. I couldn't help but look down and note my rather disheveled appearance. My shirt wasn't tucked in, and I seemed to have missed a button or two. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, while he did nothing to hold in his laughter.

"Oh man, Eddie. Now I'm really sorry." He continued to laugh as he turned and returned to the family room.

"You're definitely moving out tomorrow, right?" I called after him, only making him laugh harder.

I trudged up the stairs. It was quiet in the hall. I considered joining Bella in Jacob's room, but I was sure Rosalie was with her, and I wasn't in the mood for Rosalie's company. I wasn't willing to share the bubble of intimacy. Instead, I went to my room. Bella would join me when she was done.

I sat on the bed, the room illuminated only by one bedside lamp. Images of Bella on the boat flooded my mind. Her face, serious and wanting as she straddled my lap. The look and feel of her skin as I peeled away her dress. The way she felt, draped across my body, my hands exploring her flesh, her sighs and moans breathed against my neck. It was probably the most erotic moment I could ever remember.

I fell back on my bed with a groan. I could feel the ache in my groin, the consequence of being denied relief. Damn Emmett. I was hard again, uncomfortably so, thanks to reliving the earlier experiences. I was torn between wanting to wait for Bella, on the off chance I could persuade her to continue where we left off, or taking care of matters myself.

The longer I waited, the better option two was sounding. As much as I had wanted to completely seduce Bella earlier today, I didn't want to push her. Just knowing I could touch her that way was astounding enough. Even now, I couldn't properly put it into words what it meant to touch another person that way. Not just another person, _Bella_. That feeling was infinitely more powerful than any self-gratification, even if I was willing to settle for it now.

I checked the clock, again. It was taking far longer than normal for Bella to finish. I wondered if Jacob was giving her trouble settling down. Maybe a shower would be a good thing, on several levels. My erection throbbed against my zipper and I absently rubbed myself through my pants. At this rate, it might just be safer to handle things myself, or I'd spontaneously combust the moment she nestled against me in bed.

I heaved myself off the bed and pulled my shoes and socks off. I quickly begin to undress, leaving my jacket on the chair in the sitting area, followed by my shirt, and finally my slacks. My dick practically cried in relief; even though I was still caught up tightly in my boxer briefs, it was enough to allow me to breathe. Only somewhat though, images of Bella writhing against me were still playing on repeat in my head. I breathed out a slow breath as I stretched slightly, stroking myself through the restrictive fabric.

I was just stepping in the direction of the bathroom when I heard the click, followed by a soft intake of breath.

I looked over and there she was. In my favorite pose, right there, leaning against my door. Her eyes were trained on me, wide and looking me over. Her cheeks were flushed slightly, but she lifted her chin and kept her eyes raking over my body. She was still wearing her dress. The strings around her neck hung loosely down the front, the stretchy fabric across her full breasts the only thing holding it up. Her feet were bare, leaving an unbroken line as her slim legs disappeared under her dress.

She pushed herself off the door, walking towards me. I heard her nervously clear her throat, but she also squared her shoulders and smoothed her dress over her hips. I watched her with rapt attention, and when I looked into her eyes I saw that she was doing the same. An odd mixture of nervousness and seductive confidence, and it was perfectly Bella.

"I, uh, was just going to take a shower." I nodded in the direction of the bathroom. I felt like I should offer some explanation as to why I was standing here in my underwear. Her eyes snapped to my hand which was still palming my erection. Her full pink lips curled in a small smirk, as if she figured out my real intentions.

She took another step forward. I straightened, my hand falling to my side again. Her chocolate eyes drifted back to my crotch and she bit her lip.

"Sorry I took so long. Jacob was...fussy," she finally spoke, her voice quiet.

"It's okay. I just thought I'd..." I wasn't sure how to finish the sentence.

"I said, I'd owe you..." She grinned again. It was dim in here, but I could make out the darkening of her cheeks.

"I'm not keeping score, Bella," I told her, even though my entire body was screaming to touch her - to feel her hands on me. She moved closer and this time I took a step closer too, my body betraying the words coming out of my mouth. She reached out to touch my chest, her small hands curving around my ribs, and then I had her against the wall, kissing her hungrily. Her fingers were warm and soft and I could feel the path of flames they left as she traced over the lines of my stomach.

"We don't...have to...do this...if you don't..." My words tumbled out between kisses and desperate gasps for breath. Regardless of what I was saying, I was still kissing her like my life depended on it. I felt her lush, warm mouth curve into a smile, heard her muffled giggle, and I couldn't figure out what was so funny. I was half-conscious of my hands, drawing her dress up her legs, in search of the soft skin beneath.

"Edward?" Bella mumbled against my lips, still snickering every time our mouths parted.

"Mmmph?"

"Shut up."

"Okay..."

Then her hands dropped to my waist, tugging at the waistband of my boxers. I groaned into her mouth as I felt the warmth of her touch, so close to my throbbing erection. I wasn't even sure why I was trying to get her to stop. Certainly my hands, mouth, and dick had already decided that my brain was no longer in charge.

Bella slowly peeled my boxer briefs down my body. She was still kissing me, her silky tongue sweeping over my lips as she eased the material over my straining erection. I moaned as I was freed of the constricting fabric, earning another soft giggle. Bella's mouth left mine and she leaned forward to kiss my chest as she pushed them the rest of the way down, until I could kick them free on my own and I was completely naked.

Bella pulled back as far as she could in the small space between me and the wall, her eyes were on my face, a half smile gracing her lips. I looked down at her and watched as her eyes slowly lowered to look at me.

She made a little humming noise that sounded like approval, but I didn't dwell on that for too long, because she was touching me again and that was all I could focus on. Her fingertips grazed my hips and trailed along my stomach.

"I want to touch you..." she whispered.

Before I could even react, her delicate, soft, warm hands closed around my erection. I felt my whole body shudder, and a groan expelled from my throat that was probably loud enough to alert the whole house, but I didn't care. My hand grasped the fragile material of her dress and gathered it up roughly, tugging it down over her hips. It might have been easier to pull it over her head, but that would have required her to move her hands, and the last thing I wanted at this moment was for her hands to stop what they were doing. I kept pushing and tugging it down, feeling her breasts bounce and brush against my arms as they were freed and her hands tightened around me and stroked upwards.

One last push and the top of the dress stretched over the curve of her hips and pooled on the floor at her feet. I trailed my hands back up her body, all bare skin except for the pink silky panties I remembered from earlier, trying to slow myself down, be gentle, to control the overload of sensation I was experiencing at that moment. I had rarely had my own hands on my body in the last few years, and the sensation of Bella's hands, something I had been thinking about near constantly for weeks, was overwhelming. I was almost painfully hard, and her hands both soothed and exhilarated me. Her thumb swept over the head of my cock, and my hands flew up to cradle her head in my hands and kiss her feverishly, my tongue plunging into her mouth immediately, muffling the string of expletives that were on my lips. She repeated the same motion and I shot one hand out to brace against the wall above her shoulder, trying not to fall over.

I couldn't keep track of all the sensations. I knew I wanted to see her face, to look into her eyes, to feel her body, but everything was centered on her hands and my dick. I was vaguely aware of her panting against my mouth as I dragged our lips apart. We both groaned as soon as there was space between. I gulped air quickly, and even though I was intending to pull back, I leaned down and kissed her again, my other hand slipping downward until I had one full, rounded breast filling my palm and fingers, her perfectly hard nipple brushing against the very center of my hand.

"God, Bella..." I ground out. "I can't...your hand is..." This woman had the absolute ability to render me incoherent. She hummed against my chin, brushing her lips against my skin. I was thrusting back into her hand, unable to keep from moving.

"Good," she whispered. "Just like you make me feel."

Everything tightened, my balls, the muscles in my stomach and I knew this was going to be over quickly. I had no concept of time, but I was sure it hadn't been more than a minute or two. The storm of sensation was so much more intense for all the newness of it. It was like being a teenager again, except I knew what waited for me. My hand gripped her breast, squeezing firmly then loosening, my fingers searching out her tight nipple, feeling it slide between my fingers, and my memory flashed an image of my hands on her earlier tonight.

That - combined with the flick of her thumb around the ridge of my cock - and my hand slipped on the wall as my body stiffened. She must have sensed my impending orgasm and stroked me quickly, finding each perfect grip and stroke.

"Oh fuck, Bella! Yes." My orgasm ripped through me and I could feel the rush of cum erupting from me. Bella moaned in response and leaned her head against my chest and kept stroking me. It was almost too much, but I was powerless to stop her. I buried my face in her hair and panted out the rest of my release. I sagged against her when my arm gave out, resting against the wall on my elbow. She was still lightly stroking me with one hand, slick and sticky now with my seed, and gingerly trailed the fingertips of her other hand along my chest, pressing against me.

I nuzzled her neck before realizing she was pushing me away. I summoned my strength and coordination and stood up fully, both hands pushing her hair back from her face.

"Bella..." I panted, "I didn't mean to fall on you, that was just...you...I can't..." Our eyes finally met and I was trying to convey the gratitude and amazement that I felt, that I was unable to express with words. Her eyes were the color of coffee, so dark and shining with a hint of amusement.

"That was..." I started again, taking a deep breath to try to steady my voice. "Amazing. I obviously don't have words for it." I stroked her cheeks with my thumbs. I leaned down and brushed a chaste kiss across her lips when she giggled softly, clearly smug.

"Um...Edward.." Her voice had an edge of nervousness, but she mostly still sounded amused.

""Hmm?" I murmured against her lips, then moving to kiss along her jaw, to her ear.

"I...uh..I need to wash or get a towel or something." I pulled back and she tried to suppress a laugh again.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry. See, this is how utterly incoherent you make me." I nearly blushed like she would. It was bad enough that I couldn't even take her exquisite touch for more than a minute or so, but to be oblivious to the mess? She didn't seem upset though, particularly since she was obviously trying to hold in laughter. I kissed her once more before dragging her into the bathroom and grabbing a washcloth and running it under the warm water.

"I guess it's good I had the presence of mind to take your pretty dress off." I grinned at her, trying to regain some sense of manliness. I gently cleaned off her hands and ran the washcloth along her body, removing all the sticky residue, before washing myself off as well. She blushed deeply, and I watched in fascination as the perfect pink and peach color radiated down her body. I pulled her closer, into my arms. Her skin was warm, heated still from the warm washcloth and her blush.

"Let's go to bed, okay?" I asked her, leading her back to the bedroom. She was looking down at the floor, her hair falling over her shoulders, covering her delicious skin. I pulled her close, wrapping her in my arms We both sighed heavily at the skin contact, and I could feel every warm, soft inch. I slid my hands under the waistband of her panties, cupping her round ass, pulling her tighter, and felt her nipples harden and grind against my chest.

"I think you need to take these off, please?" I remembered somewhere that I should probably ask. I tugged against the silky fabric. "I want to feel all of you; feel your skin against me tonight." Her answer was to reach up and kiss me, hands tangling in my hair. Reluctantly, I broke away and slid her panties over her hips, letting go as they fell to the floor, skimming her legs.

I wanted, needed, to see her, and more than a little confused by her silence. She'd been smiling, amused, aroused even, just moments ago. Now she seemed nervous again, shy. I pulled back to look at her face and she was resolved, but serious. I kissed her once more, soft and chaste, before pushing her gently down to the bed. I watched, mesmerized by her creamy, bare skin as she pushed the covers out of the way and laid back on the pillows. I was dumbstruck.

Perfect.

Not perfect like air-brushed and silicone-enhanced models, or spa-pampered socialites. My eyes traveled from her blushing cheeks and serious eyes, down over her collarbones and her long arms. Her breasts were round and full, heavy from her nursing status. Her stomach was slightly rounded still, light marks on the sides from where her skin had stretched over a once very-pregnant belly. A flash of regret that I never got to see her that way flickered across my mind. Her legs were close together, but I could see the light patch of soft hair just above her pussy, and my fingers twitched to touch her again. I had seen her legs before, but always capped by shorts or skirts, and I had loved the way they stretched smoothly into the clothes she wore, but now they were unhidden, flowing in a curve over her hip.

"You're beautiful."

I was startled out of my lust-filled haze by Bella's voice. She rolled over on to her side, propping her head on her arm, her leg and arm hiding what I was so blatantly staring at.

"That was my line." I smirked at her. I chuckled at her opinion of me. I crawled into bed, my lips following hers, and she rolled back again while I kissed her firmly. She hummed against my lips.

"In your case, it's true though." Bella accentuated her words by running her hands over my upper arms and shoulders. The tingling need to touch her reignited, reminding me that I'd never get enough of touching her.

I cleared my throat. I wasn't going to have any of that kind of talk. "You have nothing to be self-conscious about, Bella. Your body, your skin...every bit as beautiful as your mind and your heart. Don't be calling me beautiful when I have you here." I grinned, mentally cheering myself for an appropriate "you're beautiful" speech. It was all true though. Bella ducked her head against my chest and pressed her lips against my skin. I felt a rumble deep in my chest as I gathered her into my arms.

"You and your over-the-top speeches." She gave me an impish grin and pushed against my chest. Her nervousness seemed to be fading again, and I was grateful for that. She rolled over within the circle of my arms and spooned against me, bringing her back flush against my chest and stretching her smooth legs against mine. The feel of her was amazing. On the boat I had been fully dressed, this was the first time I had this much of her warm bare skin against me and I immediately reacted. My arms tightened around her and brought her as close as I could. My dick twitched just below the curve of her ass. I took a deep breath to keep my body in check, even though, once again, my hands and mouth were operating on a different plan. I cupped a breast in my hand, stroking the soft skin with my thumb, ignoring the hard nipple in favor of just touching her. My other hand was splayed over her stomach.

"Thank you, for everything tonight, Bella. Not just for the amazing hand job back there," I grinned against her ear, feeling her cheek warm beneath my lips. "Being out with you, being able to be with you in any way."

"You're just saying that because I let you get to third base on the first date." Her body shook with her laughter. Not helping at all with remaining unmoved by her naked presence next to me.

"Let me?" I whispered in mock indignation into her ear. "Was all that just for my benefit, then?"

Bella stiffened slightly in my arms, and I stopped. Confused by her reaction, I rubbed her stomach soothingly. She relaxed gradually, pressing back to me again.

"No," she whispered hesitantly. She released a breath in a sigh and picked my hand up off her stomach and played with my fingers. There was an awkward bashfulness that I had never seen from her as she searched for her words. "On the boat. that was a...I've never done that. Well, not with someone else anyway. You know what I mean? It was...I never felt like that. I never...I mean I heard it could be that way but..." She trailed off, stuttering out her confession.

I was taken aback, surprised at that. But then, knowing what I did about James, maybe it wasn't that surprising. I grinned at the possibilities in showing her better.

"Oh really," I murmured into her ear. "Well, you know, it's never a fact unless you can duplicate the results. I think we need to make sure it wasn't just a fluke."

This time, Bella arched against me as my hands found their way over her body. One was still cupping her breast, gently circling the taut peak with the pad of my thumb. The other slipped lower over her stomach to find her already, or maybe still, wet. My hunger to feel her was ignited all over again, even though I was almost literally all over her. Unconsciously I tightened my hold on her and pulled her more firmly to my body, both of us moaning at the increased contact. My own body immediately reacted, and I felt my dick hardening again as her ass ground into me.

"I can't get enough of your skin. I never can, Bella." I whispered in her ear. "Even now, I just want more."

"I know what you mean," she rasped out, grinding into my hand as one of my fingers slipped inside her. Her back pressed against my chest again, and her hand gripped my arm as I kept stroking her. "Why is that?" She was breathing in gasps now between words.

"Was that really the first time you ever came with someone else?" I asked. I could feel her quiver around my finger and slipped another inside. "Was...was I really the first one?" I hated to even remind her of anyone else, no matter who it might be, but something in me was desperate to know.

"Yes!" Her answer was punctuated by a cry and she rocked against me. My cock was fully hard now, trapped between our bodies, making my eyes roll back into my head every time her ass ground into me.

"Was that a yes to me, Little Mama?' I couldn't help the smug grin on my face, "Or are you just approving of my fingering technique?"

She breathed out a quick breath, almost like a snort, and slapped her hand against my forearm. "Both! Oh god, Edward. I've never felt this way. Ever. Please.."

Her words unleashed a stronger coil of desire; I needed to make her come again, by my hands, and then maybe by any other part of my body I could think of. My thumb grazed her clit, hard and so wet and swollen, and she arched into the touch. My cock slipped between her ass cheeks and when we both pulled our bodies closer together again the head of my dick was sliding between the lips of her pussy. Our duet of moans filled the room and I couldn't help really thrusting my hips to maintain that little bit of friction. Her wetness was coating the head of my cock and it felt amazing. Wet silk, the softest velvet.

"Come for me again, my sexy, beautiful little mama. Bella."

She arched again, but I held her tightly against me, flicking her clit once more with my thumb and pressing down firmly. Her loud moan reverberated through her body and mine; I was so wrapped up in her I felt the tensing of her muscles, the quivering of her flesh. I felt the rush of wetness, and the warming of her skin, even before she actually pressed hard against me and cried out her orgasm. I even felt that as my cock rubbed against her wet pussy, and it took all my willpower to just hold her without flipping her over and ravaging her.

I needed her. Completely. Now.

And then, once again, Bella was a half step ahead, or maybe just perfectly in tune with me.

"Edward?" Her voice was throaty, breathless, still riding out her orgasm. "I need you. All of you, please. Can we?"

I buried my face in her neck and groaned. "Bella..." My voice was just as raspy, even muffled by her soft, fragrant hair and her smooth delicate skin. "There isn't anything I want more in this moment." I kissed over her shoulder, wide and open-mouthed. She was still trembling from her orgasm so I tried to gently back away and roll her over, struggling to move slowly.

"No!" She breathed out, gripping my arm tightly. Before I could unfreeze from the shock of the no, she continued. "Like this, s'posed to be easier...first time," she continued, holding me to her in the spooning position we were in. Her legs widened, her left leg moving back and over mine, completely opening herself up for me.

"Please?" She breathed. I had wanted to look into her eyes, but her movements had positioned my cock right at the entrance to her pussy, and I just didn't want to wait any more, not to object and certainly not to change positions. Anything that took my cock away from the warmth surrounding the head seemed absolutely ridiculous.

I gripped her thigh, holding her in place and, as slowly as I could manage, pushed into her. I really didn't want to rush this moment. I wanted to last longer than I had earlier, and I wanted to savor every inch of her flesh, inside and out. She held very still as I entered her, and her warmth surrounded me. I know my grip tightened on her, and I struggled not to hold her too tightly, because if I was blind to all sensation besides her hand earlier, this obliterated them. I was hot and shivering at the same time, and her pussy fit around me like she was molding herself to me.

She gasped and stretched, and her own grip tightened. I tried to slow but everything was so overwhelming.

"Are. You. Okay?" I managed to ask, somehow cognizant enough to register her discomfort.

"Yes, Just a sec..." I could feel her chest expand with a deep breath and I trembled behind her, my cock nearly completely inside her, wanting desperately to close those last few inches and bury myself into her. I took a cleansing breath of my own, turning her slightly in my arms and trying to see her face. Her eyes were closed and she breathed steadily through her nose and mouth.

"Too much? Do you need to stop?" My voice was tight with the strain. I didn't know how I would stop, but I'd do anything not to hurt her.

"No!" Her eyes flew open and she cupped my face with her hand. "I just needed a second. Please don't stop!" She thrust her hips back, my cock slipping another inch into her and I was lost.

"God, Bella, yes, I can't hold back anymore!" I groaned against her cheek.

"Then don't." Her voice caressed me nearly as exquisitely as her pussy did, and I pushed the rest of the way into her.

The position we were in was shallow, but the way the most sensitive part of my cock was rubbing against the soft texture deep inside her, it was all I needed. I pulled back and slid into her again, the motion being so instinctive and primal. My arms wrapped around her torso, not caressing, just holding, feeling everything as we moved together. Kissing was awkward from this angle, but we managed, hungrily nipping and sucking at each others lips and jaws. Our skin was becoming slick and sweaty between us, but all that did was heighten the sensation of the way we felt as we moved. There were no more words, just moans and panting breaths.

Too soon, though I had no perception of time, I felt the build as I thrust faster and harder into her. Her cries were gaining in pitch, so I hoped she was as close as I was.

"You feel just too damn good, I'm not...can't last." I slipped a hand over her pussy, but I had no dexterity. I just pressed my hand against her, anything to tip her over the brink with me.

It seemed to be enough though. She cried out and her hand tangled back into my hair, gripping hard, just as the spasms began in her pussy, throbbing and squeezing around me and that incredible sensation I had felt on my fingers paled by comparison to how it felt around my cock and for the second time I exploded suddenly, I didn't know the sounds I was making, only that my mouth seemed permanently attached to the skin at the crook of her neck and shoulder.

It seemed like hours, though I'm sure it was mere minutes that we lay there, Bella completely cocooned in my arms as we rode out our orgasms. We sighed and moaned intermittently, but it was a while before either of us could speak.

When I regained brain function, my first thought was panic.

"Oh shit!" My head shot up off the pillow in alarm. Bella stirred in my arms where she was still burrowed against me.

"What?" Her eyes flew open as she tried to twist around to see my face. "What's wrong?"

I half sat up, gesturing vaguely behind me, in the direction of the bedside table, even if she couldn't see.

I sighed and wrapped my arms back around her, my lips against her ear.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Protection. Condoms. I even bought..." She was nursing, I knew that lowered the possibility, but I was irritated at myself for being so thoughtless.

Bella pushed on my arms until I loosened my hold enough for her to roll over, the final separation of our bodies making us both complain. She was immediately curling into me though, pushing me onto my back and laying across my chest.

"Did you really buy condoms?" she asked my sternum. It was a serious question, no sign of her teasing humor or anything I expected.

"Yeah, not that I was expecting...well, I hoped, soon." I stammered, before falling silent and stroking her now tangled hair.

Bella pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the center of my chest before resting her chin on me and looking at me with a tender smile. "That's really sweet."

"I think it's only sweet if I actually remember to put one on." I gave her a wry grin and stared at the ceiling. "I mean, with you nursing and all, and I haven't been with... Well, I'm clean anyway, and I trust you and -"

Bella interrupted me by placing two of her fingers over my mouth.

"It's okay," she said. "I could have said something, too." She leaned up and kissed me on the lips, then bit her lip with an adorable expression of contrition. "I'm, uh, I got the birth control shot. Back at the hospital. It's good for three months, so I still have a month..."

I quickly flipped us so she was pinned beneath me, and I held myself over her and attacked her neck with my lips. I wasn't sure if I should be shocked or amused by this piece of information.

"You were already planning to seduce me then, were you, Isabella?" I growled into her throat.

She slapped my shoulder playfully, but when I pulled back to look at her again, her face was serious.

"Not really," she said, slowly. "I was confused, and scared, and I just, I needed to be in charge of that part of me. I love Jacob with every piece of my heart, but I will choose - next time, if there even is a next time. I'm sorry, I should have asked before - well, since you were paying for everything..."

"Don't." I didn't want her apologizing - again - for anything she needed, and I wholeheartedly agreed that her reasons were even more important than us being able to have unprotected sex.

Her lips curled into a gentle smile, warmth slowly brightening in her saddened eyes as she fought back whatever dark memories were lurking in her mind. "Good. Thanks. I don't want to talk about anything...about _him_...anymore."

I was more than aware that _him _wasn't Jacob in that sentence.

We kissed tenderly, just savoring the taste of each other's lips. Eventually, we stopped and I rolled back, drawing her over with me, and she curled into my side and drifted off to sleep. I relished the feeling of her against me, even more than before. Tonight, there was nothing between us, no soft cotton to disguise the feeling of her smooth legs tangling in between mine or between her soft breasts and the hard planes of my chest. Nothing between my hip and the warmth that radiated from between her thighs. Nothing between me and _her_, and she clung to me in her sleep as tightly as I held her, as if we were both just as hungry for the simple contact of holding each other as we were earlier for the sexual connection.

Caught in the euphoria of her body, my nose buried in her fragrant hair, sleep came easily.

My dream was disjointed, faces again, like always, but this time they were blurry and the hands coaxed me closer instead of pushing me away. I woke to the pleasant tickle of soft fingertips tracing patterns along my hand and arm. The gentle stroking pulled me from unconsciousness. It was an odd feeling to be so heavily asleep.

"Edward..." Bella's voice coaxed my eyelids open, and I was momentarily confused when I found myself looking at her knee. When my eyes focused, Bella was sitting cross-legged on my bed. She was wearing one of my t-shirts, a dark blue one with my company logo on it. She was swimming in it and the extra material pooled in her lap. I grabbed her leg, giving her calf a gentle squeeze.

"What are you doing up?" I mumbled, trying to pull her closer to me. "And, not that you aren't sexy as hell in my shirt, but I liked the naked thing..."

I managed to pull her a few inches closer, opting to close the rest of the distance by shifting over and laying my head in her lap, trying to be gentle as I rested the rough stubble of my cheek against her soft inner thigh. Her hands immediately were in my hair and I was reminded of the first time she held me like this.

"Jacob woke up a while ago, so I had to feed him. You were hogging the covers when I got back, so I left the shirt on." Bella's laughter carried through her voice. I craned my neck to see around her, surprised when I saw the clock read almost nine o'clock in the morning.

"I don't even remember hearing him." I smirked up at her, tightening my grip on her other thigh. "Apparently, you wore me out last night."

Bella's chin dipped down, her hair falling around us like a curtain. I didn't have to look to know she was blushing. Her hands paused in their pattern on my scalp.

"Are you...was that okay...last night.." She was uncertain again, even though she had been growing more and more confident and feisty in the time I had known her, she still second-guessed herself a lot. I could understand that. I questioned myself all the time. I didn't want either of us to question this, whatever it was that we had between us.

I pushed her hair out of her face, my other hand tracing underneath her leg, higher and higher. Images from last night flooded my brain and combined with feeling her beneath me, I was getting hard again. There was the answer.

"Are you worried that I didn't enjoy myself? Or that I'd regret it?" I asked her, too sleepy still to soften the edges of the questions.

"Either, both...I don't know, I didn't mean to make this suddenly awkward. I just..."

I sat up, leaning back against the headboard. I pulled her over me, tugging her leg until she straddled me, my hands sliding up under her -my- shirt. I froze when my hands encountered more bare skin.

"Bel-la" I practically growled as her name drew out from my lips. I tugged the covers that were separating us. We both groaned in unison as I showed her just how much I wanted her. I held her hips, pulling her down to me, my cock straining as I rubbed her against me. I stared into her eyes, willing her to understand. The cloud of worry lifted, softening her eyes. I caught my breath.

"Are _you _okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" I kept my breathing even, resisting the urge to roll her over and ravish her, or simply lift her up and move her the half inch I would need to slip inside her.

"You were perfect," she whispered. Her mouth opened, as if she wanted to say more, but instead she leaned forward and kissed me deeply, her velvety tongue slipping between my lips. I knew something had shifted since last night, the dynamic changed ever so slightly. Neither of us seemed able to put words to it, though, or care that we couldn't.

The baby monitor on the nightstand crackled to life with Jacob's hiccoughing cries. Bella slumped against my shoulder, her own shaking with silent laughter. I groaned and laughed into her hair.

"I told you it wouldn't be the last time.." I sighed, pulling her back to my face and kissing her softly one more time as Jacob's cries turned into full blown wails.

Bella's mouth twisted in a wry grin. "It figures. Moving truck is here, Emmett would have been pounding down the door anyway."

She sighed and climbed off my lap, giving me a wistful look before smoothing my shirt down over her hips and dashing out the door to get Jacob.

Twenty minutes later I was more or less composed and dressed in worn jeans and an old t-shirt, snorting to myself at the description. It wasn't like much that I had was new. Every now and then I still felt a little disjointed being back in my house. It was always the mundane things, getting dressed, or eating dinner. Then I'd run across Bella's toothbrush hanging in the holder next to mine, or see her collection of hair things tied around the knobs of the drawers. Sometimes it would be Jacob's toys, piled in a basket in the family room, or a blue blanket spread over the floor. I would feel a sense of familiarity and strangeness all at once.

I shook off the pensive thoughts as I poured a cup of coffee and grabbed a donut out of the bright pink box sitting on the counter, preparing for a day of manual labor, no doubt laced with my brother's brand of teasing and humor.

"Good morning, lazy ass brother!"

Speak of the devil...

"Dude, you think you can sleep half the day and then gank my donuts?" Emmett called out in mock indignation. I responded by taking a big bite out of the powdered, jelly-filled pastry and lifting my coffee mug in salute.

"It's the least you could do," I told him pointedly. Of course, I'd forgiven him for the interruption last night, after all, everything had worked out even better than I had dared imagine. I would have much rather have stayed in bed with Bella all day, though, or at least as much of it as little Jacob would have allowed. Emmett didn't need to know that, though.

Never mind that the debt I owed him could never be repaid.

"I see the muscle has found the food, maybe now that the brains have arrived we can actually get some work done!" Rosalie called out as she, Alice, and Bella, carrying Jacob, descended the stairs and entered the kitchen. Rosalie's sharp voice was edged with an air of excitement. It occurred to me that she had to be exceptionally happy to finally get to live in her own house, instead of keeping someone else's. I mulled over my new-found appreciation for my sister-in-law as the three women crowded forward to take part in the coffee and pastries.

I froze mid-bite as my eyes landed on Bella. She gave me a warm smile as she shifted Jacob to her shoulder and picked up a donut. I couldn't help my eyes raking over her. It was going to be a hot day today and Bella had apparently decided to dress for it. Her top was reminiscent of last night's dress, purple thread decorating the snug fabric covering her breasts, pure white material draping the rest of her torso, tiny strings tied at her shoulders. Her legs were amazingly long looking in the shortest shorts I'd yet to see her wear and little white sneakers. Her hair was swept up into another long messy ponytail, keeping her shoulders and neck bare, save for curly tendrils of hair that had fallen loose.

She looked startlingly young and innocent, and sinfully delicious.

I put my breakfast down, no longer hungry for food, and oblivious to everyone else in the room. Bella walked over to me, an unconscious sway to her step as she carried Jacob. Once she was in reach I pulled her in, my hand sliding up her bare arm, before leaning my forehead against hers.

"You are ridiculously unfair," I whispered, tugging lightly on the side of her shirt, "to look like this while I'm stuck lugging heavy furniture with my brother and my dad."

The playful grin she had been wearing slipped slightly and she reached up and smoothed her hair.

"Really?" she asked. Her eyes darted toward Alice and then back to mine. "Um, thanks.." She blushed but smirked up at me, big brown eyes through long lashes.

"I'm tempted to tell Emmett to hire some one else today.." I replied, quietly. "I'd much rather investigate this fant-"

I was interrupted by Jacob jerking his tiny body backwards awkwardly away from Bella's shoulder, thumping against my chest. Bella gasped with the surprise movement and I pulled back slightly, away from Bella's face, but not moving my body.

"And _you_," I said, louder, and directed at Jacob, "you and I need to have words, buddy."

Since his small weight was mostly on me now anyway, I took him from Bella, holding him up at eye level. His eyes were nearly as dark as Bella's now, making him look even more like her. He gnawed on his fist as he gazed steadily at me.

"You and I are going to have to work out some kind of arrangement, Jake. I won't interrupt _your _time with your mom if you you don't interrupt _mine_," I reasoned futilely with a two-month old baby. Bella giggled next to me as she reached for a cup of coffee. It's possible it was gas, but I could have sworn Jacob gave me a slightly smug, drooly, toothless grin.

I shook my head in disbelief and Jacob gurgled at me as my attention was diverted by the arrival of both my parents and Alice's boyfriend, Jasper. The kitchen was a sudden flurry of activity, Alice leaping, literally, into Jasper's arms. As my parents made the rounds of hand shakes and hugs, the volume grew as my brother and father offered their congratulations to Jasper on his season so far. For all his cocky arrogance on the field, I had been surprised to find him a rather calm and laid-back person. He seemed to be good to Alice, something that made Bella happy, which in turn made me happy.

I shuffled to the side of the room away from the busy area as everyone crowded for coffee and breakfast. Jasper declined - he had a game later and wouldn't be staying long - but even still, I was suddenly overwhelmed by noise and crowding. I hugged my mother, but kept hold of Jacob and moved to a chair on the far side of the table to escape. I blew out a breath and looked at Jacob, who was still studying me with the same serious expression he often wore. I shrugged at him, I didn't know what was overwhelming me so much. I was just still occasionally uncomfortable, even with the people I should be the most comfortable with.

Bella came over and sat in the chair next to me and my attention was immediately focused on her. I wound my arm around her shoulders, fingers seeking her skin, and feeling myself relax. I watched her eat her breakfast, trying not to get too turned on by the sight of her licking the filling from the pastry, here in the room with my whole family and holding an infant.

Jacob squinted his eyes at me and frowned. Or maybe it was gas.

A short time later, we were all headed outside. Alice and Jasper left for the stadium, with both wishes for a good game and jeers for skipping out on the real work. At the door I handed Jacob back to Bella and brushed my lips across her cheek to her ear.

"You're going to drive me crazy today, wearing this," I warned her, running my finger beneath the strap of her top.

"I can go change if it's going to bother you," Bella smirked at me playfully.

"Don't you dare. That'll just take time, and the faster we get this done, the faster I'll have you to myself." I was rewarded with a tremor and a deep pink blush on her cheeks. A smug feeling of accomplishment spread through me, running neck and neck with the desire for her.

Bella raised up on her toes to kiss me on the cheek and ran her hand over my chest before dashing away with Jacob to help Rosalie and Esme get the last of the boxes packed. Within seconds, a sharp rap to the back of my head shook me as I stared after her, a sharp contrast to Bella's gentle touch.

I turned to see Emmett laughing at my surprised expression. My dad was a few feet behind him, barely concealing a look of amusement.

"Bro, you got it so bad," Emmett guffawed, pushing me bodily away from the porch.

We worked for the next couple hours, hauling heavy furniture into the moving truck. It wasn't that much, overall, but considering most of their belongings were contained in the farthest room from the front door, we definitely worked for every piece. Still, the physical labor was invigorating. I had been rather sedate for the last couple months, after being used to constantly walking or moving around, and I revelled in both the physical and mental distractions.

This was particularly useful whenever Bella was in sight. Her mood seemed to mirror the bright, sunny day. She helped Rosalie pack and clean, moving briskly between tasks, only stopping to tend to Jacob. It seemed every time I entered the house, she was bent over a box, treating me to the back of her thigh disappearing under her shorts, which more than adequately showed off the firm, rounded curve of her backside. Either that, or she was reaching up to clean off a shelf, the hem of her shirt raising just enough to flash me a glimpse of her stomach. When she would catch me staring at her, she would duck her head and give me a warm smile.

My ego was somewhat bolstered by the fact that there were times she seemed to be staring too. I would catch her wide-eyed, lost in thought, and then her eyes would snap to mine and she would blush. I would smirk at her and then blatantly ogle her, just to let her know I saw.

Emmett, Carlisle and I were in the back of the truck stacking some of the last few boxes in between pieces of furniture. A flutter of movement caught my eye outside the truck. It was Bella, of course, settling Jacob into the baby swing in the gazebo, and my breath hitched as I watched her kiss the baby on the forehead before bending over to buckle him in to the seat and arranging a yellow blanket around him.

"Shit! Edward!" Emmett's shout of pain brought me back to reality again. Apparently, I had not been paying attention to the heavy box of books I was moving and set it down on his hand.

"Damn, sorry man," I apologized, moving the box until his hand was out of the way. I gave him a sheepish smile, but my eyes were back on Bella, meeting her curious and concerned brown ones as she glanced back at us, having heard Emmett's outburst. Her lips curved into a sexy smile when she met my gaze.

"What's with you two today? My god, you're six times as disgusting as you usually are." Emmett punched me in the shoulder. I rolled my eyes and focused on the work. I couldn't stop the smug smile, nor the jolt of desire, as I recalled last night for the millionth time today. I could admit to myself, if not to anyone else, that hearing Bella's moans of pleasure, the feeling of her soft, tight body around me most definitely had an impact on the degree that I was consumed by her today.

"Ha!" Emmett snorted, "Maybe I'm off the hook for disturbing you last night, eh? I'm betting I really didn't interrupt all that much after all."

"Don't count on it," I muttered, glaring at him. After all, it would have been nice to have been completely alone. In all honesty, though, I wouldn't have traded last night for the world. However, I wasn't about to share that with Emmett.

Emmett whistled with a lascivious tone, chuckling evilly to himself. My father cleared his throat, as if to politely remind us that he was there.

"How is everything with her...situation, Edward?" Carlisle asked calmly. "No sign of any trouble from Forks?" Always practical, my father.

I blew out a breath, leaning back against the dresser that was behind me.

"Nothing. Not in the two months she's been here, I'm glad to say." More glad than I could verbalize. "I doubt the asshole cares enough to look for her. We haven't heard from the people that are supposed to be looking out for her mom, so I think he crawled back under his rock."

"Good," Carlisle nodded with a grim expression. Clearly he felt some of the same protectiveness for Bella that I did. "Small towns, word gets around. Hopefully Bella disappearing will warn any other young girls from getting involved with him." He got nods of agreement from both Emmett and I.

"And no problems with Jacob's birth certificate?" My father wasn't entirely thrilled with the idea of my name on the document, not so much on a personal level, but the idea of falsifying a document, especially anything that was remotely medically related, didn't sit well with him.

"Not at all, Bella got it in the mail a couple weeks ago. Why would there be an issue? The only person who can dispute it is that bastard in Forks. I can't see him even trying to do something legally. I doubt he has the brain power to comprehend a paternity suit, much less the desire to do so." My words were getting more heated, and surprisingly defensive. My name on that embossed certificate meant more and more to me everyday.

Carlisle gave me a fatherly pat on the back. "I'm sure everything will be fine, son. And I'm glad to see you so happy with Bella. I was worried - with an infant, and she's so young - "

Emmett interrupted with a snort. I shot him a hard look again, and he shrugged. "Hey, I'm married, dude, not dead. She's a walking felony today. Like she should be doing her math homework, not sitting on your desk begging for _help_."

"Emmett! Don't be crude about Bella," Carlisle admonished. I growled to reinforce the point, returning the punch in the shoulder he gave me earlier, slightly harder that was probably necessary. He deserved it.

"Ow!" Emmett yelped, but started laughing. "Dude, its good to see you worked up over a girl. I've made a lot of crass comments about girls you've dated in the past, and you've never once thrown a punch at me. I guess you like her." He snorted in laughter again. Dumbass.

I wasn't sure what to make of his comment. "She just makes things...easier." I mumbled. Automatically my eyes searched for Bella outside. Jacob's swing was still swaying slowly, but it was empty, his sunny blanket draped over the top of the frame.

"So, are you in love or using - " Emmett continued, but I wasn't paying attention, though my subconscious bristled at the invasive question. My eyes searched for Bella, panic rising when I didn't see her immediately.

Then I heard her voice, though I couldn't hear her words. I peered out from the back of the van and saw her, just a few feet away with Rosalie, chatting with a red-haired woman in a green t-shirt and jeans. I jumped down from the truck bed and Bella turned toward me, her eyes traveling over me before smiling and holding out her arm for me. I reached her in three long strides, immediately wrapping an arms around her protectively. The woman looked harmless enough, but I was on edge.

The woman looked at me appraisingly, and backed up slightly, waving with one hand.

"Well, thanks for your time. Good luck. " Her smile was pleasant as she looked at each of us, before settling down on Jacob. "Your baby is beautiful, he looks just like you."

Her eyes flicked to me at the end before she turned and walked briskly down the street. I wondered if she had meant Bella or me, even though the latter was impossible.

Rosalie excused herself and went back inside. I leaned in for a quick kiss from Bella.

"What was that all about?" I asked, nodding after the red-haired woman.

Bella shrugged, nuzzling her face into my chest briefly. "She saw the truck, was wondering if the house was for sale. Don't worry, I told her we were kicking Rose and Emmett out to make room for the all-robot army you were building and the dragon you were raising, to protect me from strange suburban housewives that were now added to the no-contact list."

"You did not?" I asked incredulously, simultaneously trying not to laugh and wondering if I was really that bad.

Bella just grinned mischievously at me, raising on her toes to nip at my lower lip and fisting her free hand in my shirt. I was relatively sure she was joking. Jacob cooed in Bella's arms and she released me, but looked back at me through her long lashes.

"Everything is out of there, are you guys done?" she asked, a glint of hope in her eyes, drawing me into thoughts of being alone with her later, or at least more alone than we usually were. I sighed with disappointment.

"We're almost done here, but I am going to follow him over to the new house and unload." I pushed a stray lock of hair back behind her ear. "That will go quickly though, and I will be right back, I promise."

Bella nodded with understanding. "If you want extra time with your brother, that's fine, Edward..you don't have to rush back."

"He's only moving about 10 miles away, and we work together, I'll still see him plenty." I smirked at her. "Alice is out with Jasper tonight, right?"

When Bella confirmed this I leaned down to whisper in her ear, mindful that my brother and father had just jumped down from the truck.

"Trust me, there's nothing I want more than to get back to you tonight.."

Bella gasped quietly, and her hand tightened on my shirt momentarily. We stared into each other's eyes for a moment, just communicating silently our desire to be together.

The moment was broken when preparations were made for the convoy to the new house. Esme opted to stay with Bella and Jacob, so Emmett, Rose, Carlisle and I took off in a parade of cars.

The unloading went even faster than the load did. We worked mostly silently and efficiently. Emmett's house was an incredible structure, he had really created a perfect space for himself and Rosalie. The words were never spoken, but it was obvious, by the emphasis on the garage, the huge sunken spa in the backyard, the elegantly simple designs, that he was truly striving to make up to her for the last few years of having to live in someone else's house. The whole house, with the exception of a few rooms in the daylight basement, screamed my sister-in-law's name. And by the looks she was bestowing on my brother, she was truly appreciative.

I excused myself as soon as it was reasonably polite to, meaning one celebratory, house-warming beer later. As I drove home, I was lost in thought. I'd seen Rosalie in a different light this afternoon. Even as I was so distracted by Bella today, Rosalie had been in a far more cheerful and friendlier mood. Now I felt the weight of how much she loved my brother. How hard was it for her to come into my house - Tanya's house - and try to start a married life. I wondered where Emmett had been, how upset had he been at my disappearance that he even asked that favor of her, to live as a guest in an empty house.

That string of thoughts led me to my parents. I remembered stories they'd tell of my father's medical school and residency days. Those years were rough on a courting couple and then as newlyweds. So little time to spend together at such a crucial time in their relationship. The love, the willing sacrifices. I had always wanted what my parents had, they had as solid a marriage as any person could ever hope to have. I was grateful that my brother found the same thing.

Naturally, thoughts of marriage led me to Tanya, and of course our daughter. Oddly, though, I wasn't hit with the same crushing sadness that usually accompanied these moments. Nostalgia, for certain, a hint of melancholy. I remembered our wedding, I was incredibly hungover, no thanks to my brother, our friends and a bachelor party I barely remember. I pounded water and black coffee, and filled my eyes with drops to hide the fact. Luckily for me, the day was perfect anyway, and Tanya never knew. I strove for what my parents had with Tanya. We were so compatible. We had similar interests, had been friends since pre-school. I had thought we were perfect.

Watching Rosalie and Emmett though, had me wondering, a seed of nagging doubt wriggling into my brain. There was no doubt I had been in love with my wife, but I began to wonder if perhaps I mourned the possibility of us, more than the truth. Would we have been so giving, so sacrificing for each other as my brother and my parents were in their relationships?

I remembered the last fight Tanya and I had, just a week or so before they were killed, and frowned to myself as I wound through town. Like most fights, it could have been easily resolved, but we were both so stubborn in our ambitions.

I had wondered - everyday for three and a half years - how different things might be now, if either one of us had been willing to budge.

Oddly, this was the first time I had thought of it in several weeks.

It wasn't that I was questioning our relationship, but the filter of grief and guilt was beginning to lift. Even my memories of my princess, who was perfect, thank you very much, were more bittersweet tonight, though I felt the weight of guilt more with Macy's memory.

When I turned down my street, a smile crept across my face, Bella was waiting for me there.

My brother's question in the moving truck wormed its way into my head again. I was grateful I had been distracted, because I was striving not to use Bella, and if I had been paying attention earlier the question would have pissed me off. I clung to her out of need, desire, and raw emotion that I didn't know what to do with. The other alternative floated through my thought process. Love? I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of being in love with her. I had no name for what I felt.

_Maybe. No. Yes. I don't know._

I was sure of my own statement, though. Bella made everything easier. Feeling was easier, thinking was easier, just _being _was easier.

I sat in the car for just a moment, just letting my thoughts settle. Then I was eager to get inside. I ducked out of the garage, opting to go in the front door. I had noticed the baby swing was still on the porch and wanted to bring it in for Bella. I collapsed it as flat as it would go, looking around for any other baby accouterments laying around but seeing nothing. Bella must have grabbed the blanket already.

Bella was just coming down the stairs when I came in, smiling broadly when she saw me. Within seconds she was in my arms. I brushed a kiss across her lips and she responded with a subtle hunger.

"Hi honey, I'm home," I whispered, nipping at her ear and inhaling the scent of her hair.

Bella hummed against my cheek, and I caught a flutter of movement behind her. Esme was pulling her light jacket on and smiling at as with a wistful gaze.

"I'm just going to go collect your father," she said with a warm expression, as she blinked a few times. She lightly rubbed Bella's arm as she embraced us from the side, kissing my cheek lightly. "You two have a nice evening."

"Thanks, Mom," I murmured to her, both for my appreciation of her staying with Bella and Jacob, as well as her timely departure.

The door clicked softly behind us and I reached back without looking to lock it, keeping one arm around Bella's waist.

"Hi," she whispered before wrapping her bare arms around my neck and pressing her soft, full lips to mine.

"Hi." I let her lead this kiss, sighing into her mouth. "Where's Jacob?" I asked when we parted.

"Sleeping." Kiss. "Just fed him." I walked us forward, backing her closer to the stair rail. "He should be out for a while." Her tongue snaked out and ran along my lower lip and I took the opportunity to press her against the uneven wall and deepen the kiss.

"And Alice is out for the night?" I clarified.

"Mm. Yes. At least until really late. She said she'd text me if she decided to stay the night." Her fingers were in my hair, tugging lightly, making my eyes roll back as desire was building. I was hardening fast, pressing my hips against her to get a little friction.. We were as alone as we were going to get, and as much as I loved spending time with Jacob, it was Bella I wanted.

My lips found the smooth column of her neck as my hands slipped under her top to touch her soft skin.

"Are you hungry?" Bella asked abruptly. "There's dinner..." I silenced her with another deep kiss, taking the lead back, my hands slid down over her ass and lifted her. She automatically wrapped her legs around my waist and we both groaned as the heat of her sex pressed against my own arousal.

"Food can wait. I need you, Bella." The heavy thoughts from my drive home were still with me, and they resurfaced slightly as I pressed against her. "I need you to touch me, to let me feel you."

She drew back from me with a ragged breath, running her hands through my hair in a soothing manner as she stared into my eyes with her dark liquid ones. She nodded silently, before she whispered. "I need you, too."

Our lips met again, slowly, hyper-aware of every wet drag of tongue and lips. I pressed her more firmly against the wall, finding friction through our clothes, both relieved at the little bit of relief and frustrated that there was so much between us still. Fantasies of taking her like this, desperately, up against the wall in my foyer, because we simply couldn't wait ran through my head. As appealing as those were though I wouldn't be able to touch her enough, and the neediness to be so wrapped up in her was filling me again.

I pushed us away from the wall, moving to the stairs to take her upstairs. She clung to my shoulders as I half stumbled, blindly finding my footing up each step.

"You're carrying me to bed again," she whispered hoarsely.

"Why would I want to let you go?"

I relied purely on memory to navigate the way to my bedroom, pushing the door open with my foot and heading straight for the bed. I laid her down, devouring her with my eyes as I made quick work of her clothes. The innocent seeming top that had teased me all day was rolled up along her sides and over the lush curve over her breasts until I could pull it free from her entirely, Her bra quickly followed, not even paying attention to color or design in my quest to reach her now familiar skin. I fumbled only for a moment with the button on her shorts, and clutched both the edge of those and the delicate cotton panties beneath and removed them in one movement, catching my breath at the long smooth line of her legs as they bent and straightened, and smiling at the socks that just covered her feet before pulling them off as well.

I bent over her, running my tongue in the valley between her breasts, soaking up the feeling of her arching up, rolling her body in time with the path of my mouth. Then she was pulling on my shirt and I let her pull it off. In a surprisingly agile move, she pushed me over, somehow looking both sultry and shy as she hovered, naked above me. I watched with indescribable awe as her mouth lowered to my chest, placing open-mouthed kisses along my sternum. She tugged the buttons loose on my jeans, mimicking my hurried state as she removed the rest of my clothes.

When I was naked, I reached for her, trying to pull her to me. She resisted lightly.

"I want to touch you," she said softly.

I sank back into the soft bed and she was over me, straddling my thighs. I could feel her wet and hot against my leg and my cock hardened even more and twitched, as if it was trying to reach the paradise that was so close. Her hands slid over my stomach, and my muscles fluttered and tightened beneath her touch. Her mouth followed and she kissed every inch of skin and I was panting with each wet caress. Her breasts grazed against my dick and I thrust automatically against the softness.

She crawled up my body to reach my neck and face, and I moaned and thrust upwards as her pussy made contact with my cock. My hands shot to her hips, pulling her down hard against me. I watched in enthralled fascination as the long smooth column of her neck stretched and her breasts thrust out when she arched her back as the ridged head of my dick struck against her sensitive clit. She steadied herself with her hands on my biceps, her exploration of my body forgotten as she ground herself against me. I throbbed and twitched at every moan and whimper falling from her lips. I didn't think I could get any harder, and I desperately wanted inside of her, but at the moment I was completely wrapped up in the expressions on her face, something I didn't get the full effect of last night.

I could feel her trembling, her legs tensing. When I felt another rush of wetness and heat, I lifted her up, intending to lower her on to me. Her scent wafted up to me, sex and flowers and Bella and my mouth salivated. Without warning, my hands shifted their grip on her hips and hauled her swiftly up my body.

"Ah! Edward...what..Ohh!" Bella yelped in surprise, her eyes flying open to look down at me. I was breathing heavily, with her heat so close to me.

"Just one thing...first.." I panted against her inner thigh, nipping lightly at the delicate skin and pulling her even closer, and then my mouth was on her as my arms wrapped around her thighs.

"Oh! My God! Edward." She drew my name out, her body convulsing and she grabbed the top of the headboard to steady herself. "I ...oh.."

I knew she had been close, and I was intent on pushing her over the edge. Someday I would take my time with this particular act, but tonight I needed to taste her, to bury myself in her. I swirled my tongue around her opening before licking my way upwards to suck on her clit. My view of her was magnificent, her soft curves right over me and her creamy breasts, topped with tight, hard nipples. were high and full and she looked down at me between them, her eyes dark and deep, her lovely full mouth parted slightly and the rich mahogany curtain of her hair falling around her shoulders. I kept my eyes on her, not wanting to miss a moment, and suddenly she was there, her legs jerked in my arms and I lapped every drop of her orgasm, moaning against her as she rode out the sensation.

Bella sagged limply over me, so I carefully freed my arms from her legs, pushing her back down my body. I moved up the bed until I could recline against the headboard with Bella over me. She sat up and stared at me with wonder, her mouth slightly open and I couldn't help the lazy grin that spread over my face. Her jaw flexed, like she was about to speak but no sound came out. instead she shifted back until she was poised above me, closing her eyes as I slipped through her swollen folds.

Without pausing, she reached down and took me in her hand, squeezing gently before guiding me to her warmth. Her eyes opened as the head of my cock pressed into her. The intensity of her gaze was the only thing that kept me from grabbing her hips and slamming her down on me, to let her stay in control. The heat in her eyes echoed the heat engulfing me. Her mouth parted and she exhaled slowly.

"Oh god, Edward, you're so...uhh."

"Are you okay?" My voice was gravelly, rough, but I moved my hands to trace over her back to help her relax. The grip she had on me, both in body and mind, was driving me over the edge.

Her mouth curled into a small half smile. "Yeah. You're just... It's a...stretch."

"Yes." I croaked out, as she sank lower, finally fully inside her, even deeper than last night in this position. "I can feel it, too. Fuck, Bella..."

She started moving slowly over me, watching my face. We were silent except for quiet moans and ragged breaths. I could feel everything coiling in my body, centered exactly where we were connected. I tried to focus on her face, the intent look in her eyes, anything to keep me distracted from coming too soon.

Her head tilted slightly, almost curiously, and she took my face in her hands, tugging just enough to make me sit up more, wrapping my arms completely around her as she rode me. I could feel her shallow breaths on my face. She brushed her thumb over my lips and my tongue followed its path before lightly sucking on it. I could taste her all over again and I moaned at the flavor. Her eyes widened slightly and then her mouth was on mine, feverishly kissing me and letting out the sexiest moan I had ever heard. She didn't stop kissing me, and the motion of her hips sped up. Her insides were fluttering around me and her kisses became fiercer and her rhythm more erratic.

"Edward!" she cried as she broke free from my mouth. "Again..oh god, please.."

The desperate plea was too much for me, I grabbed her hips and pulled her up and down, desperately hoping I wasn't hurting her. I could feel her orgasm hit, though, pulling me even deeper inside her and I could no long hold back. I felt the rush of my orgasm, twitching violently inside her as I spilled my release with a shout.

We rode out our orgasms clinging to each other. I felt wetness on my cheeks and I pulled back to look at her. Her liquid chocolate eyes were brimming with tears, twin trails spilling over her cheeks.

"Oh god, Bella." My voice barely worked, but I was alarmed at her tears. She shook her head rapidly, brushing the tears from her cheeks quickly.

"I'm fine, really. I don't know why I'm crying." She sniffled even as she trembled around me still. "It's just so much...I can't...I don't know.."

Keeping myself buried inside her, even as I softened I gathered her into my arms, kissing her hair.

"I know," I whispered. "I don't have the words for this either."

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**So..how _you _doin'?**

**Say hi if you wish, I love hearing from you. **

**Check my profile for an outtake from Bella's brain, originally written for the Fics for Nashville fundraiser. Also, I wrote a one-shot for the Blue-Collarward Contest. It's all very SOOPER SEKRIT so I can't tell you which one is mine, but go read them all anyway. It's not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon, I'm telling you... Vote for your favorite, I'll be here crossing my fingers that it's mine, though I'll still love you no matter which one you choose!**

**Take out the spaces: http:/ .net /u/2472936/ Blue_Collarward_Contest**


	15. Chapter 14: Priorities

**A/N: I'll keep this short and sweet so you can get to the reading. Thank you to Lindelle, for her mad beta skillz and for the funny notes she leaves in my document. ABG for kicking my ass with the writing goals and Zeph for letting me ramble when I get plot bunnies.**

**I don't own Twilight, but Stephenie Meyer has been awesomely cool about fanfiction, and her characters have inspired so many to write and be creative, and even grow beyond that. I think that's pretty amazing. Even if it's mostly smut.**

**Speaking of smut, there might be a little of that ahead, okay? **

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**Chapter 14: Priorities**

"Shh, little buddy." I tried to speak as quietly as possible. "Did the rain wake you up, too? Or are you just hungry?"

As if in response, Jacob gnawed on his tiny balled fist, making hungry growls and rubbing his forehead against my shoulder.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Let's sneak downstairs and see if there's a bottle so we don't have to wake up mama." I laughed quietly. Sleep was coming easier lately, but tonight random thoughts and the loud patter of the late summer storm against the skylight kept me awake long after Bella had fallen into an exhausted sleep. It was about four in the morning now, and I wanted to let her sleep longer.

I tried creeping down the hall as quietly as possible, but Bella was already awake, standing in the doorway to our bedroom, looking absolutely edible in one of my t-shirts and her hair in complete disarray. She smiled sleepily, yawned, and reached out for Jacob.

"I'll just feed him, my boobs are about to explode anyway."

I faked a look of alarm. "There are at least two of us here that really don't want that to happen." I gave her a wicked grin. "You should sleep though. I know you haven't slept much in the last week." I should feel guilty about that, but I didn't. It wasn't just Jacob keeping her awake at night.

Bella rolled her eyes and walked back into the bedroom. I waited while she situated herself on the bed and handed Jake to her when she reached for him again. My t-shirt was too big on her, so she just pulled it off, no longer so self-conscious about me watching as she nursed.

As sappy and sentimental as it might sound, I loved watching her nurse Jacob. There was such a bubble of tenderness and love between them, and when I was allowed to be present, it was easy to be drawn into that and be a part of it. There were smiles Bella only wore during these moments. Sometimes it was bittersweet, with memories that would flit through my head, but the feeling of love and connection were addictive.

As soon as they were settled, I stretched out on my side next to Bella, resting one hand on her outstretched leg and rubbing gently. She smiled down at me, including me in their moment. The rain and wind still brushed against the windows, adding a rumbling soundtrack to the silence in the room. Bella had turned on the small bedside lamp, making it cozy. It wasn't that cold out yet, just the first reminder that summer was nearly over.

"You're staring again, Edward," Bella scolded me in a whisper, but she was smiling.

I shrugged, somewhat awkwardly in my current position. "You're beautiful."

Bella gave me a disbelieving look and I just grinned at her.

"Getting poetic on me, old man?" she teased. "Or are you just perving on my boobs?"

"Yes."

"I didn't realize you were into the whole milk juggs thing."

I swatted her with a pillow as she giggled madly. "No, unfortunately. Not having that particular fetish is profoundly impacting my full enjoyment of your spectacular breasts. I'm counting the days until I finally get to show them the depth of my appreciation."

Bella stopped giggling, but grinned after only a moment's hesitation. "I don't even know when that will be, how can you be counting?"

"I can be a patient man, sometimes."

"That could be a year or more." Bella spoke softly now, her eyes fixed on Jacob.

I realized then the more serious implications in our joking banter. I hadn't realized until this moment that we rarely spoke about anything too far in the future. We both seemed only able to deal with the here and now. Other than my promises regarding Jacob's care, we hadn't established much beyond what needed immediate attention.

"I'm sure it'll be worth the wait." I winked at her playfully, dropping a kiss on to the top of her thigh, trying to keep the mood light and flirtatious. We would definitely need to have a conversation about it soon, but I hoped that in the meantime I could show her I wanted her to stay.

Bella nodded with a mysterious smile, her thoughts still a puzzle to me. We sat in silence with only Jacob's happy noises filling the room. Bella played with Jacob's hands, her lips pursed as she got lost in the moment. I laid my head against her thigh, soaking in her warmth and her scent.

Jacob fell asleep while eating, barely rousing for the resounding belch that set both Bella and I into shaking laughter. Bella laid him on the bed while she slipped my shirt back on, before taking him back to his crib. I sprawled on the bed for a few moment, then decided to just get up and take a shower. It was early yet, but I needed to go into the office today, and a shower would help wipe away the insomnia heaviness.

_~SLM~_

The water was hot and quickly filled the stone shower stall with steam, and I let it run over my head for several minutes. I could feel my muscles relaxing under the hot spray when a cool draft brushed behind me, but it was so quickly followed by Bella's soft body wrapping around my back that I barely noticed. Her skin was cool, a contrast to the heat of her lips, and she pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the center of my spine. I turned, keeping her pressed against me until I was facing her and drew her under the water with me. She was looking up at me with a pleased and wicked little grin that immediately got my dick's attention.

"What are you up to, lil mama?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her warming body and leaning in for a soft kiss. Bella had other ideas, and slid the palms of her hands up over my pectorals, hooking around my neck to pull me in for a deeper, harder kiss. She was insistent, more aggressive than normal, rubbing her body slowly against mine. I could feel her hard, pebbled nipples brushing against my abdomen, her fingers digging into my shoulders, and my cock stiffened until it was hard and twitching against her stomach. Bella made this sound that I could only describe as a purr as she pressed against me, trapping my cock between us. My hands slid to her ass, grinding against her.

She was so soft and fit against me so well.

"God, Bella, you're killing me. How do you do this?" My voice was breathless between her kisses. I could feel her smile against my lips, and then she was kissing my neck and chest, leaving a trail of electrified nerve endings in her wake. Her pace was still determined and demanding. She licked and sucked and raked her fingers over my arms. I tried to caress her back, feel her skin beneath my hands but she grabbed my wrists, and even though I could easily break her grasp, she held me so firmly that I didn't try.

"Mine," she whispered, so softly I barely heard her over the rush of the water.

She pulled one of my hands to her mouth and pressed a hot kiss against my palm at the same time she grasped my dick tightly with her other hand.

"Oh shit, Bella. God." She started stroking me immediately, her wet hand sliding easily over my length. She kept kissing my hand, too, all over my palm and then sucked gently on the tips of each of my fingers. I wondered briefly, before lust fully fogged over my brain, how I managed to get through thirty-three years of life without knowing that there was a direct line connecting my hands and my dick.

I was mesmerized by the way her lips wrapped around each finger, the way her teeth gently bit down into the calloused pad of my fingertip. I throbbed in her hand, as I imagined those same actions performed elsewhere. Bella smiled seductively as she met my gaze again, obviously knowing exactly the effect she was having.

"Your mouth..." I whispered roughly, unable to say anything more.

"Yeah?" she asked, as if she was surprised by my incoherency. "You want it anywhere else?"

My knees nearly gave out, and I think I growled, especially when her hand tightened and slid up to the head of my cock, sweeping her thumb over the head and tracing the ridge there.

"Yes, but you don't.." I was interrupted by Bella's low laughter and a quick kiss on my lips.

"Such the gentleman." And she bent over at the waist and kissed the tip of my cock, her tongue dipping into the opening to taste me. I exhaled in a rush, supporting my sagging body against the steam-warmed stone wall. I couldn't take my eyes off her, and watched as she lowered herself to her knees, the steam in the shower billowing around her and her wet hair plastered to her forehead. I pushed a stray lock back from her face and watched in amazement as she steadily sucked me into her mouth.

_Oh god, her mouth..._

Why was everything so new with her, so intense? I had no idea and it was hard to think about anything as I watched my cock disappear into her mouth, with her delicate hand, stronger than it looked, wrapping around the base and stroking what she couldn't fit. Whatever her shyness was elsewhere, she clearly wasn't feeling that way now. My fingers tightened in her wet hair, struggling to let her set the pace, but I needed to touch her somehow. She kept her eyes, so dark and luminous with the steamy environment, locked on mine, and that was making it all the more amazing. I felt myself swell even harder and thicker in her mouth and I knew I was close. Bella showed no sign of stopping, and as much as I wanted to pull her up and bury myself in her, I couldn't have removed myself from the silky warmth of her mouth if my life depended on it.

My groans of pleasure were echoing in the small enclosure, and Bella doubled her efforts, sucking and licking and dragging her teeth lightly over me.

"Belllllaa.." I warned, my hips now thrusting towards her mouth, unable to keep still. She moaned around my cock, her throat vibrating against the head, and I felt one small brush of her fingers against my balls, and that was enough to send me careening over the edge

"Bella, fuck, yes, Bella, oh god, yes." A string of alternating curses and praises tumbled from my lips as my orgasm filled her mouth. She kept her lips locked around me and swept her tongue around and around the head, while her fingers traced the vein on the underside, as if following the path of my climax.

I sagged against the shower wall, still threading my hands through her wet hair while she tenderly kissed the tip of my cock. When I couldn't take anymore I grasped her arms and pulled her up so I could claim her mouth. Her body was warm and slick against mine, and even though I was temporarily sated, I didn't want to let her go.

"You're going to be the death of me," I mumbled against her lips, before pulling back and grabbing the soap, taking advantage of the opportunity to run my hands over her breasts and stomach.

"So, that was a good idea?" Bella asked, a smug smile playing on her lips, since she obviously already knew the answer.

"Brilliant," I replied, more than willing to make sure she knew exactly how welcome that would be in the future. Bella's smile transformed from smug to triumphant and she wrapped her soapy body around me, hugging me tightly.

"That was actually kind of fun," she grinned. I sputtered with laughter.

"Well, anytime you want to have fun, let me know. I would never dream of denying you of your enjoyment."

Our laughter turned to quiet murmurs and sighs and we soaped and washed each other. Of course, I made sure Bella was thoroughly clean. I ran my fingers through her slick, hot folds, finding her opening and slowly pressing two fingers into her, curling inward and finding just the right spot that had her clutching my shoulders and quaking with her release only moments later.

_~SLM~_

After a morning start like that, I couldn't help being in a good mood when I arrived at work. Jessica looked up in surprise when I burst through the front door of the brightly-lit lobby and called out a cheerful greeting.

"Uh, hi!" she responded, seeming flustered. She gathered a file from her desk top, and handed it over to me.

"This is for the ten o'clock with Porterman Development. I was about to run it in to Emmett, but I'll just let you do that." Recovering her usually sunny efficiency, as well as her flirtatious manner, Jessica winked at me before making a dismissing motion with her hand. Emmett and I may technically be her bosses, but no one was under any illusions as to who really ran the place. With a mock stern look and pointing my finger at her, I headed towards my office, dropping my stuff on the desk before taking the file to Emmett's office.

"Dude!" Emmett called out, looking up from where he was slouched in his desk chair, working on something on his computer as I pushed open his door. "Ever heard of knocking?"

"Whatever," I scoffed. "I saw Rosalie picking up Bella just as I was leaving, so at least I know she's not under your desk right now."

"Well, that's true," Emmett said, pursing his lips in thought before grabbing his phone and sending a quick text. I made a mental note to knock the next time.

I tossed the file on his desk. "Apparently, I've been demoted to Jessica's messenger boy."

"Yeah, well, it's probably the best place for you."

I flipped him off with a grin.

"What's got you in such a good mood on a Monday morning?" Emmett asked.

"I can't be in a good mood?" I asked. Emmett snorted at that.

"You and Bella must be enjoying having fewer people in the house. Little morning delight, Eddie?"

I shrugged, I didn't care if it was obvious, but I wasn't going to give in that easily.

Eventually the good natured teasing wound down and we got around to business. The meeting went well enough. Porterman Construction was one of our biggest accounts, both in large residential developments and commercial properties. They had been one of the first large scale projects we had worked on. They required some coddling, but it was generally easy by now to keep them happy and in business with us. Emmett did most of the talking, of course. I sat next to him and did my best to look interested in the plans for a remodel of an old building in downtown Seattle. My mind kept wandering though, a jumble of Bella, sex, and house designs. It might seem like an odd combination of thoughts, but I _really _liked designing houses - far more exciting to me than commercial buildings.

I'd been back at work for over a month now, but had just been going through the motions and completing projects like they were school assignments, without much enthusiasm for the actual plans - just connection angles and lines, measuring distances, and minding the laws of physics. I don't know if it was the environment of the office or the stellar blow job I received this morning, but ideas were racing through my head and I was suddenly itching for the meeting to be over so I could get these on paper. I wondered what Bella would like in a house. I imagined older, more classic lines. Something traditional, with old character, as opposed to a sleek modern design.

_She seemed to have a penchant for older things,_ I smirked to myself.

The meeting was finally over, and Emmett and I stayed working in the conference room for several minutes after the Porterman reps left.

"You'd think after all these years, they'd step it down a notch on the schmoozing requirements," Emmett commented, not taking his eyes off the notes on his laptop.

"Yeah," I laughed, "Some things don't change, I guess." This had been the first time I'd dealt with the company directly since my return. They had looked at me curiously when they first arrived, but other than a polite 'welcome back,' maintained a professional front. They did seem a little disappointed that I offered no explanation to my extended absence, but didn't press the issue. Veiled hints at business social events and such were made - their preferred location for discussing new business.

"So...about that," Emmett began, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Yes?" I asked, not without some amount of dread.

"You remember the annual party we used to throw at your place? The 'Gala'?" Emmett even made the air-quotes with his hands, and a poor imitation of our mother's voice.

I had forgotten, but I remembered now. The yearly gathering had actually been Tanya's idea years ago. We dealt with a wide variety of companies, and it was a chance to socialize and network with them all at once. We had taken to hosting in the fall, since there was a wide variety of nationalities and faiths, making a holiday party awkward. Tanya, with Esme's help, orchestrated these events flawlessly, and they had come to be looked forward to every year.

I nodded slowly to indicate that I remembered, momentarily distracted by memories.

"Well. Mom's been organizing them for the last couple years, but we still had them at your house. It's about that time, but I didn't know how you'd feel about that. Rosalie says there's no way she can have our place ready in time, the back deck isn't even done yet. I suppose I could ask the parentals, though. I'm sure mom would be okay with it," Emmett rambled as he saw my frown. The parties had been enjoyable, yes, though the thought of having another made my chest heavy. It was, however, an important event for the company. People liked tradition.

I waved my hand. "No, no, my place is fine."

"Awesome," Emmett thought for a moment. "You think Bella is up for that kind of thing? Mom would help, and I know Rosalie would pitch in."

"I have no idea, I doubt she's done something like that before." I gathered my belongings to return to my office. Pausing at the door I added, "I'll talk to Mom, she'll know what to do, and how to be diplomatic about it. I don't want to hurt Bella's feelings, just assuming that she wouldn't know what you do, you know?"

Emmett saluted with his fist in a show of manly solidarity - men who didn't wish to be sent to the doghouse.

The rest of the day passed long and uneventfully. I was restless by two in the afternoon, but I'd been determined to stick out a 'normal' work day, and we had another client meeting later in the day. Much of the work I had today was tedious in nature and my mind kept wandering to Bella.

My phone chirped with a text message. I hurried to open it when I saw it was from Bella.

_**Hey, any chance you can pick me up? I'm done here and Rose is in the middle of a rush repair. XO -B**_

I checked the clock and groaned, there was not nearly enough time to get there and back before the meeting, much less dropping her off at the house.

_**Have a meeting in 20, can you hang on for 90 minutes or so? Sorry, babe. -E**_

I had an answer almost immediately.

_**Don't worry about it, I'll just take a bus. See you home! -B**_

_Oh fuck no, I don't think so._

_**STAY PUT. I'll be there ASAP, just let me let Emmett know I can't make the meeting. -E**_

What was she thinking, the bus? Alone? Hauling Jacob and all his things? Not acceptable.

I quickly shut my laptop, only putting away what needed to be secured. The rest I'd deal with tomorrow. I was on my way back to Emmett's office when my phone buzzed again.

_**Calm yourself, Superman. Rose beat you to the over-protective punch. This is my ride for the next while. -B**_

Included was a picture of an older Mercedes. I was relieved she wasn't going to be on the bus, at least, though I worried for her driving by herself in a still unfamiliar area. I was also a little disappointed I wasn't going to get to see her right away. And that I still had to go to this meeting.

Luckily, the meeting didn't last long - only a preliminary consultation for a new residential project. The couple was open to our ideas, so it looked to be an easy, straightforward project. I wasted no time leaving. Bella sent me a text when she got home, and I was anxious to get back to her.

When I finally got home, I paused at the door, hearing a low thumping noise from inside. Curious, I opened the door as quietly as possible. Pink's "So What" was blasting from the stereo in the family room, and I could hear Bella and Alice singing along. Chuckling to myself, I set down my things and walked slowly towards the kitchen with as much stealth as I could muster. I spent three years living on the street, I could be stealthy.

Flattening against the wall, I peered through the doorway to the kitchen. Both of them, apparently completely unaware of my presence, were singing with abandon, belting out the angry lyrics with enthusiasm. Of course, my eyes were predominately drawn to Bella. She was standing at the stove, stirring something in a pot. She was dressed in soft, light sweats and a deep purple tank top and I groaned to myself as she shook her delectably round ass to the music, swaying back and forth as she cooked and sang.

Jacob was in a bouncy seat, clamped securely into place on the island to prevent it from sliding around dangerously with the seat's rocking motions. Alice was dancing in front of him, clearly entertaining her nephew as his tiny fists waved in the air towards her.

The whole scene was delightfully funny. They both looked young and carefree. Maybe not entirely carefree, they sang the lyrics about being free from a jerk with just a little too much feeling. I was torn between wanting to laugh out loud, and the dark thoughts, trying to ascribe too much meaning to the song choice, as well as the years and internal strength that obviously separated us.

I stepped slowly through the doorway, unable to resist being pulled into the mood. Alice saw me first, standing up straight with a yelp, and then laughing hysterically. Bella turned to look at her sister and then caught sight of me, and I lost all ability to hold in my laughter as she flamed red and whirled back to the stove, turning her back to me. Not as easily fazed, Alice danced her way out of the kitchen and into the family room. I closed the distance to Bella, standing directly behind her and pulling her back against me with my hands on her hips. Her shoulders shook with suppressed laughter as I bent to kiss her still-warm cheek. She pretended to ignore me as I pressed up tightly to her and swayed us together to the music. I nuzzled my face into her neck, nipping her skin with my lips until she wiggled in my arms.

"So, uh, should I be worried about the song choice?" I murmured into her ear, flicking my tongue over her lobe. The song finally faded out, and a quieter ballad I was unfamiliar with began in its place. Bella shook her head and put down the wooden spoon in her hand. Her arms snaked up around my neck and she craned her head back to kiss me. I hummed against her soft lips, trying to remember that Alice was just in the next room, and Jacob behind us to resist groping her.

"No," she said, brushing her lips across mine once more. "_You_ should _not _be worried."

"If I didn't have a super-hot baseball player for a boyfriend, I would seriously hate you two right now." Alice's ever-cheerful voice broke us out of our bubble. I sighed, I knew it would happen sooner or later.

"She's awfully annoying for such a small person, isn't she?" I asked Bella, not letting go of her as I turned us around to see Alice standing by Jacob with her hands on her hips.

"Ugh, you have no idea." Bella sagged against me, but gave her sister an affectionate smile.

We settled at the table, Bella heaping our plates full of pasta and sauce, fresh bread, and cheese. I groaned with satisfaction. If being homeless, even when it's purely of your own choosing, teaches you anything, it's how to appreciate a meal. A _good _meal is next to heaven.

Jacob fussed a bit during dinner, and the three of us would pass him around, alternating holding him and eating, almost without thinking.

"Oh!" Alice exclaimed as we were finishing, "I got my dorm assignment today, finally! I can move in a month from now!"

I watched Bella's face, it was a mix of pride, excitement, and fear. I know she was reluctant to voice any concerns over Alice's safety on campus, not wanting to mar any of the accomplishment of Alice going to college. I spoke up for her.

"What building are you in? How secure is it?" I asked. Alice scrunched up her nose with obvious dislike for the question.

"It's totally a secure building. Staffed in the lobby during the day and the doors are locked at night. And I'm on the 12th floor, so it's not like anyone is going to creepy stalk through the window." Alice's face was determined.

"I'm sure it will be fine," Bella said softly, "Just walk with someone anytime you go anywhere, okay? It's not just him, there's always crazies at college campuses."

"Yes, mom." Alice stuck her tongue out, looking more like the petulant child she probably was 10 years ago. Bella shook her finger at her mockingly, and watched her as Alice rose from the table and started clearing dishes.

"What are we doing for your birthday, Bella?" Alice turned from the sink to grin impishly at her sister.

"Ugh! Nothing! I have a kid now, that means I can ignore my birthday, right?" Bella buried her face against Jacob's tiny body.

"No way!" Both Alice and I answered together. "You have to have a party or something!" Alice exclaimed, "Moms need stuff like that too, right Edward?"

Bella glared at me, daring me to agree with Alice. "Absolutely," I said, looking straight back at her and smirking. "Besides, I think there's a law somewhere that says you have no reason to complain about birthdays until you're thirty. And you have a long ways to go."

Call me a lecherous old man, I couldn't help leering at my almost-twenty-year-old girlfriend.

Once dinner was over, Bella shooed Alice away for her nightly phone call to Jasper, who was out of town for games for the next week. The two of us cleaned up together, being playful and teasing as we dodged around each other. Jacob was content for the moment, kicking at the colorful array of toys suspended above his bouncy seat.

Alice was in the family room, still on the phone, when we finished. Bella watched her for a moment, then turned and picked up Jacob and pulled me by the arm to the more formal living room. I looked at her questioningly as I followed.

"Giving her some privacy," she said, by way of explanation.

"Did you just want to go upstairs?"

"Not yet," Bella bit her lip, looking up at me through her lashes. "Jacob isn't anywhere close to sleepy, and I'll just want to make out with you if we're in there."

"Make out?" I smirked at her, "Is that all I get now?"

"Maybe." Bella stuck out her tongue. I leaned forward like I was going to try to bite it and she drew back with a giggle.

I watched her as she looked around the room, then decided to just settle Jacob on the floor. She sat down, cross-legged near him, playing with the small toys and watching her son try to reach for them, missing completely since he was still figuring out his hands. I joined them on the floor, as close as I could to Bella. Taking pity on Jacob, I pressed one of the toys, a red plastic ring covered in swirls and knobs, with multi-colored shapes hanging from it. He gave a gurgle.

"Anytime, buddy." I said, giving him a mini fist-bump.

Bella was watching me with her luminous dark eyes, almost inky black in the dim light. I realized I hadn't turned on a lamp when we came into the room. The only light was what spilled in from the foyer and reached from the family room. I didn't want to get up though, and the still, dark, quiet lent a coziness.

"It's kinda weird to be in here," Bella broke into the silence. "We're never in here. Why is that?"

I shrugged. "It's always pretty much just been for entertaining. Formal occasions. Christmas morning." I motioned towards the large stone fireplace, currently sitting cold. I could feel the corners of my mouth turn up, remembering. "Macy didn't believe that Santa could really fit in there. Dad climbed in and showed her. I still think she was dubious."

Realizing what I was suddenly talking about, I fell silent. The dull ache in my chest began to resurface, with surprising intensity, I hadn't realized how much it had lessened, until it was suddenly back.

"Well, your dad isn't fat," Bella grinned. I saw the humor, but my sudden mood shift made it difficult to laugh with her. Bella's smile faded, and with a quick glance at Jacob, shifted over so she was in my lap. I wrapped my arms around her immediately, burying my face in her soft, fragrant hair.

"I'm sorry," she said, hugging me tightly, her fingers soothing against my neck. "I shouldn't have said -"

"It's okay," I interrupted, muffled by her hair. "Just memories, you know." I looked up into her eyes, hoping my expression reassured her that I was fine. I didn't want to get into the emotion or the ache in my chest when I thought of my wife and daughter. Just having Bella here, in my arms, wrapped around me, made it easy to let go, to relax the tightness in my lungs.

"It's a pretty room." Bella's voice was hopeful, like she was trying to lessen the pain. "Is it..

sometimes I wonder...about them. What they were like. But I'm never sure if I should ask."

She was tense in my arms, worried about my response.

I blew out a breath, pulling her tighter against me. "You can ask me anything, Bella."

"Yeah, but it's a sensitive topic, I know. I don't want to make you upset or sad." Her lips grazed my cheek. Always comforting.

"Bella, I ran for three years, avoiding everything to do with them. You helped me find my way back. If there's anyone I would want to talk to about...them..it's you. But, at the same time, I don't want to make you feel...awkward or weird, talking about Tanya especially. God knows I've probably said all sorts of wrong things to you already with regards to them." Moments flashed in my mind, reminding me, showing me when I snapped or lashed out in those early, confusing days home. I winced, kissed her softly in apology.

"Well, I don't necessarily want to know everything." Bella gave me a wry smile. "And I know some things. I know that ...Tanya... was beautiful. She liked flowers, I see her roses and all the gardening books in the family room. You loved her, which means she had to have been a good person. And she loved you, so she was obviously smart."

Bella leaned her forehead against mine, her small hands cupping my face and stroking her thumbs over my cheeks. "And I see how you are with Jacob, how you help take care of him and play with him and talk to him, and if you're like that with him... Well, that tells me that you were an amazing father to Macy."

I was surprised my eyes felts heavy and damp, and I blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill. I was coming to terms, slowly, but I was, with their deaths, but tears were not acceptable, no matter what the books say.

"Macy," I began, coughing once to clear my throat, "was a precocious little girl. So much of Tanya in her. She knew exactly what she wanted, and wasn't afraid to tell anyone. It was her life's ambition to be Belle, from 'Beauty and the Beast', but she was only three, so she may have eventually changed her mind." I tried to laugh, the tight feeling in my chest made it difficult, until Bella rubbed her hand over my heart.

"It always hurt here," she said, looking at her hand, "when Dad died."

I nodded, kissing her face, from her temple to her jaw. Why, again, was touching her so soothing? I wanted to get lost in her. I kept kissing her, down her neck as she leaned her head back to allow me. Her hand bunched into the fabric of my shirt, but didn't move from its place over my heart. My hands moved to her waist, pulling her closer, trying to absorb her, feel her consume me. I followed the neckline of her white eyelet top, where it dipped over her breasts, my thumbs finding their way underneath from the bottom, and I wanted nothing more than to meet in the middle.

Jacob, of course, broke the spell by hiccuping loudly, the force of it launching the toy from his hand and hurtling it into Bella's leg, making her yelp in surprise.

Bella looked at me sheepishly, turning in my lap to check on Jacob and give him back his toy. I tried to steady my breathing and pounding heart.

"Sorry," she whispered, returning to me, pulling me so that I could rest my head on her chest.

I shook my head against her, reveling in the softness beneath my cheek.

"So easily am I carried away with you, Bella. It's difficult to remember there's anything else in the world when you are here in my arms."

She pushed on me, like she was going to go somewhere and I looked up at her in surprise and held her tighter.

"I need you here." I made my tone lighter, but asked her seriously, "Are you sure you want to hear more?"

Bella nodded silently, "Whatever you want to tell me."

"You know I knew Tanya most of my life," I started, Bella nodded, remembering. "It was easy with her, we were enough alike in personality. Both of us ambitious, full of plans, wanting everything, She had a way of just making things happen. She was in her element with busy organization, she never stopped doing things, you know? Even on vacations, she'd plan and be in constant motion."

I laughed, "That was probably our first argument. On our honeymoon, too. We were in Hawaii and she had planned a full day island tour, and I just wanted to stay in the hotel and..." I broke off, figuring I was heading into territory Bella didn't want to hear about.

"Anyway," I shifted back to safer territory. "We were going to take on the world, determined to succeed despite the failing economy and all. A lot of the success of the firm is because of her. Emmett and I might be good at what we do, but Tanya was the one that got our name out there in competition with the larger corporations and networked and socialized until Cullen was a well-known name. I tried desperately to keep up my end, worked a million hours a week to live up to the image she was creating for us out there. Even Emmett, who was technically the 'face' of the company, knows how much Tanya had to do with it all."

Bella had shifted in my lap so she was facing outwards, leaning back against my chest as she listened. She held one of my hands in hers and traced the lines with her fingers.

"She sounds...kinda perfect," she murmured. We were silent for a time, listening to Jacob slobber on his toys. gnawing like a puppy with a chewtoy. Bella was looking down, and I felt the tension building in her body. I worried that talking about Tanya was the wrong thing to do; she had asked, but maybe I should have refused. It felt good to let some of it out, but was it really fair to let it out on Bella?

"Bella?" I asked, nudging her with my body. "Are you okay?"

She shrugged, and I sighed. No man is an expert on woman, but the shrug is fairly universal.

She crawled out of my lap, turning to face me, her eyes wet with unshed tears. I watched as she licked her lips in thought, several emotions flitting across her face.

After several attempts at prodding her to speak, she finally started talking.

"I promised myself, back when..." she smiled in memory, "back when you first shaved your beard off, and you looked so different, even though I'd only known you a a short time. I wasn't sure what we were, you know, to each other, but I didn't want to be _that _girl. The one that's jealous of a ghost. That can't accept that you had a whole life before me."

"Are you jealous?" I asked, confused. I had never felt that from her, so maybe I was that oblivious.

"No, not really. I mean it's kinda silly to be. Because, really, I never would have met you if it hadn't been for her." Bella winced and covered her face for a second. "Sorry, that didn't sound as...harsh in my head."

"I know what you mean. I thought the same thing before." I nodded at her, I wanted to keep hearing what she was thinking.

She took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. "It's just.. the pictures, the stories, the house, its so easy to see how perfect she was, and how perfect your life was. And I just...I don't understand..." - a deep breath, followed by a rush of words - "how you stand me, after that.

I'm not the least bit ambitious, I can't stand crowds, I'm not sophisticated at all. I'm just a kid that got knocked up and now you're cleaning up my mess, and I'm really afraid that sooner or later you're going to decide I'm too much trouble or want someone better."

I sat there listening to her rant, my heart breaking as I listened to her speak so lowly of herself. I didn't care that Jacob was just a foot from us, or that Alice was still chattering away in the other room. I raised up on my knees, pulling her towards me and burying my hands into her hair and kissing her fiercely, just to get her to stop.

"You silly, beautiful, ridiculous girl," I muttered in between kisses.

"I know I'm ridiculous," Bella mumbled into my shirt.

"No, maybe I'm not telling you enough." I took her beautiful face with her red-rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks. Her youth and her vulnerability shone through every feature, reminding me, despite my lascivious thoughts earlier, how young and naive she was.

"When we first met, I just wanted to help you, and keep helping you. You woke me up, got my attention and focused it back on living. And you woke up everything and it was so much, too much," I pushed on, not even thinking about what I was saying. hoping what was going on in my head would find it's way into my words. "It was so confusing, it still is. I don't know how to sort it out. But I want to tell you that I want you here with me while I do that. I don't want you to move out, or ever think that I don't want you here with me.

Bella was listening, wide-eyed, her face still in my hands. She didn't speak so I pressed on.

"I know you're not Tanya. That's okay. You're Bella. _My Bella._ Everything I want and need you to be, you are. I l-"

I stumbled over the next words, surprised, and at the same time not surprised. Tanya's face floated through my mind, and the emotion caught in my chest. I closed my eyes, trying to banish her ghost.

Still kneeling together on the floor, I made sure she was looking at me.

"You can feel it, right? What we have? Tell me it's not just me? I can't...say it. Not yet. Because you deserve me telling you when I don't hesitate and feel guilty. But that doesn't mean I don't know...that I don't feel it. Can you stay with me, and wait for me to get there? I'll never hold you back, but I want you to be here...with me."

Bella's forehead was creased down the middle while she listened, her eyes roving over my face. Her mouth opened a few times, closing, biting her lip, her fingers twisting in my shirt. My mind raced back over what I had just said, and I felt more and more raw at exposing the emotion I felt.

Finally she spoke.

"I know. And I do feel it."

One side of her mouth curled up in a half smile, with me on the raw emotions, I was sure. I could see it in her eyes. I traced her soft lips with my thumb until they parted, and leaned in to place a warm kiss on them, feeling relaxation and tension, desire and need all at the same time.

I reined my physical self in, like I did with my emotional self. Only instead of stunted, guilt-ridden emotions holding me back, it was the presence of a small infant and an entirely too perky teenager in the next room.

"Later..." I said, trying to convey as much promise into my eyes as possible. Bella's eyes dilated and she turned her head to kiss my palm and nodded.

We sat back, breaking apart, each of us breathing deeply.

"Can I ask you another question?" Bella asked, nervously, twirling her fingers through her long hair.

"Of course."

"Will you play for me?" She pointed to my piano. "I've been dying to hear you play since Esme told me about how you used to play."

I looked somewhat askance at the instrument. I had been avoiding it, so many memories tied up in the wood and strings. But Bella asked, and I wanted to give her anything she wanted.

"It's been a long time since I've played. I doubt I'm any good anymore," I warned.

"You could play 'Chopsticks', Edward, and I would want to hear it. Please."

_How do I resist that?_

I checked over Jacob, making sure he was still content. He looked at me with his round, dark eyes blinking, a crease in his forehead so like Bella's, and I wondered what he was thinking. He seemed otherwise content though, so I stood and held out my hand to help Bella up. I didn't let go as I led her to the piano, pulling out the bench and sitting at one end, tugging on her arm until she sat on the other.

My fingers drifted silently over the keys, feeling the familiar smooth texture. I sifted through my memory, trying to conjure up a piece I remembered. I pressed down a key, then another. The soft plinking sound filling the air, but didn't trigger any latent memorized music.

I chuckled briefly, and gave Bella a sideways smile, and dove whole-heartedly into "Chopsticks".

Bella began laughing, sagging against my shoulder and almost snorting as Jacob gave a startled squawk at the sudden barrage of jarring harmonies.

"Sorry!" I sputtered, "I just have no idea...I can't remember anything."

Finishing out the short silly little song, I tried out a few chords, just random warm-up scales. Those were ingrained since childhood, I was never forgetting those. I would have thought it would be boring, but Bella stayed next to me, eventually leaning on her opposite elbow on the edge of the piano, freeing my arm to play, and listened with a slight smile and rapt attention.

Slowly I started picking out other pieces. Sometimes it was classical, a bit of Mozart that I remembered. Other times it was an old rock song or an ancient balled. Sometimes I sang, making Bella smile even wider. She sang with me, as I'd try to pick out the chords and the melody. We even laughingly stumbled through a couple of Christmas songs.

Alice popped her head into the room at some point, shaking her head and exchanging a look with Bella. They had an amazing ability to carry on an entire conversation with a series of facial expressions. I understood it in concept, Emmett and I would do that occasionally too, especially when we were younger. However, clearly 'sister' was an entirely different language than 'brother', because I had no idea what they were communicating. After a moment, however, Alice waved with her phone in her hand, and twirled and danced her way to the stairs, blowing a kiss at Jacob on the way by.

I continued stumbling my way through a few more pieces, softer, more relaxing ones, bringing the mood to the quiet, cozy feel we had earlier. I stole a few kisses from Bella, and she teased her fingers along my inseam.

Halfway through Clair de Lune, Bella stopped, turning to look behind us, smiling and laying her head on my shoulder. I turned to look as well, meeting Bella's eyes, so full of love for her son, who now lay fast asleep on the floor, the purple ring stuck around his foot. Bella nodded her head towards him and stood, brushing her hand over my shoulders as she moved away. She scooped him up in the smooth, practiced motion of a mother, and took him upstairs.

I finished out the piece, alone now downstairs. I remembered this piece had been one of Tanya's favorites. She wasn't particularly musically inclined herself, but she had always asked for this one. I waited for the heartache, and was somewhat surprised when it didn't come. There _were _pieces I had purposely avoided playing, Macy's lullaby, nursery songs, the song Tanya and I danced to at our wedding, but in all, playing the piano again had been fun - cathartic. I had forgotten how much enjoyment I got out of it. I didn't have to be good, picking out the songs by ear and laughing at the wrong notes was the most enjoyable part.

This was different from before, I realized, I'd prided myself on my ability, and usually didn't let anyone listen to a piece I hadn't perfected. Just like work, and most of my personality. Work it out, perfect it, before you show it.

I stopped playing, probably no more than a few bars from the end of the piece. Thoughts were falling into place and I wanted to share them with Bella.

_Now_.

I stood quickly, moving through the room, grinning at the pile of toys and blankets on the floor. They made this cold, austere room finally look lived in. I took the stairs two at a time, meeting Bella as she was coming back down the hall, presumably having put Jacob to bed.

I grabbed her by the shoulder, not responding to her startled question and pushed her into the bedroom, closing the door behind us and turning her around to pin her against the wall. She looked up at me with questioning eyes, but I could see the deep feeling in them, and I hoped it was what I thought it was.

"My priorities were so screwed up back then, Bella." My voice was gravely, shaking. "Not that my life wasn't good, it was amazing, but I realize something now. I was more worried about the finished product than the process. I had to mold and perfect everything, and that sounds well and good, but you miss the journey that way..."

"We were in separate cars that night, because I was late to our vacation. I just had to stay those extra couple days, get more work done, close that extra deal. And I missed two days, two of the last five days I would have had with my wife and daughter. I don't know if being in the same car as them would have changed anything, maybe we all would have died if that was the case, maybe not. That's what's been killing me this whole time. But it doesn't matter, because what's done is done. The real crime is I missed those two days."

Bella's lower lip quivered, tears filling her eyes, though I wasn't sure exactly what, and I fervently prayed as I spoke that I wasn't hurting her with talk, but I wanted her to understand.

"Oh, Edward. I'm sorry, I don't even know..." Bella stroked my chest, comforting. I caught one of her wrists in my hand, still leaning against the wall with the other as I interrupted her.

"No, you don't have to say that. That's not where I'm going with this. I just don't want to waste time anymore." I took a breath, clearing my mind.

"I don't understand." Bella whispered, still confused.

_Time to just say it._

"Fuck it... I love you, Bella. It's raw and damaged because I've turned everything off for so long, but I don't want to dance around it. I. Love. You."

Bella's body slid down the wall on shaky legs and I grabbed her to hold her up. She said nothing except a quiet whisper of my name, before sliding her hands into my hair and kissing me. I wasn't really expecting her to answer back, I really just wanted to say it, but somehow, her warm and inviting response made me feel better.

At least I didn't scare her.

I wrapped my arms around her body, lifting her just slightly off the floor. I loved being able to pretty much pick her up at will, it was definitely one of my favorite parts of being with her. Her fingers tightened their grip, and I turned us around and walked the short distance to our bed. She was still in her clothes from today, lightweight pants and a pretty green ruffled top. More layers to get through, but that didn't take away any enjoyment I had of peeling each piece from her body.

Her fingers worked at my clothes and our hands moved together as our clothes were dropped to the floor. The room was silent, except for the slight rattle of wind. When we were both naked she reached for me and pulled me down, surprisingly strongly, until my body settled in between her legs. I was already hard, never needing much to be ready for her, but we weren't in a rush. We kissed slowly, deeply, and our hands sought out anywhere we could reach. Her hips moved in a slow rhythm below me, where I was nestled against her.

"Edward, please," Bella whispered, sliding her hands from my shoulders to my hands, until her fingers interlocked with mine. She drew our clasped hands up beside her head and arched up, drawing one leg up over my hip.

I slid inside her slowly, but pressing as deep as I could. I worried briefly that she was still too tender, but she wrapped her other leg around me as if trying to pull me closer. Her breath hitched in her chest and her eyes fluttered, a smile playing elusively on her lips. I rested my elbows on the bed and, still holding - squeezing - her hands, withdrew slowly before thrusting inside her again.

The build was slow, the rhythm measured by the pace of our kisses and the speed of our breaths. Neither of us were very loud this time, panting breaths punctuated by low moans, but all the senses heightened each thrust. The floral scent of her skin when I would nuzzle into her neck, the slightly salty-sweet taste of her skin when my tongue traced her collarbone. Her skin was satiny smooth and soft beneath me and her hands squeezed mine tightly each time she arched up to meet me, and when I'd watch her face her eyes were dark and liquid, half closed.

Eventually, though, my desire raced ahead of the slow, steady pace we had set. My thrusts became more erratic and forceful, one of her legs fell from my hip and just tangled in my legs. She shook and shuddered beneath me and squeezed my hands so hard I could feel her short nails digging into my skin. She called out my name in one quiet plea before I could feel her come around me, and I faltered in my rhythm, overwhelmed by the sensation, and spilled into her. I had no coherent thoughts, just relief, and not just the physical, but at taking the chance to share everything with her.

I laid there, longer than I planned, if I'd had a plan. Every time I would go to move off of Bella, she would squeeze my hands so tightly in a silent request to stay. Eventually, though, she released my hands and I shifted to the side, gathering her in my arms and feeling her naked body, sated and relaxed, against mine. Her face was against my chest and I would occasionally feel the brush of her lips against my skin as I traced invisible patterns on her back.

"Edward?" Bella spoke softly after several minutes of quiet. I looked down to see her upturned face, her eyes were still heavy and her hair a delightful mess.

"Hmm?" I answered back, keeping my voice low to match hers.

"I love you, too."

I could only smile in response, catching her lips once more in mine and then pulling her close again.

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**A/N: I really do hope you all are enjoying these two as much as I am. I love that you're all here to read, sometimes it boggles me that there are so many of you. I do like it when you say hi, too, but thanks just for showing up and reading. **

**As it is doubtful I will have another update out in the next week, Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers, I hope you're all able to spend the day with your loved ones. FYI, if you happen to be of Indian descent (Like India-Indian, people, not Native American) I have culinary questions. I have two guests joining my family for dinner, and I'd like to include something familiar to them. Plus, I just like new recipes.**

**Thank you!**


	16. Chapter 15: Plans

**I won't bore you with the details of the last couple months, let's just get on to the update, okay?**

**As always, thank you to ABG, Zephyrsky, Amber, Lindelle, and the wonderful ladies that keep me company in the Twilighted thread, They all contribute to each chapter, whether it's checking my horrific mutilation of the English language, or encouraging me to write and explore these characters.**

**And where would any of us be without Stephenie Meyer, who owns it all, and is really the reason we're all here. Thanks for letting me borrow your stuff, lady. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 15 - Plans**

I don't know what I expected after that night with Bella, or if I even expected anything at all. On one hand, I was euphoric. _Bella said she loved me._ And not just that once, she shyly whispered it to me every night as we lay together, her head tucked into my shoulder, and she would kiss my chest softly. Maybe men aren't supposed to be emotional creatures, but damn if that's not an amazing thing to hear.

It was also nice that the warm kiss pressed to my pectoral inevitably led to more. I couldn't get enough of her, and she seemed equally ravenous.

On the other hand - well, it wasn't like there was a downside to being loved. There _were _times when guilt would catch up with me. Memories of Tanya and Macy would crowd those quiet moments in the evening when Bella, Jacob and I felt like a real family. I wasn't sure which set of loved ones I was cheating in those moments, the memory or the present. My rational mind would argue with the emotional side, buried deep in the dark corners of my mind.

Dark thoughts aside, things were good overall. There was a breath of relief between Bella and I, the immediate future, or even an extended future, no longer in question. It had only been a few days, but I found myself consciously thinking about a future, something I hadn't done in years.

We seemed to still be in one-day-at-a-time mode, but even to conceive of much beyond the immediate was a refreshing experience for me again.

It was also somewhat terrifying. Even though I had done my best to assure Bella that I wanted her to stay with me, that I wanted to turn our somewhat unconventional - if not outright dysfunctional - beginning into something healthy and strong. It was important to me that she have her own voice. I knew it important, I was a rational man. Not to mention, I had a mother who thought nothing of bustling into my office at lunch time with Thai food and sage advice. Half-serious quips about robot armies and underground bunkers might be funny in the moment, but I knew the part of me that wanted to lock us - all three of us - in the house and keep my eyes on her at all times, to keep everyone away, wasn't healthy for either of us.

It some ways, it was like being on the street. When you found something that made your life easier out there, you hoarded it close and protected it with everything you had. Only now, it wasn't an extra jacket or socks, or a bag of food. It was living people. A young woman that saw through the dirt and depression and needed me. And an innocent child that should never know what monster lurked in the shadows. Even Alice was an integral part of my family now. Her youthful enthusiasm mixed with scrappy strength - well, Alice made us all brave.

Even still, I was secretly terrified of a future without Bella. She was so young. The plausibility of her deciding that my life wasn't for her, despite what I knew she felt for me, worried in the back of my mind constantly. Despite this fear, I did my best to be resolute in my promise that she could do or be anything she wanted.

That was often easier said than done. I think she knew the war that fought in my brain, as she would tease me affectionately at most opportunities.

A week or so later, Bella had grinned up at me from the comfortable driver's seat of her "loaned" Mercedes. She would never admit it, but I knew she was somewhat excited over driving a nice car, even an older model E320 like this one. I would have rather bought her a car of her own, but Bella was still sensitive about accepting expensive gifts. Rosalie had solved the issue brilliantly, and diplomatically, and it gave Bella a confidence boost to have that measure of independence. My sister-in-law and I may not entirely get along, but she was nearly as protective of Bella as I was, and if I was being completely honest, better at accomplishing some of the same things to keep Bella safe.

I leaned through the open window to kiss her full lips, tasting a hint of berry from the shiny lip gloss she wore.

"Drive safe, okay?" I admonished. Bella gave me a wry look.

"Of course, Superman. And it's Friday, so you can keep me in your sights all weekend."

"Promise?" I grinned at her. _Hey, if it was her idea..._

Bella answered me with a smirk, looking back over her shoulder to Jacob, tucked safely into his carseat and then smoothly backed out the open garage door. I stood watching until Bella was out of sight. She'd insisted on driving herself to work, now that Rosalie was letting her drive her 'shop car'. I had protested, futilely, not really able to argue with the logic of her driving herself. I even pulled the 'protecting natural resources' card. Bella kissed me into submission.

When her hands and lips were on me like that, I would agree to pretty much anything.

So, yes, I was still too overprotective. But, damn it, there was an asshole out there that at one point tried to kill Jacob, and kept Bella locked away. She was always free to go, but I didn't think it was unreasonable to know where she was. It was easy, this far from Forks, and in our peaceful, suburban neighborhood, to forget that James was out there still, possibly searching for her. I had lived on the street, I knew about being aware, needed to know it for survival, yet I still was easily caught up in our comfortable bubble.

I was still kicking myself for giving our names to that photographer. I'd never mentioned it. I didn't want to scare her. All I could do now is hope James wasn't one for reading the newspaper. It had been almost two months since that day.

Running my hands through my hair and reminding myself to get a grip, I turned to my own vehicle, ready to begin my day.

Jessica greeted me with her usual charm, but I was too distracted to really notice. I hadn't heard from Bella yet. And I placed it on my desk where I tried to will a message to come through, suppressing the urge to call her.

I really was trying.

I pushed away my work on the Porterman account for now, trying to lose myself in the residential project. I still looked at the small digital clock in the corner of my monitor more times than was necessary, It had only been ten minutes before my phone sang out loudly in the silence of my office, though it felt like an hour.

"Hey." I answered, trying to sound casual, like I hadn't been stalking my phone.

"I'm here," I could hear the veiled amusement in her voice, speaking quietly so as not to be overheard by the crew I could hear in the background. "You can stop worrying now. There was just a little traffic on the parkway."

"Good," I said, wincing at the obvious relief in my voice. Was it really normal for someone to worry this much over a 15 minutes drive made by a perfectly responsible adult? Bella gave a soft giggle through the phone and I heard a faint click before the background noise cut out almost entirely.

"That's better," she said, "Those guys are loud! I don't know how Jacob is still asleep."

I smiled, picturing her settling herself into her work area, realizing I'd never been inside, only out to the front reception area.

"So what is your office like?" I asked, just wanting to keep her on the phone.

"There's not much to it, all the fancy stuff is out front." Bella laughed. "There's a window, so I can see out in the shop, and it's just barely big enough for Jacob's port-a-crib and some room to walk around it. And a ton of car manuals."

I could picture her now, settling a sleeping Jacob into his bed, putting her things away, smoothing the blue hoodie she had worn today.

"Hey!" She broke through my thoughts, just as I was picturing how she had looked this morning, brushing her long, shiny hair, hand raised over her head, making her white t-shirt raise up and expose a sliver of skin at her waist. I hummed a response, still half distracted by my daydreams.

"How come I've never been to your office?" She was in a playful mood, I could hear the smile curling her full lips upwards.

"I've never been to yours, either, technically." I pointed out.

"Yes, but mine is tiny and cramped and and the window faces the shop. I bet yours is all big and comfortable. With a leather chair. And a really big desk."

I groaned, suddenly overwhelmed with images of Bella on my lap in this chair, or spread out over my desk. A triumphant, wicked little laugh told me she was pleased to have hit her mark.

"I think you're trying to torture me, Isabella. Now I'm going to be distracted all day"

"Good, it's a better distraction than worrying about my driving."

I blew out a breath, realizing she had done just that. Little minx.

"Well," I said slowly. "You are welcome to visit me here anytime."

I could hear her breath catch, and thought that maybe, just maybe, she might be as distracted as me. That thought was infinitely pleasing.

"I'll remember that." she murmured, and took a slow breath. "I should get to work though."

We whispered our goodbyes, both reluctant to hang up, but faced with responsibilities. True to her word and mine, I was distracted for the rest of the morning. I was able to get a lot done on my project, detailing out windows and view lines as my mind wandered with thoughts of Bella surprising me at work. Would she be adventurous enough for lingerie under a long coat? Or, maybe just one of her little sundresses. Something flimsy and easily moved aside as I lifted her on my desk, or laid her out on the short leather couch on the opposite wall. That would be a first for this office. Emmett's had been thoroughly defiled, I was sure, but my space was entirely uncorrupted, and I had a sudden desire to fix that.

By the end of the day, however, I was mentally exhausted. There was nothing specifically bad, but lethargy and something I could only describe as claustrophobia had settled in. My ongoing fantasies had kept me sane, but they simply lulled me into a foggy stupor. Emmett came by, and we discussed several projects, but I could barely focus. My mother called as well, discussing the business party, assuring me she wouldn't overwhelm Bella. Then I lapsed back into the fog, the mindlessness of a routine job, the rich cherry finish of the furniture in my office making a dark box, despite the mostly sunny skies outside my window.

An incoming text from Bella, later in the afternoon, prompted me to call it a day. She was headed home, and that sounded like the best idea ever. I needed that bubble we wrapped ourselves in, even Jacob. I hastily closed up my project. sighing in relief as the low sounds of my computer shutting down quieted. I was out the door in just a few seconds, juggling my few belongings and muttering a distracted goodbye to Jessica's surprised and bubbly farewell.

Sitting in the car through traffic, still felt stifling, I missed Bella even more, perhaps because I knew I'd see her soon. I turned on the radio, hoping music would distract me from my funk; stop me from spiraling down this weird mood that had descended upon me. The DJ was rambling on about something, his voice unusually nasal for someone in that line of work. It grated on my ears and I punched the button to shut it off without bothering to search for a new station. With luck, traffic would be light and I'd be home in a few minutes.

Evidently, I did have some luck left, I turned down the block to my house just in time to see Bella's car turning into the driveway and disappear into the garage. My mood lightened significantly and I quickly followed.

"Hey..." Bella touched my arm as she turned around, having just removed Jacob from his baby seat. As always, she studied my face for a moment, like she was reading me. Before she could ask me anything, I leaned down and kissed her firmly, humming against her lips when her hand tightened on my arm. Jacob was not to be ignored though, as he gurgled and latched his surprisingly strong baby grip on my shirt, dislodging a few chest hairs in the process.

Bella snickered at my yelp of surprise, and again when I gave her a look of mock indignation.

"Aww..he's just looking out for mama. There's this old guy that keeps getting fresh with her, you know." Bella poked me in the chest after freeing Jacob's hand.

"Uh huh. Right. I'd tell him you are an evil temptress who keeps me in thrall, but no guy wants to hear that about his mother."

It was easy to feel lighter around her. Our playfulness had always managed to pull me out of my head. The weariness was still there, but better.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Bella blurted out of nowhere. I turned back to her from where I'd been gathering Jacob's things to carry into the house for her. "I - I could use some exercise and fresh air.." She continued.

As mentally tired as I was, a walk sounded good, so I moved instead to the the trunk, pulling out the complicated ducked out of the garage, Jacob comfortably tucked into the basket-like seat. The early evening was still warm, just a faint breeze blowing across the plateau our neighborhood was situated on. We were quiet at first, enjoying the warmth and fresh air. Watching the fruit trees and flower gardens, awash in pinks and blues and purples. A few neighbors were out in their yards, they'd wave, and watch us curiously. I suppose we were probably still the subject of some neighborhood gossip. Very few actually spoke to us. It wasn't like I had been close to many of my neighbors before, and it wasn't as if they were rude, just curious and speculative.

"People are funny." Bella remarked as we rounded the corner out of the neighborhood, and onto a busier street and turned to follow a long line of rhododendron bushes towards a nearby park.

"Hmm?" I asked in question.

"Do you ever just people-watch? Try to figure out what they're thinking?" she asked.

I barked a short laugh. "All the time. When I was...well, before I met you." I gave her a half smile as I twirled my hand loosely in her hair as we walked. She was pushing the stroller so I couldn't take her hand.

A flicker of chagrin passed her eyes. "Oh yeah, I guess you probably would do that..."

"It was somewhat necessary, and unavoidable, at any rate." I told her, "It was useful to know what a person was likely to do, and it becomes fairly easy to figure out after awhile."

Bella snorted. "Yeah, humans are probably pretty predictable."

I nodded in agreement.

"Do you...well, this is a weird question." Bella cocked her head as she looked over at me. I motioned for her to continue. She could ask me anything. "Do you ever _miss _it? Being out...there."

That was a weird question. I wasn't sure how to answer it.

"What do you mean?" I hedged, buying myself some time to think.

"You were out there..whatever you want to call it...for so long, and it's not like you had to be." Bella's words were hesitant, and I knew she was trying to choose her words carefully. As if worried she'd offend me. "I mean, I know why you were, but I wondered if you missed it, since I sorta...well, since you came home because of me..."

I contemplated her words for a minute. She let me, focusing on Jacob while she waited. He was grabbing at the toys hanging over him, gurgling and kicking his feet when he was successful in catching one.

"I guess, maybe some pieces of it." I said, after some thought. "There were times it was actually really peaceful and beautiful. I saw places I probably never would have if I hadn't left home. You walk from here to California, and you'll see a lot of places you would never happen across..I'd love to show you some of them. Not sure if I could find them again though." I gave her a smile and a kiss on the forehead.

"And the stress. I wouldn't say it was unstressful, not at all. But it was a different stress. Take care of yourself, your needs. No deadlines or expectations really.."

We'd reached the park. There was a playground on the opposite corner. A few kids climbed and ran and slid. There was an empty picnic table sitting in the afternoon sun. Bella veered off towards it and I followed. I watched her climb, with some grace, and sit on the table, angling the stroller so the sun didn't shine on Jacob.

I climbed up next to her, sitting in peace while she studied her hands.

"You, you ever...think of leaving again?" she asked, quietly.

"No." I answered quickly. "Why would you ask that?"

"Sometimes, you seem, tired. And it's a different tired than you were when I met you"

"I don't know," I answered. "I'm not sure...how I fit back here yet. I'm not the same person I was four years ago." Bella nodded, we'd talked about this before. I pulled her hands apart where her fingers were knotted together, closing her smaller hands in my larger ones. Her hands were delicate, soft, a contrast to my own, still rough and calloused from years living outside and in the weather.

"Let me correct that statement," I amended, turning slightly to meet her eyes. "I don't want to leave like that. There is nothing that would take me away from you...my family. But even I can admit it's a little ridiculous to live on the street when you have a perfectly warm house available."

Bella chuckled in response, her head bobbing slightly. I nudged her with my shoulder. "Maybe if I need to 'go away' again, I'll just swoop you off to some remote island with a big house all to ourselves." I teased, punctuating the plan with a leer and a wink.

"Mm..sounds good.." Bella's cheeks reddened, but she smiled conspiratorially. I watched her face as she seemed to watch the children playing. I saw the moment when she went from anticipation to serious thought, watched the line between her eyebrows form. I wondered why she was asking these questions. Wondered if she had her own thoughts about her old life. My stomach dropped at the thought of her wanting to go back. My mouth went dry and I had to swallow several times before I could speak the question burning in my mind now.

"Do you ever think about going...back.?" I gulped in a breath, watching her start slightly as she registered my question.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Not like that. Not to him or anything. I won't let him near Jacob, no matter what. I don't care what he does." Her fist clenched in my palm and I could feel her shake with her resolve. Her eyes softened as she looked up at me.

"I miss my mom," she continued quietly. "And I feel guilty for leaving her there. I don't think he would hurt her or anything. But we left her there all alone." Bella's eyes turned liquid as the tears formed. She shook her head and brushed them quickly from her cheeks.

"And I feel a little dumb. Crying for my much for being an adult, right? I mean, I _am _a mom!" She stuck her tongue out at the world, leaning against me as I automatically wrapped her in my arms.

"I don't think it's dumb. Seems pretty normal to me," I said, kissing her hair.I could remember, so long ago now, Tanya calling her mother for advice, especially in those early, new days with Macy. We often called my mother as well, but there were times when Tanya couldn't settle until she had her mother, Carmen, on the phone and telling her things we already knew.

I held Bella for a moment, going over options. I wondered if I could talk Renee into coming with me. I knew from Bella, and from my own experience with her that she was very attached to her house. I think I was still too busy acting on instinct, reacting to the sudden shift in my circumstances, to put any thought into my conversation with her. I wondered if I could reach Renee through her fog of grief. After all, I could understand the way grief can drive you to crazy ideas.

Bella was quiet. Biting her lip. Fidgeting with her hands. She wasn't done talking. I nudged her again to prompt her to continue.

"Um. I'm thinking about calling her. It would be nice to hear her voice again. And to know she's doing okay." Bella face was a mix of stubborn determination and pleading.

I could feel the heavy weight in my chest. It wasn't right at all to try to prevent her from contacting her mother, but only too obvious what trouble would come from it.

"Oh, Bella.." I whispered, drawing her close, wishing I really could protect her within the span of my arms at all times. I didn't know what else to say,

"Maybe..." Bella sniffled in to my shirt. "I mean, we don't even know anymore. Maybe he won't care now that I'm gone and Alice is gone. Maybe he's moved or something. What if I'm ignoring and abandoning my mother for no reason!"

"And he could be just waiting for the hint of your whereabouts, Bella." I hated not knowing, too. I realized suddenly how much we were living in fear, much more seriously than I had before, when 'keeping Bella safe' was synonymous with 'keep Bella with me'. When it was more _possessive _than _protective_.

"Hiding is dumb." Bella said, a note of petulance laced with tear-covered humor in her voice. "And I'm not _really _hiding. It's not like I changed my name or anything."

_I don't know, Isabella Cullen has a nice ring to it.._.

The thought was like a lightning strike to my brain. All too appealing and all too devastating at the same time. I was suddenly restless, needing to walk off the anxiety that had dropped on me.

"I need to walk again." I blurted, more curt than I intended, but Bella scrambled up and unlocked the stroller as I leaped to my feet and started down the walking path that lead into the wooded area surrounding the park.

"Wait up, you're getting too far ahead of me, Edward." Bella called out, still struggling with the stroller.

_Isn't that the truth. I'm getting to far ahead of myself, little mama..._

I stopped, turning to wait for her, I could feel some of the anxiety lift as she caught up and touched my arm. I felt like an ass for freaking out on her, even if I was still jumpy about random thoughts of marriage.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked in a soft voice, after several minutes of heavy silence had passed, enhanced by the mossy trees that surrounded us. The temperature had dropped several degrees when we stepped into the shady cover of green branches, so we stopped while Bella adjusted the blanket over Jacob, giggling with frustration every time he'd kick the blanket away.

When she was done she slipped her hand into mine, squeezing to remind me that I hadn't answered her question yet. I brushed my thumb over her knuckles, feeling the tension, not just from the grip she held me in, but the worry and base emotional connection we had. Her eyes were confused though, probably due to my mercurial mood swings.

"Yeah," I began, tightening my hand around hers. I stopped near a gnarled old trees, leaning against it. "Sometimes, I get so carried away with you."

Bella's lips quirked into a wicked grin before her face smoothed over at the seriousness of the moment. I pulled her close, rocking my body to the side, in a swaying motion, causing her to loose her balance and fall completely against me. I kissed her cheek, inhaled the scent of her hair, both clearing my mind and giving myself some time to collect myself before worrying her too much.

She was tense in my arms at first, and I wasn't sure if it was because she was off balance or on edge at my cryptic freak out.

Finally she relaxed in my arms, I adjusted our position against the tree so she was leaning against me, between my legs, her head tucked under my chin. I could feel her fingers slowly trailing around my waist, just idle touches. Enough to stoke the always-burning fire for her to a low smolder.

"I still want to call my mom, see how she's doing." Bella mumbled, muffled by my shirt.

"I know. You should. Anytime you want to." My arms tightened protectively around her as I contemplated all the possible consequences.

Bella pulled away from me to look wide-eyed into my eyes. "Really?" she exclaimed.

I barked a short laugh. "I'm not going to forbid you to call your mother, Bella. I know I'm over-protective and sometimes …." I stopped in mid-sentence, my mind suddenly running over many of our conversations over the last couple of months. Jobs. Phone calls. Robot armies and underground bunkers.

"Oh shit..." was all I could manage. With a heavy sigh I took Bella by the arms, my hands curling around the delicate roundness. I pulled her away far enough that I could look her in the eye.

"I owe you an apology...again." Bella's eyebrows pulled together in confusion, and she started to protest,

"No," I interrupted her. "Let me finish." I waited until she nodded. Her eyes were worried again, so I kissed her forehead before speaking again.

"I want nothing more than to keep you safe. And Jacob safe. And I will still promise you I will do whatever I can think of to do so. And I know we've joked about my...methods, and I've been insistent on a lot. But I am not him, Bella. I won't lock you up and refuse to let you live your life. If you want to call your mom, do it. It's a huge risk, yes. But we'll deal with it, okay?"

Like the flip of a switch, Bella's face crumpled and she burst into tears. I wasn't entirely sure which part set her off, but she buried her face in her hands, pulling away completely and walking back to the stroller where she picked up Jacob and nuzzled him close. I approached her cautiously, hands stuffed in the pocket of my pants,

"Bella, please..don't be angry with me." I asked - near pleading.

Her shoulders quivered and she shook her head rapidly against Jacob's small body.

"S-sorry," she sniffled, passing her fingertips below her eyes to remove the column of tears that fell down her cheek. "I'm n-not mad at you. I just...I second guess myself all the time, you know? I don't know if I'm capable of making good choices. My track record isn't that great."

Bella folded her arms around Jacob, holding him to her chest, looking up at the sky with a defiant glare. I wasn't sure what to do, her whole posture was closed and defensive, more so than I'd ever seen on her. I held as still as I could then, just waiting to see what she was thinking. The seconds ticked by at a snail's pace.

"I was in over my head with James before I even could tell what was happening. It was almost too late, I could have..I should have..." she sighed, gathering herself and playing with Jacob's tiny fingers. "I don't know, but I keep thinking back and all the places and times I was just so stupid."

"Bella.." I protested. She shook her head.

"And then, here I am," she continued. "Getting swept up. Losing my heart and my head. And I second guess it all the time. Even though I know... It never once occurred to me like that, you know. That you were 'locking me up' like he would. And...and I don't think you were. You're nothing like him, you're a thousand...a million times better guy than him. But then you say that, and I start thinking 'maybe I'm wrong' and I argue with myself."

She was pacing now, and I was still frozen in place. How did I respond to that? I watched warily as she placed Jacob gently back into the stroller. I didn't get a chance to try to respond before she started speaking again, distracting Jacob with a bright orange lion with crinkly stuff for his mane.

"Even now, I was all worried you would be upset about me calling mom, and you're all perfect about it. And I'm just confused." Bella stopped pacing abruptly, standing in front of me. She stared up at me for another slow round of milliseconds.

"I think it's like you said though. Only it applies everywhere. 'It's a huge risk. But we'll deal with it.'" Bella gave me a small, timid smile. I felt my shoulders relax, reaching for her, my hand sliding into her soft hair behind her neck, brushing her cheek with my thumb.

"That was really..." I paused, leaning my forehead against hers, searching for the word I wanted, and failing. I abandoned that line of thought. "I promise you, Bella. I'm not him. I will protect you, no matter what, but I won't ever hold you prisoner, in any way. And I will promise you that as many times as you need me to."

"Maybe I'm just being hormonal." Bella supplied with a laugh.

"I am not ever going there, Bella. I've at least learned that in life." I answered her with a smirk, feeling the tension between us dissipate as quickly as it emerged. I dared to close the short distance between our lips for a quick kiss.

Bella was having none of the 'quick' business, however, grabbing my collar and pulling me into her as she kissed me hard with fiery nibbles on my lower lip.

"Bel-la.." I groaned against her mouth.

"I know," she answered. "Later."

Jacob, never one to be ignored when we were trying to have a moment, tossed the trusty lion out of his stroller. Bella broke away from me with a halting giggle, the remnants of her tears still evident in her voice. She reached for the toy, brushing off the dirt before tossing it the diaper bag. I intercepted her before she could pick up Jacob

"Let me?" I asked, smiling at her surprised expression. She nodded and I picked up Jacob, feeling his sturdy weight, despite his baby defenslessness. Bella still seemed surprised when I took an interest in Jacob. Whether she still thought I was only acting out of the promise I made her, or that I would be reluctant because of my past, I didn't know. There was no doubt that my feelings - my love - for Bella encompassed Jacob as well. Time would prove that, I hoped. I tucked the baby up against my shoulder, his head resting between my shoulder and neck, balanced on my arm. Bella pushed the stroller ahead of us, and I rested my other hand on her back as we walked home.

"Oh! Jasper and Alice are here!" Bella pointed at the flashy blue four-by-four truck parked in the driveway. It was a curious mix of good ol' Texas and Rookie of the Year, meaning it was huge, but clean. There was a gun rack as well, only it held a pair of baseball bats, instead of rifles. Bella's face visibly brightened, we were both still a little quiet after our emotional talk at the park. The prospect of seeing her sister seemed to cheer her. Alice had been busy with school preparations and attending as many games as she could to watch Jasper play. The regular season was winding down with only a little over a month left. Most of Seattle had hopes pinned on Jasper's lightening-strike batting to secure a spot in the playoffs. Not to doubt his abilities, but the Mariners were the Mariners.

We went in through the garage, stopping to fold the stroller back into the trunk of Bella's car. I was still carrying Jacob, who was currently trying to push himself more upright from my shoulder. He'd fall forward after a few short seconds and rub his face against my shirt, random coos and growls making him seem so much more active than the tiny blob he was just a couple months ago.

Alice was in the kitchen with Jasper, both of them unpacking what looked like enough Italian take-out to feed an army.

"I thought I'd cook tonight!" Alice grinned at waved a container of breadsticks. "You're just in time!"

Jasper greeted us with his typical slow drawl, punching me lightly in the shoulder and a one-armed hug for Bella. It was a rare free night for him, just before leaving for a long road trip.

Dinner was relaxed, idle conversation criss-crossing the table. I spent a lot of the time watching Bella, as usual; her eyes were serious, despite the lighter conversation. Jasper was entertaining us with stories from several of the road trips over the summer. Every now and then, the little crease between her brows would form and I knew she was probably thinking of her mother. She would exchange a few glances with Alice, the younger sister's sunny demeanor faltering slightly as they engaged in whatever silent communication they were having. When she finally met my eyes she gave me a slow smile and nodded, letting me know she was okay.

Finally, we all sat back with groans, napkins tossed in surrender. Jacob began to fuss, looking for his own dinner. Bella rose, cooing at him quietly.

"Alice?" Bella called to her younger sister, who was idly playing with Jasper's hair. "Come upstairs with me?"

Bella's expression was unusually stern. She didn't often pull the 'big sister' card with Alice, but despite Alice's more extroverted tendencies, she unwaveringly snapped to attention when Bella needed her to.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." Alice replied, surprised, but kissed Jasper briefly on the lips before bounding over to Bella and Jacob and following them out the kitchen door and up the stairs.

"Well, now, that is somethin'," Jasper drawled as he watched them walk away. I glanced over at the younger man with a raised eyebrow.

"That crazy telepathy they have. It's freaky, man. Y'all have noticed that haven't you?" Jasper continued.

"Is it a woman thing or a sister thing, though?" I questioned, "Or maybe both?"

Jasper chuckled, "You tell me, man. I'm an only child. And not really...well. There's no one like Alice." He gave a somewhat embarrassed shrug.

"Hate to tell you this, Whitlock, but you'll never understand women as a whole." I smirked at him. "Just try to understand _your _woman."

Jasper cocked his head to the side, giving a frown of consideration and raising his hand to tip an invisible hat in a salute.

"Got any other words of wisdom there, I'll take any advice to up my game," he said with a completely serious face, as if he were really gleaning pearls of wisdom.

"Win the World Series? That ought to serve you well in most areas of your life." I laughed as he rolled his eyes.

"Tell me about it, man. That's pretty much all anyone says these days." Jasper quickly collected the trash from our meal, distracting from his stress over his high-profile career. I pulled the drawer with the compactor open for him and stepped back. After depositing the last of the dinner remnants he pushed the drawer closed with his foot and leaned against the counter, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Has Bella mentioned talking to their mom at all?" Jasper asked, a troubled expression on his face.

I looked up in surprise. "Just today," I replied. Alice must have been thinking and talking along the same lines. Talk about sister telepathy, of course they would be on the same page with this.

"Soo," Jasper's accent drew the word out even without the extra emphasis on the word. "What are we going to do to this bastard before he gets to our girls? I've got a Major League Baseball non-compliant bat with his name on it."

"Know what he looks like in case he shows up?" I asked.

Jasper pursed his lips and shook his head. "I figure I'll know. Dickheads tend to be kind of obvious, ya know?"

I remembered my brief encounter with James in Forks, not to mention any number of 'dickheads' I met on the road. It was pretty much truth.

The expression on Jasper's face was surprisingly vicious. I knew he cared for Alice, but it seemed strange he'd be so upset over something about Bella. He was clenching his fists tightly, as if gripping that imaginary bat, his face set with a grim determination. It made me wonder if maybe Alice was keeping something from us.

We both stood there in the kitchen, staring at the floor. I knew exactly what I would do if James even thought about hurting Bella again. I could feel the fight in me building. I _would _be able to protect Bella. My whole body tensed, a taste of the adrenaline flowing through my veins. When I looked up, Jasper met my eyes, his young face seeming older with the seriousness of his expression.

"Whatever it takes..." I answered, calmly and simply.

Jasper nodded once. "Whatever it takes."

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.**Thank you all for reading. I get all mushy and sappy when you contact me, whether by review or on twitter or on the thread, so if you can handle my sillyness, feel free to send a note. **

**Pix..**


	17. Chapter 16: Real

**A/N: Hello! i'm gonna just let you get right to it. I feel almost ahead of schedule! :P**

**Thanks to Amber, ABG, Zeph, Risbee, B_D, & JMW. You all know what you do for me. ILY. **

**I don't own Twilight, or Edward. I do own some fantastic inspirations for some of this.**

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**Chapter 16 - Real**

Alice and Bella reemerged sometime later. Bella looked both pensive and determined; Alice's look was resigned and sulking. My eyes met Jasper's once more before we were each distracted by our women. I saw Alice move close to Jasper out of the corner of my eye, but really all I had eyes for was Bella. The rims of her eyes were tinged with red, her long eyelashes slightly stuck together, but she was otherwise composed. She tucked herself under my arm in what had become a very natural movement for us. Her warm body fit perfectly up against mine as it did from any angle. I could wrap my entire arm around her, like I could absorb her through my skin.

Except we were fully dressed and in the company of Alice and Jasper, so I settled for burrowing my fingers under the bottom edge of her shirt and lightly stroking the soft, tender skin over the side of her hip. I kissed the top of her head, whispering into her silky hair.

"Everything okay, little mama?" I asked.

Bella tried to hide a sniffle by nodding and nuzzling into my chest. My eyes met Jasper's across the kitchen. They were in a similar pose, but Alice was stiff, obviously not happy with the result of whatever they discussed upstairs. Neither Bella or Alice offered any explanation.

"Bella," I began, pulling her face up to look at me with my fingertips. I also felt the need to take the lead. Jasper seemed to be at a loss with Alice's quiet fury, much less Bella's obvious tears. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, squeezing me tighter. She began to speak but stopped.

"This is about what we talked about earlier? At the park?" I prompted.

She took a deep breath and nodded affirmatively. Standing up straighter, she pulled slightly away from me. Not too far, my arm was still locked around her waist. She gave me a wry, knowing grin as I refused to let go.

"We just wanted to talk more together, be sure. Because we know...well, it could bring all the trouble we've been trying to avoid." Bella began, looking at me, sparing one glance at Alice and Jasper.

Jasper nodded emphatically. Alice elbowed him in the ribs, muttering his name.

"I just think that I should talk to her alone first." Bella spoke in a rush. "At least until I can find out what's going on over there." She must have seen the look of concern on my face. Alice's face was sulky, "It's just...well, it's me he wants, right? So if I'm the one to call, and he hears about it, at least he won't be going through Alice or y-you...just to find me."

"Bella," I whispered. "You're not bait, love."

Bella started to roll her eyes, her face held a slightly resigned stoic expression that seemed familiar. I gave her a sharp look.

"Not bait." I growled. I drew in a deep breath. "Why don't I call her, introduce myself." What I really wanted was to make sure that James knew Bella had someone looking out for her, if he was going to find anything out at all.

Bella shook her head, "You'll just confuse her Edward. You met her, right? And who knows what she's been told. But she'll recognize my voice. I know she will." Bella's eyes pleaded with me, chocolate brown and wide, shiny. "Please!" She breathed.

I kissed her forehead, needing the reassuring feel of her skin as much as she needed it from me. "We talked about this Bella. I'm not going to stop you. I just want you to be sure."

Bella looked back at Alice, her fingers tangling in the hem of her shirt. Alice nodded, shrugging, obviously not happy at Bella's decree that she speak to her first alone, but willing to go along.

"Why don't we call her from the family room, it's more comfortable in there." I suggested. "Would you at least do me and Jasper, and Alice too, the favor of putting her on speakerphone? Just so we're all on the same page as far as her situation"

Alice beamed at me, and Jasper nodded. Bella considered for a moment but indicated her agreement. "Right now?" she clarified.

"Yes, if you're ready."

We moved silently to the family room, automatically taking up positions in the cozy sitting area. Bella dug her phone out of her pocket, placing it on the warm oak end table and sinking to the floor slowly. Her cheeks were flushed, whether with excitement or fear I wasn't sure. I was caught up in her beauty - again. I knew I shouldn't be thinking that way at this moment, but I was, after all, a man. I was sitting on the edge of the couch closest to her, Alice opposite me on the smaller sofa, with Jasper's long frame stretched out beside her. Bella leaned against my legs for support. I could feel her fingers grazing my leg, searching for skin like I did so often with her.

With a slow breath, Bella typed in the phone number, taking another deep breath before pushing the send key, followed by the speakerphone button.

The room was silent, only the faint hum of the air purifier in the corner. The shrill ringing on the line startled us all, and we had to stifle our nervous laughter.

The line rang three times before there was a clattering sound and older, soprano voice answered.

"Hello?" I'd only spoken to Renee the one time, but the way Bella's face lit up was enough to confirm the identity.

"Mom! It's...It's Bella." Bella choked out, my fingers wound into her hair until I could stroke her neck softly.

"Bella!" Renee exclaimed, there was a muffled clapping noise in the background. "Oh! Let me set these silly things down."

"How are you doing, Mom?" Bella barely managed to keep her voice level. I dropped my head down, feeling guilty for keeping her away..I risked a quick look around. Alice had her hand clamped over her mouth but her eyes were happy.

"Oh, I'm just fine, Bella sweetheart. I've missed my girls though." Renee's voice, while still sounding a little like she was in a dream, was remarkably more clear and coherent than I remembered.

"What time did you get in?" Renee continued brightly. Four heads quirks to the side in confusion. Bella closed her eyes at what was likely her mother's usual confusion. I stroked her neck comfortingly. I was sure Bella knew best how to manage her mother.

"Um, I got in a couple hours ago, Mom. We- I just had dinner and stuff.." Bella went along with her mother's question, then promptly redirected it back to her." How about you, Mom? is everything...you're taken care of and stuff?"

"Oh! Oh yes. Sue Clearwater has been coming over and helping me with the laundry and the grocery shopping. Did you know that? She's a very nice lady." Renee's voice dropped to a conspiratorially stage whisper. "I'll admit when we were younger I really didn't like her. She always carried a torch for your father."

"Mom!" Bella admonished with a slight giggle. "I-I'm glad you're okay, Mom."

"Such a worrier, you always were. Now, are you going to come over and visit me, or are you going to make me wait?" Renee's voice was teasing. Bella turned and shot me a confused look.. I shrugged, not knowing at all what to make of it.

"Oh, well, it's getting late mom," Bella hedged.

"Don't be silly Bella, you're just next door. I haven't seen you in so long." Alice sat up straight at this and Bella jumped against my legs. I exchanged a worried glance with Jasper, both of us leaning forward, ready to step in - though I wasn't sure what we'd accomplish.

"Um, Mom. I'm sorry. I wasn't able to make it back this time." Bella winced, a tear escaping her left eye.

"But.." there was a shuffling sound as Renee moved around the house, you could hear the change in tone as she moved from the tiled kitchen to the old wood floors in the front room. "I saw Jamie's truck in the driveway, and the light's on.."

I felt Bella's hand wrap around my ankle, squeezing almost painfully. "No, Mom!" Bella exclaimed, maybe a little too sharply, and I squeezed her shoulder in reminder. "I..mean..I'm not there. I couldn't come out to visit."

"Well, why not? He _promised_." Renee's voice was laced with disappointment, and both of her daughters wore twin guilt ridden expressions.

"Um, well, Jake - the baby - mom, he's not really old enough to travel." Bella lied poorly.

Renee gasped in astonishment. "Oh the baby! I'm a grandmother!" The glee was back in her voice again. "Ooh! It's a boy? Charlie always wanted a boy. Not that he didn't love his little princesses..." Renee trailed off in a wistful tone.

"Yeah, Mom. He's a beautiful boy." Bella's face and voice beamed with love for her child, making her even more radiant. I felt a twinge of fear at the reveal of information. If Renee said anything...

Renee asked her the usual battery of questions with regards to new babies. My stomach clenched with worry at all the details, but Bella's voice was so relieved at being able to share this with her mother I just couldn't bring myself to stop her. Jasper was shaking his head. Alice was practically bouncing, wanting to chime in but sticking to her promise to stay quiet.

I started mentally running through ideas. A restraining order was first on the list. I almost missed having Emmett in the house, his mountainous presence would certainly be a deterrent. I would talk to him later, maybe they could at least stop by more often.

"Oh honey, this is just silly." Renee's voice broke through my musings. "Let me talk to Jamie, honey, he'll drive back out and pick you up again tomorrow. Just come out for a visit. The baby will be fine. You wouldn't keep a grandmother from meeting her grandson, now would you?"

Bella slumped against me, her shoulders shaking.

"No, Mom. Don't. Please." Bella's voice was hoarse with her effort to keep the tears at bay. "We broke up, okay? I don't want him to come get me. Really. Please? I'll come visit another t-time." She had to stop to clear her throat. "I-I p-promise."

Her hand was cold on my leg, finding it's way around my lower calf beneath my pant leg. I drew her hair to one side so I could continue to lightly stroke her neck, maintaining that physical connection that so calmed us both.

"Broke up?" Renee sounded more confused than ever. I was getting afraid of the territory we were headed in to. I squeezed Bella's shoulder in a silent plea.

"Yeah, it just...it's a long story, mom. I-I have to go, mom. I'll call you again soon, okay?" Bella's voice was cracking on every other word now, Jasper had Alice gathered in his arms. Her dark eyes wide but dry as she stared unfocused at the floor.

"Okay, Alice I love her when you see her." Renee's answer was automatic, slipping quickly into the vacant cheer that seemed normal for her.

"Love you, Mom." Bella whispered, quickly pressing the button to hang up her phone.

The room filled with a heavy silence. Bella leaned her head on my knee, her other hand reaching and holding Alice's, who in turn sat twisted in Jasper's arms. I bent forward so I could rest my head on hers.

"Are you sorry you called?" I whispered. Not sure what I would prefer her to answer.

"No." She whispered into my leg, shaking her head so her forehead rubbed against my knee. "It was good to hear her voice. I just..I don't know what it me-"

She was interrupted by the baby monitor in the kitchen blaring with Jacob's cry. She made a little face, he hadn't been down long. He showed no sign of quieting though.

"Do you want me to get him,Bella?" I offered.

"No, no." she shook her head as she stood. "I got him, kinda need him now."

It was stupid to feel jealous of a baby, even more because the squeeze of my leg and the brush of lips on mine told me she needed me too. I mentally chastised myself and and stood while she disappeared out of the room.

I turned back to Alice and Jasper, lost in their own bubble and cleared my throat awkwardly. Jasper turned to look at me. His eyes were tight, defensive, I'm sure he felt much like I did. Worried, possessive, protective. He was young, but he was a good man.

"Jasper. I know it would make Bella feel better if Alice stayed home tonight. You're welcome to stay too, of course."

He gave me a brief salute, "Thank you, Edward"

I looked at them, wrapped up in each other much like Bella and I often were.

"Yeah, so, " I began as I turned to walk out of the room, keeping my face perfectly straight. "Extra blankets are in the foyer closet. The big couch is the most comfortable."

"Yeah, okay," Jasper coughed, surprise evident on his face and looking more like the young man he was. "Uh, sure. Thanks." Alice looked murderous.

I walked to the kitchen and stopped, looking back in the room, unable to help the laugh that finally erupted.

"No, man. Whatever. We're all adults." I said with a smirk and waving my hand dismissively.

Still chuckling to myself, grateful for the break in tension, I headed up the stairs to check on Bella. I paused briefly in the hallway, hearing her voice. It was low, muffled by the winding hallway from Jacob's room. I debated giving her this time with her son, or joining her and ultimately wryly admitted I was too selfish to just turn away. I need to feel her in my arms, too.

I walked quietly to the door, standing in the small alcove, Bella's voice drifting through the partially open door.

I still couldn't understand much of what she was saying. It sounded like she was murmuring, "I'm sorry, I promise, I'm sorry, I promise," over and over. My heart sank at the pain and fear in her voice.

I slipped into the room quietly, Bella ducked her head, using Jacob's blanket to discretely wipe away tears, but I certainly wasn't fooled. She was sitting on the double bed, the one that was hers before she consented to share mine, propped against the soft pile of lavender pillows. I took my spot, wordlessly, next to her, near the middle of the bed, spreading my legs and easily lifting her petite body over my leg and settling her against my chest. Jacob was cradled against her body, her shirt hiked up and a faint sliver of the pale, soft skin of her breast showed above the baby's chubby cheek. I leaned my chin on her shoulder as I held them both.

"He's hungry again?" I asked softly, mostly for easy conversation, a way to start talking. I was fairly certain she'd fed him right after we ate dinner.

"Yeah," she whispered, not taking her eyes off her son. "Maybe a little, he's not being very serious about it. I think it's mostly a comfort thing right now."

"I can't say that I blame him." I grinned as her shoulders shook with stifled laughter and pretended to ignore the elbow jab to the ribs.

She spoke without prompting. "I'm kinda relieved, you know, to know she's okay." Bella began. "And at the same time, I'm so scared. For her. For Alice..for Jacob." Bella's voice caught on her son's name, and I didn't miss the fact that she didn't include herself in that list.

"I'm sorry, Edward." she whispered. My hands tightened their grip where I had been rubbing along her upper arms.

"For what?" I tried to keep my voice light, neutral. Now, I was afraid..

"For always having to be ready to clean up my messy life. If things go badly, well, it could get dangerous for you and your family too."

"Stop!" I told her, my voice sharp but quiet so I didn't disturb Jacob. "I'm not going to let you worry like this. If James becomes a problem, we'll take care of it. Jasper, me, and I know Emmett will want a hand in that. "

"Edward!" Bella exclaimed, rocking slightly to soothe the startled baby in her arms. "No, don't..don't fight him like that or whatever. I couldn't...couldn't handle it if you got hurt."

I couldn't promise anything like that, so I fell silent. I was sure she noticed, but she said nothing further on the subject.

"Should I maybe call Sue Clearwater, or something? Do you think?" She asked, breaking into the silence.

I thought for a moment. "Bella, the more people you call over there, the higher chance news and gossip will reach him. Maybe try calling your mom again in a week or so, just to follow up?"

"Okay," Bella spoke softly as she pulled Jacob gently from her breast. He wasn't asleep, but his thick-lashed eyelids were heavy over his nearly completely brown eyes.

"He looks so much like you," I observed as she adjusted his sleepers and checked to make sure he was dry and comfortable. I paused, but curiosity got the better of me. "Do you see any of _him_, in Jacob." I didn't..but I had only seen James the one time.

Bella stared at Jacob for a long time, her own warm brown eyes taking him all in. She snorted once. "When he's mad, he does that thing with his eyebrows, James does something like that when he's irritated. But that's about it."

She laid Jacob out on the bed and leaned against me. I hummed in response, not sure what I was looking for.

"I'm glad though." She continued with a soft giggle."It would really suck otherwise. James really isn't all that cute."

"It's a good thing his mother is beautiful then." I whispered. "Of course, we'll hope that translates into manly good looks instead of pretty boy." I could feel her cheek heat against the side of my face.

"That's not the only reason I'm glad." Bella hesitated, turning slightly to meet my eyes then looking down shyly. "If I had my way, he'd never know otherwise about his father. I wish..that you.."

"We'll have to tell him someday." I cautioned. "Secrets like that are massive therapy bills waiting to happen."

Bella's smile was sad, "I know. Reality sucks sometimes."

Bella broke free from my grasp, kissing me lightly on the cheek. She slid somewhat awkwardly off the bed and scooped up Jacob, tucking him snugly into his crib.

When she stood and looked back to me, she just looked so tired. I was sure today had been emotionally draining for her. I stood, walking to her, stroking my fingers lightly across her defined cheekbone, along the dark circle that was forming.

"Do you want to go to bed?" I whispered

Bella shook her head, taking my hand silently and leading me out of the room. I hastily flipped the light off as we passed but otherwise allowed her to tow me down the hall.

She was quiet, introspective as we went through our nightly rituals. Bella was meticulous about her teeth, something I found amusing. I was all for good oral hygiene, but a good scrubbing with a toothbrush was more than sufficient to me. Bella brushed, flossed, and rinsed with almost compulsive attention to detail.

I was sitting in the golden brown striped chair situated nicely in the sitting area where I could watch Bella as she brushed her hair and washed her face. I had shed my own clothing, down to my boxers, and simply watched her. She'd catch me and roll her eyes like she always did, but her normal playful smile was tinged with sad and weighty emotions. I hated that these matters were weighing on her, on us. I wanted a bubble to live in, no matter how unreasonable that was. Maybe it would be better this way in the long run. Just have everything out and deal with it now.

Lost in my musings, I was startled when she suddenly appeared in front of me. She was smirking, amused at my glazed over expression I was sure, but her eyes still held the weight and determination of today's events.

She opened her mouth like she was going to say something but apparently decided against it. My curiosity was piqued, but then she began stripping out of her clothes and backing towards the bed.

Although she moved slowly and deliberately, carefully removing each layer of soft, summery fabric, revealing inch by inch of her creamy - even with a hint of summer tan - skin, she wasn't being coy or overtly seductive. Not that she wasn't sexy. The simple, unhurried movements, her dark gaze sweeping over me, was my own personal siren call. Like being hooked to a tether, I rose out of the chair, adjusting my rapidly hardening cock through the thin fabric covering me.

I caught up to her as she was dropping the last of her clothes to the floor, simple light blue cotton panties with small ribbons at each of her hips. I palmed myself once more as I watched, her eyes darting down to my hand. The wanton expression on her face was the last bit of pull I needed to crash my lips to hers, swallowing the moan she exhaled. The kiss was both hot and sensual, like neither of us could decide if we wanted to savor or devour. Her hand traced over my chest, following some mysterious path she knew before fisting the waistband of my boxer briefs and easing them over my erection

I groaned into her mouth, the relief and subsequent tightening of being freed breaking through the lust induced fog caused by her amazing way her soft, full lips moved under mine, almost molding to my own shape.

She broke away, panting and breathless, rushing to free me from the rest of my clothes. Instantly, she was in my arms again, both of us groaning at the complete euphoria of total skin contact. I crouched down as we kissed, her hands clutching my hair as I curled an arm under her ass and scooped her up.

Somehow, I was able to get us to the bed, Bella squirming deliciously beneath me as I covered her collarbone and neck with kisses, sucking gently at her skin. Her short nails scraped through the hair on my chest, pushing at me.

"Edward," Bella's voice was caught between panting breaths. She was still pushing at my chest, and I reluctantly pulled back, raising up on my arms above her. I could barely manage to respond with a question at the sight of her beneath me, all warm and soft.

"Want you..." The short phrase was all she uttered before she lifted up to kiss me, her arm curling around my shoulders and her hips grinding, thrusting up under me, nearly making my arms give out. There was a new edge to the way she was kissing me, clutching at me. Frenzied, hurried.

"Oh god, Bella.." My elbows gave out, collapsing up to the cool sheets again as she ground her wet warmth up against me again. Our grinding had brought my dick right to her center, sliding against her lower lips, nestling between them when she'd thrust upwards.

"Roll. Over." She panted

"I don't think I can move right now, Bella." I spoke in a rush of breath. "You feel too good. And, my god, how you look. Like a nymph with your dark hair all spread out, and your warm body wrapped around me."

"Yeah?" Bella asked, stilling. I had to pause to catch my breath after that long speech, but as I looked down at her she looked...genuinely interested, as though my enjoyment of our physical relationship was news to her.

My heart was hammering in my chest, my breath ragged as our pace once again changed to slow and savoring. I managed to lift myself up again to more easily see her face, once pausing to nuzzle the space between the upper swells of her breasts.

"Silly girl, can you feel what you do to me..." I ground my hips into hers shivering as her silky wetness enveloped me for a moment.

Her hands smoothed over my chest, circling each of my nipples once, before travelling lower, skimming over the lines of my skin.

"I want you to _want _me." I didn't understand what she meant by that. Of course I wanted her. I always wanted her. Surely she knew that.

"What do you - " My voice broke off in a strangled groan as her hands slipped between our bodies, her fingers grazing the head of my cock, circling around the tip. Automatically, my hips thrust and her hands, both together, one on top of the other closed around me and squeezed. I braced myself over her, only a few tantalizing inches between me and sinking into her soft, warm body, but her hands were magic and I couldn't pull away.

"Oh shit, _fuck_, .Bella.." I cracked my eyes open to look down at her, she had a peculiar expression, studying my face, a slight smile gracing her pink lips.

"Does this feel good?" She asked, the most coy I'd ever scene her act, Her hands were stroking me almost continually. Not gently, but not firm enough to send my desire out of control, just a steady rhythm that kept me in a state of lust and bliss.

"You have no idea how amazing that feels." I murmured in response. My head sagged downward, I had no idea how I was keeping my arms supported except that I wasn't exactly thinking about my arms at that moment.

"You feel good to me too," Bella whispered. She visibly relaxed into the pillows, her pace never flagging, as if she fully intended to carry on this wondrous torture for the entire night. "I think...that we are really good together...like this..." She squeezed again with both hands for emphasis, sliding them upwards and skimming her thumb over the tip, a slick feeling followed and I could feel the moisture spreading in circles as she rubbed it around the ridge of my cock.

I tried to nod in agreement, but I wasn't sure she could tell the movement apart from my slow writhing above her.

"Do...do you think...that we're good. I mean...for you..." Bella's voice faltered somewhat, and I boggled at the question as I struggled to focus on her words.

"Bella...oh god.. I don't know how to .." My words cut off as I panted for breath, the coil that would inevitably lead to my orgasm was beginning, and I had to pause to maintain control. I could sense she was trying to say something, and while my mind could barely wrap round _conversation _at this moment, I wanted to listen, to understand her fears.

Another squeeze, another stroke. My cock swelled and throbbed even more.

"Do you feel that?" I asked, pleaded, and tried to nod down towards her hands. "What we feel like together, Bella, it's like nothing I've felt before.." I pried my heavy eyelids open to stare into her luminous, dark eyes, shiny in the dim light, a hint of tears in the corners.

Her smile, though, was brilliant, and maybe even a bit smug, once I could look back and think about it.

"Me too." She spoke quietly, her voice thick with emotion."Never, ever like this. Never this good. Never this...much. I want to lose myself in you, Edward."

"Fuck.." My eloquence was lost, I couldn't think of anything better, than to lose ourselves so completely in each other. Her hips were rocking slightly underneath mine, I could feel her searching for friction and my own desire soared as I realized that she was just as turned on by these words and ideas as I was.

"I wasn't sure though, for you, and I want this...us...to be so good." She squeezed me again, then released me only to run her fingernail lightly up the underside of my cock, the change in sensation making me growl, as it both built the fire of my impending release higher and banked it back at the same time. I was so close, yet it felt like I could go on forever this way. I wondered at the unbelievable expertise of her hands. The set of her body; she was firmly in control of the situation.

"You're...so...silly." I panted, still thrusting into her hands. I wasn't sure if I was trying to chase my release or wait and savor every pass, every squeeze. One of her hands twisted slightly and I felt her warm fingertips caress my balls before both her hands slid as one up the full length of my cock. I released my breath with an explosive groan, coming enticingly close to coming. I could even see it - my orgasm spilling out over her creamy breasts. I shuddered, both at the eroticness of the image and the repulsion from having this end like a bad porn video.

Bella grinned seductively up at me. _Now _she gets coy. Almost as if she knew what was going on in my head.

"I think," she paused as she repeated the motion with her hands, trying to cover as much of me with her grip as she could, working her own supernatural magic on my body.

"...that we must be pretty amazing then. If you think so..." Her voice was playful, her eyes still locked on my face, watching my reactions, occasionally flickering down to watch me slide back and forth between her fingers. She was no longer changing things up, just a steady pace that was sure to overtake my own abilities to control myself. I was thrusting again, practically fucking her hands.

"I think you've had better to compare too than I have." Bella teased, I tried to make sense of what she was saying and failed, too consumed by the throb and surge of desire that was stronger every second.

"And if that's the case," she continued. "I just might convince you to keep me forever."

Her voice was still light, playful, teasing, but the last word ended in a whisper. I struggled to still my movements, to regain control of my spiralling desire. Was she thinking about buying my affections with sex? The thought was too complex for my current state, but the man - the real one, not the horny bastard - fought for control.

Bella sensed my stillness, and she broke into my fog with a fervent plea.

"No! No, no, no, _don't stop_. Edward, _please_, Stay with me like this." She stroked me again, tracing the hardened, throbbing ridge of my cock with her thumb, making it all the more difficult for me to stop. "I didn't mean it like _that_... I mean, I know. In my head. I do. I meant. I just want to feel this. All the way to my soul. And I want you to do the same, Edward. _Lose yourself _in me. Completely. Please!"

I lost the fight then, I gave in to exactly what she said. It was with the last shred of my own willpower that I kept from emptying myself all over her skin. With a loud, strangled cry I pulled myself away from her heavenly grasp. In a single movement, with an efficient finesse I never knew I possessed, I had her one of her legs pulled around my waist and the other bent up between us and I was sliding inside her. She was wet, tight, and pulsing with her own desire around me. I wasn't gentle, I couldn't stop myself though. She didn't seem to mind. Her hands scratched down my back, gripping and pulling me down. My name sang out from her lips, gloriously breathless and thick with lust and desire.

And she encouraged me onward. Every pounding thrust was met with a "Yes!" or an "Edward!" until it was just a steady pattern of the two words. She was completely lost in us, just as she said, and I was equally lost. It was freeing, even more so than any of our previous intimate moments.

I gritted my teeth, wanting to hold out just a moment longer. To feel her orgasm before mine, but I didn't know if it was possible, I was so close.

"There..." I panted, trying to breathe enough to speak. "There is nothing like you and me, Bella. This is us. It's everything. Fuck, Bella. More. I'm coming. I can't. Hold on..."

"Come, Edward.."

I fell forward on top of her, releasing her leg with a groan. My arms, my whole body trying to envelope her as she did with me as I surrendered to my orgasm. I was saying something. My words were as tangled as our bodies though. Blissfully, somewhere in there, I was aware, as my cock pulsed and throbbed, still thrusting, seeking that spot inside her that always made her fall apart in my arms. I found it, and she clutched me tighter, gripping me with her legs and hands. My face was buried in her neck now, so her lips grazed my ear as she moaned her own release.

_There will never be a more amazing, beautiful sound than that one._

"I love you, Edward.."

_Except maybe that one. _

"You are my life now...Bella."

I didn't know if her answering sob was one of sadness or happiness, but she wouldn't let go of me, her hands now buried in my hair. I didn't think it was sadness, maybe just an acknowledgement of the monumental moment we had just shared. I lost track of the minutes, never wanting to be anywhere else but in her, around her, lost in her. Lost in us.

* * *

**My intention is to continue with these shorter chapters through the end of the story. I think it's working out better, at least for me. ;)**

**See you all soon, and thanks for all the love you show this story. The fact that I'm staring at nearly 1000 reviews absolutely boggles my mind. I wish I was better at responding to all of you, but do appreciate every single one. **


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